Because Villains Need Love TooChapter 2: The Chapter Where Things Actually Start To Happen

In the CCTV room, the only occupant was asleep. He should have left when Flak did, but something kept him staying. The reason was that Adder never thought of leaving the screens was that he'd never expect Hawke to do such human things. Of course, Hawke must have had a life outside of being the Commander. However, Adder had just assumed that he read lots of books on Military strategy and brooded silently. And thought about how great his second in command was, naturally.

Adder had never expected him to have a TV. He'd never expected him to have any sort of photograph, but there one was. It was one taken shortly after his return, before all the talks of peace treaties happened. The picture was of the four of them, just outside the HQ. Adder, of course, looked perfect in the picture, like he always did. He was to the right of Hawke, who looked quite uncomfortable, but still exerted a sort of evil photography menace. To his left was Lash, grinning broadly, a spanner dripping oil in one of her hands. And kneeling in front of them was Flak, who was a member of the human race simply because the Neanderthals had already died out.

Adder had thought that and thought once more of how witty he was, before his attention had been snapped back by the screen. In fact, before he finally succumbed to sleep, he swore that he saw Hawke leaning in hesitantly for a-

"Kiss!" Adder yelled as he awoke with a start. His eyes roamed around the room sharply, in case someone was standing over him. If there was, he'd have to make up a good excuse quickly. Seeing no one, he sat up and looked at the screens. He wasn't surprised to see that Hawke wasn't in his personal chambers. What surprised him though was that Sonja was, although she wasn't awake. She was curled up on the sofa, a plain grey blanket drawn over her. Adder smirked, before a rather devious idea took form in his head. He started tapping buttons, trying to find the CCTV to Lash's room. He would have guessed that she would have put one in so she could see if anyone was snooping around and activate one of her many inventive traps. He was planning on seeing what she was doing. Probably still snivelling her little heart out, if yesterday's footage was anything to go by.

However, to his surprise, she wasn't there. He started hammering buttons randomly, trying to find where she may be. When he saw where she was, he was at first still as excited. She'd be there, probably concocting some sort of love potion. Now, how do we get sound on this thing? I want to hear what she's doing...

Flicking a switch, Lash's voice burst through the speakers. "-troying what Black Hole is supposed to be! Well, I'll educate him on the fine points! Tee hee!"

Adder froze. From that, it didn't sound like it was going to be gooey feelings she was going to be giving him. Judging by her gleeful reaction to whatever she was concocting, it would probably liquidize his organs. Unable to stop her, he could only look on, horrified, as Lash continued to make her mad poison, throwing in ingredient after ingredient. When she'd finished, she poured a few drops in her coffee and started to take it up to Hawke.

Adder shook his head, horrified. How could she do that to their Lord, their Commander, just over some petty love grudge! She had obviously misplaced her sanity somewhere. On the other hand...if Hawke died, he would take over. And of course, with his incredible charisma and good looks, there was no way that Lash would ever try to kill him...right?

"Oh, who am I kidding?" Adder said sadly, standing up. "She'd probably be jealous of me..."

Sighing melodramatically, he left the room, heading to warn Hawke.

And where was Hawke?

Hawke was in his office, thinking quietly. He placed a great deal on silence. Silence gave him the ability to think, and when he could think, he could work out anything. However, with the events of the past two months, Hawke was beginning to worry that perhaps he'd need more than silence to help unravel the slight jumble of what his life had become. This was worrying to Hawke. Throughout his life, he had prided himself on managing to stay on top of everyone and everything. Now everything was unraveling, and he wasn't sure if he could regain the threads.

He knew, of course, of Lash's feelings. He had heard Flak's rather unsubtle question, and frowned. It wasn't that Lash had been terribly subtle about it. When she had bounded up to him and begged him to allow her to install her "Lash Cameras" in his room, he had a hunch what was going on. However, hearing it rather worried him. Especially with Lash's...eccentric behavior. 'Besides', he found himself thinking, 'I've already got a rather interesting young woman interested in me...'

Hawke permitted himself a small smile (only a small one mind, lest he started doing crazy things like dancing on tables or holding a friendly conversation) while thinking about her. Sonja was a very intelligent woman. Remarkably so, in fact. She, of all the other Yellow Comet COs, had actually visited him when he was hiding in Yellow Comet. She was also...ah...rather attractive. Hawke's face became tinged red (albeit only slightly). He felt rather embarrassed even using the word. In Hawke's eyes, "attractive" was the word of the young and feeble. But he found himself using it all the same. 'I appear to be turning soft,' Hawke thought to himself.

But where had it all started...

He was interrupted from what would have possibly been a very interesting flashback sequence by a knock on the door to his office. "Enter," Hawke said, sighing.

There was a pause, before the door was opened, Lash pushing the door open with her back. She held a cup of what looked like really black coffee. It was as black as midnight, and gave off an alluring aroma of coffee beans with just the right amount of sugar. However, Hawke could smell something else, a hidden smell. 'Hmm...'

"And what is the meaning of this?" Hawke asked as Lash placed the cup on his desk. He knew the answer already (or at least, he thought he did), but he wanted to hear Lash's excuse.

Lash stumbled for a second, before stumbling out, "Well, uh...you like coffee so much, and I just invented a new Coffee Machine and wanted to test it out! And I added a new form of sugar I found! Gives it that extra zing. Tee hee!"

Hawke raised an eyebrow and stared at Lash. Finally, he said, "Is that all?"

Lash nodded. "I, uh, guess so. Unless you wanna ta-"

"Then do not let me detain you..." Hawke said simply, waving her away.

"Ooh!" Lash fumed, and stormed out. Smiling to himself, Hawke sniffed the coffee. Yes, there was certainly something different about its smell today...

"Come on, Hawkie! Drink the coffee!" Lash goaded from the CCTV room. "It may burn your insides a bit, though! Tee hee!"

Hawke shrugged, and raised the coffee to his li-

"Lord Hawke! Step away from the coffee!"

Hawke paused, the cup a centimetre from his lips. This was not happening. Adder had not just run into the room, shouting that he step away from a caffeinated beverage as though it were about to shoot him. This was turning out to be a rather odd day as well.

Fixing Adder with a stare, he said, "And why should I step away from my morning coffee? Is it poisoned? Is it going to kill me?"

Adder returned the stare, and Hawke could see the seriousness in his eyes as he said, "Yes, my Lord. It will."

Hawke lowered the cup, and placed it gently on the table. "And who would poison me?" Hawke asked, silently dreading the answer, although he could guess who it was.

Adder groaned. "For a Commander, you sure are an idiot. Let's see, shall we?" He started counting off his fingers. "One, who has slowly developed a crush for a certain tall dark and handsome Commander?"

"You think I'm handsome, Adder?" Hawke said, smirking slightly. 'I believe I have just made a sarcastic comment. Oh dear...'

Adder coughed, clearly uncomfortable. "In a manly way, my Lord."

Hawke's smirk grew more pronounced. "Very well. Carry on."

Adder, embarrassed by his Commander's jesting, continued onwards, "Uh...two, who is two turrets short of a Battleship? Three, who saw you and Sonja last ni-"

Hawke raised his hand, motioning for Adder to stop. When Adder had fallen silent, Hawke spoke with a low, menacing voice, "You saw myself and Lady Sonja's meeting at the airstrip?"

Adder smirked. "Yes. You could say that."

Hawke sighed, thinking of an excuse. "Adder...Lady Sonja was here purely on a diplomatic meeting. You must have heard the plans for a peace treaty between the nations. Sonja had come here to help work out the small print."

Adder's face cracked, and he started to laugh. Hawke was confused. "Adder. What is the meaning of this?"

Adder, still laughing, said, "Oh, Hawke! That is PRICELESS! A 'Diplomatic Meeting'!" Calming down, Adder said, "A diplomatic meeting. With her head in your lap?" Hawke froze and glared at Adder, who continued on. "Because, I thought that that sort of behavior was not becoming of a princess. Well, on the first date, anyway. Heh heh heh..." He paused to readjust his hat, that had become rather skew-whiff in his flight to inform Hawke. "Or has this been going on a while, right under our noses? Oh, you sly devil..."

"Be...quiet..." Hawke snarled through gritted teeth.

Adder grinned, and began to examine his fingernails again. "Lash had snuck a camera into your room. However, the sound wasn't working. That, in hindsight, was probably a good thing." He grinned more maliciously. "I don't think I could have stood your steamy, passion-filled words sending a shudder down her spine."

"Be QUIET, Adder..." Hawke clenched his fists.

Adder winked. "Now, now, my Lord. How bad would it look in front of your Lady Sonja if you punched me?" He paused. "Or do you have nicknames for each other. 'Oh, Hawkie-poo!' 'Oh Sonja-bear!' Heh heh heh..."

Hawke had gone beyond words. He was raging. Adder grinned. He'd gotten to his Lord now too. All he needed to do was annoy Flak, and he could retire happily.

After a long pause, during which time Adder had took out a rather worn nail file and started to file his nails, Hawke spoke, "Adder...you realize that Lash has probably become even more unhinged than before, yes?"

Adder smirked. "No, real-"

"This isn't the time for sarcastic remarks," he snapped. "Lash is probably watching this from the CCTV room, and she will be angry with both you and me."

Adder paused, and for a second there was a hint of fear. However, it was soon covered up in his usual smirk. "Oh, really? And what have I done?"

"This," Hawke replied simply. "I am going to presume that you were the one that told Flak to ask her. You have a malicious cruelty about you that suggest that you would do it. That also leads to suggest that you were teasing her about this, if your behavior towards me is anything to go by. Also, you have saved my life, which Lash will be rather annoyed about." He paused. "Thank you, by the way."

Adder froze. "We need to get out of here!" he said, his face rather frightful. "She's probably turned completely psychotic! She's probably about to burst in here in a massive walker robot and blast our heads off! ('Note to self:' Lash thought, sitting in the CCTV room. 'Start building walker robot. Tee hee!') We'll be completely incinerated!"

Hawke sighed. "Be quiet and listen to me, Adder. As much as it pains me, we will have to leave for at least a few days, to allow Lash time to cool down and recover. You will probably guess that we will be heading for Yellow Comet, as Sonja will be accompanying us. It is obviously not safe for her to be here with Lash's current mental state."

Adder sighed. "Very well. As long as you too don't be too lovey-dovey in front of me. I don't know if my brain could handle the intense mental scarring."

"...Adder..."

"It was a joke, my Lord."

Adder thought for a moment, putting his file away, before asking, "Who would run Black Hole in our wake? I mean, if it were just you away, I would be able to use my quick thinking and obvious charisma to make sure the country didn't slide while you were absent. But with both of us gone, what will happen to Black Hole?" At this point, Adder moved into his own little fantasy 'Adderworld'. "The citizens of Black Hole will be heartbroken when they realize that their national hero, the great, the wise, the blatantly attractive Adder has left their country, because a jilted lovesick teenager wants revenge on his Commander. There'll probably be mass rioting in the streets. And people may kill themselves! I don't know if I want that on my conscience..."

Hawke stared at Adder. "Are you finished?" he asked simply.

"...yes, my lord...sorry, my lord..."

Hawke nodded. "We shall leave as soon as possible."

As he made to stand up, Adder coughed. "You, uh, didn't answer my question."

"Oh." Hawke frowned, then said, "I believe that it would revert to Lash to run everything. The responsibility will hopefully calm her."

"Oh, yes..." Adder said sarcastically. "Let's give Lash the keys to all our technology and money while we flee from her. That's genius!"

Hawke sighed. "It will work, trust me. You must go and pack for your journey. I will meet you at the airfield soon."

Adder nodded, and stood up. "Your servant as always, my Lord..." he said, saluting, before exiting the room. Hawke paused and counted to five before heading down to his private chamber to collect Sonja.

Wallowing up to her waist in sewage, without any sort of beauty product or cleansing tool at all for the past month, picking bits out of her hair, Kindle was starting to fume. It was so repulsively working class, slumming in here. Her hair, once a magnificent tower of beauty, had wilted so that it was slightly bent to one side. There were leaves in it too. Brown leaves. Kindle hated brown leaves in her hair. It was just so...passe! She continued to pick leaves out as she, along with the rest of the Bolt Guard moved onwards.

Eventually, Jugger, the large spherical robot and lowest down in the Bolt Guard food-chain, said in his monotonous voice, "Query: Are you sure you're not lost?"

Kindle shook her head, as much to deny the question as to shake some more leaves out of her hair. "Of course not, Jugger darling!" she replied, laughing. "Do you think that I, with my stunning beauty and class, could possibly get us lost?"

Jugger paused. "Equation: Stunning beauty plus class equals directional sense? Scanning..." He froze as his internal database scanned for any equation of that sort. After a few seconds, he spoke again, "Equation not found. Kindle must be lying or trying to cover up the fact that she is, in fact, lost."

"Quiet, you swine!" came the voice of Wars World's smallest Ninja, Koal. "If you would listen to the noise above, you would hear the glorious sounds of mechanics that marks that we are underneath the main Black Hole HQ! It is time for us to regain our honour and get our revenge!"

Kindle giggled. "My sentiments exactly." Her tone suddenly became more business-like, and she said, "Now find me a way out of here, plebes! I don't want to have to remain in this slum more than necessary! I think I'm going to have to burn these beautiful clothes because they smell so much! So get to it! Or you'll both be burning with them!"

"Yes, Lady Kindle!" the two other COs chorused, before running off to find an exit and, possibly, a fire-retardant suit in case they didn't find an exit.

Kindle smiled to herself. She had big plans for Black Hole.

She was going to make it beautiful.