A/N: Ooooooookay, then! Well I've decided that I'll be doing a mini story for my whole list…it's just so easy to do…

ALSO: The impertinent house-elf named, "Zenny" can't be killed or taken away unless authorized by the Ministry. She was given to Lucius after he asked for a house-elf from the Ministry when he, somehow, managed to get house-arrest for the rest of his life. Narcissa is gone most of the day because she's usually shopping or doing business. Zenny reports on everything he does and is like a House-Elf Pride/more-enthusiastic-about-freedom-than-Dobby type of House Elf. She was given to Lucius because those Ministry rascals thought it would be funny and send Lucius into his own living Hell.

Fun.

#1 & 2

Lucius sat himself in the study and locked the door with about 12 various locking charms. He made sure to barricade himself into any room when his new house-elf "Zenny" wasn't in tow. He, however, didn't know, being the dumb-blonde/narcissistic-snobby-idiot-man that his house-elf had access to all the rooms no matter how many wards he put up. In fact, you think he would've gotten the picture when Zenny stormed in with her Polaroid camera while he was playing with the many pink, fluffy bubbles in his gargantuan bathing pool and took tons of shots of him raging about in nothing but pink bubbles covering all of his…um…"areas."

"OOOOH, MASTER! LOVING, CARING, ADORABLE MASTER! WHERE DID YOU GOOOO?"

"'Adorable,'" he giggled delightedly. He loved when somebody complimented him, or, rather, he loved when he thought somebody was complimenting him.

Lucius hummed, "I'm Too Sexy" in the study as he lit his cigar. He got a bit more into it and started singing (quite badly) and put a silencing charm on the room. He looked around to make sure there was nobody hiding and launched into a full assault of leaping and…tirade-ing around the room in a series of dance moves that would make the Bee Gees proud.

"There you are my sugar dumpling!"

Zenny burst into the room and made to hug her "loving, caring, adorable master," only to find him singing quite loudly and…operatically… a very…vulgar song. It made her want to vomit.

"How the hell did you get in?" Lucius said as he immediately stopped all movement and singing. He could never understand how the hell she could get past all his wards and see through his disillusionment spells and even hear things through all of his silencing charms. His cigar fell out of his mouth and on to the rug. Which caught fire to the rug. Which caught fire to his robes. Which he didn't, exactly, notice. At all.

"Sir, you're on fire," Zenny said without making any movement to do anything about it she merely said it with as much indifference as possible.

"Oh! I am aren't I! I did have voice lessons and dances less-"

"No, I mean, you're literally on fire as in, combustion…flames…burny," Zenny said; she, unfortunately wasn't allowed to let any harm come to her victim—I mean—master.

"Oh…OH!" Lucius immediately put out the flames on his robes. He huffed and sat down on his Gigantic Sofa of Evil-Doing.

Zenny joined him.

Lucius looked over at his unruly, evil house-elf. Lucius looked at the carpet. Lucius' brain couldn't work it out.

"Why are you sitting next to me?"

"'Cause I feel like it foo'," Zenny said in her tough-gangzta accent that she'd managed to learn from Dumbledore. Her bottom lip was stuck out and her eyes were narrowed and she bobbed her head and waved her hand with everything she said. He was pretty damn good with accents and slang. That sly devil.

Lucius was completely disoriented.

"You got a problem with that bee-yotch?"

Lucius shook his head. He really didn't know what to do. What was a "bee-yotch"?

She scooted closer to him.

"What are you doing now?" Lucius had heard about the ghetto and was extremely terrified that she would shoot him or take his wallet…or call him a "bee-yotch" again. He wasn't sure, exactly, what that was but he didn't like to be called names. It hurt is tender little heart

"Why do you care? Huh?" Zenny was getting kicks out of this. She was also getting paid by Dumbledore to do this, but she still got kicks.

"No reason," Lucius said quickly.

"Good."

Zenny got up and left.

Lucius thanked God.

"Did you do it?"

Zenny met with Dumbledore outside the house. She was sure that after her little gangzta lesson Lucius would sit in the study quietly and go over his new adventure for the day. And that he was thanking God because she'd left.

"Fuh-shizzle my nizzle."