AN: lol! Thanks for the compliment Sandy, but yeah I'm pretty sure English really isn't my first language ;) About the story: I've thought of a ton of -really- embarrassing things that could happen (and that I'm naturally going to make happen in the story :P). Also to BookWorm37, close but not exactly :) Gaea, or Gaia the Greek goddess is often represented pregnant in paintings and statues and whatnot. I just picked a random goddess really, and tried to represent her image a bit like it was (often) in Greek mythology (in my books anyway), although I -might- use the mythology for her a bit more in depth for the story at some point if at all possible.
Chapter 8 - Alien lists: Jack's POV
My head was throbbing like a pack of Jaffa was marching through it. My back...my ribs...everything was aching. My throat was still dry, after having almost emptied my - or more technically, Sam's- canteen. I was still trying to wrap my head around what had happened, watching myself trying to remember what had happened. Or actually, I was watching Sam trying to remember. Even in my own body she seemed to have the ability to get this wide-eyed 'I know!' look of hers, when she thought of something important. Of course now things were becoming clearer to me too, I remembered exactly what had happened. And that really -really- made me want to smack my head against the nearest wall. You know, you'd think that after so long, we wouldn't be stupid enough to go touch weird statues in alien temples without at least -some- caution. Taking in her thoughtful expression I realized that Sam was probably feeling it was all her fault now she remembered what had happened, which -of course- it wasn't.
"Huh, somethin' else to add to the list."
"Huh?"
I grinned; I knew I could distract her if I made some random comment. Trying to desperately forget the fact that we had switched bodies, and ignoring the feeling that I was talking to myself. I knew I had to distract her from going over and over what happened and the routine of blaming herself for it, before it became worse.
"Well, you know, the list."
"Of what list do you speak O'Neill?"
"The list. The 'things to NOT do on alien planets' list. I believe we started with, don't drink alien drinks that smell funny. Followed by, don't accept cake from pretty aliens under any circumstances. NEVER -ever- touch buttons when you don't know 100 percent sure what they do. That list."
That earned me a lopsided grin. Huh. Me doing a lopsided grin looked...kinda odd. But at least she was now really distracted, that was good.
"Never go to an uninhabited planet unarmed and with backup if at all possible?"
"See, now you're gettin' it. So this goes on the list to. Never touch strange statues in alien temples. Although really, we should've added that a long time ago, remember what happened on P6F-34-"
"Sir."
I smirked. I knew that would take her mind off of things for a second. And still even in my own body she was able to make that 'sir' sound like anything other then a normal 'sir'. That was really...weird.
"Yes...I think under the circumstances it's probably better to call me Jack...or Jacobia.."
"Jackie?"
"Thanks Danielle, for your helpful input."
"Hey, I'm not the one that's currently residing in a woman's body."
"And that woman would be ME Daniel!"
"Hey! I'm no woman! Even in a woman's body! Or- A... ah... woman in my body- or...ack. You know what I mean."
"I was talking about my-"
"O'Neill! Colonel Carter! Even though your current predicament is... highly entertaining, should we not focus on the matter at hand; resolving this issue?"
I shot a glare at Daniel who tried to suppress a snort by clearing his throat loudly. But I also realized Teal'c was right. Well not the 'entertaining' part of course, because this really couldn't be any more awkward. Like having once switched bodies with Teal'c and Daniel wasn't enough, being in the body of the woman...- Being in the body of your 2IC was just...weird...and wrong. On so many levels. It was time to get serious, this time for real. Taking a deep breath to calm down, I took in the environment.
"Hey...by the way I feel run over by a truck I'd think the entire Temple would've collapsed. But it actually looks...like nothing happened. So...if nothing happened with the Temple, then what did happen with us? Daniel? Any ideas?"
"Err...no actually. Since there's no writings anywhere except on the bottom of the statue, I can't tell what it's really supposed to do, how it works, or if it's reversible. By the looks of the statue and the name on it I'd say that whoever put the statue here, Ancient or Goa'uld, was portraying Gaea. Mother of all living things, earth, gods etc. etc. But aside from the fact that it's very intriguing, it doesn't actually...help. So...no."
"So...no. Great. Carter what've you got?"
"Sir, I was unconscious most of the time we were in here."
"Right, I know that. So what's your theory."
"Why would you assume I have a theory if I've just been awake for, what 10 minutes?"
"Huh, not half an hour in Jack's body, and already starting to sound as grumpy as him."
Ohh. I can really shoot evil glares, no wonder those new recruits turn around when they see me coming. Good thing Daniel was on the receivingend this time.
"Ok, so before we blacked out we both touched the statue on one end each. Now seeing as the statue is holding out her hands for someone to take them, I would assume that it works a bit like the device Ma'chello made. Remember? I think he once said he based some of his technology on things he had come across that already existed. What if he based that switching device on this? If it is, all we'd have to do would be take different positions and switch again?"
"See, I knew you'd have a theo- Shutting up now."
Yeah. Being on the receiving end of that glare was definitely no fun at all.
"But that didn't work with Ma'chello's device Sam. We couldn't directly switch back. And besides, seeing as how you were both thrown away after it happened, and your current states, I'm not so sure it's a good idea to try it again immediately afterwards. What if it happens again, and one of you, or both get seriously injured this time?"
"Argh, he's right Carter. We can't risk it. Or at least not yet. So, now what?"
"Sir, really, I think the only reason the device shot us back was because of a malfunction. Or maybe because it has been so inactive for who knows how long, I doubt it-"
"Carter, we're not going to risk it. I think the best would be to go back to the SGC, have another team get the device by going under the temple, this time through the floor or something so you can study it. And besides, couldn't we just use Ma'chello's thing to get back anyway?"
I could visibly see Sam grow slowly red. What the..? Sam was starting to shift a little on her feet.
"O-k. What's goin' on?"
"Err...sir? With all due respect, but I really don't want to stay in your body any longer if we can change it now."
"Hey, I know it's a bit old and rusty, but it can't be that bad can it? It's no less weird for me then it is for you. Besides you don't know for sure we can change back now."
More shifting. Of course it was awkward, but it wasn't like we've never been in any awkward situations before.
"Sir.."
She was barely whispering now, I had to move closer to hear what she said.
"Sir..I really have to uhhh...I kinda.. And if we stayed like this any longer it would be just..."
"What? I really don't get what you're trying to say Carter. I mean, I know this will be a bit awkward...I still can't get used to talking to myself..."
I noticed Daniel from the corner of my eye growing slightly red trying not to laugh. Even Teal'c looked a bit amused. What was so damned funny? At that moment Sam dragged me apart a little. She looked thoroughly embarrassed and couldn't even look me in the eye when she started talking again.
"Sir, I -really- have to go."
"Huh, you don't have to ask that, you do -...Oh. Ahh. I ahh...see your point."
Ok...that certainly was embarrassing. Not that I have anything to be embarrassed about mind you. It's just -and I think I might be overusing the word by now- weird for your 2IC to...Taking in a deep breath -and absently wondering if that would mean I would find out where that mole was now, if we stayed like this longer- I closed my eyes for a second to let the military training kick in. Not that this was exactly covered in the training manual, because that certainly would make an interesting chapter. 'How to survive a bodyswitch without going nuts of embarrassment' or '10 ways to get over the awkwardness of having been trapped in your 2IC's insanely hot body'. I couldn't help but snigger at the thought of there being a manual on that. And then I remembered it was a -bad- time to be sniggering about anything. Glancing at the now indignant looking Sam/me in front of me, I quickly realized my mistake.
"Ack, I'm sorry Sam I was just...thinking we need to add a few things to the base's manuals sometime in the near future. Anyway. Look. We really can't risk using the statue again, if there's even a remote chance we'll be tossed around the room again. We don't even know how it works. So, I know how incredibly embarrassing it will be for the both of us...especially since ahh..."
No. Bad time to bring that up. Actually never would be a good time to bring -that- up, since it was unreciprocated. She wouldn't get engaged if...Would she? Nah. That was just wishful thinking on my part. I realized this probably wouldn't even be half as...painful and awkward if it had been a woman I barely knew.
"Uhh...well anyway, just...do whatever. It's a 3-day travel back to the Stargate, and then we'll hopefully get this sorted out soon. But in the mean time, I think we'll both just have to try to relax a little about it, and for the moment try to ignore the awkwardness it'll bring, or we'll go nuts in the process."
Feeling the need to make the situation a bit lighter on the both of us, I tried to remember what mini-me clone had said she'd told him when they still thought it was me. I gave her my best smirk and a nudge against the shoulder.
"Just try to enjoy it as much as possible."
Ah, see that made her smile again, at least somewhat. Well and roll her eyes. My eyes. We were definitely going to have to work on the manuals at the SGC to cover strange things like this. Although, letting word get out this happened was probably not really a good idea either. Was it actually still an offence to roll your eyes at a superior officer if you were currently in his body? This whole thing was without a doubt going to give me some really bad headaches. As Sam/me quickly hurried off into the bushes I turned around to see Daniel leaning against a smirking Teal'c no longer trying to control his laughter.
"You know, this really isn't funny!"
"Ohhhh yes it is."
"Indeed."
"Say, Jacoline. You really do make for a convincing woman in behavior you know. The walk and..."
Yeah...something else we needed to add to the manual. 'How not to kill your team mates in embarrassing situations'.