A/N: I'm fully aware that Lucius is OC but he sort of has to be…also, I've seen "The Music Man" exactly 21 times in school and in school we have to write this packet for the musicals we see and write in the answers, you know? I've written the answers to the packet 21 times and, frankly, that damned Harold Hill is annoying

Disclaimer: I most certainly don't own this stuff…except Zenny

#4 and 5

Soon after those incidents, in a town very close to Malfoy Manor, a gangly old man with a big beard would walk into the local Blockbuster and rent the best musical ever made into a movie. He was dressed in a tartan overcoat and flannel boxer shorts covered in little smiley faces. It's pretty damn easy to guess who it was.

"Here," Dumbledore handed Zenny a box and a small card. She gave him a questioning glance. "For your...schemes…and for 'future plans'."

"Oh, okay, gotcha," she looked at the title on the box.

"Nice choice."

Lucius sat at his breakfast table. He enjoyed the silences one had when there was no wife or evil, gangzta house-elves.

Lucius had had a completely peaceful slumber unlike the last few nights where his house-elf would barge in and babble about sleeping eels and monkeys who took her money. 'I mean how idiotic is that?' Lucius thought to himself, 'Eels, so, don't sleep.'

Blondie sat at his table and ate his eggs in silence. He brought up the fork to his mouth and was about to chomp until a door slammed and a trumpet blasted from behind the kitchen doors. The eggs slid off of Lucius' fork and onto his brand knew blazer.

"No, she just keeps coming back," he whispered to himself in agony as his beloved house-elf stepped into the kitchen and hopped onto the table.

"Hello sir! Are the eggs good today? They must be, for they have now graced your features! Is that Armani sir?"

"Damn it all," Lucius muttered under his breath and wiped away the runny eggs from his lapel. In other words, yes, it was Armani.

"Sir, I have a project today!" Zenny announced from her perch on the vase that stood in the middle of the breakfast table at the Malfoy Mansion. It was quite a beautiful vase. Until it broke that is.

"Whoops! Oh well, it was old anyway!" Zenny trumpeted her horn and leaped off the table and stood next to the horrified Lucius, hands behind back, and swaying on her toes.

"W-what was your p-project?" Lucius said through gritted teeth and tears. That vase had once held his dead cat, Freckles.

Lucius had figured out that the Ministry was watching what he did to his new house-elf. Well, maybe not figured out, but one of his death eater buddies had told him. He'd have to be somewhat tolerable now.

"Well sir, can we watch a movie today?" Zenny asked innocently. She'd gotten a TV and a VCR from Dear Old Dumbles and had set it up in Lucius' study. She planned to tell him she got from her "home dawgs."

"No, I won't watch that primitive muggle filth!" Lucius said, outraged. This from the man who had know idea that were such things as light bulbs, only knew that candles and torches were the latest in lighting a house.

"Well, it's a cultural lesson then! Learn how primitive muggles were and still are and you can ridicule them the whole time! You can work on your insults!" Zenny said enthusiastically. She was like a sleazy car salesman. And she loved it.

"Hmmm…that would be fun…" Lucius mumbled. He did love making fun of the lesser beings.

"Fine, as long as you tell me what a movie is. I already know, of course, but I'd like to test your knowledge on the subject," Lucius said like the all-knowing wizard that he most certainly wasn't. He didn't want to admit defeat to his own house-elf so he decided to play the 'I'm just testing you…' card. He'd had no idea what this muggle contraption was and, amazingly enough, actually wanted to know. Mostly so he could ridicule them, but still.

Zenny mumbled something about 'Idiot-bleachey-headed nightmares' then went into a long speech about how there were little people in a box and when you turned the TV on they would come to life and act in a play or musical.

"Now take me to the movie," Lucius demanded. He was utterly amazed at how muggles could now shrink people to fit into a tiny box and then duplicate them to go inside lots of these little boxes called "televisions." He'd have to make fun of their height then. Lucius giggled to himself. He was delighted that he was taller than those stupid, tiny box-muggles. He was probably richer too. I mean, how much money could you make from being inside a box?

Zenny led her master to the study and told him about film. Film was, apparently, a script and muggles read these scripts and performed whatever they said to do.

'Muggles will be so easy to dominate' Lucius thought smugly.

Zenny put the video in and sat on the floor by her master's feet. He sat in his Armchair of Doom and steepled his fingers. 'This movie' he sneered, 'may lead to the domination of the muggle world…I better take notes! For the Dark Lord!' Lucius lunged for a pad of his snakey stationary, but tripped over his house-elf instead who thrust into his hands a large packet of papers.

"What is this?" Lucius sneered.

"Fill them out. Or suffer the consequences," Zenny said in the most serious voice she had.

"Why?" Lucius was so utterly stupid, arrogant and proud that he dared to ask this. His mind was telling him not to go any further or he might have to suffer the consequences, but his mouth kept on moving. He would be his house-elf's bee-yotch no more. Even though he still didn't know what a bee-yotch was…

"'Cause my dawgs, the ones that hooked me up with this here stolen booty, want to make sure you're paying attention and if you aren't," Zenny made the cut-throat sign.

"They'll make me wear a turtle-neck?" Lucius said, unaware of what the cut throat sign was. He knew had something to do with the consequences but he couldn't fathom what could be worse than a terrible fashion faux paw. His brain had taken over and was now making him shake and cower.

"That and…more!" Zenny said. She had said "more" very loudly and Lucius squeaked.

Zenny pushed in the tape and watched in amazement as the squeamish little Lucy cheered up immediately and happily filled out his packet. They were watching "The Music Man" for God's sakes—a movie that could get extremely annoying. Instead Lucy seemed to like it. This was uncalled for, but way too much fun to worry about. Instead of groaning in agony at thought of hearing another lisp out of Winthrop he was cheering when little Winthrop sang "Well's Fargo Wagon."

Dear God in Heaven, what was the world coming to?

Lucius loved musicals.

Who knew?