Chapter Two: Shino Is Smited

A/N-I was so inspired bythe reviews that I decided to write another chapter. -evil laughter- Its in Shino's prov.

Disclaimer - Yadayada. I don't own. Not yet.

Jesus. I swear, that idiot has been downing every drink that comes within his grasp. It's so disgusting, it makes my skin shiver . . . yet it is quite amusing.

Kiba's a hard drinker. The more he drank, the more he thought he was a man. In reality, it just made him more annoying than he already was.

And for the sweet love of all things right, why couldn't Kiba have graced his presence with someone else. I know I have the stamp of 'Kiba's Best Friend' marked right on my forehead, but I didn't choose it.

I would have like Shikamaru . . . NOT like that. Ugh. It's just, as great and as loyal and as compassionate Kiba was, he was still a blundering asshole.

So, we are sitting there, facing across from each other. It was just like every night after Kiba was legally allowed to drink. And tonight, it was that he was a puppy.

In my little world of sadism, I encounter Kiba in many forms or stages. I can sigh to myself and say - 'Oh, here he goes acting like a .'

Shino's Book of Kiba

In the wild kingdom, a Kiba roams free to do as he pleases. Whether it is peeing on trees or beating the crap out of innocent drunkards like himself - Kiba was free to roam the wild from sunset to sunrise on weekends.

I thought of doing a documentary on this, making millions, but I realized that selling out Kiba was useless . . . until I had all the info I needed.

Like I mentioned, the many stages on Kiba. I will define and give an example of the following: puppy, dog, bitch, rapid squirrel.

Today, Kiba was a puppy(innocent/nemine under the influence), where he would sling his arm around me, and tell me how beautiful the world is.

'Shinnoooooo-kun, don't you think the world is a big ball to be played with? Its like, all this fighting, man, it's so not nice. If mother nature fought back, the O-Zone layer would have left us like my mom left my father. It's all goooooood though. I mean, here I am with you, the crazy, bug-fettished man I have come to know and love. And then . . . there is her -' I interrupt to say, Kiba does not love me like that, geez. And, I warn you . . . I sit here hearing the same crappy romance he has between and Hinata, and some how it ends up in tears. I will let him continue. 'Ah. Hinata-chan. I knew her well. Naruto a man of infinite jest, stole her right under my nose. Kiba...I mean Shino-kun...Do you think she will ever...love me?' He choked and stared at me. I shrunk back in my seat, pretending not to be there. 'Hinataaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa-chan. My heart will not go on. My love for you will not die. YOU HEAR ME?' And then he slams his head on the table, crying.

Yesterday, it was hilarious. But I forgot I can't laugh...it was funny though.

Yesterday, Kiba was a bitch(a annoying, pissed off pregnant woman), and I will leave it to the example.

'Shino...MmmHmm. That's right. I told him that he beta' not have been messin' with her, or I would bust a cap in his as. And then he was like all 'What the hell?' And I told him, tcha, this is what I told him. I told him that beta not mess with me. Girlfriend - let me tell you how WHITE he looked. It was freakin' hilaaarous. And you know what, no matta' how fly Hinata-honey is, she could frankly give me a rats ass and I would be okay. Mmhmm...' I stop to say, yes. Amusing. Especially when he shakes his head or snaps his fingers. But then there could be this version of bitch. I call it Bitch 1.0.

'Shino, like OH MY GOD. Did you see what Ino was wearing today? Can you say attention whore? AHAHA. It made her butt look sooo big. Like, it was like...like...funny and shit. But like oh my gosh, I was like brb to Kurenai, and I gave her the hand. I said, whatever to her, and you know what she did. She bitch-slapped me. And I was like Oh my gosh. And she was like oh my gosh. And oh my gosh, did you see Hinata. She looked soooo cute today. I told her we needed to exchange numbers and she looked at me funny. But, its like so stupid, cuz like, Naruto, what a dork, like could try to eat the entire village and she would be like 'Aw, how cute.' How stupid.'

I'm still trying to see what version I like better. It will be hard, but I will manage to choose.

Next is dog(horndog), I warn you though - this only has happened when a full moon is out and he drinks a lot.

'Shino, Jesus I just want to BLEEPBLEEP her in the BLEEPBLEEP. God. How BLEEP BLEEP would that be? I mean...BLEEP. It would be hot. She is so BLEEP fine. Its hard to keep my BEEP off her. She know she wants this BEEP.' I will stop here, because it doesn't get any better. Although sometimes when we walk out, he's mellowed out and starts to sing.

"I want sex. I want sex. I want sex, hey, hey, hey. You want sex. I want sex. Lets go sex hey, hey, hey."

And so on and so forth.

I did say it was amusing though.

And finally, this last, new edition was when Kiba had snorted crack and then snorted beer.

'Heyheyhey, Shino! Shino! You wanna go play catch! Do ya? Do ya? Do ya? Lets go play! Yeah. Yeah! Yeah. You will throw the ball, won't ya? You will? You will? Come on, lets go Shino. Yes. Shino! Go! Get! I want the ball! Throw it! Throw it! Fucking throw it! Yeah!' Sometimes, I don't throw it, but pretend to, but he's too high to notice. He'll come back to me with a ball that looks exactly like it, and I won't get it. 'Look! Look Shino! Look at the purty lights! Look! Look, they look like Hinata. Hinata! Hinata! Where are you? Won't you come play fetch with me? Won't you? I promise you I'll be a good boy! I do! I do! I won't look in your draws anymore! Lets play Hinata! Scratch behind my ears, Hinata! You know I like it! You said...it was cute...Aw. Hey, Shino. Where'd Hinata go to?' Of course, she wasn't there to begin with and he was talking to a tree, but I tell him that she went to bed. He'll look all sad but when I throw both balls, its like its magic and he goes to retrieve.

I know, how cruel. But the guy has got to know that Hinata will never be interested in him. She likes Naruto, Naruto likes Sakura, Sakura likes Sasuke and Sasuke likes his brother.

It's the way the cookie crumbles.

I feel bad, and I try not to encourage him. After all, isn't that what friends do?

None-the-less, it pains me to see Kiba check his butt out after ever drink on our way home. When I tell him that he will never be able to get his tail, he just laughs like he isn't going to get the Hang-Over-From-Hell tomorrow and just smile. He tells me something that surprises me.

'I'm not checking it out for myself, Shino, I'm checking it out so Hinata can check it out without guilt.'

Its confusing to live in this shit-hole Konoha. Not matter how great the ninjas are, they are all on crack.

Except for me. I plan to sell that crack, and then sell the book and take myself away from this hell-hole.

Then I can make eyeliner for Gaara...

Okay, maybe I've had too many drinks myself.

But its not me who just ran into a pole.

A/N-Again, needed to be occness. I tried to make it have some coherent sense, sorry if you are just like - WTF, mate?

R&R, I live off of your reviews.