Disclaimer: As before, I only own my characters
Chapter five
One year later
A year later saw Celene preparing two different types of teas for an epidemic of coughing that had broken out recently. It wasn't as bad as other epidemics, but firstly it was inconvenient for the adults, and secondly some children and older people were too frail to survive for too long with coughing fits. Firstly she was brewing up a linden and licorice tea, she was brewing a lot of that, as there were also problems with people's breathing, and this tea helped with that. For others, like the pregnant women, who couldn't take it she was brewing up another batch of thyme, hyssop and sage tea. When she had finished she poured each into cups and tasted them. Grimacing a little she walked through into the kitchens and got a little honey for each.
Once she had sweetened each of them she set about seeing to making another batch, and giving the batches she had made to the people who had managed to come to get them. For those who were unable to come all that often she gave instructions on how to make the teas and a bunch of ingredients that she promised she would replenish when they ran out.
The knights all filed in and Celene smiled up at them. There were no more people as of yet, so she had a few spare moments to sit down and collect her thoughts. She collapsed onto one of the beds and sighed heavily as she did so, it was good to get off her feet and sit for a while, if only it was for a short while. She brushed a few strands of flyaway hair from her face while she collected her thoughts and started counting off.
"That batch has to be taken to the kitchens, and I need to get some to Jols…" Celene trailed off when she realized all the knights were looking at her.
"Celene, when will you stop talking to yourself?" Lancelot asked.
"When there are no more people to be healed, that's when." Celene retorted.
"That put you in your place." Perceval smiled as he came in, before breaking into a coughing fit.
"Really I can't have five minutes peace can I?" Celene asked, fetching some of her linden and licorice tea.
"Yes you can, and you will do, on your birthday." Gawain smiled.
"Oh gods, I totally forgot! My birthday" Celene suddenly spun around with Perceval's tea, which she handed to him.
"Thank you, and yes your birthday is next week." Perceval smiled at the look on Celene's face.
"What present do you want from us?" Galahad asked.
"My father to be happy." Celene sighed wistfully.
All the knights drew in a breath at this. Bedwyr, since his wife's death had been insufferable. He had taken the loss very hard, and as a result had never really gotten over it. He sat around being miserable, unless he was fighting, which is when he was a little more like himself. Only then though, and only for a sort while, before he lapsed back into his usual morose self. Celene hadn't quite gotten over her mother's death, but she was well on the way, with help from her friends. Bedwyr on the other hand, had completely alienated himself, accepting no help from anyone.
Even his own daughter was suffering from this treatment, which everyone was thinking was unfair. The knights were almost at breaking point with the limits of their patience. Celene on the other hand was silently resigned to her father's mood. She knew how much he had suffered in losing his soul-mate, and yet he was slowly killing himself by torturing himself. It was painful for her to see her father like this, and her wish was a simple one for her, and yet incredibly hard for everyone else.
"Don't be silly, I was only joking. I'm sure you'll think of something lovely." Celene smiled, kissing Galahad on the cheek before ruffling his hair.
"I don't think you were being silly." Tristan spoke from the shadows.
"It's an impossible wish." Celene spoke quietly with all her resigned sadness in her voice.
"Be that as it may, someone has to help him now." Perceval declared.
"Its only been a year, leave him alone." Celene declared.
"Look at you, you got over it." Galahad argued.
"Please leave him alone, he's done nothing." Celene pleaded.
"Precisely, he's done nothing." Perceval declared hotly.
"If you want to do something you alone have to do it Perceval, you're his friend. The rest of you, I know you're worried about me, and hate my father for what he's doing, but he's changed, and he needs friends. The best we can do is let Perceval talk to him." Celene finally declared.
"Celene isn't your tea ready." Dagonet pointed.
"How could I forget?" Celene exclaimed jumping up.
The knights were left sitting around the infirmary discussing while Celene went down to the kitchens, with the tea and recipes, she was going to try and get the teas made in the kitchens to free her up for those who were going to be worst affected. When that was done, and the kitchen maids had agreed Celene took a single cup down to Jols in the stable, who couldn't have been more grateful.
"It's been really terrible. A few of the horses have colic, others lame, and me with this cough." Jols sounded like he was trying not to moan.
"I'll see about Arthur getting you more help in the stables, I know he's complaining about how few people have jobs around the fort now." Celene silently ran an inventory.
"Celene, just stop, you need to rest." Jols held up a hand.
"What do you mean, I'm fine?" Celene asked.
"No you're not." Jols muttered as Celene walked.
Celene walked back to the infirmary slowly at a more sedate pace. She didn't know what it was, but she was feeling melancholy. She supposed it must be the time of year, winter made everyone depressed, and then it was the time of year people most often died. Although Celene knew really what was upsetting her. The fact that her father felt that he was alone in his grief. What he was also doing was ignoring his daughter, and by doing that he made her feel alone, even more alone than she should really be.
She was a healer, and everyone looked to her to be strong, to heal and to help them through their most difficult times. When it came to her needing a father figure, or a shoulder to cry on, she couldn't have one. The moment she entered a room in which her father was he made a point of avoiding her. It cut her deeply than any time she didn't manage to save anyone. It left her with a feeling of inadequacy most times. Although with her father it gave her the feeling that she just wasn't good enough.
Celene broke into a run, trying to get away from all her thoughts. They were tormenting her, did every day and every night. The nights were the worst though. During the day she could immerse herself in work and her life. At night she was alone, painfully so. So she worked even harder to push the thoughts out of her head. It was a never ending cycle, and it was starting to tell.
When she managed to slow herself down Celene looked around her. She realized she had run out of the fort and was now deep in the forest. Her breath coming in short gasps she sank to her knees, feeling the wet earth beneath her legs. She dug her hands in desperately, trying to find some relief. She began to sob; she wanted peace from all the voices. She wanted peace from it all. She just didn't want to hurt anymore. She wanted everything to be better.
After a while her sobs quietened. Cradling her hands against her breast she looked down at the ground. She sat there like that, with her head bowed, not moving. She didn't know what to do anymore. Everything used to be so easy about her life, and now everything was so complicated. Everyone was looking to her to be strong, and yet she didn't want to be.
That was how Perceval found her a few moments later. He looked at the way Celene looked beaten and defeated and found himself wanting to help her. This was nothing like the outgoing, happy go lucky girl she always used to be. She had always had a smile for everyone. Now she hardly ever smiled, and her eyes held a sadness that never should have been there. There was also a heavy weight on her shoulders, she was quick to get help for Jols, and yet she didn't realize when she needed help herself. You could feel your heart breaking for this girl, and all that she'd gone through.
Perceval stepped into the clearing, careful not to startle Celene. She looked up at him, a silent pleading in her eyes for it all to end. She flew into his arms, hugging him as if he was her father. In a way she was a father figure for her, being with her far more than her real father was these days. Perceval hugged her back after a few moments, he wasn't sure how to react with crying women, none of the knights really were.
After a while Celene pulled away, blushing. She knew, he realized, that none of the knights liked dealing with weeping women, especially as they were the ones who usually caused the crying. He realized that Bedwyr was always the one to deal with the tantrums, him being a husband and father. Now though he couldn't care much less, and it was down to the other knights now to pick up the pieces they didn't even know there was there.
Gently now, Perceval began to coax Celene back to the fort, not an easy feat by any means. She eventually ended up following. Leading her into the infirmary the knights were all sitting around, all looking a little worried. Celene ran off into her room to try and see if she could sort out her appearance. Gawain went to follow her, but Perceval shook his head, she would come out when she was good and ready.
A few moments later Celene emerged in a clean dress. Her hands had been cleaned and her hair was brushed pack into a plait. Her eyes were no longer red rimmed, and yet still held all the pain of earlier. She sank down into a chair and sat with her hands folded in her lap, gazing at them. After a while she looked up at the knights and smiled weakly.
"I guess I should get back to work." Celene sighed.
"Not until you tell us what the bloody hell's goin' on here." Bors said, pushing her back down.
"What is there to tell?" Celene asked.
"You're asking us that? Take a look at yourself. You're working yourself into the ground and you're hardly sleeping. Then tell us what's wrong." Gawain exclaimed.
"You lot, you're enough to scare even the emperor of Rome." Vanora chose that moment to make her presence known.
"She needs to talk." Tristan shrugged.
"And she will do, just not to you lot, and you're definitely not going to give her the third degree." Vanora shooed the knights out.
"Thank you." Celene said simply when all the knights were gone.
"Right now, you sit there and tell me just what's eating you." Vanora ordered.
"I can't handle it Van, I just can't." Celene sobbed.
"Can't handle what?" Vanora asked.
"Everything." Celene declared dramatically.
"Surely it's not that bad?" Vanora asked.
"It probably isn't but it feels like it is. I mean everyone's always quick to blame the healer when someone dies, and yet they don't know how hard I try to keep everyone alive, and sometimes I can't do it. I just can't." Celene bowed her head.
"Who's been blaming you?" Vanora asked.
"No one, but sometimes, like with my mother, even when I know that there's nothing to be done, I find myself wondering what else it was I could have done. And then the voices start telling you that there was something more you could do, even if you couldn't and you find yourself working and working trying not to listen, and yet the more you don't listen the louder they sound. Make them stop, make them stop." Celene begged, sobbing hard now.
"I'm not the one who can make them stop." Vanora declared quietly, "You have to do it, not alone, but ultimately you have to be the one to do it."
"Was it really my fault Van?" Celene asked.
"No it bloody well wasn't. And don't let that sod of a father tell you otherwise." Celene gasped, but Vanora continued, softer now, "And I'll tell you one thing that your mother told me one day. I asked why she always seemed so distant and so reserved with her feelings. What I noticed, what everyone noticed was that she never cried when she lost anyone. I asked her if she didn't care, and of course your mum said she did care. She was one of the most caring people in the world your mum. And yet she said that every healer has to deal with death every day, and they need to get on with it. Even if they're hurt or pained by death, they manage to keep it to themselves. I know she never got to teach you that, you were much too young." Vanora finished.
"I wish she were here now." Celene sobbed.
"Don't we all. She isn't though, and it's up to us to carry on." Vanora spoke quietly.
"Who am I?" Celene asked suddenly.
"You're Celene, our healer, and the strongest girl I know." Vanora smiled.
"How can you think me so strong?" Celene asked sadly.
"Because you are. You had the strength to go on when no one else would have." Vanora declared.
"I'm sorry this year's been so hard for me." Celene sighed.
"Time heals everything." Vanora declared sagely, before adding, "Right well I better be off and try and get some more of your tea down the bairn's throats." Vanora sighed.
"Oh no need." Celene said jumping up and handing Vanora a small linen bag.
"What's this?" Vanora asked, looking inside.
"Just some licorice for the kids. They like it I've given it to others, well they should do, but I don't know. Just try it. If they don't like it try dipping them in honey that always works for me." Celene smiled brightly.
"I'll try it then, thanks." Vanora smiled before leaving the room.
Celene wiped her eyes before smiling. For once in a long while the voices weren't tormenting her. Nodding to herself firmly she looked out in the yard where the knights were all standing around. All of them were coughing. Smiling and shaking her head Celene widened the infirmary door and all the knights trooped in, all of them looking sheepish. They all went back to where they had been sitting only a few minutes before.
Looking thoughtful for a few moments Celene walked over to her cupboard and opened it up. Taking out licorice, the same as she had given Vanora, she walked over to a honey pot she had put on the side. Dipping the licorice in honey she quickly shoved it into Tristan's mouth before he could protest. Minutes later, all the knights, apart from Galahad, had taken it. Galahad was being pigheaded and stubbornly refusing.
"Come on, it's not that bad." Celene coaxed.
"I'm fine." Galahad tried to cover a cough.
"Please, won't you just take it?" Celene asked, batting her eyelids sweetly.
"No." Galahad declared stubbornly.
"Please just for me?" Celene asked again, just as sweetly as before.
"Just take it boy and be done with it." Perceval declared.
"I won't take it and that's final." Galahad huffed, folding his arms and turning his head away.
"He's not a boy, he's a baby." Tristan taunted Galahad.
"I am not." Galahad pouted.
"And he's a girl." Lancelot added.
"Won't even take his medicine like a good little boy." Bors joined in.
"Don't you mean girl." Lancelot corrected.
"You're all mean." Galahad declared.
"Aw, poor little baby." Gawain mock sympathized.
The taunting went on like this for a little while. All the time Galahad was trying to ignore it, but with the persistency of the knights you could tell it was going to be hard. Eventually Galahad began to crumble bit by bit, as much broken down with Celene's pleading as with the knights teasing. Eventually Galahad grabbed the licorice out of Celene's hand and quickly placed it in his mouth.
"There we are, wasn't so bad was it?" Celene asked friendly.
"I suppose not." Galahad scowled.
"Aw bless him." Perceval joked.
"Now now all of you stop it." Celene admonished.
"So what did you talk to Van about?" Bors asked.
"You probably already know." Celene sighed.
"Don't you all have something else to do?" Perceval asked suddenly asked.
At that all the knights filed out, all going off to resume the jobs they had been doing before they had found out. They were all rather hopeful that making her talk was going to help Celene; they all knew she needed it. Perceval stood up and smiled down at the little girl who he had known since she was born. Something about her had changed, you could tell that much already.
"I'm off to see your father then." Perceval sighed,
"Good luck and I do hope you get through to him." Celene smiled.
"He needs help." Celene nodded.
"And you're best suited to give it to him." Celene answered sagely.
"Stop sounding so old lass!" Perceval exclaimed.
"Off with you old man." Celene joked back.
"I shall see you later my fair lady." Perceval bowed as he walked off.
Perceval walked around the fort enjoying the afternoon. He was also looking for Bedwyr, although he had an idea where he was going to find him. Walking into the training ground he saw his old friend collapsed on the bench. He walked over and sat down next to his friend, who swore. Perceval smiled apologetically before settling back to watch a few of the other knights fight.
"Whaddya
want?" Bedwyr asked.
"Are you drunk?" Perceval asked.
"Of course not." Bedwyr shook his head.
"How are things?" Perceval asked.
"What do you care?" Bedwyr asked.
"I care because I'm your friend." Perceval answered.
"If you were my friend you would leave me alone." Bedwyr grunted.
"That's not what you need." Perceval answered.
"What do I need?" Bedwyr asked.
"A reality check." Perceval muttered, loud enough for Bedwyr to hear.
"What do you mean?" Bedwyr demanded angrily.
"You hurt those who love you, who try and help you." Perceval answered coolly.
"The only one I loved left me!" Bedwyr stood up.
"You do your daughter no credit." Perceval stood up now, slightly annoyed.
"My daughter let her mother die." Bedwyr snapped.
"Do you think that of your daughter, do you think she would do that?" Perceval really was angry now.
"Yes I would." Bedwyr shouted.
"Then you're a damned fool. Celene loved her mother, and she loves you, you just refuse to see it." Perceval finally yelled back.
Bedwyr punched Perceval instead of answering. Everyone began to gather around as Perceval stood up. Bedwyr wanted a fight, had been spoiling for one, and now he had started one. Perceval went to try and walk away, but his one time friend pulled him back before hitting him again. In the end the two ended up wrestling in the dirt, neither one able to get dominance over the other.
The Romans gathered around, all glad to see the Sarmatians acting like the barbarians they were thought to be. The circle that had been formed excluded the knights, who knew what was going on, and yet had no time to stop it. Galahad bit his lip in a dilemma. At a nod from Tristan he ran off to the infirmary.
As he skidded to a halt he saw Celene already outside the infirmary. She had been disturbed by the racket that she had a funny feeling came down from the practice courts, and her curiosity had been piqued. She had put a white apron on over her dress, her sleeves were rolled up to her elbows and her hair was pulled into a bun, from which pieces of hair were flying away. As soon as she saw the look on Galahad's face she untied her apron before putting it away.
"Who is it?" She asked as she came out.
"Your father and Perceval." Galahad answered.
Celene just shook her head before running off to the practice courts, the knight in hot pursuit. By the time she got there the pair was wrestling on the floor, a dust cloud flying in the air. The Romans were standing around and jeering, putting bets on who would win. The knights were trying to break the fight up, but so far weren't being very successful. The pair stood up and Celene walked right in front of the pair, stopping them from fighting.
Lancelot felt a sudden tinge of panic as Celene walked into the middle of the fight. For some reason he could tell that everyone felt the same. Even Tristan flinched as Bedwyr raised a fist. Although the way Celene stood there calmly, ready to take whatever came her way, made him drop his fist. She seemed to nod at her father, before turning to Perceval, assessing his injuries.
Once she had assured herself there were no worse injuries on either of them than bruises, she looked to both of their eyes. Perceval looked away ashamed, and Celene turned to her father, anger burning in her eyes. He had the sense to look away ashamed. The Romans had all disappeared as soon as Celene had appeared, they knew the show was over, and had slunk back to their work.
"What is the meaning of this? Are we to prove to the Romans that we are the warring barbarians they think us?" Celene demanded, turning from her father to his friend and back again.
"I don't want to hear it." She said, holding her hand up as Percival went to talk, "I want both of you to go to the infirmary now. No arguments." Celene ordered.
Both of the knights, even though they were so superior to Celene in years knew better than to brook an argument with her. She was like her mother in the respect that she would tolerate no one intruding too much on her turf, she would appreciate help when she felt she needed it, but otherwise she would growl and yip. She was the undisputed healer in the fort, even Dagonet would defer to her, even though he still was senior to her in years.
She seated both Percival and her father as far away from each other as she dared without sending another to a different room. She looked at both of them and determined that there would be nothing worse than a few bruises. She was thankful there was going to be no black eyes, although she did have to re-set Percival's nose, accompanied by much bellowing on his part.
She sent both the knights to their rooms with the orders that they were not to go within a few metres of each other until they could talk to each other civilly and without any yelling, mumbling or grumbling. She knew both her father and his friend's pride would be hurt, having to abide by the rules of a much younger woman, her rule being enforced by the other much younger knights and the commander. She knew that the two would be reconciled to each other, if just to make sure that they were left for a few moments peace.
Celene hoped that today was the beginning of a new chapter in her life. She resolved to put her sorrows behind her well and truly, so that she could now fully focus on helping those that most needed help, and giving aid to those that most needed aid. She knew then that, yes, there would be times ahead for weeping, and yet there would also be times for laughter and love. Sighing contentedly to herself Celene let herself drift off into daydreams of the future.
Author's note: I know it's been a while, but here we are, a new chapter. This one took me ages to write, but I hope you all enjoy, because then it will have been worth the effort of me writing and fretting and fighting a writer's block for.