TITLE: What He Meant to Say
DISCLAIMER: Don't own, so don't sue me.
SUMMARY: Takes place after the conversation between Teyla and John during "Sateda". A peek into Sheppard's inner monologue. It's short, which gives you even more reason to read it.
A/N: Teyla's comment at the end of that brief conversation made me wonder what John was really trying to say. There's a hint of Sheyla, if you're looking for that, but not enough to offend if you're not.
Okay, I'll admit it. I'm not good at this whole...feelings thing. I'm sure Dr. Heightmeyer would have a field day with that, but at least I'm not in denial. I know I'm not good at this.
That's one reason why I've always loved flying. Flying a fighter jet or a helicopter doesn't involve feelings. It requires good reflexes, superb hand-eye coordination and a tolerance for nausea, but not a whole lot of emotions. Or thinking. When you're up in the sky, it's easy: you either do things right or you're a splat on the scenery. It's not complicated the way families and relationships are.
Relationships... another thing I'm not good at. I mean, I'm good at attracting women, obviously, even if they do turn out to be ascended or partly-ascended beings. No problem there. But in the long run, let's just say I'm not the kind of guy who gets to the picking-out-flatware-for-the-registry phase. And that has never bothered me. I always liked things to stay simple, the way they do when I'm flying. Up or down. Good guy or bad guy. Friends or lovers.
Until I walked through that Stargate, and everything got complicated. Seems like nothing around here is simple. Wraith turn out to be your allies, humans your enemies, and you even make friends with annoying scientists. And even though I left my family billions of light-years behind me, I started drifting into a new one. I met Elizabeth, Rodney, Carson, Ronon, and Teyla. Now I'm willing to kill for them, bleed for them, collude with Wraith for them. Even die for them.
I know, it sounds cliché. But it's true. Sitting there talking to Teyla made me realize something (besides the fact that she knows me way too well). It doesn't matter to me that Ronon's Satedan and she's Athosian, because they're still my team. They're family. I don't care if that complicates things, because out here, in this crazy galaxy where nothing is safe or permanent, it's worth the trouble. And words like "family", "love", and "trust", sappy as they are, they're what separate us from the Wraith. If we didn't have these feelings, we'd be like them. Or like Vulcans, I guess, but you know what I mean.
What I meant to say is, I'm still not good with the emotional thing. But I'm starting to think maybe feelings aren't so bad after all.
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