Why?
Chapter 9
Wow, I never ever thought I would reach a chapter 9 but we have, and now I guess that it's going to go farther, (maybe who knows?) I like this story a little more each time I write it, so I guess that's a good thing!
Disclaimer: I don't own Inuyasha, the pairing, this pear, or that thingy behind you! Okay so that covers most of it right? Right.
Oh! Before I forget, setting for Inuyasha is this: In his room the Sesshomaru gave him, sitting on his bed, and looking outside at nighttime.
Inuyasha
Sometimes I think "Life couldn't get any better then this" other times, I wonder, why I started living with my brother. I know, don't get me wrong, I know why, it's because he saved me, and because he loves me. Things haven't changed dramatically since we talked about how we felt, but I won't say things are the same, Sesshomaru and I don't talk very much still, and when we do it isn't for very long but we don't try to kill each other anymore, and we argue less. But I can't say I'm happy, I'm not happy, I still feel sad a lot, and when I am happy I feel like I'm missing something, and then when I get upset of sad, I think "this is what I was missing". It makes me sick sometimes wanting to feel sad, but it also makes me feel better, the only time I don't have those thoughts are when I'm playing with Rin, or talking with Sesshomaru, but I only don't think like that is because I don't have any time to think about it…its like, I have finally become happy again, but I don't know how to move on, I have no idea how to move on from how I felt, and part of me doesn't want to…its sick, but I can't change how I feel. Am I wrong? I wish I didn't question myself so much, it only gets me angry at myself, but what else can I do? Really? I don't know, so here I am, sitting here, alone in my room, without anything to distract me, even the tiniest. I'm alone again. I sigh and put my head to the wall, and just sit there, quiet, alone, I can't sleep, and the screen door is open, but even the night sky doesn't allow me to sleep, I want to, I want to but I can't.
The door opened, and my brother walked in, I didn't look at him, but I could hear him walk to the side of my bed. "Inuyasha." His voice was cold, and distant, and I turned to see him, "Yes, Sesshomaru?" he walked around my bed, I had to turn my head again, and now he was holding my face in his hands. He smiled, but it wasn't kind, or soft, it was hard, and uncaring, "Little Brother, I hate you." The clouds had moved over the moon, and my brother's face was shadowed a bit, but his eyes shone bright. "I want you out of my home, I'm done playing house with you. You make me sick, I hate you, leave, die." I moved my face from his hand, "What are you saying! Sesshomaru, this isn't funny." My voice was cracking, and it was becoming shrill. I'm scared, and worried, why is he saying these things to me, he said he loved me before, and now he says this, now he tells me, he hates me…why? His smiled faded, and he stood up straight, "I told you, I hate you, leave, little brother, I don't want you here anymore. I'm sick of your crying, your dependence, your misery, you make me sick, when I touch you, I want to wash my hands, and when I look at you." He mad a sound of disgust, and right before walking out of the room he turned to me, "I should have let you die that night." And he left.
"Inuyasha, Inuyasha, wake up." I sat up quickly at the sound of my brother's voice and looked at him, it was morning, and he was smiling kindly at me. I stared at him, and reached out to touch his face, "Sesshomaru, did you say anything to me last night?" he blinked, not understanding what I was asking him. "Last night, did you come into my room and talk to me?" He shook his head, "No Inuyasha, I didn't, I haven't been here in two days, didn't you realize I was gone?" I smiled, relived, "It was just a dream then. I'm sorry…" he stared at me for a long time, "Are you alright Inuyasha?"
"Sesshomaru, do you want me here? Do you want me to live with you?" he looked taken aback, "Yes, Inuyasha," he pulled me into a hug, "I love you, of course I want you here with me, I never want you to leave, I could never have you leave, I would never want you to leave."
Sesshomaru
After I had wakened Inuyasha up, he had asked me a question, he asked me, if I wanted him to live with me. A short time ago, I told him I wanted him to live here, that it was okay, that I wanted him here, but when he asked me, he looked so afraid and unsure, that I became worried, I held him to me, but he did not respond, he only seemed to be more afraid of my answer, I am still in shock. Does Inuyasha think I still hate him? I don't know, and if I ask him, I fear he would be wondering if I want him to leave, and I don't want that, although, I don't know if he is aware of that or not. I am worried; I can't deny that, I am so afraid that he is slipping back into his old state, the state that I found him in. More and more as the weeks and months go by I find him by himself sitting looking withdrawn. He has become quiet and distant I don't know what is happening to him, but he hasn't realized how I care and worry for him, or maybe he has, and that's what's making him stay so distant to me. But he won't tell me what is wrong, he keeps quiet, and it pains my heart.
Tonight, I will talk to him, and I will confront him, I can only hope he will talk to me.
Inuyasha
I have stayed away from Sesshomaru, every time I can smell his sent, I bolt away, but it's hard to judge if it's him, or just his home, which smells so much like him. I can't explain it, I know now, that it was a dream, but I am afraid, I am afraid because I feel that if I go to see him, he will tell me the things he said in my dreams. I don't know what to do, and I keep getting scared when I do see him. I am lying in my room again, the sheets not giving any warmth and I sit there, looking outside at the moon which is only growing smaller, and soon it will be the New Moon, and I dread now the thought of it, just like I did before. My thoughts now are moving back to before I came here, to Kagome, Miroku, Sango, and Shippo, how are they? What are they doing without me? Did Kagome go home; did they give up their quest for the sacred jewel, for their revenge? Did they miss me?
No one's POV
The door to Inuyasha's room slid open, Sesshomaru walked in silently, and Inuyasha's back was facing him. Sesshomaru walked to the side of Inuyasha's bed, and sat next to him, but his brother was so deep into his own thoughts that he didn't hear, sense or even feel that his brother was near by. "Inuyasha?" Sesshomaru put one knee on the bed and leaned over to his brother, "Inuyasha?" he whispered.
Inuyasha bolted up and looked at his brother, "Sesshomaru!" he sat up, "What are you doing here?"
"What is wrong? You have been avoiding me all day, for the past days you haven't even tried to talk to me, ever since you woke up that one night." He pulled his brother to him, "Tell me Inuyasha, what it is?" Inuyasha wiped his eyes with his long sleeves, trying to avoid the fact that he was about to cry, despite himself. He shook his head, "Sesshomaru, do you really want me here?" his voice was low and cracking, Sesshomaru looked at his brothers wet eyes, and smiled softly, "Of course I want you hear Inuyasha, there is nothing else in the world I want more then that, I love you." Inuyasha hugged his brother tightly, "Your not lying right?" he whispered, and held onto his brother. Sesshomaru was taken back by this question, of course he wasn't lying, and couldn't Inuyasha see that? "No, I could never lie to you, never." He kissed his brother's head, and patted his ears, he heard Inuyasha sniffling so he held him even closer, that is, if it is possible. That night, many, things had happened() but Inuyasha knew now, more then ever that he truly had a home.
…sappy end of this chapter folks, I know, its like "WTF" yes, I know, but hey, I'm in a "sappy" ending kind of mood, no the story isn't over, but hey it's cool, I got over writers block and I updated, so there.
() it may or may not have been appropriate for so I don't really trust myself to go further then that…one day…maybe (dude that is sick) but one day….