"I will wait," Meredith sighed as she watched the door open, "What's wrong?"
"I did something," Link sighed, "And I just found out about it as I entered the hospital-"
Meredith furrowed her brows as the door opened again revealing her husband, "Chief, I need to talk to you about the interns."
The days past and they suddenly turned to weeks. Nothing stopped, everything just kept going and going and life at the hospital was busier than ever.
"Link was here first," Meredith raised her brow as she invited him to sit next to the chief. She shifted the phone, "Yes, I'm still here."
"Whose on the phone?"
"UNOS," Meredith rolled her eyes, "Bailey asked me to call for her patient. Heart-liver transplant."
Derek nodded and turned to Link, "What are in for?"
Link looked between the pair, slightly embarrassed, "I uh- I need to talk to the chief."
"Link, what did you do?" Meredith raised her brow.
"I slept with an intern," Link gulped as Meredith gaped at him, "It was an accident, we were drunk and we didn't even realize-"
"We are in no position to judge you on that," Derek shook his head with an amused smiled, "But you should stay away from elevators. They tend to push you against walls and make out with you."
Meredith rolled her eyes as her husband chuckled at the memory, "Link, go to HR. They have paperwork for that now."
"Right," Link stood from his chair awkwardly, "Thanks."
"What do you want?" Meredith turned to the second attending in her office.
"I get we're still rebuilding our residency program after it's collapse last year," Derek explained, "But we are severely understaffed-"
"Pierce poaching Ndugu is screwing up the intern rotations again, isn't it?" Meredith asked as she paced with the phone in her hand.
"It's like she doesn't wanna give these kids a chance," Derek sighed, "She says they don't know how to do anything but how the hell are they gonna learn if she doesn't give them a chance?"
"You make a good point," Meredith nodded, "What about Altman and Hunt? Are they still fighting too?"
"Yeah," Derek scoffed, "How did we become the sane married couple of this place?"
"No idea," she chuckled before a voice from the landline called to her, "Yes, still here. Okay great! Thanks!"
Derek raised his brow asking her for more.
"Bam! Bailey's got her transplant," she cheered, "Okay, uh, Maggie! Put Griffith on her service. She's good. I'll talk to Teddy and Owen."
"Still doesn't solve our issue-"
"Offer chief resident to Schmitt," She smiled, "I'm sure he hates OB by now even though he wanted to stick to it. Poach him. Convince him to return to surgery. And then you can delegate responsibilities to him."
"Solid plan," Derek nodded as he made his way to the door, "Thank you chief."
"I am killing this chief thing," Meredith muttered to herself quietly, thinking he wouldn't hear her.
"Yes, you are" Derek called out as he closed the door behind him.
Meredith smiled as she watched him walk down the hall through the window in her office. They'd come a long way in the recent years, and she had been very proud of them.
If only she had been killing it as a mom.
Zola had been having panic attacks at least once every other day. The discovery of her being gifted had changed the parents' perspectives.
Bailey had been suspended for the day after punching another classmate. He had returned the next day and had faced the wrath of his father- he apologized but it still hurt.
And her youngest? Well Ellis hadn't given them much trouble lately. And she hoped it'd stay that way.
Meredith walked out of her office and made her way down the halls. Familiar faces, new faces, greeted her with smiles. She could see Amelia rushing down the hall as she made her way down the catwalk. She was surely being paged somewhere. Further down, the interns crowded Derek as he handed assignments. Maggie and Winston bickered with charts in their hands.
The hospital was running smoothly. A professional triumph she was proud to hang her hat on.
She had grown up here. Fallen in love and built her family. And now she was proud she could rebuild it once more.
As she continued to make her way down the halls down to the lobby, a pair of voices caught her attention.
"Mom died, remember? I'm sorry, I'm so sorry."
"I wanna go home," an elderly voice called out.
Meredith walked closer and recognized the intern trying to soothe the woman. Simone Griffith. She was a promising intern. Probably the most capable out of the bunch.
"Okay, well let me call dad-" Simone reached for her.
The woman pulled back, "No, I said no! Get away from me!"
The desperation in Simone's voice was familiar. The distress and fear was something she knew very well.
Meredith walked over until she reached her, "Hi, can I help?"
Simone blinked, prepared to say he had this. Meredith knew better, "It's okay I got this."
She took the woman's hands and hers, "Ma'am can I help you? What do you need?"
Simone watched as the chief's cool demeanor calmed down her grandmother. A kindness graces her as she extended her help.
"Shall we take deep breaths?" Meredith instructed, "How can I help you?"
"Can you help me find my daughter?"
Meredith nodded, "I would love to."
Meredith sat on the bench. The sounds of the sirens surrounded her as footsteps walked towards her.
"Chief," Owen smiled at her, "You okay?"
Meredith looked up and smiled, "I used to call you that."
Owen laughed, "That feels like such a long time ago."
She looked back to the cars ahead of her, "How are you and Teddy?"
"You heard?" Owen noticed her grimace, "I don't know. I don't know how to talk to her sometimes and I think the working together is-"
"It's hard," Meredith nodded, "Being around each other for so long can be hard. I get it."
Owen nodded. Of course she got it. And she still made it work.
"You'll figure it out," Meredith assured him, "I'm keeping you, you should go home."
He smiled once more and made his way to his truck. Owen stopped and turned around as if he forgot something important.
"You're doing a great job, Grey," he smiled, "You're doing great."
Meredith grinned softly as she watched him turn again and make his way. At least she could say she was succeeding somewhere.
Another set of footsteps walked towards her. She instantly recognized them as well as the sigh that sat next to her, "Griffith scrubbed in with Maggie. You were right, she likes her."
"Mmm," Meredith hummed as she continued to stare ahead.
"I was going to pull her out until I saw your text. She also told me why we couldn't find her earlier. I wanted someone to stay with her grandmother until she scrubbed out and Adams offered to stay with her since she's on a twelve hours shift," Derek continued, "I think he may have a bit of a crush on Simone."
No response again.
"He said that when she finished, she sat wth her grandmother after she thought she was her mother," Derek whispered, "She went along with it."
"It sounded familiar. Kind of like the time your mom wouldn't stop going on and on about her sex life with Richard," He chuckled a bit expecting a reaction from her but was only given silence again.
His smile and voice dropped, "You promised not to go numb on me remember?"
Meredith closed her eyes and inhaled deeply.
"It's not gonna be you, Meredith-"
"You can't say that," Meredith whispered, "I have the gene and years ago I made my peace with that. I did. But then my daughter decided to write about her grandmother and started having panic attacks because the thought of my having it is terrifying her."
Derek sighed as he listened.
"I'm not scared for myself anymore Derek, I know what it is," she continued, "I am scared for the rest of my family. For my kids. I am scared that they will be stuck going along with living in my world. And that it pains them the way that it pained me."
"I'm scared that I'm not gonna see them grow up. Fall in love. Find what makes them happy. Grandkids if they have them, all of it," Meredith confessed, "I am scared for something I never thought I'd ever be scared of."
"I took time off, Derek. I stepped back, I took this job and took on less surgeries so I could focus on the kids," she sniffed back tears, "And I still didn't catch it. I didn't catch that Zola was having these fears and that Bailey was watching it all-"
"What happened with Bailey isn't your fault," he shook his head, "He just- he- Meredith he has my impulses, we've always said that."
"It's still not enough," Meredith whispered.
Meredith took the cake outside to the porch where everyone had been waiting. Smiles burst as they all began to sing Happy Birthday.
Ellis smiled brightly as she watched her mother approach with the cake in her hand. She leaned on top of the table and peered to watch the chocolate cake with candles make her way over to her.
It was a small celebration. Just a few of her friends from school, her aunts, their partners, uncles, and family.
Still, it was a loud bunch. And a group that adored her. She could feel the affection from each of them as they congratulated her and smiled as her glimmering green eyes focused on the cake in front of her.
As they stopped, her dad asked, "Ready for your wish, baby girl?"
Ellis nodded and closed her eyes tightly. As she opened them she eagerly blew the candles out and the cheers and applause erupted from the gathered crowd. Both parents had been eager to celebrate and to bring everyone together at least once. It used to be a weekly gathering of at least a few friends but life got in the way and those reunions tended to slip by.
"Did you make this cake?" Richard approached Meredith as Maggie helped distribute it. He hadn't stepped foot into the hospital in a while. The last time he had been there was the day Meredith had welcomed the new interns.
"No!" she scoffed, "Of course I didn't. I am glad to see you made it today. You're missed at the hospital."
"Well I couldn't miss Little Ellis' birthday," Richard smiled as he turned to the young girl happily enamoured with the attention she was receiving, "Heard the hospital has been thriving under your leadership."
"I did learn from the best," Meredith pursed her lips into a tight grin before sighing, "And I'm lucky I have a good staff."
"And you know how to run a tight ship," Richard nodded, "Derek doing okay with the new gig? Heard he and Amelia have a nephew in there?"
"Lucas Adams," Meredith confirmed as she nodded towards the awkward, ruffled hair, young man making his way through the pool of attendings and other well respected people in the hospital, "They were against it but I see something in him. Besides, he asked us not to disclose his family connections but when you start saying a certain phrase in the OR, everyone's bound to catch on."
"Yeah, Bailey mentioned that," Richard turned to the direction Meredith pointed at and studied the young man, "Is he awkward? A little slow? Like he's in the room but also not there?"
"His first day," Meredith recounted, "He told the wrong family that their loved one was brain dead. Almost cost another patient a triple organ transplant. Derek and Amelia were pissed and ready to kick him off the program. I was pissed too but, I also knew I had to give the kid a chance."
"So you-"
"Had him scrub in on a triple-organ transplant with Bailey," Meredith chuckled, "I needed him to appreciate that what we do is sacred. It not something to take lightly. Not everyone has what it takes."
Richard chuckled in approval, "Reminds me of Shepherd."
"Derek? Awkward? I'm married to the man, I refuse to believe that?" Meredith laughed as she reached for a slice of cake for herself, "I fell in love with him because of his confidence."
"No, it's true," Richard confirmed, "You met him when he was the hot shot neurosurgeon but before that he was quiet, awkward, I swear I thought he'd drop the program or flunk out."
Meredith giggled at the thought, "You know I've been married to him for such a long time and I swear it's like I still don't know everything about him."
"Is that a bad thing?"
"No," Meredith assured him, "It's just he was such a different person back then it's hard to imagine him. He's so sure of himself. So confident it comes out as arrogance. But under all of that is this man who just wants to do good."
"He always has," Richard nodded in understanding, "We all change, Meredith. Sometimes for the better, sometimes not. But I like to believe that everything we go through changes us for the better."
Meredith took another moment to think about it.
"You're not the same person who walked through the hospital doors all those years ago," Richard observed, "You've changed just as much."
"Really? You think so?"
"Would that Meredith have all of this?" he motioned to the house, in the land, that once solely belonged to the man she was in love with, who happened to be married, "The kids, husband, all of it?"
"Nope," Meredith shook her head, "she would've laughed at the thought of it and Cristina would've laughed just as much. We'd be downing a whole bottle of tequila as we made of the idea."
"See? Changed person," Richard grinned, "I wish your mother could see it now."
Meredith shuddered. At this point, she didn't care very much what Ellis Grey thought or didn't think.
Richard moved away to another group, she walked over to her husband who had been sitting on a bench, taking in the scene in front of him. This is what he had wanted all those years ago. A loud house filled with laughter, the way he grew up. And he wanted to share it with her. He smiled as she took a seat next to him.
"What do you think she wished for?" he asked as he wrapped an arm around her.
"Ellie?" Meredith giggled, "That her dad doesn't have another tree chopped."
Derek laughed, "That tree was gonna damage the house!"
"She didn't know that! She was five!" Meredith laughed in unison with her husband, "How is she eight already?"
"Time just doesn't stop," Derek said wistfully, "One minute it was just you, me, and Zola now we're outnumbered."
Meredith giggled, "She wanted a treehouse. All to herself. She said she was going to ask you to build one for her and I'm assuming she hasn't because her dad fulfills her every wish."
"A treehouse?" Derek raised his brows, "Really? Well then I better get to work."
Meredith laughed as her eyes went back to the three children laughing as Bailey tried to wipe frosting on his younger sister's face.
"We did good didn't we?" Derek asked quietly, "We have good kids."
Meredith smiled as she turned to see him equally lost in the beauty of their children. She smiled as she turned back to them, "Yeah, we did good."
"Dr. Grey! Chief Grey!" Dr. Adams voice echoed through the halls as he ran to catch up to her.
"Dr. Adams, slow down, this is a hospital," she chided, "We have patients!"
"Sorry, sorry! But Un-Dr. Shepherd- Dr. Derek Shepherd asked me to find you," he panted as he walked alongside her, "They did it! They actually did it!"
"Did what?" Meredith raised a brow expecting an elaboration, "What did they do?"
"Kari! She moved a finger-"
"I thought Griffith was on that case with the Shepherds," Meredith questioned.
"She was but Dr. Shepherd but on his service today," Luke explained, "You need to come with me, she moved a finger, Chief!"
Meredith blinked. A frickin miracle had happened she followed the intern down the hall. She managed to catch both neurosurgeons exiting their patient's room. They stood slightly away from the room giving Kari and Toby privacy and giving each other a chance to speak privately.
"Is it true?" Chief Grey rushed to the hallway and met the two outside the patient's door, "She moved her finger?"
"She moved her finger! She pointed at me!" Amelia couldn't help the giggle that escaped her, "We- oh my god!"
She lept into her brother's arms and embraced her.
"Dr. Shepherd?" Meredith turned to Derek expecting more of an explanation. .
"I don't- I don't want to get my hoped up but she moved her fingers. And pointed at me," Derek heaved, "I just- oh I have a surgeons high right now."
Meredith grabbed his arm and squeezed it, "Congratulations! Great work the both of you!"
"Thank you!" Amelia reached for her, "You took a chance on this and it paid off."
"I did nothing," Meredith shook her head, "You did the work, I just signed paperwork-"
"You put your trust in us," Derek muttered, "Not every chief is willing to do that. Especially on something as risky as this."
He knew that first hand. Risks like this meant the hospital had either a praise or backlash. It could make a surgeons career or destroy it. And worst of all, it was a risk on patient's lives.
"Your patient trusted you," Meredith shook her head again, "This was you and your patient. Take the win. Congratulations, you changed her life today."
"This is your win," Derek turned to Amy, "You and Link brought this, I just helped."
"Oh, we gotta publish!" Amy exclaimed, "We definitely have to publish!"
Lucas smiled as he listened in to the doctors. This is why they were the Shepherd Super Surgeons. And why he was scared of their reputation and that he would never live up to it.
Meredith walked away from the scene, leaving the doctors to celebrate their medical changing surgery.
Another triumph under her belt as chief.
The bed was warm. Too warm. She had pulled away from his embrace a while after she felt his breathing even out. They hadn't even had sex that night and yet she felt as if the bed was scorching. And it was impossible to sleep.
At least that's what she'd tell herself as she got out of bed. Meredith pulled her robe on and tied it as she quietly walked down the hallway and into the living room.
No sleep tonight. She could feel it. Just the natural beams of the moon splayed through the large doors and herself.
She grabbed her laptop and began to search. For the same thing she had been doing over and over again.
Several tabs open later, and a few hours after, a pair of arms slightly jolted her as they enveloped her small frame.
"You're hovering," she whispered, "What are you doing out of bed?"
"I turned over to hug my wife only to find her missing," He rested his cheek against hers, "I figured she'd find her way over here."
Meredith reached to caress his face without taking her eyes away from the screen, "I couldn't sleep."
"You know the light of the screen stimulates your brain-," Derek whispered.
"-and makes it difficult to sleep," Meredith finished for him, "I know, brain-man. I'm a doctor, too, you know. Probably better than you, now."
"I'm not sure about that," he whispered as he kissed her cheek.
"Am too," Meredith teased, "See the Catherine Fox over there? It says my name on it. I don't see one with yours."
"Whatever, what are you-?" Derek chuckled against her neck and pressed his lips before looking back up, "Oh c'mon Meredith, it's three in the morning, you should be asleep. Not researching Alzheimer's"
He didn't even need to read an entire sentence to grasp where her head was at. He wouldn't tell her but he had read that same article in the elevator and in his office earlier in the day.
Meredith scrambled as she turned to look at him in his eyes. In her own, there was some fear. Some fearlessness. And determination.
"I wasn't just researching Alzheimer's. I got side tracked," Meredith sighed, "I was doing other research and I made a list of schools in Seattle and outside Seattle for Zola. I just- I couldn't sleep."
He glanced at the list on the notepad. Clearly, she had done her research. All of them had been science oriented. They had both met with the principle at Zola's school to talk options. After she suggested that Zola skip two grades, both parents were left unsatisfied. So options were thrown until the right one fell on their lap.
Derek couldn't help but notice the surprising common thread between the schools.
"These are outside Seattle?" Derek furrowed his brows as he made his way around to stand next to his wife.
Meredith swallowed the lump in her throat. Searching outside Seattle simply happened. It didn't even cross her mind what that would mean. Her mom instinct was on autopilot and she ran.
"Last year, we almost left to Minnesota because I was dangled a brand, new, shiny toy," she quietly answered, "Years ago, you were-"
"D.C. is nothing like last year, Meredith," he insisted as he sat next to his wife on the couch.
"No, it's not," Meredith turned to look at him, "But neither is this."
"No," Derek sighed defeatedly, "It's not."
They stared at each other for a moment. These decisions had often been in their hands and for one reason or another, they were never ready to jump off the cliff. And when one of them was, the other dug in their heels and made sure to stand their ground while the other jumped willingly. The collateral damage was their stability as a marriage and as a family. Were they really ready to climb down the cliff again?
"Zola deserves this from us," Meredith reached for his hand, "She deserves a chance to be the best she can be the same way we did."
They had both been given the chance to prove themselves over and over again. A luxury and privilege not many people had. And one they could offer their daughter.
"I don't know how I feel about leaving Seattle, but I know I would do anything for Zola," Meredith's eyes turned glassy, "I would do anything for those kids. You know that."
"So would I," Derek nodded, "You know that."
To their children. They were invincible.
He was the dad that spooked the monsters under the bed away. The dad who willingly played princess tea party with his girls. The dad who coached soccer and went to as many games as he could.
And she was super mom. Super freakin mom who could do anything and everything. Even when she felt like her mind was in a million places, her kids only saw the good in her. They saw how she was always ready to kiss their injuries away. Ready to read them story books before bed. Hold them when they were scared of lightning. She was their mom.
Meredith stared at the computer in front of her before he spoke again.
"She didn't want to leave last year," Derek reminded her, "She was adamant on staying and her panic attacks were part of the reason we decided to stay."
"Her diagnosis changes everything, Derek," Meredith shook her head, "You heard Maggie, she hated skipping schools. She hated feeling like the outsider amongst these kids who were all older than her."
They'd both spoken to her sister about how to approach this. Maggie told them she could share her experience in hopes it would help. Share how she felt like an outsider in many ways and how terrified and anxious she felt when she thought she didn't fit in anywhere. And the parents listened. Meredith's mind worked a million hours per hour as she listened. And she had drafted plan after plan just like she would as chief of surgery. She was prepared.
"What if it ends up being the right thing?" Meredith questioned.
"Bailey? Ellis? What about them? They didn't want to leave either." Derek countered.
"I know, I know but," Meredith sighed.
Three. There were three little kids to think of, not just one. The balance of it all was always the difficult part in making decision.
"There's no perfect answer, Derek," she shook her head, "I don't I-I just know that we have to look at all our options and do what's best for our family. Whatever that is."
They silently stared into each other's eyes for a moment.
This is where they jumped.
Or not.
This was where they both held hands and leaped.
Or when one pulled back.
This was the crossroads.
"Okay," Derek slowly nodded, "Let's start with our options here. And if the school here isn't enough, we look outside."
"Okay," she agreed, "And we'll talk to the three of them."
And with that. Everything changed. They both leaped. Together.
And the small ears of their youngest child listening from the hallway, were ones they'd been unaware of. For now.
A/N: A very Meredith centered chapter that I loved writing. Exploring the challenges of a high power career v. motherhood is so interesting especially with a character like Meredith. I hope I did it justice! Please let me know your thoughts.
For those who celebrate, Happy Thanksgiving! And for all of you, thank you for following my fics! I'm grateful to you and for you!