Disclaimer: I don't own the Dukes of Hazzard, not making any money, just cheap thrills.

Warnings: Angst, Slash, Incest, Established Couple, Character Death

Rating: FRT

I'd like to thank my beta readers Jade and HazzardHusker for their invaluable help.

Italics and/or indicates thought

Choices

Chapter 12

One week after Luke's visit to Jud, he received another call, this one from the Atlanta City jail.

"Mr. Luke Duke?"

"Yes, can I help you?"

"Mr. Duke, my name is Lieutenant Andrew Starke, I am the officer in charge of the Atlanta City jail. Sir it is my duty to inform you that your brother Jud Kane was found in his cell this morning dead."

"Wh...what?" Luke sputtered out. Collapsing into a nearby chair, he didn't even notice when Bo came up to him, a worried look on his face. "How did it happen Lieutenant?"

"Perhaps it would be better if we discussed that in person Mr. Duke," the man on the phone kindly suggested.

"Just tell me what happened! Please?"

"Very well. This morning when the cells were opened so that the prisoners could go to breakfast, your brother didn't leave his cell. A guard was sent to the cell and found him, sir there's no easy way to say this. He had used a bed sheet to hang himself, by the time he was found there was nothing that could be done for him. I'm sorry for your loss."

"Thank you Lieutenant...I'll make arrangements for the..."

"I'm sorry Mr. Duke, I know this is a difficult time, but I'm afraid your brother's body will remain in state custody for the time being. State policy states that whenever a prisoner dies in custody, a full investigation must be made, which includes sending the body to the state crime lab. Once the internal investigation is completed your brother's body will be released to you," Lieutenant Starke explained.

"Oh, I see. Well thank you for calling. Will somebody let me know when I'll be able to claim him?" Luke calmly asked, giving no hint to the turmoil of emotions he was feeling.

"You're welcome Mr. Duke, you'll be contacted about your brother's remains when the investigation is complete. Again I'm sorry for your loss. Goodbye."

Hanging up the phone, Luke finally noticed Bo's presence beside him. "That was somebody from Atlanta City jail, he said that..." Taking a deep breath, Luke fought to control his emotions. He was surprised to find that he wasn't upset by the news, which was making him feel guilty. "Jud's gone, he hung himself," Luke told them in a voice that was eerily calm.

Bo didn't know what to say. Even after everything Jud had done to him, he had never wanted him dead. He had actually hoped for Luke's sake, that Jud would come to accept their relationship, now that would never happen. "It's alright Luke, it's okay to grieve for him," Bo assured his cousin, wrapping his arms around him.

Pulling away from Bo in surprise, Luke couldn't believe the words he was hearing. "I'm not going to waste my energy on him Bo. I've got more important things to be spending my time and efforts on...like you and making sure you get better. Don't look at me like that Bo, after all he did, Jud gave up the right to have any of us grieving for him." Turning to his uncle, Luke was surprised to see the disappointment on the older man's face. He would've expected Uncle Jesse of all people to understand how he felt. "Come on Uncle Jesse, ain't we got chores to do?" Luke asked, standing up and walking towards the door.

Bo stood up, he was about to follow him when he felt a restraining hand on his arm.

"Leave him be for a while Bo," Jesse gently cautioned.

"But Uncle Jesse, it ain't right. I know Jud did some horrible things, but he was still Luke's brother and he should't be thinking like that. It ain't right."

"You're right Bo, it's wrong. The thing is sprout, just this minute Luke ain't thinking about that. All he's thinking about is what Jud did to you and the relief that he'll never be able to hurt you again. Just give him some time Bo and be there for him when it all finally hits, that's all you can do. Now, Luke is right there are chores to be done," Jesse said before heading out to the barn.

Heading back to the room he shared with Luke, Bo decided to lie down while he waited for Luke to be done with the chores. Lying in the bed, he found himself thinking about Jud and feeling guilty for his part in all that had happened. I should have never said anything to Luke. If I'd only kept my feelings to myself, Jud would still be alive. Lord forgive me, I know I shouldn't be thinking about myself right now, but please don't let me lose Luke's love. I don't even know how to help him, what if he doesn't want my help? What if he hates me for making him choose between us?" Bo lay on the bed, so lost in thought that he didn't hear the door opening.

Luke came inside after finishing the evening chores, heading to his room for clean clothes he was happy to see Bo lying on their bed resting. Opening his mouth, he stopped before any sound escaped. Deciding that his cousin probably needed to rest, Luke opted for a shower first. Leaving the room, he was unaware of Bo turning over, tears in his eyes as he watched the man he loved walking out the door.

Twenty minutes later, Luke had finished his shower and returned to the bedroom. He was surprised to see Bo curled in on himself, shoulders shaking with silent sobs. Sitting down on the edge of the bed, Luke reached out, rubbing soothing cirlces on Bo's back. "Bo? What is it darlin?"

"Luke?"

"Yeah it's me, why do you sound so surprised?"

Rolling over to his back, Bo looked up at Luke, love and fear shining in his eyes. "I...I thought you left. I heard you come in, but you didn't say anything and then you left..." Bo trailed off, unsure of what to say.

"Oh Bo, I thought you were asleep, that's why I didn't say anything. As for leaving, I just went to take a shower...you don't have to worry Bo, I'm not gonna leave you. Not now and not ever, I promise," Luke assured, leaning down and brushing a kiss across Bo's lips.

"I'm sorry Luke, don't know why I'm crying. I feel like a dang girl, crying over nothing."

Chuckling softly, Luke stretched out beside Bo and wrapped his arms around the younger man. "Don't worry about it Bo, I won't ever mistake you for a girl. But you better not let Daisy hear you saying somthing like that, it's liable to start world war three."

"Still don't understand why I'm crying like this."

"Well I ain't real surprised Bo. You always have shown your emotions more than a lot of guys and with everything that's happened,well... Guess what I'm trying to say is you've been through a lot in just the last couple of weeks and it's understandable that you'd be a little more sensitive than usual."

Bo wanted so much to tell Luke about his feelings of guilt, but didn't want to upset Luke. More than that, he was afraid that if he mentioned it, Luke would start thinking about it and decide that it was his fault Jud had died. Snuggling into his lover's embrace, Bo forced himself to relax. "Thanks Luke, I love you," he whispered, closing his eyes and drifting off to sleep.

As the weeks went by Bo gradually healed from the potassium induced heart attack, growing stonger with each day that passed. The more his strength returned to normal, the more frustrated he became with Luke. He had arranged for them to have the house to themselves many times and each time, Luke found a chore that needed to be done. Bo knew that Luke worried about him, but this was getting ridiculous. Even after Dr. Bennett had told Luke three days ago, his lover still wouldn't do anything more than kiss and hold him. Bo wanted to believe that Luke's reluctance to do more was out of concern for his health, but he feared that there was a worse reason for it. Two weeks after Jud's death, Luke had finally broken down, crying out his grief in his uncle's arms. As much as Bo had wanted to be the one to comfort Luke, he was just glad that Luke was finally dealing with the grief he felt. It was soon after that though, when Bo noticed Luke becoming more distant than before. After today he was more convinced than ever that Luke's reluctance to be with him had nothing to do with his health, and everthing to do with Jud.

Daisy had gone to Nashville for the weekend with her friend Sally Jo and Uncle Jesse had gone to visit Cousin Kate, giving the boys two days alone. At first things had gone fine, they had finished chores and eaten breakfast. It was while they were cleaning up the kitchen, the day had begun to go downhill. After draing the water from the sink, Bo had stepped behind Luke and wrapped his arms around him. Nuzzling the side of his lover's neck, Bo was surprised when Luke jerked away from him. "Luke, what's wrong?"

"Ain't nothing wrong Bo, we just ain't got time for this right now. I was planning to give the General a tune-up today, maybe we'll have time tonight, if you're up to it." Luke answered, not once looking Bo in the eye, a sure sign he was hiding something.

Bo had stood in stunned silence as Luke walked out the door and popped the hood on the General Lee. Tired of the way Luke was acting and wanting the truth, Bo only stood there for a minute before storming out after his cousin. "That's it Luke Duke! I've had it with you! I've been feeling better for a while now and the doc even gave me a clean bill of health three days ago, but you still won't hardly touch me. Now I want to know why and I want the truth!" Bo demanded, grabbing Luke by the shirt and slamming him up against the General's side.

"What the hell are you talking about Bo? I told you the truth, I don't want you to over-do things and end up back in the hospital, or worse."

"Bull! Maybe at first it was about my health, but it hasn't been about that for a while. Why don't you just admit it Luke?" Bo demanded, shoving away from Luke and stomping several feet away with his back turned.

"What is it you want me to admit Bo?" Luke softly asked, laying a hand on his cousin's back as he came up behind him.

"The truth Luke, I'm losing you just like in my nightmares. I know you blame me for Jud dying, for making you choose between us. I'm sorry Luke, I never wanted any of this to happen, guess I made the wrong choice that day," Bo told him, swallowing back the tears that tried to fall.

"Bo, I don't blame you for Jud's death and I sure don't feel like you made me choose between you. I told you before, Jud is the one who chose. He decided that his prejudices and hatred were more important than his family, that is not your fault. I swear to you Bo, I don't blame you for any of the things that have happened. Personally I'm glad you chose to tell me how you feel, I wouldn't trade you for anything in the world."

"I didn't mean that day Luke. I meant that day in the barn, when I collapsed. I saw you in the barn, saw all of ya's and while I was watching you, somebody else was there too. My mom and dad came to me that day Luke, they told me I could choose to stay or I could leave with them. I asked them what would happen if I left, they said all of you would've grieved, but you would've gone on. They told me you would've found love again Luke, I should've gone with them, if I had Jud would probably still be alive."

For several minutes Luke could do nothing but stare at Bo, shocked that he thought he should've chosen death so that Jud might've lived. Overwhelmed with the realization of what his own guilt was doing to Bo, Luke pulled the younger man into a crushing embrace. "Oh Bo, I'm sorry, you have no idea how sorry I am. I never meant to hurt you, and I'm glad you chose to stay with me, cause I'll tell ya cousin, your folks were wrong. I would never have survived your death, especially knowing that it was my brother who had caused your death. For that matter, Jud wouldn't be alive, I would've killed him if you had died." Pulling back slightly from his lover, Luke drew Bo down for a gentle kiss. "I...you're right in a way though Bo. The last few weeks it wasn't really your health that was the problem, but it wasn't because I was mad at you either."

"It wasn't?"

"No it wasn't. The only two people I was mad at was Jud and...me."

"You? But why Luke? I don't understand," Bo cried out, more confused than ever.

"Well I was mad at Jud for obvious reasons, what he did to you and the hateful words he said. Guess I'm mad at him for killing himself too, stealing the chance for justice from us."

"Luke, quit avoiding the question," Bo softly ordered, grinning at his cousin.

"Yes sir. I don't know if I can explain it Bo, never really figured out how. Bo, when I went to see Jud in Chickasaw, I told him that I had loved you for years and that you had only fallen in love with me after his first visit. Then I told him...I said that in a way I had him to thank for our relationship, a week later he was dead and..."

"And you think it's your fault? Luke? Here I thought you were the smart one. All this time that I thought you were mad at me, you were really punishing yourself?"

"I just didn't feel like I deserved to be happy, I mean if I hadn't said what I did...and Bo, I enjoyed twisting the knife when I told him that. I knew it would probably upset him, I didn't care. I wanted to upset him, wanted him to suffer for what he'd done to you, for trying to kill you and it worked. I could hear him screaming all the way up to the front desk, I didn't go back though. Didn't try to get him to see that our love wasn't a bad thing, I just smiled and walked out the door. What kind of a brother does that? If I hadn't done that, maybe he wouldn't have chosen to end his life. I'm just sorry that I let my guilt hurt you, that was the last thing I ever wanted to do." Luke choked out his confession, praying that Bo would be able to forgive him, now that he knew what sort of man he really was.

"Aw Luke, we make a heck of a pair don't we? Here we sit blaming ourselves and it's like you been telling me all along. Jud was the one who made his choices, I didn't tell him to choose hatred and bigotry over family, neither did you. That was his decision. Just like it was his decision to end his life, you didn't cause that choice Luke. All you did was tell him the way things are, okay so you enjoyed telling him, knowing it would upset him. That don't make you a bad brother, or a bad person Luke, only makes ya human if ya ask me. For all you know he would've made that choice anyway, maybe he went that route cause he couldn't stand the fact I was alive. Or maybe he was afraid of prison and couldn't face it, don't ya see Luke? There are lots of reasons why Jud might've made the choice he did, but we'll never know what the reason was Luke. All you're doing by holding back from me is to hurt us both, and well heck Luke you're giving Jud exactly what he wanted."

Staring at the man in his arms, Luke was once again reminded of how lucky he was to have Bo's love. "How did you get to be so smart?"

"Had good teachers," Bo smiled at his lover, praying that this meant his words had gotten through to Luke.

"I never thought of it like that Bo. I wish I'd talked to you sooner, we could've avoided a lot of pain for both of us. I'll try to remember that the next time I have a problem. Right now though, I think it's time we went inside, maybe we can figure out some way for me to make it up to you," Luke suggested, his voice thick with desire.

"Thought you'd never ask," Bo whispered. Slipping an arm around Luke's waist, suddenly Bo bent forward and slipping the other arm behind his cousin's knees he scooped him up and headed inside.

"Bo Duke what do ya think you're doing? Put me down," Luke ordered, trying to sound stern and failing miserably.

"Nope, got ya right where I want you cousin, and I ain't never letting you go," Bo grinned at him as they stepped through the door.

By the time Daisy and Jesse returned two days later, the boys were much happier and relaxed. There would still be occassional days when the guilt would come up again. However both men were determined that they wouldn't allow Jud to destroy what they had. They hadn't let him suceed while he was alive, they weren't about to let him ruin the love they shared from the grave. With the stubborness and determination typical of Dukes, Bo and Luke overcame the lingering guilt, spending the rest of their lives happy with the choices they had made.

The End

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