Chapter 9

Claw Gloves Are For Saps!

"So how are you guys?" Socrates asked. The three sat down.

"Oh, not bad," Andy said. "I have a graze up my left arm, and Sherman's hurt his back left leg from running too much, and you just saved our lives, but other than that, not too bad. You?"

"It's more or less customary to say, "I'm fine, thanks."" Socrates pointed out, with an undertone of a grin.

"Hey, I wasn't the one who asked in the first place," Andy laughed. "I'm fine. You worry about your own hide."

"Hey, we just destroyed a robot, Calvin and Hobbes will deal with the rest; and they'll have killed the dupe before he can send another monster after us. Righ—"

"You're Socrates, aren't you?" A robot replica of Socrates stood before him. It was absolutely identical to Socrates except it was entirely gray, and had gray and black stripes. He was a transmogrified Socrates; put in the Duplicator and Ethicated to Evil. He's a REAL tiger, just evil like the duplicate.

"Well, two-thirds right isn't bad," Socrates replied. "Socrates' the name, pranking's the game. If you want someone pranked, I'm afraid I'm all booked up on Calvin until Monday. What do you want?"

"You dead," Tiger-R.O.B (the robot's name) replied. In the blink of an eye, the Tiger-R.O.B whipped out a glove with massive claws on the end of each finger, drew back his arm, and—

SLASSSSSSHHHHH!

Socrates keeled over. Blood poured down Socrates' chest from the five cuts he was given, but he miraculously stood back up, not even fazed.

"Freddy Krueger, Wolverine, or Captain Kuro…who inspired you?" Socrates asked. It was as if nothing had happened. He had just been slashed across the chest FIVE times, and he was carrying on a normal conversation with someone who wanted him dead?

What a guy.

Then again, he's not exactly one for giving up; is he?

"You," Tiger-R.O.B. replied. He drew back his arm again to finish Socrates off.

SWISHHHHHHHHHH

Socrates had just blasted past the robot with his claws, causing a massive cut up Tiger-R.O.B's left arm.

"You have good reactions and strong claws," Tiger-R.O.B. complimented. "That's why I based these claw gloves on your claws…but these are longer, stronger, and superior!"

"Claw gloves…" Socrates said, thinking about it.

Tiger-R.O.B. knew Socrates was impressed with the gloves.

Of course, Socrates wasn't.

"…are for saps!" he finished.

Andy and Sherman, still sitting down; were watching this scene unfold.

Tiger-R.O.B. eye twitched with pure fury. "Sap! Do you have any idea WHO I am!"

"Don't know, don't care," Socrates replied, sharpening his claws by scratching them against each other. "You talk too much. Just bring it on."

Tiger-R.O.B.'s veins throbbed like a sore thumb. He was getting angrier by the second; a volcano ready to explode with rage.

"Hey," Andy called. "Are you all right with that wound, Socrates? Me and Sherman can handle it, if you like…"

"Eep!" Sherman squealed, and dived into Andy's pocket.

Socrates laughed. "Thanks for the offer, but...no offence, It'd be quicker for me to beat the snot out of him."

"Sure, go ahead, no offence taken," Andy replied.

Without any warning, Socrates suddenly darted towards Tiger-R.O.B, and started slashing at him.

SHING! SLASH! Ching! Clink! SHLASH! SWISH! SHLISH!

Socrates stopped. Not ONE of the swipes hit the tiger. He had his claws up defending.

SWISH

Socrates fell over again. Tiger-R.O.B. had slashed him again! Tiger-R.O.B. quickly took advantage of Socrates' predicament and kicked him hard in the wound.

"AAAARRRRRRRGGHH!" Socrates' cried.

"SOCRATES!" Andy and Sherman screamed. "ARE YOU OK!"

Socrates quickly jumped back to his feet. "Sure; fine," Socrates grunted. "Just gonna be a little longer than I thought."

Tiger-R.O.B. ran towards Socrates, ready to finish him off. "Goodbye, Crateso!"

Socrates head snapped upwards. His eyes filled with rage, and they pulsated with an eerie, brilliant red glow. His eyes matched the robot's.

"ONLY MY FRIENDS CALL ME THAT!" Socrates shouted.

Tiger-R.O.B.'s right-hand claws were perfectly positioned to stab Socrates, but Socrates grabbed his wrist just in time!

"YOU'RE NOT ONE OF 'EM!" Socrates twisted Tiger-R.O.B.'s arm around, picked him up, and smashed him on the ground!

CCRRRRRRRRRRRRUUUUSSSSSSSHHHH!

"AAAAAARRGGGHH!"

"GO SOCRATES!" Andy and Sherman cheered, jumping up and down.

Suddenly, Tiger-R.O.B. got up, and was about to stab Socrates in the back; when Socrates instinctively ducked and tripped the robot up again!

Socrates wasn't letting up on the attacking, either. He immediately began kicking Tiger-R.O.B. in the chest, rolling him around the ground.

Socrates dragged his foot back for another kick; swung his foot, and, -- Huh!

Where did that robot just go? He disappeared!

"Hey," Socrates called over to Andy. "Where did he—"

Then, as suddenly as he disappeared, Tiger-R.O.B. was behind Andy!

"ANDY! BEHIND Y—" Socrates tried to shout.

But he needn't have bothered.

Andy did a quick roll on the ground, and the robot's claws missed.

Tiger-R.O.B. vanished again!

Socrates got tired of playing 'stab in the dark', and stuck his foot out.

"What are you doing?" Sherman asked.

TRIP! "OOF!"

Tiger-R.O.B. came out of thin air and tripped over Socrates' foot.

"Stopping a bad guy," Socrates' answered Sherman's question. Socrates pinned the robot to the ground with his foot, and said, "One last chance. Give up now, and never come back."

"I…yield." The robot slipped out from underneath Socrates foot. "I admit…defeat." He growled.

Tiger-R.O.B. got up, and walked away; into the distance. A newspaper sheet flew by, and town was back to its old self. Well, sort of.

Andy and Sherman stood up and dusted themselves off. "C'mon, we'd better find Calvin and Hobbes. Let's—"

"DIE!" Tiger-R.O.B. did his sudden re-appearing act again and was about to impale Socrates on his claws!

"How about no?" Socrates replied. "I DIDN'T WANT TO USE THIS! BUT YOU BROUGHT IT ON YOURSELF BY COMING BACK! TEN TIGER TEARUP ATTACK!" Socrates vanished!

Even Andy and Sherman looked astonished. "Ten Tiger…Tearup Attack? What the heck is that!" Sherman wondered aloud.

Even Tiger-R.O.B. looked shocked. "Where are you?" He growled.

He soon knew.

SLASH!

"UUUURRRRRRRRGGGHHHH!" Tiger-R.O.B. collapsed. He had been stabbed…by claws.

SLISH SLASH RIIIIP!

"AAAAAAAA! MERCY!" Tiger-R.O.B. cried. He had three more slashes across him.

TEAAARRRRR RIIIP SLASH SLASH SLISSSSSSSSSH!

Tiger-R.O.B. was now barely breathing. He tried to get up and escape; but—

SLASH!

Tiger-R.O.B. fell to the ground, and Socrates reappeared next to him. "Here," He replied.

The robot wasn't moving.

"Is he…dead?" Andy asked in amazement.

"Should be, but let's not hang around to find out. Calvin and Hobbes need us. Let's go."

With that, the trio left town in direction of Calvin's house.

Back in the not-so-secret base…

"Status report, computer!" The duplicate demanded.

"Tiger-R.O.B.'s Status – Deceased." The computer replied; in that electronic voice that always sounds happy.

"Well that's just great," the dupe sighed. He got out of his chair, and said, "I'm gonna take care of things myself." He picked up the PEZ 6,000,000, and was about to leave the base; when—

CRUNCH! "OOF!"

WHUMP! "OW!"

Calvin and Hobbes landed in the base, and it didn't look like they were stopping by to sell cookies.

"Going somewhere?" Calvin asked the duplicate, with a grin on his face. "'Cos we sure aren't!"