Disclaimer: Harry Potter and all of the related characters do not belong to me. (Wow, I felt intelligent there.) And if they did belong to me, I don't think I would be writing on FF. I'm pretty sure I would be publishing books right about now. No offense to FF or anything. 'Cause it rocks. We all just rock. :D
Lost Love Found
"Hermione, please. You can't leave me. I need you." Severus said as I was boarding the plane to the United States of America. His eyes were pleading and his face was filled with sorrow. All I wanted to do was hold him in my arms and make that look on his face disappear. But I knew I couldn't.
"Severus, you hurt me. I can't live with someone I don't trust," I replied as I watched his eyes drown in tears. As these words came out of my mouth and the tears slipped down my face, I remembered what lead us to be where we were today.
Flashback
I was walking down the hall on my way to Potions when somebody got in my way. As I was tumbling to the floor, I caught a glimpse of greasy black hair.
"You better watch were your going, Granger, or else I may be tempted to give you detention," Snape snapped. His face was stuck in a gruesome form of anger.
"Sorry, Professor," I replied shyly. I felt my face growing warm in imbarrassment, so I looked down at my spilled pile of books and notes to prevent myself showing my embarrassment to Snape. When he started to walk away I added in bravely, "Professor? It's the last week of my 7th year, would you really give me detention?"
"Yes, Granger, I would. In fact, for giving me mouth, you have detention with me Friday, 7:00. Do not be late," Snape turned and walked away. I glared at his billowing robes as I was picking up my things. I was attempting to stand up again when I noticed a thin, torn up strip of parchment.
I don't remember having this with me. Maybe it's my notes from Defense Against the Dark Arts... I thought to myself. I opened it up and the first thing my eyes caught on was 'Dear Diary'. This is weird...I don't own a diary. I looked down at the signature and saw the strangest thing I thought I would ever encounter in my life. It was signed 'Severus Snape'.
I was laughing so hard that I had to do everything in my power to stop myself from wetting my robes. I never even considered the thought that Snape would have a diary! I was so overwhelmed in curiosity and wonder I couldn't stop myself from reading it. I knew it was a large invasion of privacy, but this is Snape we were talking about. I started reading and ended up proving myself wrong. Snape having a diary was not the strangest thing I would ever encounter. However, what he wrote was.
I dropped the paper and staggered to my feet. I stood silently and still as I went over in my head what I had just read. This was absolutely the strangest thing in the world. After a couple of seconds, I managed to regain a bit of my sanity and walked steadily to Potions class.
It was 6:55 and I still couldn't pull myself to start heading to detention. I didn't know why I was so nervous...I've had detention with Snape before, but I still couldn't understand why I was feeling the way I was. Well, he warned me not to be late and I really don't want to find out my punishment if I am. Repeating this in my mind several times, I put down my homework and started walking as fast as I could to Potions.
"Your late," Snape said as I walked in, not looking up from his book. I didn't know how he could tell I walked in - I could've been anybody. Maybe it was some sort of instinct that only teachers posses.
"I realize this Professor, but I was doing my homework and I got distracted. Time went by faster then I expected it to. Besides, it's only two minutes." I tried to explain.
"I don't want to hear your excuses, Granger. You must make the potion I request and, as a punishment, clean all of the desks," Snape replied, continuing to read his book.
"What potion-"
"Veritaserum." He interupted.
I looked over to the pot and noticed the ingredients were already set out. At first I thought it nice of him, but then thought that he did it because he probably just wanted me out faster.
After a while of uncomfortable and unbareable silence, I decided to speak up.
"I didn't realize you read, Professor. I thought you were more of the music type," I joked.
"Oh I am. Don't get me wrong, Granger. I like it all."
I stopped what I was doing and stared at him in disbelief. He met my eyes for a second, stood up, walked to where I was standing so our faces were inches apart, and...pushed a button. With his face so close to mine, my heart started beating wildly and I released the breath I was holding. Then I casually started the potion again. The look on his face, however, was truely stone cold.
He walked over to the newly opened shelf, cleverly enclosed in the stonewall and pushed a button on a newer looking stereo. It was covered with this odd plastic that seemed to have spells all over it. It must help the stereo work. After all, no Muggle technology can work at Hogwarts. After a couple of moments of silence, rock music started blaring out the speaker's sorrounding us. I recognized the song immediatly as Kryptonite by 3 Doors Down.
"Where did all these speakers come from?" I asked over the music. "I can't say I've ever seen them before."
"They've been here all along. I just put a glamour on them every day," He shouted back. He walked over to the music and turned it down far enough so we could still here it and each other.
"I didn't realize you were so laid back, Professor. I mean, you have a nice taste in music, you read." I said. I was starting to see a whole new Snape...but the scary thing was, I was enjoying it.
"Well you didn't really take the time to find out, now did you?" Snape replied.
I was so taken aback and hurt by the unfair statement, I stopped what I was doing and looked up at him. He met my gaze and for a brief second I saw pain and longing mixed into his eyes, and then as fast as it appeared, it disappeared. He broke our gaze and went and sat back in his chair.
I finished the potion, put it in its vile, and was getting ready to clean it up when the next thing I knew Snape was standing inches from my face again and I let out a yelp of surprise.
"Professor Snape! You startled me!" I commented in a high-pitched voice.
"Please, call me Severus." He replied, is voice barely above a whisper.
"Only if you call me Hermione." I said impulsively. Oh my goodness...did I really say that? I thought. And did he really ask me to call him Severus? This will definitaly take some getting used to.
"Hermione..." He trailed off as he looked me in the eyes again. "Hermione...I don't...I don't know how to say this...but...I..."
"Yes, Prof-...Severus?" I coaxed him.
"I...I...can't," He straightened up again and took a few steps back. He cleared his throat once and then said, "You may go, Hermione. I'll take care of the rest."
"No, Profes-...I mean, Severus. Not until you tell me what it is you wanted to say." I took a couple steps toward him, feeling very courageous as I closed the gap between us. I suddenly couldn't wait to find out what he was about to say.
"I told you, Hermione. I don't know how to say it. I...I'm...too weak to." His voice was so frail...I didn't know what to do or say. All I wanted to do was comfort him...help him...What are you thinking, Hermione? This is Snape you're talking about! The greasy old bat who has made you cry! I thought to myself. Yes I know who it his, but he's different...he's so sensitive...I...I'm having arguments with myself. Now I'm officially crazy.
At that moment, Snape brought his hand to my waist and pulled me closer to him.
"I don't know how to put this, Hermione, so I'm just going to come out and say it. From the moment I saw you, at the begining of the seventh year, I knew you were the one I had to be with. I didn't notice then how grown up and elegant you were. I looked into your eyes and saw so much beauty, so much potential, and its all just waiting for me. I knew if I couldn't be with you, my life would never be complete. It was wrong of me to give you detention, I know, but I just needed to be with you on one of the last days of school. I didn't put the detention on your record, but it was still wrong of me. I just needed to see you one last time. I love you, Hermione, and I always want to be with you." Finished with his speech, he placed his lips gentley on mine and the sparks flew. My knees buckled and my arms wrapped around him. It was as if the world just stopped all around us, nothing but him and I.
When the kiss finally broke, we were both out of breath and our lips were swollen from the kiss. We looked into each other's eyes again and it was like I was seeing a whole other world. I saw so much pain in those eyes...so much pain and so much misery...yet there was so much love.
Severus glanced over at the clock and noticed it was 12:08.
"Hermione, you must go. It's really late and I don't want you to miss any sleep." Severus said.
"But, Professor-"
"I told you to call me Severus. And please, don't argue. I hate arguing with you. It makes me feel like we're growing farther apart than we already are." Severus interupted.
"Severus...may I ask you something?" I said.
"Anything."
"Why did you treat me so horrible this year, if you fell in love with me when you saw me?" I felt a little embarressed about asking a silly question like this, but I really needed to know.
"I went to Dumbledore about my feelings, and he thought it best for me to not confess them, at least until you were out of school. We don't need anyone from the ministry on our case. But I have to say; it took a lot of my strength from me to not pull you into my arms whenever I was around you. All I wanted to do was to hold you..." He trailed off and our lips met again. He pulled me closer as my knees buckled once again. He pulling my weight into his, making us one.
We ended the kiss again, breathless and speachless. After a moment of looking into each other's eyes again, saying nothing but feeling much, I slipped out of his grasp and gathered my stuff. He watched in silence as I walked out the door and silently strode back to the Gryffindor common room.
I lay silently in bed, unable to fall asleep. My mind wouldn't stop reviewing my 'detention'. I couldn't help but think of Sna-Severus. Every time I looked at him, my heart started to beat faster and all I could think of was how badly I wanted to kiss him and be with him. I had been having these frightening yet wonderful thoughts for a while, and I couldn't understand why.
These thoughts of Sn-Severus lead to what brought me to his class tonight in the first place. Which, in turn, lead me to thinking about his diary. I reached over to my nightstand, grabbed the unbelievable slip of parchment, and went over it once more.
Dear Diary,
I believe I may be in love.
I'm not sure how or why, but I am. She is the most wonderful thing that has walked into my life since I walked these halls. As she walked into class today, I couldn't help but stare. Her hair was as bushy as ever today, which, I must say, was a pitiful turn on to me. She makes those vile school robes look like a beautiful ball dress. I couldn't help but want to rush over and rap my arms around her. The temptation was getting so strong; I had to look at the Parkinson girl just to keep control.
I know I musn't be with her, though. She is a student and I am a professor. Thinking this has brought pain into my heart, but I know it is true.
No. It's not. She is in the begining ofr her seventh year and she will no longer be a student soon. I can confront her about my feelings then.
No, that's not right either. I musn't ever tell her. She will laugh and throw me to the side. I cannot be with her.
Yes, I can.
No.
Yes.
Wait. This is nonsense. I'm arguing with myself on a slip of parchment. I must speak to Dumbledore. He will know what to do.
Severus Snape
After reading it once more, I found myself wondering why Severus found me so wonderful. Well, I thought it was me. I mean,
After a while of contemplating this, the urge to see Severus was unbearable. I rushed out of bed, having no chance to get my robe on before I was heading out the door and running to the dungeons.
I quietly entered his classroom and was disappointed to see no one was there. I was about to make my way back to the common room when I noticed something out of place. There was another door here, just a plain door, but it wasn't here before. I was positive of it.
I made my way over to the newly discovered door and pressed my ear against it. I heard nothing at all so I knocked on the door. Not bothering to wait for an answer, I barged right in.
Laying on the bed, reading and barechested, was Severus Snape.
"Hermione? What's wrong? Are you in trouble?" He said. He seemed concerned. As well he should, seeing as you barged into his room at night in your nightgown.
"I just...couldn't sleep." I replied sheepishly.
"Well...I...have a spot open if you want company." He said, hesitantly.
I smiled at his offer and made my way over to the bed. I climbed in next to him and he immediately wrapped his arm around me and pulled me closer. I felt warm, complete, and at peace with myself.
After a while of just sitting and cuddling together, we heard a hard rasping at the door and the next thing we kenw, Draco Malfoy flung open the door, causing it to bang into the wall with a loud Crack!
"Professor I was wondering if you have any-" He broke off before he could finish his sentence, finally spotting us on Severus' bed, cuddling. "Well, well, well. What do we have here? Two lovebirds cuddling?"
Severus quickly unwrapped himself from me and stood before Malfoy.
"You watch your mouth, boy. This filthy Mudblood is here for only one reason, and that is to bring me pleasure. I have no use of this filthy whore and you of all people should know that." Severus' words cut through my heart deeper than any knife or spell could. I couldn't believe him. He was denying me in front of his student.
How could he say that about me? I said to myself. I thought he was different! After taking in these words, I did what any woman in her right mind would do. I shot out of bed and quickly defended myself.
"Is that what I am to you!" I spat. "A filthy Mudblood whore! If so than you can take all those kisses, all those words and shove them up your arrogent ass!" The next thing I knew my hand came in contact with his cheek and he was staring at me in horror. I ran out the door without another word, angry and in tears.
I sat staring at my dinner, my stomach in knots. I couldn't seem to eat anything. The day had been one of the longest and most painful days of my life. All throughout the day I had sat on my bed crying my eyes out and refusing to move. The only reason I was in the Great Hall was Ginny. She told me I could either come down to dinner on my own will or she would drag me down by the very roots of my hair.
I daringly looked up at Snape and saw him staring straight back at me. His left cheek was swollen and red, with a little purple in the center. His eyes were full of sorrow and pain. I looked back down at my plate, not wanting to hold eye contact longer than I had to.
"Hermione, are you going to eat that?" Ron asked, pointing at my plate. I shook my head and he gratefully took my plate in his hands, drooling a little as he did so.
"'Mione, what's up? You haven't been your normal perky self lately." Harry commented. I looked up at him and gave him a steely look clearly stating that I didn't want to talk at the moment.
I stood up and started to stomp out the Great Hall, not wanting to see or talk to anyone right now. They'll never understand what I'm going through, I thought to myself. By the time I reached the doors, my face was drowned in tears and I found myself having problems finding the door handle.
"Allow me." Came a cool voice. Snape.
He opened the door and I quickly walked through, hoping I could get away from him before he could attempt to speak to me again.
"Hermione, wait." Snape called after me.
"Why should I?" I snapped, speaking for the first day today.
"Because I need to talk to you. It's about last night." He replied calmly.
"Well I don't care." I snapped again, turning a corner a little to sharply. I fell to the floor. I was bracing myself for the impact when I felt to strong arms wrap around me and pull me to my feet.
"Hermione, are you all right?" Snape asked, sounding slightly concerned.
"I'm fine." I said. I began to try and wiggle out of his grasp.
"Hermione, please. Just hear me out." He waited for a reply but I chose not to give one. I was looking down at the floor when he released me and started speaking again. "Hermione, I need you. I know what I did last night was wrong, but-"
"Wrong?" I interupted. "Snape, you know it was more than wrong, it was horrid. You hurt me!" My voice started to break and I took a deep breath, not wanting to carry on but doing it anyway. "You made me believe you loved me and then shot me down. You embarrased me and took andvantage of me. I trusted you, Snape." I couldn't hold it in anymore. The tears came out again and this time hard. "I trusted you!"
"Hermione, please." He went to hold me again but I backed away.
"Don't touch me! I'm just a filthy Mudblood, remember!"
"Hermione...please." He repeated, his voice breaking and his eyes watering.
"Leave me the hell alone!" I spat in his face and then turned and ran away.
I didn't stop running, only knowing that I wanted someplace isolated. I ran until I was outside, in the pouring rain. I collapsed on the muddy ground, ubable to hold myself together. There, alone, I cried.
I woke up a few days later, feeling like I did the last day of school: lost and hopeless.
I got up, took a shower, and gathered my packed bags. Today was the day I was going to the USA. I took one look around and sighed. I was going to miss this place. I took a final look around, making sure there was nothing being left behind. After checking, and double-checking, I turned and headed to the train station.
End Flashback
Finished with remembering, I took one final look at Severus. His face was now in tears.
"Hermione, I beg of you. Don't leave me. I need you more than anything in the world. I love you. Please, don't leave. I only said that about you in front of Draco because I knew if I revealed my true feelings about you to him, he would tell his father I was in love with a Muggle-born and I couldn't allow that danger to be released upon you." Severus then did something I didn't believe he would ever do. He got down on one knee, and withdrew a small box. My heart race went up again, and I thought to myself; He can't be proposing, can he? Then he proved me wrong by saying those wonderful yet heart-breaking words.
"Hermione Granger, I love you and all I want is for you to be mine. Will you marry me?"
I stared in shock as the train started its engines. I had to think fast. What do you think you want to do? The inner voice spoke again. Spend the rest of your life in misery, wondering why you never accepted him. Wondering why you were so stupid? Wondering how you ended up with the man you did? Or do you want to be with the love of your life?
My heart and mind was made up and I couldn't help it. I loved him and I couldn't deny it.
"Yes, Severus. I will."
With a small whoop of happiness and a cute, boyish smile, Severus leapt forward and swung me around in a circle. I laughed as he did so, but I quickly stopped laughing when Severus' lips touched mine in a soulful kiss. I kissed back, letting all my emotions show with that one kiss.
I definitely made the right choice!
Well, that's my first oneshot. I hope it didn't suck to bad. Please review and tell me what you think!
Amanda
