Disclaimer: Sadly, I own nothing.

Author's Note: Okay, I keep lying. One more chapter after this, than an epilogue. Sheesh. But that's really it. I mean it. :)Hope it doesn't bother anyone about the OCC-ness, but the way I figure it, everyone reaches their breaking point, and Hyde's reached his. Plus I have a hard time staying in character with television characters, since they're obviously not as three dimensional as real people. Hmm...maybe I shouldn't write tv fanfiction::giggle: Anyway, hope you enjoy. And thank so much for the reviews! I'm sure this is trite by now, but I love and appreciate reading your thoughts. :)

Warning: Mild language.

Convincing

Chapter 22 – Can't Breathe

Hyde closed the door behind him and almost stumbled out into the hallway outside of Jackie's hospital room, carrying a bag and trying to forget her tears. Her pleading looks and gasps. Her pain that he felt in his blood. He smiled weakly at the group sitting across the hall on two benches, close together and all staring up at him. "Did you hear her screaming?"

Donna nodded, but didn't smile. "Sounded painful."

"Sounded like she was being tortured," Eric added.

Kelso grinned. "Jackie used to scream like that when we were doing it."

Hyde's stomach clenched in anger, but he smiled mildly at the idiot. "Well, of course she did. Doing it with you was obviously torture." The others chuckled, and Kelso just looked confused. Hyde shook his head and turned to look the other way, thankful to see Kitty and Red returning with enough coffee for everyone.

"Steven, is that Jackie's hair?"

He glanced down at the bag. "Yeah."

Except for the lock of it I stuck in my wallet. But no one needs to know about that.

"I'll hold on to it for you. We'll take it over to the wigmaker tomorrow. She's supposed to be brilliant, and quick, so poor Jackie won't have to be bald for that long."

He nodded, hardly hearing her. "Thanks, Mrs. Forman." He looked down at the ground briefly. God, he was exhausted. He needed a few minutes…away from her, just to recollect himself. Just to catch a breath.

It was getting to be too much. Too real. Too damn real. He was feeling claustrophobic just from being on the planet. Straight-jacketed by the very air around him.

"Steven, do you want Red and I to go stay with her for a little while? So you can have a little break?"

His eyes closed gratefully, but he couldn't speak. All he could do was nod. He was just too tired to even talk.

Someone put an arm around his shoulder and led him over to the bench. Mechanically, he sat down and leaned back against the wall. His eyes stayed closed, until her sweet face, drenched in tears that spoke of a million fears and devastating pain, flashed across the screen of his closed lids.

No. No. No.

No! I don't wanna see that anymore!

"You okay, Hyde?"

He couldn't move. Just stared at the floor in front of his feet. Tile. Ugly white tile. Jackie would say it was cheap, ugly white tile.

"I don't think he's okay, Eric."

It is. So damn cheap.

"Hyde, you want some coffee?"

All her hair was gone. This was really going to happen. Those doctors were going to cut her head open…cut into her…with a knife…cut…

"I don't think he wants coffee, Donna."

Voices. Dull, ragged strings of sound, words he didn't understand. Stop. Just stop talking. Let me…let me breathe. Let me just…breathe for a minute.

Is she still breathing?

"Michael, I'm sorry I'm late. Has the surgery started yet?"

"Brooke, hey, what are you doing here?"

"Well, Michael told me what's going on with Jackie, and I know he's upset about it. After all, she's his best friend. I just wanted to be here with him. You know, to support him. Are you doing okay, Michael?"

Suddenly, the words made sense to his ears.

Hyde looked up, and through the fog in his eyes, saw Kelso and Brooke standing there, close together, in front of him. She was hugging Kelso, giving him that chick look, that "Oh, you poor baby" look. Like he was the one suffering and not Jackie. Like he was the one who was probably gonna lose the girl he loved.

And Kelso was lapping it up.

Anger. It boiled inside. His entire body felt cloistered in the dead center of an erupting volcano.

Hyde stood up and glared at the oh-so cozy looking couple. "Asshole," he muttered.

Kelso looked at him. "What the hell, Hyde?"

"You're an asshole because you're using Jackie's surgery to hook up with a chick." Hyde's voice thinned, sounded harsh, even shrill in his own ears.

Like Jackie's. Jackie. God, Jackie.

"God, Kelso, don't you get it? Don't you GET it? She could…She could…She's gonna….."

The group watched, all holding their breaths, all stunned, as the normally Zen, in control, emotionless Hyde seemed to shatter. He began pacing, his arms waving wildly, his mouth releasing incomprehensible mumblings.

Panic.

"Gotta get out of here…I gotta get…" Hyde looked around, desperate for escape. Desperate for release.

She's going to die. Soon.

There had to be somewhere!

He stumbled down the hallway, and the others sat there for a moment, their eyes following him. Stunned into complete silence.

Finally, Eric stood up. "I…I should go after him."

Kelso frowned. "No. Let me."

Eric and Donna exchanged glances. "Kelso, I don't think…"

"No." Kelso's voice was surprisingly firm. "I'll go."

After a few minutes of wandering, Kelso found Hyde standing at the window at the end of a corridor. He wasn't looking out; instead, he was looking down at something in his hand. Kelso took a deep breath and headed towards his friend. He'd never seen Hyde this way, not exactly this way, and it was a bit scary. He tiptoed towards the window. "Hyde?" Hyde didn't respond, and so when Kelso got close enough, he put his hand on Hyde's shoulder. And he instinctively jumped backwards when Hyde violently shook him off.

"God, no!"

Silky black hair fluttered to the ground, separating from the tight lock into a cloud of unraveling strands.

Slipping from his grasp. From his touch. From him.

Like her. She's gone…I know it. She's….gone…

Hyde felt crazy. Wild in a way he'd never dreamed of. His heart pounded as if it was working overtime to give life to two people.

Me and Jackie. For me and Jackie. 'Cause I don't know if she's gonna be able to soon.

Completely out of control.

Gotta get her hair. It's all…it's all I have…she's not…she's gonna…

Kelso watched in awe. Hyde was on his knees on the hospital floor, scooping up what looked like hair. He made a face. Ew. Why would Hyde want someone's discarded hair? And then he realized. Black hair. Long strands. Slightly wavy. Jackie's hair.

God, he really, really loves her.

"Hyde, are you…are you okay?"

The voice sounded close to him, and Hyde, holding the hair he'd scraped off the floor, panting hard, turned his head to the right. Kelso. Next to him, looking at him. His expression both concerned and alarmed.

His chest was too tight.

Can't breathe. Can't BREATHE!

Is she breathing? Is she still breathing?

"Hyde, I just wanted you to know that I really meant it when I said I'm not gonna go after Jackie anymore. I mean, god, you gave her your sunglasses. I never thought you'd give anyone your sunglasses. They're like, your soul, man. And you're holding her hair. You…I never realized it, but god, you really love her. I know that now. And I'm fine with it. So…"

A gush of utter exhaustion sped through Hyde's body, and he felt himself collapse. Down, down, down, everything rushing past his eyes in a blur. And then darkness.

Kelso watched Hyde rocking like a little kid, his forehead clasped in his hand, and he looked around. Hopefully no one else was seeing this. Hyde would flip out if anyone saw it.

"She's gonna die, Kelso. She's gonna…I know she's gonna…die."

The voice was quiet, hardly there, dull. But Kelso heard it.

What the hell do I do?

He didn't know. He just sat down next to Hyde and watched him.

Finally, a relieving cold enveloped Hyde, and he lifted up. His mind was heavy and disoriented. Had he just completely lost it? Had he just flipped out? He glared at Kelso and shook his head in disgust.

He had.

And Kelso had seen him completely lose it. He'd never hear the end of it now. Kelso would goad him and goad him about this…

But what in the hell did that matter if Jackie died? Would anything matter?

"Hyde, man, look. I don't know much about whatever the balloon thingy in Jackie's head is, and I don't know what the doctors are gonna do about it. But I know she's gonna live. I mean, you gave her your sunglasses. You think she's gonna die before she completely humiliates you with that one? Come on. Jackie lives for those things…" Kelso's voice softened. "Look. She loves you. She's gonna live." He grinned. "I mean, she probably thinks that since you gave her your sunglasses, next up is a big shiny diamond."

Hyde's lips turned up. Kelso was right about that. "Yeah." He looked down at the hair in his hand. "And plus she knows everyone's gonna be giving her all sorts of presents and shit like that. She'd never give up all that attention."

Of course she won't. She lives for that crap. LIVES for that crap.

Kelso nodded. "See?" He patted Hyde's shoulder. "I'm telling you, man, there's nothing to be worried about. She's gonna be fine."

Hyde looked at he kid he'd known forever. The dumb, pretty kid who had absolutely no common sense. The kid who had absolutely no business being a cop. The guy he'd both loved and hated, been jealous of and felt superior to.

How had Kelso calmed him down? Kelso! KELSO!

He cleared his throat. "So…you, uh, you're really not gonna hit on Jackie anymore? Ever?"

Kelso's grin faltered into a slight one. "You really love her?"

A challenge. One that in the past, Hyde knew he'd back down from. He'd falter, out of some screwed up need to hide, to be "cool."

God damn it, I think I'm….god, am I committing? I was never gonna do that!. Damn it, Jackie, do you see what you've done?I wasn't ready for this…I wasn't ready to feel this...

I wasn't ready to need you this much, Jackie.

And god…I'm not ready to lose you.

Shit.

"Yeah." He met Kelso's eyes and felt none of the shame, more importantly, none of the fear he always expected to if he admitted to this. "Yeah, I do."

No turning back now, Hyde.

Kelso nodded. "Then I'm not gonna hit on her. Ever."

"Hey guys?"

The two looked up and found Eric standing there, looking a little puzzled and a little embarrassed, like he'd intruded.

"They're getting ready to take Jackie to the OR. She wants to say goodbye."

Hyde closed his eyes. Goodbye. No. No. Goodbyes were so final. So damn final.

Kelso nodded and waved Eric away. "We'll be right there." He watched Eric walk away, then looked back at Hyde. He stood up, and held his hand down to Hyde. "Come on, buddy. Lets go fuss over Jackie with the rest of them."

Hyde stood up, and when Kelso turned to walk away, grabbed his elbow. "Kelso."

Kelso turned. "Yeah?"

Hyde shrugged, his face slightly hot. "I just…" He sighed heavily. Might as well complete his humiliation. "Thanks."

Kelso was startled. Not often one got a thank you from Hyde. Too polite. Too…well, it just wasn't him. He started to say something, but change his mind. Instead, he hugged Hyde.

And what was even more surprising was that Hyde hugged him back.

Briefly, of course, like all man hugs, no matter what the circumstance, should be.

"So, we good?" Kelso asked.

Hyde shrugged, and just to make himself feel better, reached out and frogged Kelso's arm. Hard.

"Damn, Hyde, what was THAT for?"

Hyde grinned, though he didn't feel it. He didn't feel much anymore, except numb. "Just for the hell of it." Kelso made a face, nad he shrugged. "Come on."

They walked back in silence, and as they got closer to Jackie's room, Hyde's slight relaxation ended.

Goodbye. I'll see you when you wake up. If you wake up. IF you wake up.

God, Jackie….

That tightness in his chest again. Like his lungs were being trampled by an army of marching boulders.

Can't breathe. Damn it. I can't fucking breathe!

And he wondered if he'd ever be able to breathe again if she didn't.