Satisfaction Not Guaranteed
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a/n: Well, I finally updated. Again. : ) Near the end, there's afoward e-mail that I had Sakura send out to everyone...you don't have to read any of it except the last coulple of lines where there is a riddle. Just thought I let ya know.
Disclaimer: Whoops. I've forgotten this. A lot. hehe. Anyway, I don't owe CCS. Unfortunately.
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Pits and Riddles
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To: Li
From: Hiragizawa
Sub: Well…If you must know…
I've gotten myself arrested and am currently located in the top floor of the highest security jail in our city. I would greatly appreciated it if you would come bail me out.
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To: Hiragizawa
From: Li
Sub: I just lost $100 to Yamizaki…
Because I didn't think you'd end up in jail for at least another four years. But, if you're in a cell, how are you m-mailing me?
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To: Li
From: Hiragizawa
Sub: You had a bet on how long it would take for me to get into jail?
That hurts, man. That really hurts. Which means you should bail me out NOW!
Oh, and I'm m-mailing you on my razor phone now. You'd think the best security in the world think to check in your boxers.
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To: Hiragizawa
From: Li
Sub: You're just sick, man.
You hid your phone in your pants? And you actually talk into it later? Disgusting! How do you do that?
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To: Li
From: Hiragizawa
Sub: It's quite simple, really…
You purchase a thin phone (note, my razor).
You simply take off your pants and boxers, as if you were stripping ( I suggest putting some music by Cabonna).
You stick the phone on your boxer shorts, but make sure you cover it up with toilet paper, so it's not disgusting, of course.
Pull your pants and stuff up, and voila!
And to use your phone, just simply take off your pants!
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To: Hiragizawa
From: Li
Sub: -
I didn't want a description, you boob-less bimbo, I just wanted to know how you could live with doing something as disgusting as that. Why would you do it? And how'd you get in? Don't they have detectors for everything?
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To: Li
From: Hiragizawa
Sub: Toilet water tastes like beer.
Lucky, for me, I had my lucky rabbit's foot, because they were having some kind of a lockdown, so all the electronic systems were gone. And I did it, because I was afraid something like this would happen if I got caught breaking into your office.
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To: Li
From: Hiragizawa
Sub: You can't erase m-mails that you've already sent, can you.
Umm…of course I didn't break in. I mean, what kind of friend would?
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To: Hiragizawa
From: Li
Sub: Put a cork in it
Because I already know about your little plan to steal my desk.
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To: Li
From: Hiragizawa
Sub: What the hell?
How'd you find out? It was strictly confidential!
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To: Hiragizawa
From: Li
Sub: You're such a dumb-ass
I have about a thousand employees. Of course I'd find out the latest, what would you call it? Gossip?
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To: Li
From: Hiragizawa
Sub: Yeah right
Like any of your workers would ever talk to you. Honestly how'd you know?
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To: Hiragizawa
From: Li
Sub: Fine…
Every time you m-mail all the employees, I get a m-mail, too.
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To: Li
From: Hiragizawa
Sub: I'm putting on my best smirk right now
Ha. I knew no one liked you.
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To: Hiragizawa
From: Li
Sub: Your best smirk a clown's best smile
If you wouldn't care to get fired, I'd be quiet.
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Ha. Li wouldn't fire me. I'll tell him right…
Talking to yourself, now, are we?
Oh, no, security guard, I was just…
Uh huh, whatever.
No, I wasn't talking to myself! I was m-mailing my boss on my…whoops.
Give me that! Come on, I'm going to take you to the pit.
You're going to take me to the what? Oww, that hurts. I wish you wouldn't pull my hair, it's very delicate since I condition it twice a day.
So that's why it's so soft!
You really think so? Thanks!
What kind of…UGH, shut up! Your getting off topic!
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To: Hiragizawa
From: Li
Sub: Um…
Are you still there? You still haven't answered my threat that I sent you three hours ago.
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This is Li, and if you don't know what to do with the beep, then I highly suggest getting medical attention. BEEP!
Hey Syao, it's Sakura. Do you know where Eriol is? She's worrying her ass off, and it's making me worried. Love you, honey…Wow, that felt weird to say.
Daddy! I need peniscal protection! Whatever that is!
LI! PICK UP YOUR DAMN PHONE, AND STOP LAUGHING!
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Yes? Who's speaking?
Don't get polite on me, Li. What kind of loser says that one will need medical attention if you can't understand the BEEP? Especially when little kids could call you and hear PENISCAL PROTECTION on it!
I don't see the problem Kinomoto. Savanna's young. She's not going to understand. And even if she did, peniscal protection isn't even a word.
Yes, but PENIS is!
And she'll find out what that is in a couple of years.
Are you implying that she'll turn out to be a prostitute?
How the fuck that you get that?
She'll find out in a couple of years? Does that ring a bell? You're saying she'll have sex soon, because you said 'a couple of years.'
Damn, you got me. I didn't think you were stupid.
Excuse me?
They teach family life which include female and male…parts in middle school.
Oh. Well, then you get off easy this time.
…
That bitch just hung up on me! Li!
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MidnightRendezvous: Tomo, calm down, he's probably just out somewhere.
RedBeautyisRealBeauty: Yeah, I wouldn't worry too much into it. I've known him since we were kids. He's known to wander.
KawaiiCherryBlossom: No, that's not it. I'm just worried I did something to make him like that.
RedBeautyisRealBeauty: You guys didn't have a fight, did you?
KawaiiCherryBlossom: No, don't worry, nothing like that.
MidnightRendezvous: So what is it?
KawaiiCherryBlossom: I…I…I told him that I loved him…
RedBeautyisRealBeauty: Oh my Gosh! So you guys are lovebirds that are really in love now? Awesome!
MidnightRendezvous: Hang on Mei. Tomo, you don't sound too excited…What happened?
KawaiiCherryBlossom: Well, let's just say the feeling was…mutual…
RedBeautyisRealBeauty: See, Sakura, I told you it'd be good!
KawaiiCherryBlossom: Actually, it's nothing like that. Like I said, I told him I loved him, and the feeling was mutual…He told me he loved himself, too.
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Please, officer, don't hurt me! I'm too handsome to die alone!
I'm just sending you into the pit! No one has died in the pit!
That's what they want you to think!
Oh wow, you were serious.
Oh dear God, Li! I am so happy to see you!
Can I help you, sir?
Actually, you can…
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Li's Blog
Hmm…Haven't written in this thing in a while. Not like anyone worthwhile is reading it anyway.
Well, Hiragizawa got him self in the slammer today. I honestly thought he was joshing me, but he was telling the truth. When I walked in, there he was in his miserable, pathetic state (yes, even worse than usual), just begging me to get him out. When I did (don't ask me how…it was…disturbing) he just jumped into my arms as if I were the prince and he the princess and held me by the neck and crying in my shoulder. It was bloody embarrassing and, if I may add, quite gay-like of him. Hmm…I do hope he isn't queer.
I should get a secretary to type these up for me. My manicured nails are taking quite a hit from this.
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RedBeautyisRealBeauty: This only means one thing…He thought you were joking.
KawaiiCherryBlossom: I don't see where 'I love you' comes across as a joke…
RedBeautyisRealBeauty: Babe, this is Eriol…Everything comes across as a joke to him. Just wait a bit before you tell him again…It's only been a week since you guys have started going out…
KawaiiCherryBlossom: All right…
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To: Li
From: Hiragizawa
Sub: So…
I'm usually miserable and pathetic, huh? Thanks.
And one more thing- I'm the queer one, Miss. Manicure?
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To: Hiragizawa
From: Li
Sub: -
Ok, fine, you're too happy to be miserable.
Every C.E.O has to get a manicure once in a while! Can you imagine presenting business propositions with dirty nails? I think not!
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To: T. Daidouji, M. Li, C. Mihara, S. Li, E. Hiragizawa, T. Kinomoto, T. Yamizaki
From: S. Kinomoto
Sub: FW: Let me know if you get the answer. This is neat!
Hey guys. I thought this was pretty cool. See if you can get it.
-Sakura
Can you answer this riddle?
Here is a pretty neat little thing from Paul Harvey. See if you can guess the riddle at the end.
Paul Harvey Writes:
We tried so hard to make things better for our kids that we made them worse.. For my grandchildren, I'd like better.
I'd really like for them to know about hand me down clothes and homemade ice cream and leftover meat loaf sandwiches. I really would.
I hope you learn humility by being humiliated, and that you learn honesty by being cheated.
I hope you learn to make your own bed and mow the lawn and wash the car.
And I really hope nobody gives you a brand new car when you are sixteen.
It will be good if at least one time you can see puppies born and your old dog put to sleep.
I hope you get a black eye fighting for something you believe in.
I hope you have to share a bedroom with your younger brother/sister. And it's all right if you have to draw a line down the middle of the room,but when he wants to crawl under the covers with you because he's scared, I hope you let him.
When you want to see a movie and your little brother/sister wants to tag along, I hope you'll let him/her.
I hope you have to walk uphill to school with your friends and that you live in a town where you can do it safely.
On rainy days when you have to catch a ride, I hope you don't ask your driver to drop you two blocks away so you won't be seen riding with someone as uncool as your Mom.
If you want a slingshot, I hope your Dad teaches you how to make one instead of buying one.
I hope you learn to dig in the dirt and read books.
When you learn to use computers, I hope you also learn to add and subtract in your head.
I hope you get teased by your friends when you have your first crush on a boygirl, and when you talk back to your mother that you learn what ivory soap tastes like.
May you skin your knee climbing a mountain, burn your hand on a stove and stick your tongue on a frozen flagpole.
I don't care if you try a beer once, but I hope you don't like it. And if a friend offers you dope or a joint, I hope you realize he is not your friend.
I sure hope you make time to sit on a porch with your Grandma/Grandpa and go fishing with your Uncle.
May you feel sorrow at a funeral and joy during the holidays.
I hope your mother punishes you when you throw a baseball through your neighbor's window and that she hugs you and kisses you at Hannukah/Christmas time when you give her a plaster mold of your hand.
These things I wish for you - tough times and disappointment, hard work and happiness. To me, it's the only way to appreciate life.
Written with a pen. Sealed with a kiss. I'm here for you. And if I die before you do, I'll go to heaven and wait for you
Send this to all of your friends. We secure our friends, not by accepting favors, but by doing them.
Paul Harvey RIDDLE:
When asked this riddle, 80 of kindergarten kids got the answer, compared to 17 of Stanford University seniors.
What is greater than God, More evil than the devil, The poor have it, The rich need it, And if you eat it, you'll die?
Send this to 10 people and then press shift and you will get the answer.
P.S.. You won't believe this, but this really does give you the answer!
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Magik M.E.M.O
Kinomoto-
I can't fucking get your fucking riddle. It's been making me go insane all day.
-Li
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Magik M.E.M.O
Language, Syao. I'm your girlfriend. You shouldn't be cussing at me, right now. I should be doing that to you.
-Sakura
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Magik M.E.M.O
All right. Sakura. Fine. So what's the- Wait. Why should you be cussing me out?
-Li
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Magik M.E.M.O
I saw those secretaries you were interviewing. Very…revealing ladies, are they not?
Honestly, when I read what you wrote on your blog, I didn't think you'd actually do it. Come on, hire secretaries to type for you?
-Sakura
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Magik M.E.M.O
Oh. Ok. I see.
My fingers wear out easily!
Answer?
-Li
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Magik M.E.M.O
Did you send it out to 10 people?
-Sakura
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Magik M.E.M.O
Yeah, I actually did. So ha. And I pressed than damn SHIFT key, but nothing happened.
-Li
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Magik M.E.M.O
…
-Sakura
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Magik M.E.M.O
Yes...What is it?
-Li
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Magik M.E.M.O
It's nothing.
-Sakura
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Magik M.E.M.O
Tell me! Now!
-Li
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Magik M.E.M.O
Whoops! Sorry, have to go!
Love you, Syao.
-Sakura
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Magik M.E.M.O
Oh, and for your reference, I already did!
-Sakura
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a/n: Did you guys get the riddle? I thoght it was a pretty cool riddle, but it actually depends on your POV, too. Well, tell me if you got it anyway : ) Sakura does say what it is and Li does too, unknowingly.
luv ya'll & toodles til next time
Rendezvous-in-Paris
-muah-