What Could They Possibly See?
A/N: Yes, I know thatin myprofile I babbled on about how I'm going to write a Rob/Star story. I know. But this one burrowed under my skin on a recent break and I just can't get rid of it. This one is about Terra. Now before you hit those back buttons let me just say that I don't have her in a relationship or anything like that, it's more like the ponderings of Terra's mind. I'm not sure when it's set but I know I'm placing it before 'Things Change' in the timeline. Hope you like it.
Disclaimer: Please don't make me say it. Fine, fine, I do not own any of the lovely characters mentioned here. They belong to DC Comics, Warner Brothers and tons of other rich, annoying people. And the song that inspired the title belongs to Maria Mena. I highly recommend her when in need of inspiration. Happy now?
Terra wasn't sure what it was Beast Boy saw in her. Truly she had no idea why the boy was so drawn to her. She wasn't incredibly pretty nor was she very smart. She was just Terra. It made no sense to her. But the boy claimed to see something more. He claimed to see beneath her exterior, into her soul. She wondered what he saw.
Terra tried not to get to close to the Titans. She knew from experience that the closer you got to someone the easier it was for him or her to hurt you. Besides when you came from such a dysfunctional family background like she did you usually weren't too schooled on the rules of forming intimate bonds with people.
Terra wasn't sure why the rest of the team liked her. She thought it might have had something to do with her willingness to bend over backwards to please them. She hesitated to form bonds with them but she still wanted them to like her. She wasn't sure why. Her fear of getting too close seemed to shape the moments they spent with each other.
It wasn't them. She told them that time and time again. It was she. It wasn't him. She told Beast Boy that each time she turned him down. It was she. She wasn't saying no because of him but because of her. And because she couldn't see what he saw. Every time she tried to see it from their point of view, from their eyes she came up blind. She came up wanting. She only saw the specter of herself reflecting back. She came upon just an empty shell.
Terra wasn't sure why they considered her family. Family meant love and she wasn't sure what the Titans could possibly love about her. Was it her smile? She wore like armor, as if it's brightness would hide the fragility beneath the surface. It hung from the tip of her tongue, the words to tell them to make them understand why she wasn't sure if she loved them back. Words that she never seemed to find.
She knew it wasn't them. It was she, always her. She was the problem, not them. She was the one who couldn't see her as they did. She was the one who couldn't let him get too close, couldn't let anyone get in. She was the one who only saw the empty shell of who she was.
Terra tried. She truly and honestly tried to see herself through their eyes. But all she was ever able to see was herself, empty, like a ghost, a specter. She couldn't see herself, had lost herself a long time ago. All she saw now was the empty shell of who she was.
Terra didn't understand what the Titans could possibly see in her.
A/N: This isn't really a fic. A drabble is more like it. I was having one of my more cerebral moments and somehow this was born. I can relate. To not understanding what the hell it is people see in me. What it is that sort of draws them to me. Any way I hope you like. Please do me the honor of leaving a review.