The Big, Fat Cliché List

Cower in fear!

Alright, so, basically, I decided that I needed a little 'cliché' list, just to help you guys out on the 'not writing a clichéd story' thing. How freakin' nice of me.

PLEASE, PLEASE, PLEASE submit in a review or PM any clichés you would like to add to the list, preferably with 2 or more story titles I can check out in case I've never even heard of the cliché. No, that's stupid. Just give me clichés. I trust you, Bucky!

Harry Potter only, thanks. Gotta keep up with the theme, you know. Unless there's something that EVERY SINGLE FIC in a certain category includes.

Also, I really don't think you can call a certain pairing cliché… Just because lots of people have written about a certain pairing like, say, Draco/Hermione (which I completely HATE, but whatever), doesn't mean you can't find a creative way to get them to be together… HINT FREAKIN' HINT.

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1. An American Mary Sue comes to Hogwarts. And snogs everyone.

2. A female main character (Hermione or Ginny, usually) gets a makeover. And snogs everyone.

3. Some play or dance is started at Hogwarts. And then everyone goes and sings karaoke and starts a freakin' rock band. With some sweet g-tars.

4. FIELD TRIP!

5. Harry and Draco or some other pair of 'forbidden lovers' sneak around. And snog each other constantly. And that's about it.

6. The 'Golden Trio' (gag) get thrown back into the Marauder's time. And everyone lives and is happily ever after in the later Potter years.

7. Sirius or Dumbledore MIRACULOUSLY COME BACK TO LIFE! Or they just NEVER DIED!

8. Lily Evans and her sissy friends go all girly over the Marauders.

9. Not-that-awesome prank wars. These kids have magic. They can come up with better stuff than this, really. Oh, and everyone either hates or loves Sirius afterwards.

10. Strip poker and risqué truth-or-dare. Have you ever noticed that these kids have hardly any hormones? Yeah, keep it that way.

11. Main character A becomes a weird creature (part one) and main character B tries to help them out and usually falls 'N LUV WIT DEM!' (part two)

12. Main character A and main character B (who are usually COMPLETELY OOC…) switch bodies. Fun ensues. Stupid fun, that is.

13. Main character A proclaims their profound, long-lasting love for main character B. Of course, main character B feels just the same way! –snog-

14. Snape is suddenly –GASP- dead sXXXy n every1 wants ta get all MAKEY OUTY WIT HIM. And Remus is usually EXTREMELY gay. And sometimes, they end up together. But usually they just hit on everyone. Whatever you choose.

15. Porn Without Plot (PWP). That's… 'bout it. (SENSUALLY! –go read Crap-)

16. The world of HP was all just a really big, vague, painful dream… -Insert Twilight Zone music HURR.-

17. AU'd Harry is really… A SLYTHERIN! And OMFG, him and Draco (SOOOOOOO hawt!) are, like, BFFs.

18. Anything Dudders based. Dudley being IN LUV WIT HARRRRRY, Dudley being raped by a lovesick Dementor, or being –don't say it!- nice.

19. Harry gets MAN RAPED by Lucius, Vernon, Dumbledore, Draco, Ron, a Weasley, a Black… Mrs. Norris.

20. Weasleycest (See TWINCEST)/ Malfoycest/ Blackcest. I made a song for this one: INCEST! IS THE BEST! SO TAKE YOUR COUSIN FOR A TEST! (BOW!)

21. Sirius was really loved. Just… loved. By his family. Everybody loves Sirius.

22. Lily was really Lillian, a Ravenclaw, gettin' jiggy with Snape, and probably tutoring him, too.

23. And, of course, since everyone has a best buddy, they've got to be 'sexin' dem all ovah da place'. You know?

24. Draco is just a poor, misunderstood soul. Hermione, Ginny, or Harry snog him back to confidence. Maybe even Mrs. Norris.

25. A certain girl (who has a sudden thing with using 'EHMAGAW' and 'BFF') always has a really loud stereo and can play songs from the future, which they know by heart and always sing along into their wands/hairbrushes (some big-timers: 'Hips Don't Lie', 'Dontcha', and 'Buttons'). Just a tip: The HP series is set in the mid-90's. And they listen to the Weird Sisters, anyway, NOT SHAKIRA OR THE PUSSYCAT DOLLS. GRUNGE ERA, PEOPLE.

26. Forgotten, Nice, or Homosexual Peter. (Marauder years stuff)

27. SUPERHORMONE'D!Harry. We're talking... things better left behind doors.

28. Super love triangles.

29. The kids are having babies. I can't say it's not probable (my own mother had me when she was 16…), but it's just…weird. Harry Potter kids… having babies at this age… No. They're FAR too busy!

30. Lily + James Head B'GRL. Then they fall in SWEET SWEET LOVE.

31. The Girlie diaries. NO ONE WANTS TO READ AN EMOTIONAL TEENAGE GIRL'S DIARY!

32. Idiot!Hermione/Ginny/Lily fics. They're actually really smart, guys… Probably smarter than you.

…And that's all I've got so far. Kind of pathetic.

(Thanks to Jubexchix for 9.-11., The Miss Marauders for adding to 6. and 7., and for 13.-23. and 26.-30., and Rezallia for 31. and 32.)

Remember, add to the list!

A purple llama no more,
Kyle Melavowig