Chapter 16

WARNING- THIS STORY CONTAINS MATURE THEMES SUCH AS SELF HARM AND ABUSE, PLEASE DO NOT READ IF THIS MAY UPSET OR TRIGGER YOU IN AN WAY

I have suffered with self harming before not long ago, and please if you or any of your friends/family are going through it, get help and just remember it DOES get better and you're not alone. I'm always here if you need any help I'll understand xx

Disclaimer- I do not own 'Twilight' or any of the other books written by Stephanie Meyer. All characters mentioned in this fanfic belong to the wonderful author and not me (although I wish Jacob aka Taylor Lautner belonged to me )

Bella's POV

I look around in happiness, Alice has managed to get us a cute little apartment and it's lovely, the thought of not ever having to see Charlie again gives me a wave of relief. Living with a friend like Alice is just a bonus! I made a promise to Edward and Jacob that I wouldn't cut anymore, and even though I'm going to miss the comfort of the stinging pain, I meant it. I'm trying to get better now Charlie can't hurt me and I've got people that care about me. I feel refreshed, like this a new chapter of my life, things can only get better from now on and I'm so ready for it. The familiar hollow feeling is still there, but it's not as painful as it was before. No matter how mad I was at Edward for leaving me seven months ago, I won't hold it against him because he's trying his best to make it up to me; being there beside my hospital bed, apologizing, going with Jake to Charlie's house and worrying about me constantly just like Jake is. I know they're just scared after what happened last time but they need to lay off a bit, they've been calling me every few hours to make sure I'm okay ever since I moved in with Alice and Jasper.

As if on cue, I feel my phone vibrate in my jean pocket. I sigh and answer it.

"Hello?"

"Hey Bells, how's it going?"

"Fine, I've unpacked all my stuff already."

"Right. Are you sure you're okay though?"

"Yep, it's not like I'm going to kill myself because I miss Charlie so much," I say sarcastically, rolling my eyes at the thought of Jake spending everyday worrying about me when he shouldn't have to.

I can practically hear his wince over the phone, "Don't talk like that Bells, you have no idea how scared I was when I found you bleeding."

I immediately feel guilty all over again because it's all my fault he's haunted by the image of that in the first place. I don't deserve someone as amazing as Jake as a friend, he shouldn't have to be plagued by the concern that something like that might happen again.

"Sorry, Jake, I just don't want you worrying about me, that's all."

"No, I'm sorry, I shouldn't keep bringing it up, you deserve to forget about everything that bastard put you through."

"It's fine."

"Alright, I've got to go, my dad needs help getting into the car."

"Okay, thanks Jake, for everything."

"What do you mean?"

"For looking after me and being there for me when no one else was."

"Bella, you don't need to thank me for that, I wanted to look after you. I..um.. love you"

I open my mouth to say something, but the phone goes dead, him having put the phone down on me. Shit, does he mean love in a friend way or something more? I don't know why but the thought of him loving me as something more than friends makes my heart thump. But that makes no sense, I don't love him, do I?

I sit down on the sofa, my head in my hands. What a mess, I still love Edward and now I think I might love my bestfriend too? I shake it off, as if I'm ready to be in love when I've just escaped Charlie and am trying to stop self harm! And anyway, nobody would want me like this, ugly raised scars up my arms and constant dark thoughts clouding my brain. Both Edward and Jake deserve better than me, I'm just a complete fuck up, a girl who can't control her emotions and hurts herself as a distraction to her messy life that never seems to get better.

"Bella?" I hear Alice's soft voice say.

I look up to see her gazing at me, concern written all over her delicate pixie-like features.

"I'm fine," I mutter unconvincingly.

She looks like she wants to say something, but she's stepping on eggshells around me, scared that anything she says could upset me because I'm so 'fragile' and make me do something stupid. I smile at her, trying to look as happy and unbothered as possible before she gives me a reluctant smile back and seems to be less worried.

"Your dinner will be ready in 5 minutes, okay?"

"Okay, thanks."

She walks off, hurrying to the steaming pan in the kitchen. That's the only thing about living with vampires, you have to feel awkward eating dinner by yourself because they obviously don't eat human food. As much as I resent eating by myself, I would never wish to be living with Charlie again, having to make his dinner everyday after he got back from work, and if he didn't like it in any way, you'd know to expect a beating afterwards just because he could. I shiver at the memory of him standing over me, his eyes blazing and the overpowering stench of alcohol.

Jacob's POV

I'm so annoyed I feel like kicking myself, how could I be so stupid as to let it slip out that I love Bella over the phone for gods sake? As if she doesn't have enough going on already, she could definitely do without her bestfriend admitting he likes her and having to come up with a way to reject him without making things awkward. And of course I knew she was still in love with Edward even after all this time, so why did I have to go and mess things up when they clearly have such a strong bond.

Hell, I wouldn't be surprised if she called back to say she didn't want to be friends anymore now Edward's back and she doesn't need me to ruin things. I know Bella's such a kind person and I love her even more for that but part of me is still really pissed of that she forgave Edward so easily as if him fucking off to a different country and leaving her to struggle by herself was nothing. I inwardly wince at the memory of how Bella was after he first left her, when she would come over to see me and just sit there curled up in ball to protect herself, not saying anything and staring off into space with those haunted broken eyes. I clench my fists at the thought of Edward thinking he's got off lucky, putting her through all that shit and her just welcoming him back with fucking open arms because she could never hate anyone as she's too much of a good person. Well, I can't change Bella's decision to forgive him like nothing ever happened but I can promise I'll never forgive that smug bloodsucker for what he did to my Bells.

I just hope me admitting my feelings for her like a blind idiot won't hurt our friendship, because I love her more than anyone and I can't stand the thought of her hating me or not letting me help her when she needs someone. I'm so relieved that I found her that day in the bathroom before it was too late, because I can't even think about what might have happened without my heart aching. I've never believed in love at first sight (and I still don't by the way before you think I'm going all soft and lovey dovey) but when I first got to know Bella and we were speaking I knew she was special even then. She was this beautiful girl with big brown eyes and a perfect nose with pale delicate skin who had this personality that matched mine, we got along great and she had all the same type of jokes as me, I felt like we would be perfect together but then when Edward came in the picture I knew that I would never be good enough for someone as flawless as her (I know how cliché right, the pretty girl is way out of the bestfriend's league).

From then on, I wished that her and Edward would break up so I might have my chance when she realized how close we were and that we'd be good together as something more than friends. But, god did I wish I could take it back, when Edward left her and there was just a fragile shell of the beautiful, funny girl I'd fell in love with. How ironic, that I'd dreamed of the moment Bella wouldn't be with Edward anymore for months but when it actually happened, I couldn't think of anything worse with the state Bella was in.

It still doesn't seem real that after keeping my feelings for Bella a secret all this time, I blurted it out on a damn phone call of all things. Now I feel sick at the thought of no longer having her as my bestfriend because she doesn't want to have to feel guilty over saying no to such a loser so she just doesn't want to see my face ever again. The shameful truth is, as much as Bella thinks she needs me, I need her way more. I can't imagine my life without her in it, I might go mad and end up offing myself.

I'm broken away from my thoughts by my phone beeping in my pocket, I pull it out and my heart sinks as I see it's a message from Bella.

Jake, meet me at our spot at the beach. Need to see you- B

Shit, that doesn't sound good, she's probably going to admit she doesn't want to be friends anymore and that she's getting back with Edward because he's so fucking 'perfect' for her and not a shitty person like me.

Hey, sorry I haven't updated as soon as I wanted to, had some stuff going on. I saw a review saying vampires don't bleed or something which I'm confused about because Bella is human and I haven't said that any other vampires were bleeding in this story but nevermind. Anyway, has anyone listened to Nessa Barrett's 'young forever extended' album it's so good what the hell! As always, if you could tell me what you think of this chapter I'd be grateful thanks for reading :)