Disclaimer: I'm sick and tired of writing these disclaimers. Why should I anyway? Is it not obvious I do not own Inuyasha? Idiot lawyers...

READ THIS FIRST:
Okay...there's a scene in this chapter taken from the anime that's was too cute to leave out, but it might count as a spoiler if you haven't seen episode 140 something. Like I said, it was very cute, and I just have to have it here. So if you don't wanna read 'cause you don't wanna spoil anything, don't read the last part of this. It's separated by one of these: (-), so you'll know when to stop reading. Plus, I'll even give the warning where the spoiler is. Just remember: READ AT YOUR OWN RISK! Oh, and I've modified some of the scene to fit with my storyline! Thanks to the inuyashawrold .com for providing the summary. It was great!

Scroll 9
Welcome to My Life

A tiny, squeaky, and nerve wrecking voice was nagging at him to think about it: to think about the possibility that the miko was...nice. He detested such thoughts, believing that they only functioned to make him softer, and, even worse, to make him think. And that hated action was exactly what he needed to do: think of reasons why someone like her deserved a label like that.

Surely the fact that the wench stubbornly refused to give him the jewel was reason enough to call her a horrible mortal. He had asked her nicely and she hadn't given it to him. All he received were disturbing holes from her arrows on his ruby clothes. So he then used "sneak" tactics to steal the jewel. But when that didn't work (he wasn't used to 'sneaking around' anyway), he went on to spy on her, to try and figure out her weakness.

As he observed her when times in the village were at peace, he expected to see a Kikyou with womanly habits: cooking, cleaning, scolding children, fetching water, putting on make-up, dressing in kimonos. But what he discovered was not a simple, female mortal who only carried out her duties in her spare time. He saw that, not only did the miko never seem to have any spare time, but also the people of the village worshiped her, adored her, as if she were a goddess, a queen. To them she was not merely their priestess; she was also their light. A light penetrating all darkness that approached in the form of war, famine, demons, and death. She was their strength, their courage, and she was worshiped for her perfection.

He often found her standing or sitting on a grassy hill overlooking her village, staring off into the distance with that familiar focused and impassive look on her face. He noticed that in times as those, she would not be carrying the Shikon Jewel; it was kept safely within a small shrine, protected by a strong, defensive barrier courtesy of the miko. If ever that barrier was broken, the shrine would explode.

Sometimes, bratty children from the village and its surrounding neighbors would come to play with her. Their innocent smiles illuminated the priestess as they encircled her, dancing joyfully and helping her pick out medicinal herbs. Some boys even found the courage to collect a variety of wonderful scented flowers and gave them to the lovely miko, who would accept them gratefully into her delicate hands. Children, the hanyou found out, were the only beings that ever succeeded in making Kikyou beam a foreign, yet radiant smile.

This was the way she spent the tranquil days in her village.

The normal days in her village were another matter. The male villagers would be scurrying around frantically; reporting to the miko of demon threats, destructive evil spirits and monster attacks. Although she spent most of these normal days in the forest, she always found time to go back to the village and "check" on them. And even though the jewel should have been her main priority, in reality, it was her people who reigned supreme in her mind.

After a vexatious week of spying, Inuyasha had still accomplished nothing. He was no more informed about the miko than he was when he met her. Damn it. If only he were smarter.

If he had taken the time to analyze all his observations, Inuyasha would have not only found her weakness, but also realize how well he seemed to know the miko. He knew what made her happy, sad, and angry, all through mere observation. Had he discovered that, he would have also learned why she always seemed so lonely.

Although she was human, she was still so utterly alone. But he never understood why she was so solitary, what with so many of her kind surrounding her. He had an excuse for being lonely. He was part human and part demon; a dangerous mix that was detested by species of both halves of himself. But he could not see what kept the priestess apart for the humans. He couldn't understand what kept her so isolated.

He couldn't understand her.

-

As silent as he was, no matter how careful his random ways of approaching her were, she knew he was there, watching, as if waiting for her to make a mistake. Discover a weakness of hers, maybe?

She sighed in amusement. He had promised to come back for the jewel, and he had only kept part of that promise. He did come back. But he didn't make any further attempts to steal the jewel. All he did all day, every day, for the past week, was watch her.

Though his spying did manage to get on her nerves, she didn't say nor do anything to stop him. It was peculiar, actually, watching him think. She honestly thought he was the least bright of the stars, but seeing him look so pensive because of her sparked her generally faint curiosity. What was so intriguing about her that made an impatient, hotheaded hanyou stalk her? Was he curious as to why she hadn't killed him? Or was it something else? Perhaps loneliness? No. Thinking too much of it would only drive her to wrong conclusions.

She acted as normally as she would if she were alone. She carried out the daily duties of the day, although it really depended on the day. If there were too many demons, she would spend her day in the forest, exterminating the stronger demons first and leaving the weaker ones to the men. On those rare days when there was little or no turmoil, she would spend time on the village helping anyone who needed it and collecting as many medicinal herbs as she could.

She loved to spend time with the children. And it was clear that they enjoyed spending time with her as well. Many girls would volunteer in helping her pick medicinal herbs, and they envied little Kaede for having such a "cool" sister. The boys would often give her flowers, and she laughed when they ran because they blushed a silly, shocking pink. Their innocence and well being brought priceless smiles to her face. She loved the way they ran around, playing and laughing, with no apparent care in the world. And though she knew she'd never be blessed with having a child of her own, it was a relief to know that that sacrifice would not be in vain.

As she had learned earlier, it was not safe bathing in the nude. So now she always made sure she carried a white bathrobe with her when she went to the river. It was plain to her that even in situations like those, Inuyasha would still keep a close eye on her, so she decided it was in the village women's best interest if she bathed alone.

Indeed, he still watched her. When she poured buckets full of cold water over her head she made sure not to shiver in the least. Someone like her could not be viewed as sensitive as that. She didn't know why, but Inuyasha's gaze on her while she bathed disturbed her. Perhaps it was because she knew him. Or maybe it was just instinct? She wasn't sure if regular people viewed such a thing as strange; how was she to know? So she went on with her business as if the hanyou's golden gaze did not exist.

In the end of the day, when the sky reached its twilight form, she would sit on a hill that overlooked the village, watching her people go on with their normal lives; the normal lives she wished she could live. It was quite ironic, actually. She remembered once that a girl her age had told her she wished she could have been blessed with the life of a miko because her own life was so boring. She wanted adventure, power and respect; the very things that kept Kikyou linked to her duty. Kikyou would gladly give up all that she now had to live the life of that young girl. And she would often dream of the life she wished to have on that hill that overlooked the village.

But today, since it was as peaceful as the day would get, the miko sat down on that hill when the sun was high, signifying it was some time past noon. She was deep in thoughts of abnormal self-pity when she felt Inuyasha's lurking presence arriving. As usual, he kept his distance and hid himself amongst the orange and yellow leaves of the trees. Even after all this time, he could still not trust her. It was very likely that his experience would not allow him to.

She knew he was also very lonely, probably even more than she was. He belonged with neither humans nor demons. Humans ran for him because he looked demon, and demons ignored him because he has half human. That is why he so desperately craved for the Shikon Jewel. He thought if he was stronger, the demons would finally show him some respect, and accept him into their leauge. And then the humans would have a real reason to fear him. In the end, perhaps that was all he wished for: acceptance.

His fate was truly tragic.

A lonely soul fighting to find its place in the world.

Maybe if she just talked to him, he'd understand her life, and see that both he and she were very much alike. She wanted to tell him how she felt, no matter the risk. She wanted to tell him the feelings she kept prisoners in her heart and the secret thoughts that overwhelmed her mind. She had to tell him; she knew he'd understand.

Then...maybe...he could learn to trust her.

-

He didn't know what good it would do to keep stalking the miko, but it had now become an absurd habit. Between eating and sleeping, following the miko kept him from getting bored out of his mind. Damn. He really needed a life. He knew he had to make his move sometime, but he had run out of brilliant ideas. He had learned nothing at all from watching her. And he wasn't very good at plotting attacks either. He sighed. All he wanted was the jewel, nothing more. It wasn't like he wanted to kill her. If the wench would just give him the jewel, he would gladly go on his way. But noooo. She had to do it the hard way. Though he didn't know exactly what the "hard way" was yet. Well, at least he still had the comfort of knowing he could still sneak up on her.

"Inuyasha, you're there, aren't you?"

Inuyasha froze. Damn the miko's perceptiveness.

"Why don't you come out?"

Inuyasha's head popped out from the balding tree, gingerly watching her with a frown on his face. Despite himself, Inuyasha obeyed. He jumped down to land some four feet from the miko and sat there, being careful to not take his eyes off of her. After all, it was better to be safe than sorry…

"This is the first time we've talked close together, isn't it," she calmly asked him.

"What of it?" spat Inuyasha abruptly, cautiously edging away from the miko.

"Inuyasha..." She looked forward, her brown eyes holding an emotionless luster. This was it. She would risk everything by letting out her feelings. But she was willing to take that risk. "What do I look like to you?" She turned to look at him with her emotionless face, looking into his golden eyes as if they would give her the answer. "Do I seem human?"

Inuyasha looked at her carefully, attempting to figure out if this was a trick of hers to lower his guard. Why was she being so open all of a sudden? "What are you talking about, bitch?"

Ignoring Inuyasha's familiar abusive verbal outbreaks, Kikyou continued. "I can't show weakness to anybody. I mustn't be indecisive. If I were, demons would use it against me." She looked to the tall grass, watching as the wind blew it gently with its touch. "While I'm a human, I'm not allowed to be human."

Inuyasha rolled his eyes. What the hell was she talking about? "You're wasting my time!" He looked at her, annoyed, "Just tell me what you gotta say!"

Kikyou sighed. "Inuyasha...you and I are alike...since you're half-demon," she explained, shifting her gaze from the landscape to the ample, blue sky. She carefully thought of her next words. Opening up so freely was not something that came easy for her. "We're both outsiders," she started, taking sudden interest in the clouds hovering in the sky, "that is why...I haven't killed you."

He stood up. "Feh! What's this? You're making excuses? Stop complaining! It's not like you," he said harshly, and turned to walk from her. He had just gotten the answer to a question that had managed to dodge all kinds of explanations, and he needed time to think. And how was it that she figured they were alike? He walked away from her now, and with an annoyed scowl on his face turned around and said, "I'm not like you."

She looked up at his form. "No, I suppose...you're not," she said meekly. Obviously he didn't think as she did. Perhaps he wasn't as lonely as she had thought he was. Perhaps he didn't need any company, and he had truly become accustomed to being alone. Perhaps she shouldn't feel as lonely as she did. She had no right to feel as she did. Just as he had been destined to live as he had, she had been destined to live this life, and neither could do anything about it. 'It is my duty to have the world on my shoulders...'
She smiled up sadly at him, clearly trying to cover up any emotion of pain she felt, "and I shouldn't complain."

She wasn't successful. Inuyasha saw it; he saw the pain of a lonely woman.

And it caught him completely off guard.

She was so strong, had the most powerful jewel in her possession and she was the first being ever viewed as perfect. But here she was, complaining to him that she couldn't be human. Perfection put her apart from them. For this reason she couldn't show weakness to anyone, in fear of demons taking advantage of it. Her magnificence blocked anyone from viewing any tender emotions to keep that perfection in tact. She was being forced to be something she was not, to carry out a duty she had no desire to take; to be perfect. She was unhappy because of the jewel, the supremacy it took to protect it and the strife it brought upon her life.

It was beings like him who desired the jewel that made her life an impossible nightmare.

And for the first time in his entire life, he felt guilty. He became aware of the bad things he'd done in his life.

And it worried him.

Why was he suddenly aware of his sins?

Inuyasha continued to look into the tragic, brown orbs that stared up hopelessly. She had tried to explain her life through a tornado of words, to make him understand the reasons for her actions. But of all things she could have said, none spoke out as loudly or clearly as her lonely face and her sad, broken smile.

(-)

SPOILER TIME!

It was Kikyou who broke their focused stare, standing up with bow and arrows in hand. However, Inuyasha continued to look at her, although his look was no longer an annoyed one. She looked at him and smiled at him again, this time with a more relaxed composure, as if she had just gotten rid of a huge weight in her shoulders.

"Inuyasha..." she said with a voice that could pass as sweet.

He looked at her, confused as to the change in the tone of her voice and to that unfamiliar smile on her lips. He no longer felt annoyed. Now he felt bad... "What is it?"

A gesture of gratitude for his company would be the proper thing to do in such an occasion, but she felt Inuyasha wasn't the kind of guy who would appreciate such an act. She hesitated for a while, but decided not to say anything. She turned around and walked from him, saying, "It's nothing..."

Inuyasha looked as she walked away placidly, and letting that new feeling of sympathy kick in. 'Kikyou...' he thought.

Damn.

She really knew how to make a guy feel bad.

He frowned to the feeling of guilt tugging in his chest. How could he make up for making her sad? He couldn't just let her go away without some sort of apology. And against everything he believed in, he called out to her."Hey! Come back here tomorrow!"

Kikyou stopped. She slowly turned her head back to look at him and arched her eyebrow in curiosity. Did she just imagine that?

Great. What had he done now? Blushing, he looked away. Then he quickly said, "I, uh...I have something I want to give you."

Her curious face shifted to show surprise as she continued to stare at him. He wanted to give her something? She didn't really know what was going on, and something told her it might be a trap, but she smiled happily nonetheless. "I have something I wish to give you as well."

Inuyasha snapped his head in her direction again, his heart beating intensely to the words of the miko. Would he really receive a gift from her? A treasure of hers maybe? "Really?" he asked excitedly, no longer able to contain his thoughts in mind.

She continued to smile at him, thinking of how cute he looked like with that eager face of an innocent child. Was a gift from her truly worth all the commotion?

Then he asked, "Is it the Shikon Jewel?"

Her smile wiped itself from her lips and turned into a frown. "Of course not."

The last grains of hope fell through his fingers as his shoulders dropped in disappointment. He looked away again, an annoyed look on his face as he put his hands on his hip. "Feh. Whatever..." he said, looking away into the distance.

Later that night...

Kikyou grabbed the necklace she had given Kaede: the necklace that could control Inuyasha. It had been resting amongst her younger sister's clothes, forgotten like the rest of the toys she had begged to have. She was sure Kaede wouldn't mind if she took it back. She could make her another one another day.

She felt her sister's presence as it neared her, and turned around to look at her.

"Sister...what are you doing with those?"

"Kaede, I'm afraid I must take these back," she said gently, holding the beads loosely in her hand. "I can make you another one if you wish."

"Are you going to give them to Inuyasha?" asked Kaede, apparently not minding at all that Kikyou was taking back her gift.

Kikyou chuckled, examining the beads with an amused look in her eyes. "Yes." She smiled. "It might be foul play, but it's in his best interest. It will keep him from doing something wrong." Her smile widened as she continued to look at the beads.
"Now...what should the special word be...?"

-

It was a beautiful fall afternoon, as beautiful as any fall afternoon one could hope to get. Away from the village, to the side of a deep forest infested with greedy demons, a miko and hanyou met as they had promised the day before.

Inuyasha stretched his arm out and opened his hand, revealing a small shell.

"What is it?" asked the miko.

He took a moment to register his thoughts into words. Then he said, "There's no point in me keeping it. I'll give it to you."

Still not understanding how that could pass as an answer to her question, she gently took the shell from his hand, and opened it. A crimson gel-like substance rested within. Only after she studied it for a while did she realize it was lipstick.

"The only thing my mother left me was this and the robe of the fire rat," he explained.

This caught Kikyou off guard. This belonged to his mother? She knew only mortals wore make up, so that meant..."Was...your mother human?"

Inuyasha winced and quickly looked to the side with a far away gaze. "Uh...yeah."

Kikyou looked at him and his hurt expression. She could tell he really loved her. She looked back down at the shell, the ruby lipstick glistening brilliantly in the sun. How could she accept something with so much personal value? Kikyou closed the shell gently and held it up carefully towards Inuyasha. "I can't accept something so precious."

Inuyasha shifted his golden eyes to look back at her. "Don't think of it too much," he said, as if he gave away gifts like those ever day. He turned his head to the side, saying, "This robe of the fire rat is good enough."

Kikyou looked at his robe, and multiple flashbacks of it being torn by her arrows came flooding back in her mind like a river. She walked closer to him and grasped his hand with her smaller one. He looked back at her with a perplexed expression, as if this was the first time he had ever had physical human contact, and he didn't know how to react to it. "I'm sorry, Inuyasha," she said in an apologetic tone. "I had no idea it was so precious to you...and I've shot holes into it so many times," she whispered, looking like she was getting ready to cry.

Inuyasha looked at her alarmingly. Oh no. Was she gonna cry? "Yeah well, it's not something worth crying over," he said hastily. And here he thought he was being nice, but if it made her wanna cry, then he all his attempt were in vain. Desperate to change the subject, he remembered she had said that she wanted to give him something too. "Ah! So, what did you want to give me?"

She released his hand. Reaching into her sleeve, she grabbed a hold of the prayer beads that were begging her to let them out to wrap themselves around the half-demon's neck. The first pang of shame reached her heart, and she could not bear to take them out. Here Inuyasha had given her something very precious to him, something that he trusted her enough to keep and treasure. And all she could offer him was anecklace that would keep him bound to her will?She squeezed the beads, wishing they would disappear. She looked up at him with an apologetic smile. "Oh...sorry...I must have forgotten it."

Like before, Inuyasha's shoulders slumped down in disappointment. "What? Damn. And here you had me all excited..." he complained, and closed his eyes in a pout.

Kikyou looked back down to the shell in her hands. She smiled. Many times she had seen make up, and many times she had rolled her eyes at it, thinking it a total waste of her time. But all she could do to this particular piece of make up was smile in utter happiness. Of all the gifts that anyone had given her, this was the most beautiful. Even more so because it came from her friend. She looked back at Inuyasha, not being able to wipe the smile of joy on her face. "Are you sure it's alright if I take this."

Inuyasha opened one of his amber eyes, focusing on her smiling face curiously. He had never seen her smile like that, and even he could tell that she was happy. Opening his other eye, he looked at her warmly. He smiled. Suddenly, it didn't matter that she hadn't given him a gift. "It's fine."

Her smile was good enough.

End of Scroll Nine

I'll admit it. I rushed this chapter. This is actually three chapters merged into one. But then I realized that three individual chapters about constant feelings would probably bore you and I to death. So I cut out (a lot of) parts and put the three chapters together. But it's still good, nee? And I wanted to include that spoiler at the end. Wasn't it cute? And keep patient. You'll see grander, titanic, awe-inspiring sparks soon enough. Oh, and I forgot something very important in my other chapter.

THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR YOUR LONG REVIEWS! Those were the best birthday and Christmas presents anyone could have given me! And thanks to xKazuko for dedicating that Inu-Yasha Christmas story to me. That was so...sweet. Okay...enough with the sentimental stuff.

Now don't be lazy and please review! I think I deserve at least that…

Adios!