Total Drama Endless
...
We open with a spotlight shining on a hallway. The photos of the casts of previous Total Drama seasons line the wall. We touch on each as an unknown voice begins to speak.
"Islands. Travels. Races. These are staples of the classic era of the franchise known only as Total Drama. Over the years many a laugh, a smile and a "oh my god they really did that" was had from this globally beloved series and its mischievous host: One Christopher Mclean."
We linger on a picture of the aforementioned man himself Chris Mclean in his natural element; torturing a cast of teenagers. Wild glee abounds in his eyes. Captured in time forever by the camera.
"Funny, charming, sadistic. Chris may have been the bane of his contestant's existence, but let me tell you, did the audience love him for it. For many Chris was the heart of the Total Drama. His signature lack of regard for safety propelling the series into the media juggernaut we know it as today."
The hall of pictures ends leading into a shot of what looks like the set of a talk show. Someone sits at a desk chair turned away from us.
"…But as the years went by, and Chris grew older, the show grew beyond the man who created it. Total Drama became an untameable beast too fearsome to be harnessed by a lone aging Canadian. And so, it was decided that a new Chris would have to rise to the ranks of hosting the most popular reality show in the world, Ideally…"
The man in the chair swivels to face the camera. He's European decent and looks to be somewhere in his late thirties to early forties, there're a few token lines creased into his diamond shaped face. His hair is a sandy orange colour and reaches down to his chin, which is scruffy with a goatee.
He adjusts the cuffs of his off blue suit then beams at us, the audience.
"Yours Truly" Exclaims the Man. "Conner Christopher O'Gleeson. For those of you not in the know, allow me to introduce myself. I've been an on off host of late-night television for just about eighty years."
He smiles knowing.
"I know what you're thinking, I've aged gracefully. Thank you, I try. If you want to be let in on the secret of my eternal youth well let's just say they used to call me the god late night television for a reason."
He winks then laughs to himself.
"Man it's good to be here. Really an honour to take the reigns of this show. I don't know if you we're expecting someone different. Maybe someone a little more… traditional. But let me just say that's the wrong mindset to have because this season will be anything but traditional."
Our new host gets out of his chair and starts pacing the set. In his suit and tie he's more formally dressed than his predecessor was.
"See thing is, I didn't just want to replace Chris Mclean, I wanted to top him. Now of course that's easier said than done. This show's come so far since that first season on Wawanakwa. By season six they already had the entire island be an artificial island with robots! Season Six that was! To say nothing of what came after.
How does one lowly talk show host take that to the next level? Well as it turns out, I was just the man for the job.
You see America, I've got a secret I've been keeping from you. You may think of me as just other unfunny, untalented man used by the networks to fill time slots on that dying behemoth everybody in my day called cable TV.
And you'd be… well… mostly right about that. But there's one thing I've never shared about personal life. This!"
He pressed a button on his watch. The set's backdrop collapses revealing a massive spaceship, twice the length of jetliner. The ship's smooth, sleek, alien and curiously enough, seems to have a cockpit shaped like a bulbous, scarlet, pair of wax lips.
"Yeah!" Conner boasts. "That's right, I've got a starship, and she Frenches like no tomorrow, and that's not the half of it! My sexy beast of a ship does more than just French, or even travel the stars. My blue steel sugar honey's got warp drive capabilities, and enough of them to clear this whole universe." He looks offstage. "But you already all about that don't you Jeremy?"
From stage right what appears to be an oozing mass of veiny bubble-gum gurgles something unintelligible.
Conner gestures to the creature. "My assistant Jeremy. Good kid, but as you'd imagine he leaves a hell of a mess."
He turns his attention back to the audience.
"Ladies and gentlemen, loyal viewing audience and children of all ages. To honor this titan of a show, we're talking Total Drama on the road! And pitting a whopping twenty-seven contestants from across fiction against all the multiverse can throw at them! Welcome to Total. Drama. Endless!"
He holds a confident pose for a moment before dropping it and looking at off stage eagerly.
"How was that take? good?"
Jeremy can be heard gurgling again.