Disclaimer: I own nothing in here and if you have some weird delusion that I do, you are sadly mistaken.
Hyde A/N: Hello again. Sorry this one's kinda long but I had so many ideas…
Thank you St Earns for informing me about the proper usage of the word 'wherefore'. Touko shall take that into consideration.
Amon was walking down the street, looking for a seed that was supposed to be in the area.
"He should be right around that corner," Amon's communicator said. (Well, actually it was Michael, but…)
Amon drew the orbo gun from his pocket. Flattening himself against the wall, he inched up to the corner in the sneakiest, darkest, most menacing way possible.
Plop. Something landed on Amon's head. He professionally remained from jumping five feet in the air, but he did raise an eyebrow and feel his head.
Bird poop.
He gave the offending bird a Sullen Glare That Makes Birdie Soup Out Of All Birds Who Poop On The Heads Of Dark, Sneaky, Menacing Individuals Who Are Witch-Hunting And Thus Cramp Said Individuals' Style. He readied himself for the plunge around the corner.
Someone tapped him on the shoulder.
To his credit, he did not jump twelve feet in the air, (just six. No, just kidding.) but whipped his head around, fully intending to startle whoever was there, thus putting them at a disadvantage so he could dispose of them.
It was the girl in black, and she looked far from startled. Great, he thought, the Immortal Mother Goddess lady.
"Omnipotent Mother Goddess," she said. He looked at her with furrowed brows. "When beginning to issue a statement from the Goddess she allows me to read the minds of the receivers for exactly twelve seconds."
He raised his left eyebrow and looked at her out of the corner of his eye.
"You must leave," he whispered then. "I am hunting. There is presumably a witch around that corner."
"When the time comes, mourn for Stewart." She intoned, and her eyes glazed slightly. "Seeya later." And she walked away.
"Wait!" Amon called. "What is that supposed to mean?"
"Ask the Muses of the Goddess," she told him as she disappeared around the corner.
Amon shook his head and plunged around the corner.
He came face to face with a witch who was recklessly throwing fire at every object in his path.
"Hold it right there," Amon growled. The witch backed up against the wall.
"What's that on your head?" the witch asked. "It looks like…is it…bird poop?"
Amon just growled.
"A-ha…ha…ha ha ha ha ha ha ha!" The witch doubled over with laughter. Amon sent him a Sullen Glare That Turns Into Poached Eggs All Inconsiderate Fire Throwing Witches Who Laugh At Ominous Individuals With Bird Poop On Their Heads. (Hyde A/N: The Frying Pan of Doom! Whahahahahaha! Another inside joke, for all those of you who are looking at me blankly.) He then finished him off with a well-aimed bullet from his precious orbo gun.
Back at the apartment, Robin was being ministered to by Touko, who had much pity for Robin, being that she was rendered practically immobile by her allergies.
"Thou poor sickly child. I shall tend thee, though the day grows long and I long for mine love, mine Amon, mine precious…But pray, tell me, how dost thou feel?"
Robin sneezed, scorching the tissue she was holding in her left hand.
"Indeed, thou must feel miserable, I doubt it not. Is there anything which I, thy humble nursemaid, canst do for thee, in thy misery?"
"Nay…I mean, no, unless you can cure me." Ahk! This stuff is starting to rub off!
"Mayhap a good reading of his most wonderful majesty Shakespeare will cheer thee."
"Shakespeare?"
"Indeed. Here, allow me to get for you mine great Book of All Things Shakespeare. Thou canst while away the time while partaking of its beauteous treasures."
"But Touko, what if I burn it?"
"Ah, there thou hast a most compelling point. If that be the case, allow myself to read it to thee. Surely thou cannot but be overwhelmed by its beauteous language." And Touko ran for the Shakespeare.
Poor Robin understood hardly a word and found it difficult to follow the story line. Touko was just finishing up the tragedy of Romeo and Juliet (in tears) when Robin made an unfortunate sneeze.
Amon stopped by a bar on his way home to wash the bird poop out of his hair. When he came out, he decided that circumstances made it impossible for him not to order a beer.
He walked up to the counter. The bartender was talking to himself in the mirror that was behind the shelves of bottles. Muttering to himself, rather.
"Beer, please," Amon said.
The bartender broke off his (I'm sure wonderfully entertaining) conversation and wordlessly handed Amon a bottle. It said Pudweiser. Not Amon's favorite, but it was just one of those days when it didn't matter…
(Hyde A/N: A bit of explanation about Pudweiser if you need one. See, in the series they have Bepsi instead of Pepsi, so I figure they should have Pudweiser instead of Budweiser.)
As Amon listlessly and darkly drained his beer, he studied the bartender closely. It was hard not to; the man was talking to himself again. He was one of those oldish men who wear grey-ish white mustaches. Amon had a big objection to mustaches. A Sullen Glare just didn't have the same effect with a mustache. Plus, those with mustaches seemed to have an unreasonable immunity to Sullen Glares That Paint Red Squiggles On All Who Fall On Their Faces At A Time Most Inconvenient To Ominous Persons Who Happen To Be Doing Something Important.
That muttering was getting annoying. Amon caught 'tree-trimmer' and 'cement cookies' and decided he didn't really want to know. He switched his attention to a sloppily dressed girl in the corner. She was drinking a margarita and feeding her baby something that had a suspicious resemblance to orange soda. Amon got a gut feeling that feeding a baby orange soda wasn't quite right, but he wasn't sure why. Ominous individuals don't spend their time pondering child nutrition.
Swallowing the last of his beer, he stood and decided to go visit Touko. Even if she was speaking in what seemed to be a foreign language, it was better than sitting there drinking beer after beer and listening to some guy ponder cement cookies and pondering orange soda.
When he arrived, he heard screams and wails coming from the apartment. Drawing his orbo gun, he dashed up to the door. Standing aside the doorframe, he knocked on the door. The screams and wails did not abate.
He opened the door and entered pandemonium.
The smoking rubble of what seemed to be a coffee maker sat on Touko's lap. Touko was wailing. And screaming the following:
"Nay! Speak but a word to me, dearest. Come back to me! Thou canst not see with thine little microchip what my life wouldst be without thee! Go not, but tarry a while here, where thou art loved!"
Robin was nowhere to be seen, but somehow Amon thought she must be at the bottom of this.
Suddenly, Touko took her eyes off the coffee maker and saw Amon.
"Amon, dearest," she said, with tears streaming down her face. "See what hath happened to…Stewart!"
Could you see that one coming? Oh well. It doesn't matter that much.
Stay tuned for Amon Acquires A Nuisance ch 3, beginning with the memorial for Stewart. Oh, and don't forget to review. Virtual peanut butter on toast will be served.
You know, I feel really weird today. Like, hyper almost. Shakes head back and forth to clear it
Sorry it's been so long. You'd think during the summer I'd have more time to write.
May your cheeseball never be green unless it is lime,
Hyde