Disclaimer: I own nothing contained within this chapter. No, sadly, I do not own the copyright to the WHR characters, so I am not rich, wealthy, or famous. Nope, I'm just a well-educated Southern Indiana hick.
Hyde A/N: Speaking of hicks, the other day me and a friend were in McDonalds down in Evansville and there were these people next to us who were getting a rebel and a hick mixed up. Funny stuff. Yeah. It was funnier if you were actually there. I can't believe there are actually people in Southern Indiana who don't know the difference between a rebel and a hick. And these people were like, juniors or seniors in high school. I could understand if they were like fifty, but jeez. Anyway, to get back on the subject…
What was the subject? I don't think there was one. Okay then, on with the story.
Audience: --snore, snork, awaken-- Huh? What? Oh…YAY!
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A piercing scream tore through the STN-J building the next morning.
"Doujima! Your hair is red!"
"Take a deep breath, Miho. It's only temporary."
"And just why is your hair temporarily red?"
"Undercover assignment."
"What undercover assignment? I never heard anything."
"Neither did I," Sakaki interjected. "Did you Michael?"
"Huh?" Michael turned down the music blasting in his headphones. "What? Did someone say my name?"
"Did you hear about any undercover assignment?"
"No."
"If you guys would shut up, I'll tell you!" Doujima interrupted. Then, in a lower voice, "Is Amon around?"
"No, he and Robin went out on a hunt."
"Oh, Robin's back?"
"Yeah, she came back yesterday afternoon but left early, so you missed her."
"Well, good. Now we won't be so busy. Anyway…"
"Wait," Sakaki interrupted. Doujima glared at him. Nevertheless, he continued. "Why don't you want Amon around?"
"BECAUSE he's the one that sent me on this mission. I have orders not to tell anyone about it."
"Well, you'll tell us anyway, won't you?" Karasuma asked.
"Well…I suppose I shouldn't tell you about this mission. But I will tell you about the other one. He never said anything specifically about that one."
"Another one?"
"Yeah, the other day." The members of the STN-J all leaned forward in their chairs. This promised to be a good story.
"Wait," said Michael, just as Doujima opened her mouth to continue, "Was that the one where you wanted me to look up that girl?"
"Yes, Michael. Now, will you let me tell the story? Okay, it all started that day when Amon took me out on that mission instead of Robin…"
"…and you took my orbo gun!" Sakaki interrupted in an insulted tone.
"WOULD YOU GUYS STOP INTERRUPTING AND LET ME TALK?!"
"Yeah." "O-KAY." "Sheesh..."
"AS I WAS SAYING…Amon took me out on that mission instead of Robin. Only, I found out that he didn't want me on that mission at all. He did it himself, and he sent me out on a different mission: to locate some girl named Abigail with black hair. He told me to threaten her and say I was from the Goddess of Oatmeal. Naturally, I thought he was nuts."
"You didn't think he was joking?" (Comment by Karasuma)
"Amon? Joke? Yeah right. Him being crazy was the only explanation. I asked him if he was feeling all right, tried to get him to go home and get some rest, but he wouldn't. Oh, and he told me to look for a place where she would buy blackberries and mashed potatoes." Doujima sat back, anticipating a reaction. "It was just weird." She was not disappointed.
"Oh my, he must be crazy!" That was Karasuma.
"I can't believe it. Ol' Amon's gone off his rocker," Sakaki commented incredulously.
"Crazy…" was Michael's only comment.
"So did she not exist?" Sakaki asked.
"Actually, she did. Michael located her for me. As it turns out, she's apparently an existing weirdo devoted to some unknown goddess."
"So did you go? What happened?" Karasuma prodded.
"I did go. I did what Amon said."
"What? You followed the orders of a madman?"
"Hold on, Sakaki," said Karasuma, always the practical one. "We don't know that he's a madman. He could just have post-traumatic stress, like Touko. Don't jump to conclusions."
"Anyway, I went there and threatened her like Amon said. She said something about having switched from the Devoted of the Goddess of Oatmeal to the Devoted of her Sister."
"Strange," said Michael. "So, did she eat blackberries and mashed potatoes?"
"Not while I was there. But I may get to find out today."
"Oh, do you get to go back there for the next mission?"
"Yeah, I…oops, not supposed to get into that."
"Come on, Doujima, tell us!" Sakaki pleaded.
"Look, Doujima," Karasuma said firmly, "If Amon's gone nuts, we have to figure out what's going on. We have to help him. You can't do it yourself. You have to tell us everything."
"Okay, alright, here it is. I'm going out to her apartment to interview her on, quote, 'her life as a prophet of the Omnipotent Mother Goddess,' unquote. I'm supposed to tape the interview and give it to him."
"Strange."
"Yeah, definitely. Oh, hey guys, I gotta run. I just came by to get a pencil."
"A pencil?" Karasuma looked confused.
"To stick in my hair."
"Oh. You don't have any pencils at your apartment?"
"Nope. Only pens."
"Whatever."
"Hey, Doujima, give me a copy of the tape when you're done, okay?" That was Michael's parting comment.
"Okay. Bye!" Trademark Doujima Heels clicked down the hall.
…………………………………
"Robin," Amon asked as they climbed into the car after the successful completion of the hunt, "I need you to do something for me."
"What?"
"I need you to fix this tear in my coat." He showed her the small tear near the hem.
(Hyde A/N: --sniff sniff-- It's so…sorrowful.
--roll cheesy tragic violin music—
Audience: --sniff sniff—
The poor thing…the bad black coat shall never be the same…--sob--)
"Um…let's take it over to my apartment and I'll see if I can fix it." I hope I have black thread.
Upon arriving at Robin and Touko's apartment, Amon surrendered the coat to Robin's gentle touch. She got out black thread and a needle and began the process carefully.
Amon paced as though he were an anxious father whose daughter was in surgery. Back and forth, back and forth.
"Amon, please stop pacing. You're making me nervous."
"Sorry," he grunted, and stood restlessly still. Then, a thought occurred to him. "Where's Touko?"
"At work."
"She went back to work already?"
"Yes. She was just fine."
Amon pondered this thoughtfully. Then, restless still, he walked over to the balcony. Then he walked back to check Robin's progress. Then back over to the balcony. Then back to Robin.
"Amon, you're pacing again."
"Grunt," was the reply, typical and Amon-like. He walked back over to the balcony and stayed there for a moment, giving a pedestrian below who was yelling loud obscene things a Sullen Glare Intended To Silence Those Rude Pedestrians Who Insist On Disturbing Delicate Operations Intended To Repair Horrible Injuries To Macho Black Coats. Despite the fact that the pedestrian could not see Amon and thus did not have direct contact with the Glare, he got a chill down his spine and went inside, thus causing Amon to be no longer able to hear his obscenities.
Now that comparative silence reigned on the streets below, Amon had a strong urge to go check on Robin's progress. But he didn't want to appear to be pacing again. So, he walked into the kitchen area and closely examined Abigail the Breadmachine (Ah, his stupid mouth that just had to open up and suggest such a name) before returning once again to Robin's side.
"Robin, can't you hurry? We don't have time."
"You want it to be done well, don't you?"
He grunted. It did not seem macho to agree at that point, and The Grunt was his all-purpose answer to everything.
"Be patient. I'm almost done."
He snorted under his breath (a feat only Amon can accomplish). Then, after a moment, he spoke.
"Robin…can I ask you a question?"
"If it's 'How soon will you be done', then no."
"No…It's this, um, person who keeps following me and showing up everywhere. I need to get…them…off my back. But I can't figure out how. I already tried threats."
Robin bent her head over the coat and rolled her eyes. I would have never guessed.
"How about asking them politely to leave you alone?"
"I tried that…I think."
"Can't you just avoid this person? Or ask them to communicate by mail?"
Amon pondered. Then, "Thanks, Robin."
"You're…welcome. Here's your coat."
"Good. Let's go. We're already late."
…………………………………
Doujima straightened the number 2 pencil in her hair (which was pulled back into a professional bun), checked her tape recorder, and knocked on the door of Abigail's apartment.
Luckily, it was Abigail herself who opened the door.
"Hello, I'm Miss Lee, a reporter for the Tokyo Times. Are you Abigail DeNoel?"
"Yes."
"If you don't mind, I'd like to interview you on your career as a prophet for the Omnipotent Mother Goddess."
"I suppose that would be alright."
"Good, thank you." Doujima lowered her voice confidentially as she stepped inside. "If the boss doesn't like this one, I'm done for."
"Well, Miss Lee, what would you like to know?"
"Oh, let's see…oh wait, you don't mind if I tape this, do you? It's a lot easier, and there's less chance of misquoting someone."
"Oh, sure, go right ahead."
"Thank you." Doujima turned the tape recorder on and began. "First of all, was this your chosen career, or were you…chosen…by the Goddess?"
"I was chosen. All of the Devoted are chosen by the Goddess to receive a special gift. Actually, the Devoted of any god or goddess are generally given these gifts."
"Tell me about the Devoted."
"Well, the Devoted are a group of people who devote their lives to the work of their chosen god or goddess. Each is given a gift to assist in their work. For example, I was given the gift of prophecy. I know a girl who is a Devoted of the Goddess of Felines who was given the gift of being able to call all cats in a ten mile radius to her aid."
"Fascinating. So, how many gods and goddesses are there?"
"There are hundreds. Generally, there is a designated god or goddess for about anything you can think of."
"Electronic equipment?"
"There is a God of Electronics."
"Wow. Can you give me some other examples?"
"Let's see, there's the Goddess of Vegetables, the God of Beverages, the Goddess of Oatmeal…"
"Oatmeal?"
"Yes. A few years ago I was a Devoted of the Goddess of Oatmeal. She is sister to the Omnipotent Mother Goddess."
"Sister?"
"When they were human they were of the same mother."
"So all the gods and goddesses were formerly human?"
"Yes."
"There's one thing I've noticed, Miss DeNoel. The rest of these gods and goddesses have specific, well, domains. Like oatmeal. But your goddess seems to have no specific…purpose."
"She is the Great Mother Goddess. She oversees the efforts of all the other deities and her 'dominion' is people and the world in general. That is why many of her Devoted serve as prophets. She can help people in general by warning them or advising them by way of her prophets."
"Do you prophesy to one particular person or are there many different people you prophesy to in general?"
"It depends. I go to whom the Goddess calls me. Sometimes in a day I will visit only one person, sometimes three or four."
"I don't suppose you could name any of the people to whom you have prophesied?"
"No. Often their names are not revealed to me, and even the ones I know, I think it would be better if it remained confidential."
"Yes, I understand. Is there anything else you can think of that I should know?"
"That pretty much covers it." Abigail smiled.
"Um, just one more question…off the record if you want."
"Well, I don't know if I want it off the record until I know what the question is."
"Alright, I'll ask it and you tell me. I'll shut the recorder off if you decide…"
"Yes, go ahead."
"Why did you switch from one goddess to another?"
"Hmm…I think I'd rather have this one off the record, if you don't mind."
"Oh, no, not at all." I hope Amon doesn't get mad at me for this. She turned off the recorder.
"Well…mostly it was because my role as a Devoted for the Goddess of Oatmeal was not fulfilling enough. But there was another thing that pushed me to leave."
"What?"
"There was a disagreement…among the Oatmealists, as we often called ourselves. It's shorter, you know. I…can't give you the details, but I was on one side and I had a few close co-workers who were on the other. They wanted a radical change to our way of doing things that I thought was wrong. Most of the Oatmealists who thought the way I did were too devoted to leave the Goddess of Oatmeal, but I already felt unfulfilled. So I left. I've been working to prevent their…wrongful change…in my spare time since then."
"I see."
"I've been frightened lately…there was a woman who came with a threat. She said she was from the Oatmealists. But I shouldn't be burdening you with all this. I'm sure you have a deadline to meet."
"Oh, yes…thank you for talking with me. But…there's one thing I've been wondering. Is there a Goddess of Shoes? Or a Goddess of Spike Heels?"
"There is a Devoted for the Goddess of Shoes just outside Tokyo. I can give you an address?"
"No thanks, I just wondered. Shoes are one of my obsessions. I just couldn't help asking. Anyway, thank you for your time, Miss DeNoel."
"You're welcome, Miss Lee. Bye." Tan leather sandals with spike heels clicked down the sidewalk.
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Whoeeeeeee…long chapter. Hmm, I don't feel talkative at the moment, so allow me to proceed with review responses.
Ais: Heloooooooo! You are the receiver of many salutations from Coco, Slurper, BJ, and Sugar. Their Highnesses wish to inform you that they will not ever desist clawing the screen door until you feed them. Do not ask me why they are telling you that. Coco wants to know if Pester would be interested in being pen pals. –snork-- :D
May spackle be ever with you,
Hyde
Ein: Yes, poor Amon. He is quite tortured. His mental anguish must be overbearing. We weep many tears for him.
St Earns: I have never really been to Tennessee, but I have driven through it. Very pretty. Ais tells me you brought your niece back with you.
Yes, I had trouble typing bananas. I kept wanting to type bananan or something like that instead.
Broom probe…interesting, yet also accurate way of putting it. –hee hee-- --snork-- Isn't snork such a great expressive word?
May patchouli ever reign supreme,
The Hyde
Carri: Hi Carri! My recent devoted reviewer from the mental ward! Lol! I have a cousin named Carrie, only as you can see, it's with an –ie. Great and useless trivia that shall ever serve you well. I shall try to update as soon as I can. We must go at the pace that the Fount of Inspiration dictates.
May Monterey Jack cheese be ever in existence,
Hyde
CrazyTomboy: Thank you for intending to review ch 7, even though it never happened. –sniff— I sympathize with your aunt and uncle difficulties, though I have never experienced them. Almost all my cousins are older.
Well, I suppose I better finish this thing. Too late to post it yet tonight, I'll post it tomorrow.
May patchouli never desert you in time of need,
Hyde, Torturer of Touko, Irker of Amon, and Promoter of Patchouli As A Term Of General, Varied, And Handy Usage