Title: Off the Map
Summary: What if Sawyer asked where Ana was going? And what if her defences finally went down to him? Set during TFTR
Disclaimer: I don't own any of the characters.
Author Notes: This belongs to a series which I am yet to name, there are quite a few sequels to this, which will come up later... This is a short bit of something that happens during Episode 220 - Two For The Road, with one main difference... ANA LIVES! THAT'S RIGHT!
Ana Lucia's fingers curled around the weapon and she felt the coolness of it under her fingertips. God, she had almost forgotten what it felt like to have a gun in her hands, mostly because she had wanted to. She heard Sawyer sit up behind her, crunching several sticks and dead leaves in the process, and she quickly tucked the gun into her shoe and grabbed her black tank, pulling it over her head.
"Don'tcha want my phone number?" He asked and she shot him a look. He smirked back at her lazily and stretched out his tanned half naked body, obviously enjoying showing off his perfectly toned body but Ana seemed to ignore this, she had had enough of that tanned body for one day. Or so she told herself. But she pushed the thoughts far from her mind, she had a mission and she knew what she had to do.
"Where you going Chica?" He asked, curiosity showing in his blue eyes. She raised an eyebrow at this and ran a hand through her hair that was finally free from her hair band and now cascaded its way down her back like a waterfall.
"Like you care." She replied and started to walk away, but before she got far Sawyer jumped up and grabbed her by the arm.
"I do care." He said and she snorted at this. Anger flared in his eyes and he grabbed her by the shoulders and pulled her roughly into a kiss which she didn't reject, but didn't contribute to either, noticing this Sawyer pulled back and growled roughly at her, "C'mon now, you can't tell me this ain't been building for a while."
"I'm not your girlfriend, I'm not Kate." Sawyer's eyes narrowed at this.
"Do you think that's why-?" He asked and she shrugged at him and her eyes went elsewhere.
"It's not my business who you think about. Or when you think about them." She said, hinting at something that she was almost certain was true, but that he knew wasn't, that in itself was something which he hadn't expected either. When her eyes went back to Sawyer, they burned into him and his jaw set.
"I'm not like that." He said, dead set.
"What? You got morals now?" She asked harshly and he almost winced. Almost. She saw his eyes glaze over and took this as an opportunity to start walking away again. She didn't get very far before Sawyer snapped out of it and chased after her. Grabbing her by the wrist and whirling her around, he brought her face to face with him again.
"Hey! Don't walk away." He said and she sneered at him.
"What do you wanna do? Sit down and talk about what our feelings?" She asked and his fist clenched and unclenched at his side.
"You really love to wind me up, don'tcha Muchacha?" Sawyer asked and she ripped her wrist from his.
"You think this is about you?" She asked, knowing that her words were hitting Sawyer where he hurt.
"You telling me this ain't?" He retorted and she looked up into his eyes, her eyes fiery with rage and passion but they seemed to cool down as she looked into his, the fire cooled as they looked into his clear blue eyes. She looked away, as if she could no longer look him in the eye, because she didn't need to be calmed down, she needed to be angry. She needed it for what she was going to do.
"It never was." She said quietly, still not looking him directly in the eye. On some level, that was true, but on another level, Ana knew that it was a lie. Sawyer actually stepped back, his face looking both hurt and aghast but then he replaced it quickly with a furious face. Ana bit the inside of her cheek and continued to abuse the blonde Southerner in front of her, "Don't look so shocked Cowboy, the world doesn't revolve around you."
"The hell it don't. We just took a rough and tumble on that 'ere ground and you're telling me it wasn't about me? Someone's being hypocritical here, and I'm sorry to say it ain't me." He said his accent even thicker than normal as his temper began to flare up. She just looked up at him and then started to walk away again.
"Y'know what Muchacha? You walk away. But you know you ain't gonna get anywhere. I'm still gonna be in that head of yours." He yelled at her retreating figure and then swore as she got out of sight, and kicked the nearest tree stump, which caused him to swear again and hop on one foot for a few minutes in pain.
Ana walked as far away from Sawyer as she could, she didn't pay attention to where she was going or how long she had been walking for. She tried to get his words out of her head, but she couldn't. They had buried themselves deep, true to what he had said, and she hated that. Her eyes teared up from frustration and she took it out on the nearest tree. Apparently it was 'Hit the Trees' Day on the island, because they were taking a beating every which way.
Sinking to her knees she took the gun out of her boot and stared at it down in her hand. She pictured that bastard, the one who called himself 'Henry Gale'. The one who had the nerve to try and kill her, to choke her, while calling her the killer. The Other that still was recovering from having an arrow in his shoulder, who had several other bruises and marks all over him from Sayid's little fact finding mission.
Her finger curled around the trigger and she heard her heart pound in her ears relentlessly. She imagined the look of fear that would finally enter his eyes, as he realised that Ana wasn't just fucking around. She was ready, willing and able to pull the trigger and end his worthless life. But...
She couldn't do it. Her hand started to shake, her strong grip on the gun began to loosen and she swore loudly, putting her head in her hands. The thought of killing a man in cold blood was never something she found appealing but she'd been able to do it to Jason because he had killed her child, something she took a hell of a lot more personally than attempts on her life.
She had no problem with beating up on a guy, maybe a bit of torture, even though that was probably more Sayid's area of expertise, but killing a man in cold blood? Even if he had tried to strangle her...
She didn't have the fire that she did the night that she killed Jason. She wasn't plagued with thoughts of 'What if..?' and that aching hole that losing her child had left behind. Now she just had a bruise on her neck, and a glad feeling that Locke had happened along when he had. And that he had a killer shot with his crutch, that guy could move well for a cripple.
"You look like you got a lot on your mind, Muchacha." Came a voice from behind her, she rolled her eyes at the Southern drawl and turned to him. His smirk quickly disappeared as he saw the sadness in her eyes and she just offered him a shrug and a sad smile.
"Obviously more than you, Cowboy." She said, running on auto pilot so obviously dishing out insults were a part of that. Sawyer smirk reappeared at this and his eyes twinkled down at her.
"That'd be about right, Muchacha." She raised an eyebrow at him and he added, "Seeing as our little romp left me with very little going on up here." He said and tapped his temple, which had the desired effect of making her chuckle.
"Like you had that much up there before." She sneered at him, daring him to retaliate but he just ignored it, squatting down in front of her. Seeing the gun cradled in her hands he pushed down his anger for curiosity.
"What're you planning on using that for?" He asked, searching her face and then, noticing the wound at her hairline he corrected himself, "Or should I say 'who're you planning on using that on'?" She looked up at him, and swallowed hard.
"Sorry." She said and pushed the gun back at him. He raised his eyebrows at the apology.
"Did I hear that right? Did you just say 'sorry' Chica?" He asked, his eyes dancing with delight that he didn't try to hide. She rolled her eyes at his almost child like happiness at her admission and shot him a look that would quieten most people, but only caused Sawyer's dimples to deepen further.
"Slip of the tongue." She grimaced at him and he winked at her.
"Sure it was, sugar." He jibed her lightly and then reached out and pushed back her fringe to give him a clearer view of the wound that skirted her hair line. His eyes studied it and she watched him quietly, not ready to give that particular explanation yet.
"Thankyou." She whispered softly as she looked up at him. He noticed that some tears were still creeping down her face and he used his thumb to gently wipe away these and she leaned into his touch, closing her eyes and a shudder passed through her as she felt the comfort spread.
"Look at that, girl has manners." He said softly and smiled as he saw her features slacken, and the crease in the middle of her eyebrows finally disappeared, for the first time since he'd known her. Suddenly, on a whim, he decided to move forward and gently brushed his lips against her forehead. She opened her eyes suddenly, wide with something that he couldn't quite place.
"What are you doing?" She asked, not harsh like he'd expected, but scared. Ah, that was what was in her eyes, fear. Sawyer withdrew quickly, sure she was scared and looking like an animal trapped in a corner but that didn't mean that she wouldn't take off a limb or two at the first opportunity. Hell, she tried it a few times when they were tumbling around together on the jungle floor.
"I-uh..." Sawyer was non characteristically speechless and Ana stared at him as if he'd burned her. He saw the look in her eye, the one that people got right before they took off, and tried desperately to do some damage control before she did, "Ana..." He called her by her real name, and this actually ended up scaring her even more and she suddenly pushed herself up and started to sprint in the opposite direction.
"Ana Lu!" He shouted after her, getting to his own feet but it was no use, she was already gone. Looking down at the gun in his hands, he shoved it in the back of his jeans and started to run after her.
She ran all the way to the beach never looking back, deaf to the calls of her name by Sawyer and tears streaming down her cheeks. It seemed that she cried very little, but when she did get started it was hard for her to stop. Hurley was the first person that she came across, and when she saw him she desperately started to wipe her face with the back of her hands, trying to rid any evidence that she had actually shed tears.
"Hey Ana, have you seen Libby?" Hurley asked her as she looked down at the ground, knowing that if he saw her eyes he would be able to tell what she had been doing.
"No, sorry." She muttered and went to walk off but Hurley stopped her with a shuffle and an awkward, unsure sound.
"Uh, are you ok?" He asked and she tried to take a small soothing breath and looked up at him, offering him a turning up of the corners of her mouth.
"Fine," She reassured him and he studied her, before deciding that she was telling the truth and gave her a smile.
"Okay, well I'll, uh, see you later." Hurley said and Ana couldn't help but smile at his obvious eagerness to see Libby again. Seeing the backpack she guessed that they were probably going on some sort of date, or as much of a date as you could have on the Island.
"Good luck." She wished him and gave him a small mysterious smile before walking to the water line.
A few moments later Sawyer appeared, puffing and bending over slightly. She was fitter than him, and he didn't know exactly how he felt about that. Then again, he could probably thank the more-than-a-few-packs-a-day habit he used to have. Knowing that it would be easy to spot her now, he relaxed, finally catching his breath. Shooting Hurley a smirk as he saw him wring his hands with nerves obviously wracking the usually jolly man.
"Hey Buddha." He nodded a greeting to Hurley and Hurley responded with a strained smile.
"Hey Sawyer." Hurley responded, his voice tight with anticipation. Sawyer was about to continue looking for Ana when Hurley cleared his throat, "Er, dude, have you, like, seen Libby?"
At this Sawyer chuckled, he should've guessed that the blonde shrink was the reason that Hurley had his panties in a bunch.
"Sorry Jabba, haven't seen your girl." Sawyer said and gave him a knowing grin to which Hurley gave back an unsure smile. Hurley retreated, obviously trying to plan how he was going to sweet talk the blonde on their date. Sawyer scanned the beach for signs of the Latino who had managed to escape him and spotted her, far to the right, sitting down at the waters edge.
Making his way over to her, finally enjoying the relief of doing his usual stalk/strut instead of pelting through trees and branches as he had done a few moments ago. Ana felt someone approach, and could tell by the walk that it was Sawyer. What a strutter, she thought inwardly but she didn't move. Despite what her every instinct was yelling, screaming at her to run, she stayed where she was.
"You run pretty fast, Chica." Sawyer said and Ana looked at him, no humour in her stare.
"Yeah well, you get pretty good at it with practice." Ana said and Sawyer raised an eyebrow at her.
"You do a lot of running from things Muchacha?" He asked and they both knew the underlying question. Ana's expression didn't change when he asked this, she just shifted her gaze out to the sea and decided to change the subject.
"How far away from land do you reckon we are?" She asked and Sawyer accepted the change, he wasn't gonna push it, not with his waning fitness.
"We're on land, sugar." He teased her and she shot him a look, before looking back out to sea.
"I'm serious, Cowboy." She said softly and he shrugged.
"I dunno, far enough to not have a hope of swimming for it." He drawled and she pushed the topic.
"But how far?" She questioned again and he looked at her, some impatience showing in his eyes, but it was mostly curiosity at why she was so damn persistent about it.
"I never thought about it. Isn't it enough to know that you just can't do it?" He asked and she shot him another look. He backed off, hands in surrender mode. Then he asked curiously, "How far do you reckon Chica?"
She ran a hand through her hair, which Sawyer noticed was still untamed, and sighed. She looked older than she was for a moment and Sawyer noted the bags that were starting to show themselves under her eyes.
"Sometimes it feels like it's at the other end of the world. Like somehow we fell off the map and don't have a chance of getting back on, that we aren't even in the real world anymore." She glanced at Sawyer, and seeing the look on his face quickly put up the façade that she had let slip for a moment. But she didn't realise that the look on his face was one of understanding.
"We ain't in Kansas anymore." Sawyer murmured in agreement and Ana gave him a look of amusement. To this he just shot back a defensive, "What?"
Ana just shook her head and they watched the sun set slowly, sinking into the sea and giving way to the night.