Trouble's AMAZING Truffle Adventure
Yet another chapter in the ongoing Idiotic Short Stories saga. No thanks to you guys. I want some reviews, dammit!
Disclaimer: I own nothing, I just have too much free time.
This story was roughly inspired by 'Truffle Loving' by Imaginosity
WARNING: Absolutely no plot!
Trouble Kelp sat in his office at LEP headquarters, waiting for yet another chance to show off his amazingness and rub it in Grub's face. Of course, he never had to wait long. He was soon on a shuttle on his way to America on some incredibly important mission. Not just anywhere in America, mind you. The middle of nowhere, in the desert, in southern New Mexico.
Soon, he and his team were on the surface. Surely, they were in the wrong place. He looked around. Nothing but sand, tumbleweeds, and the occasional poisonous reptile. Ah, but off in the distance… He spotted a pool of water. Probably a mirage. But it was something. They made their way toward the optical illusion, because no one was really sure what the hell they were supposed to be doing. Not long after they had set off, Trouble noticed something on the ground. It appeared to be…a chocolate truffle! Surely it would melt in the hot desert sun, but…This truffle seemed to be a magic truffle, as it hadn't melted at all, and it wasn't covered in dust and dirt, as everything was around him.
"Hey, a truffle!" Trouble said, and he tackled it. He tried to wrestle it into submission, but since it was an inanimate object, and about the size of the palm of his hand, there really wasn't much to wrestle with. So, instead, he popped it in his mouth, and continued on.
As they wandered on through the desert, Trouble stumbled upon another truffle. And another. And another. Had the sun not baked his mind by then, he would have known it was a trail of truffles, and possibly a trap, but the New Mexico sun is a cruel thing.
He followed the trail of truffles for what seemed like a few hours, when all of a sudden, a large cage dropped from the sky out of nowhere, and fell right on top of him. As the rest of Retrieval One ran about in circles screaming like little girls, Trouble knew that he was probably going to die.
"Shit. I'm gonna die," He said.
Not quite, as it turned out, but you see, deep in the desert of New Mexico, there lived a 15-year-old Latino boy who was constantly tweaked on caffeine, and had nothing better to do than read Artemis Fowl, day in and day out. Soon, he began plotting. It wasn't really that complicated of a plan. He found a way to get the LEP to send Retrieval One to the surface for a pointless mission, he left a trail of truffles leading to his home (for no one can resist the magical power of chocolate), and he rigged a large metal cage, just big enough for a fairy. This boy was called Danny, and though he wasn't quite an evil genius, he had no life and way too much spare time, and a truly deranged sense of humor.
The rest of Retrieval One soon passed out from dehydration and heat exhaustion, and Trouble sat alone in the cage. He saw someone in the distance, walking towards the cage. At first he thought they must be very far away, but he soon realized that they were a lot closer than he thought, and the person was just very short.
Indeed, it was Danny. If he were just a tiny bit shorter with pointy ears, he probably could have been an elf, with his brown skin and reddish hair.
"Hola!" Danny called.
"You're a sick bastard," Trouble said.
"Aw, you're cute!" Danny cooed, reaching through the cage to pat the elf on the head. "Here, have some more truffles."
"Oooh, truffles!"
"Damn, I can't believe my stupid plan actually worked. Well, let's go to my house. It's bloody hot out here!"
Danny then proceeded to drag the metal cage with his hostage elf inside all the way to his home, through the scorching heat of the southwest sun. When they arrived, Danny dragged the cage through the front door and too his room. His parents sat in the living room doing what they did best (drooling under the hypnotic glow of the TV) and did not inquire as to what their oldest son was up to, because frankly, they didn't really care.
When Trouble finished munching on the truffles he'd been given, he asked Danny, "You've read the books, you say? You do know they'll come for me, right? Like they did for Holly."
"Oh…Shit. I hadn't thought that far. Oh well!"
And with that, Danny freed Trouble from the cage and began to dress him in a little bear suit, as this was the entire reason for capturing him in the first place. Trouble simply wanted to die.
"Aw…LOOK AT THE LITTLE BEAR! WHO'S A CUTE BEAR! WHO'S A CUTE BEAR! YOU ARE! YES, YOU ARE! AWWWWWWWW!" Danny squealed.
"Uh…Right. Can I go now?"
"No! First, you must dance for me!"
"What the hell?"
Danny prodded Trouble with a stick, and Trouble had no choice but to do a sad little bear dance. Luckily, Danny had the attention span of a garden hose, so Trouble didn't have to dance for long.
"Well, that was fun!"
"Now can I go?"
"NO! We're not done!"
Trouble groaned, as he was stripped down once again (Oooh, sexy!) and stuffed in a little sailor outfit.
"Dance for me!"
"Again?"
"Si!"
"Gah…Alright." Trouble couldn't disobey a direct order, since he was in a human dwelling.
So, he began to dance a little sailor jig until Danny was satisfied.
"Can I PLEASE go now?" Trouble asked.
"Well…Sure. I'll miss you, though. Will you come back and visit me one day? I'm a very sad, lonely little boy. I'll give you more truffles!"
Trouble considered it. Truffles would be involved. "Oh…Well, sure, I guess," he said.
"Sweeeeet. Here, take a box of truffles for the road," Danny said as he handed Trouble another box of truffles from his extensive collection.
And, with that, Trouble left, with a box of truffles under his arm. He sincerely hoped this was all just some weird nightmare.
Good Lord that was terrible…But I want reviews nonetheless! GIMME! But don't be too hard on me, I'm aware of how stupid that was…