The Elaborate Syrup Prank

(Because I couldn't think of another name)

Disclaimer: I own nothing, I just have too much free time and a contact high from hanging out with my Hippie friend. DRUGS ARE BAD, CHILDREN!

Note: The author of this fic is a perfect little angel boy and has never done drugs in his life. Unless you count caffeine. In which case, I'm a full-blown addict. But at least it's legal. Some of my friends, on the other hand, are not quite so perfect and angelic.

Anywho, this was suggested by Crazy about Insanity. Except the idea was rather vague so this will probably be very short. PRAISE ME! PRAISE MEEEE!

That means REVIEW. Me love you long time if you review. –wink-wink-

Artemis Fowl II sat at the breakfast table prodding his food with a butterknife. Waffles. A little too sweet, for his taste. He preferred the blood of the innocent with a bit of white wine. Or so it was commonly believed.

Juliet chattered happily, "Waffles are like, so much better than pancakes. I mean, they already have little built in syrup traps. (1) That is so cool."

Syrup, thought Artemis. Sickly sweet with a high viscosity. Surely I could use this to wreak havoc on the free world, and perhaps obtain fabulous riches and worldwide fame. Then I wouldn't have to sell my soul to Satan after all. (2) Or, thought the developing teenage boy section of his brain, I could put it in someone's bed and they'd get all sticky.

So, Artemis began plotting. Plotting was something he was exceptionally good at. It also helped that he was evil beyond all reason.

Eventually, he summoned Mulch Diggums. He had Mulch take a bottle of syrup to the Lower Elements, and break into Holly's house. He then spurted (3) the contents of the bottle all over Holly's bed sheets, then he covered it up with the blanket. He also rigged up a tiny camera so he and Artemis could watch (4) the results of their scheme. Barely resisting the urge to pilfer (5) some of Holly's valuables, he left, making sure there was no sign he'd ever been there in the first place.

Holly came home from work that night utterly exhausted. She hadn't gone on any reconnaissance missions, but she had severely beaten Chix with a chair (6), been yelled at by Commander Root, and done a mountain of paperwork. All she wanted to do was climb into bed. So she did.

"Ah…AHHHH, IT'S ALL STICKY!" Holly cried, following up with a long stream of profanity.

Holly dragged herself to the shower, and changed her sheets. She also noticed the tiny camera and stomped it into oblivion. That night, she had wonderful dreams of death and murder and dancing lollipops that serenaded her beneath a magical licorice willow tree.

Artemis tittered childishly as he watched these events take place, up until his camera was destroyed.

"Well, that was amusing!" he said, feeling very satisfied with himself. And then, he couldn't help but wonder if his elaborate prank was really worth it.

"Oh, who cares, I'm rich!" He exclaimed, and went off to bathe himself in money.

(1) I love to randomly throw in a Mitch Hedburg joke whenever possible. I do it all the time in daily conversations. I truly have no life.

(2) Faust.

(3) Yes, spurted. I love that word.

(4) Little Arty is such a pervert and he doesn't even know it yet.

(5) DAMN I LOVE THAT WORD!

(6) I have to say it: Any day is a good day when Chix is getting beat up- A Long Way from Sanity, by Lugian-Holly Before Swine

That's all, folks. I find that, no matter how pointless and random, and, albeit, stupid, my fics are, they're still better when I have real inspiration. Unlike that last story. But I've always wanted to dress Trouble in a little bear suit and watch him dance. I don't know why. He's my purdy elf boy.

P.S. Did you guys like my little footie-notes? Aren't they oh-so-clever and nifty keen? You know they are. You might as well agree with me.

Review! Er…Please.