Disclaimer: I claim no responsibility whatsoever. I don't own anything, including WHR. There you go.
Hyde A/N: Hrm. I just realized there's nothing to say. Oh well. Enjoy.
Amon was in his apartment watching sports. He was bored out of his mind. It happened to be a basketball game. Amon knew nothing whatsoever about basketball. He was drinking Bepsi.
Sakaki was watching sports too. In his apartment. It happened to be the same basketball game that was boring Amon out of his skull. Sakaki, being a moderate basketball fan, however, was not bored.
"That was not a foul!" cried the announcer.
"That was not a foul!" cried Sakaki.
"What's a foul?" Amon thought.
"That ref has got to be blind," the announcer said, as though he could not believe what he was seeing.
"The ref has got to be blind," said Sakaki, as though he could not believe what he was seeing.
"What's a ref?" Amon thought.
"Oh, almost!" said the announcer, as a two-point shot bounced off the rim.
"So close!" said Sakaki.
"The point must be to get the ball through the hoop," thought Amon.
Then, there was a knock on Amon's door. Ready to do anything but watch basketball, he went and answered it.
As soon as Amon opened the door, he wished he hadn't.
"What nice PREMISES you have!" said the girl with blue hair.
Amon shut the door.
"I have CANDY," said the girl.
Amon ignored her.
"There are DUCKS in your flowerbed," she added.
Amon pulled out his orbo gun.
He opened the door, stuck the orbo gun in her face, and said, "Leave."
He should have known not to say anything.
"Okay," she said and walked right in. Amon was left standing there, pointing his orbo gun at a rhododendron bush across the way. Feeling stupid, he turned around.
The girl had opened his refrigerator and was examining it.
"Bepsi, beer, old take-out, more Bepsi, good grief…shut the door."
The last was directed toward Amon. He obeyed without thinking, and then, realizing what he had done, would have slapped his hand on his forehead in disgust, were he the type to do so.
"Do you have any BUGS around here?"
Amon stared at her, not sure what to make of this.
"FLIES, maybe?"
More silence from Amon.
She took this as an affirmation. "Okay, I'll see you." She grabbed a can of Bepsi from his refrigerator, opened it, chugged the whole thing all at once, tossed it in a nearby, overflowing trash can, and left the same way she had entered.
Amon realized his orbo gun was still in his hand. He quickly stuck it back into his coat. Outside in the hall, he heard a loud belch. He almost flinched. The equivalent of a heart attack in a normal person.
………………
Amon realized the moment he walked in the door of the STN-J headquarters the next morning that he was in for another absurd day. Michael was barely visible behind a mountain of waffle fries, which he was devouring.
"Where did you get all those waffle fries?" Robin asked.
"Mmmphruphugerhmp."
Before Robin could ask for a translation, Doujima stormed in.
"Doujima!" said Sakaki, "You're here before noon!"
She fixed him with a truly evil glare.
"I have a HUGE headache, the pizza guy woke me up at SIX IN THE MORNING thinking I had ordered an extra large extra cheese, I COULDN'T get back to sleep, and when I THOUGHT I was driving to the beauty parlor to get a manicure, I ACCIDENTALLY drove here, and SHE," Doujima pointed an accusing finger at Karasuma, who had entered behind her, "saw me and DRAGGED me in here before I could escape!"
"Did you bring waffle fries?" Michael asked.
Howling with rage, Doujima let fly with her purse and scattered Michael's waffle fries all over the floor.
"NOOOOOO!" Michael cried. "You owe me money for this! Lots of money!"
"Oh really…." Doujima sneered.
Here, Robin intervened.
"It's okay Doujima," she said. "Come on. Let's go to Harry's and get you a cappuccino."
"We've got a lot of work to do," Amon said.
"When don't we, Amon?" Karasuma asked. "Let them go."
Amon muttered to himself. With Michael collapsed on the floor, weeping for his lost waffle fries, things were not looking pleasant. He stalked off to sooth his nerves by tracking down a nice witch or two.
………………
Amon flattened himself against the building. He checked his orbo gun. It seemed in working condition. He cocked it, and readied himself to spring out and hold the witch at gunpoint.
"How ADORABLE," said a voice behind him. He whirled around instinctively and pointed his gun at the voice.
He found himself staring straight into the green eyes of the girl with the blue hair. Amon's orbo gun was about two inches from the tip of her nose, but it didn't faze her.
"Leave. Me. Alone." Amon said, giving her a Sullen Glare Which Is Intended To Fry The Eyebrows of Girls With Blue Hair That Show Up At Inopportune Moments And Ruin The Therapeutic Witch Hunts Of Dark Ominous Personages.
Instead of walking away (as Amon had hoped she would), she dug into her pocket and came up with a piece of paper and a pencil that had seen much better days. In fact, it looked like it had been living in her pocket for the last fifty years. She scribbled something on it and stuck it out toward Amon. He automatically took it. Too late, he realized that impassive persons do not accept notes from people at random. Before he could decide what to do, she turned around and left.
Amon suddenly realized that his arm was still up and he was now pointing his gun at a lamppost across the way. He lowered it. He looked at the note. It said: I'll find you at five. Make sure you're alone.
He flipped it over and looked at the back. It was a receipt for "Bob's House of Kosher Sushi." Hmm.
………………
"Waddya want?" asked the man behind the counter.
"Beer," said Amon.
"We don't serve beer."
"Bepsi,"
"We have a contract with Poca-Pola, not Bepsi."
"Poca-Pola, then.'
"We're out."
"Anything sanitary."
"That's our specialty." The man turned and poured Amon something clear out of an unmarked dispenser.
"Have you seen a girl with blue hair around here lately?" Amon asked the man.
"You want any sushi?" the man asked Amon.
Somewhat taken aback (though of course he would never show it) Amon just stared at him.
"You're at Bob's House of Kosher Sushi. So you want any sushi?"
"Do you have anything else?"
"No."
Amon, realizing he was off track tried again.
"The girl with blue hair, have you seen her?"
"Wears nothing but denim?"
"Yes, that's her."
"Sure, she's in here all the time."
"Know anything about her?"
"You gonna drink that?" The man gestured towards Amon's glass of clear something.
This time, Amon did not allow himself to be sidetracked.
"Know anything about her?"
"Not much. She's really weird."
Amon restrained the urge to stick his orbo gun up the man's nose.
"Does she drive a car?"
"Not that I've seen. You gonna drink that or not?"
"Know her name?"
"Um, no, something European I think. If you're not going to drink that I'll pour it out. But you still have to pay me for it."
"Did she ever say anything to you?"
"Say, what's it to you, huh? Are you government or something? Is she evading taxes?"
Hmm, hostility. A perfect excuse. Amon glanced both ways. The only other customer looked like he'd had too many tequilas. With the ease and speed of years of practice, Amon drew his orbo gun and pointed it right between the man's eyes.
"Let's just say I'm interested."
"Oh, erm, ah, let's see…" the man began to sweat profusely, which didn't help the smell of the place any. Amon made a mental note to go vomit in the men's room later. Sweaty sushi is enough to sicken even Amon.
"She, ah, said something about…no, she asked directions to…one of the parks around here, uh, the one out by McPonald's."
Amon dropped payment for the drink, (small tip included) and left abruptly.
………………
This chapter was fun. I think I like this new nuisance. She's so random. Better than Mr. Llama. Hmm. I don't feel very talkative right now, so I guess I'll see y'all later.
May great mounds of spaghetti never bury your computer alive,
Hyde