Disclaimer: Do not own. End of story.
Dedication: This chapter is dedicated to the real Cream Puff The Impossibly Adorable White Kitty. SO CUTE! AWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW! Okay, now that we've got that out of our system…
Hyde A/N: Hmm. Not much to say. Except that PG Wodehouse shall conquer all! MUAHAHAHAHA!
………………
First there was a blurry light and a feeling of floating on a sea of weightlessness. Then, as the blurry light condensed, Amon slowly settled down onto solid ground. He blinked, startling himself. He was staring at his ceiling, not thinking at all, his mind numb and blank.
A strange rumbling sound recalled him somewhat to himself. Slowly, he turned his head to the left, the rest of his body completely inert, and found himself eye to eye with the rumble.
Amon shot to his feet and groped for his orbo gun. For the next three minutes Amon stood there motionless, pointing an orbo gun at and having a staring contest with the most adorable thing he had ever seen.
"Me-ew?" said the smallish white kitten. Tiring of the staring contest, it lowered its head and began to systematically wash one adorable white paw. Amon didn't move.
Finally he slowly brought the gun down, convinced that the kitten was not going to self-detonate, at least for the moment. Suddenly he realized that nothing made sense. Why was he in bed, in broad daylight, with his macho black coat on, with a white kitten next to him? Shooting the kitten a suspicious look, he backed out toward the kitchen/living room area of his apartment.
With a very strong feeling of déjà vu, he looked at two days worth of mail on the floor by his door. Hadn't he been in exactly this same situation before? No, last time he woke up on the couch, after drugging himself accidentally by way of a heavily drugged Bepsi. Had he knocked himself out with a Bepsi again? He couldn't remember doing so. He couldn't remember anything. It was all a fog.
He picked up the mail and flipped through it. Junk, junk, bill, junk, letter from Abigail, junk, bill, junk…Wait! He backed up. The déjà vu hit hard. A letter from Abigail. He began to wonder if he had only dreamed waking up last time.
Something touched his ankle. Dropping the mail all over the floor, he leapt back and brought out his orbo gun. The impossibly adorable kitten looked up at him uncomprehendingly. "Mew?" it inquired. Amon sent back a Sullen Glare Intended To Transport To Mars All Suddenly Appearing Adorable White Kittens. It made no impression on the kitten, whose cuteness and still-on-this-planet-ness was undiminished.
"Mrrow," the white kitten said firmly, and wandered off to the kitchen. Amon watched as it delicately lapped at a puddle of water in the sink with a tiny pink tongue. Giving himself a mental shake, he turned back to Abigail's letter.
Thus says the Great Mother Goddess:
"Her name is Cream Puff. No, Abigail did not put her there, I let her in. She needs a home. DO NOT mail her anywhere. You know now the power of my wrath, small pale mortal. Greater dooms await than the AADOM if you are not cooperative."
May the Great Mother Goddess ever guide your steps,
Abigail
Amon looked at the kitten, then at the letter, then at the kitten, then at the letter. He snorted under his breath. He looked at Cream Puff, and snorted louder.
"Mewk!" Cream Puff replied, giving him a full force Adorable Stare Calculated To Melt The Hardest Of Hearts.
Just then, a knock sounded on the door. Amon opened it and beheld Doujima, dressed in blinding pink.
"Amon! You're awak…I mean, where the heck have you been?"
Amon stared at her.
"Mreow," Amon heard behind him. Immediately he felt a sinking feeling in his stomach.
"A KITTEN!" Doujima shrieked. "IT'S SO CUTE!" She blew past him, and the next thing Amon knew Doujima was sitting on his couch with Cream Puff in her arms.
"Where did you get her, Amon?" she asked, scratching the kitten's delicate white ears.
"Mutter."
"A pet is just what you need, Amon. Here, hold her," she dumped the kitten into Amon's arms, "while I find something edible for her."
Cream Puff, unintimidated by Amon's dark ominous countenance, clawed her way straight up to his shoulder, where she perched contently. Doujima chattered unintelligibly from inside a cupboard.
"Amon, what do you eat?" she asked, emerging with a layer of dust in her hair.
"Bepsi," he said darkly.
Doujima paused, not entirely certain that he was not telling the truth, and then turned to the refrigerator.
"Ooh, I found a hamburger that isn't quite covered in mold! Here kitty kitty, you can have this, such as it is."
Cream Puff leapt from Amon's shoulders and devoured the patty hungrily. Doujima stroked her lovingly.
"Awwww…she's so hungry! What have you been feeding her?" she turned a full force Patented Doujima Accusatory Stare on him.
"Mutter," he said, turning to set his mail on the couch.
She sighed. "Amon, you've got to get her some cat food. Kitten food, preferably."
Amon sent back a look that was half questioning and half incredulous.
She sighed again. "Come on. I'll show you." He followed her dubiously outside. She went for her car, and he went for his.
"Come on, Amon, no use wasting gas, just hop in with me."
Amon sent her an emphatic Sullen Glare That Firmly Reprimands All Slightly Ditzy Blondes Who Attempt To Tell Dark Ominous Personages To Do Any Hopping Of Any Kind.
She sighed, and climbed in the passenger seat.
…………………
Later, and well stocked with the appropriate kitten food and flea medicine, Amon and Cream Puff sat in his living room, watching each other. Amon wondered how often this thing was supposed to eat. Cream Puff was no doubt wondering what she'd gotten herself into.
A knock on the door jolted them both from their respective reveries. Amon rose to answer it and Cream Puff stretched lazily and followed him.
Seeing Robin on his doorstep, Amon's first emotion was relief that it wasn't Doujima again.
"Amon. Are you…alright?" she asked softly.
"I'm fine."
There was half a moment's awkward pause before Cream Puff intervened.
"Mreeew?" she inquired, poking her head around the door.
"Aahh…" a half sigh escaped Robin's lips before she was struck completely dumb by the extremely adorable sight. She knelt and stretched out a hand. Cream Puff sniffed it and then rubbed her head against it.
"Oh…" said Robin. She scratched the kitten behind the ears.
"Preewk!" said Cream Puff in appreciation, and began to purr loudly.
"Oh, Amon, she's precious!" said Robin in a half-whisper.
"Mutter."
"Oh, can I hold her?"
"Mutter."
Robin scooped Cream Puff up. "What's her name?"
"Mutter."
"She looks like she would be a Cream Puff."
"Mutter!"
"What?" she turned her face up to look at him questioningly, and Cream Puff did the exact same thing at the exact same moment. The complete and total adorableness of the picture before him caused even Amon to pause before replying, "Nothing."
"So what IS her name?"
Amon forced himself to say the words out loud, and it almost killed him. "Cream Puff."
"Wow. I guessed right."
He gave a half nod.
"You're coming to work tomorrow?"
Nod.
"Good. See you there." She shyly handed him Cream Puff and the kitten crawled to her perch on Amon's shoulder.
Amon stood there after she left, until he realized that he was standing on his own doorstep staring into space with a kitten on his shoulder. He quickly retreated inside and slammed the door.
……………….
Aww, I can just see Robin and Cream Puff.
Ha, I finally managed to motivate myself enough to finish this chapter! I thought this would be an easy chapter to motivate myself to, considering the Cream-Puff-ful-ness, but no. I don't know why.
May you never discover a herd of small ostriches in your dryer,
Hyde
This is Ais from the balcony: I can verify Cream Puff's adorableness. I have to thank Hyde for this chapter. I can safely say it is my favorite so far. I can also say, as official secondary spell-check aficionado and poster of fanfics, that Hyde misspelled 'refrigerator' repeatedly.
May small packets of conveniently pocket-sized Kleenex never dance upon your head,
Ais