Disclaimer: I don't own any of the original POTC characters…otherwise I would be making a real book or movie…not fan fiction. I hold all rights to my original characters.

Chapter One

Wow…What an amazing afternoon. How could this day get any better? Well…At least, how could this walk get any better? This actually hasn't been the best day…In fact, up until this point it's really sucked some major ass. I mean, no one remembers my birthday, then not a single present, card or call from anyone. How does the fucking person who gave birth to me not remember my birthday? But then again…maybe she didn't forget, just chose to ignore me this year too. I guess I can understand that, cause she's still in Vancouver and pissed at me for moving out here with Dad… But I can't believe it's been two years and she's still…like this. Okay, gotta focus on the good things. It's my birthday (YAY! 16!), I'm officially old enough to drive out here (YAY! 16!), I have this wonderful solitude path…

I sighed and mused to myself as I walked through my forest. It isn't actually mine, but my family owns the land. And, as an added bonus, no one else in my family really cares to come out here. Even though Dad blazed the trail through here, no one uses it but me…and that's just the way I like it. I'd be really surprised to bump into anyone here other than my dogs.

But then I heard a noise. I thought it was my dogs, but then I saw a person…decked out in a pirate outfit? A guy around my age, maybe a year or two older, stumbled out of the trees. His outfit was rather dirty and ripped, and I felt kind of guilty…after all, it was my trees that ruined his costume. I gave myself a mental slap. This guy was trespassing; I shouldn't be feeling bad if he suffered because of it!

"Um…Miss, could you tell me where the nearest port is?" His voice made electric shivers run up my spine. It was like Don Juan De Marco's (A/N Another movie of Johnny's…very sexy) mixed with Captain Jack Sparrow's…Come to think of it, he looks rather like Jack…Funny how that goes, eh? But as for his comment, I was surprised. We were in the middle of the Canadian Prairies, where on earth would there be a port? "Hello? Can you hear me?" I gave him a glare; I was just shocked for a few seconds.

"Yeah, I can hear you, Trespasser. What d'ya what?"

"Trespasser? Who are you to grant me such a title?" He looked mildly panicked, but also had a 'Don't stir up shit with me' look about him. He was a brave guy to even think of taking that sort of stance when I was in my warpath mood. Like I was now…

I returned the favor and said, "Try the owner of this land. What's your purpose here?"

"I…I must bestow my apologies to you. I merely assumed one so young could not own such a vast plot of land. I have no real purpose here…I was separated from my party and you're the first person I've seen for days." I must have had eyes the size of dinner plates, because he started reassuring me, "Do not worry. I am often parted from my family and the rest of our entourage. Now I ask you again…Where is the nearest port?"

I rolled my eyes—this guy obviously took me as some sort of idiot who would actually believe that pirates and ports existed in 21st century Alberta. "Listen, I don't know who you're trying to fool, but there aren't any ports anywhere close to here. The closest would be Vancouver…and that's an hour plane ride away. I suggest you find someone stupider or younger if you want to fool anyone… or, as another alternative, just accept we're in Alberta and it's the year 2007 and stop trying to fool anyone." At that point, his eyes turned to saucers.

"2007? That's impossible! It was 1796 last time I…I mean, honestly, the gall of…How on earth could this have happened?" He went on babbling for a while, and I began to think he might've been hit on the head or something. He went ranting on, storming up and down the path. If I didn't calm him down soon…I don't know what would happen.