I really liked how I could just keep Ms. Bitters as the teacher, that's the beauty of Invader Zim.
It all makes sense.
I do not own Invader Zim, and I know a lawyer...so...be afraaaaaaid.
...
I really don't like cafeteria food. >.

-----------------------------------This Life Just isn't my Day

Zim had no idea what the crazed human boy-child had in mind when leaping upon the school-owned
lunch table, he had learned long ago to stop trying to decode human actions, for they often had little, or nothing,
to actually do with what was going on inside their heads.
Once those words, those peace disturbing, destructive, devastatingly drastic words were voiced, the Dib-monkeys plan was clear.
Everything seemed to slow down as seconds stretched into agonizingly vast spaces of time, where detail ruled with a sharpness to the overall image, where every shape and form had its viscosity. Zim could do nothing, absolutely nothing to stop the occurring events. And he knew it.
Oh. the. humanity.
Dib grinned as his target reacted to the surprise of a cafeteria food drenching.
The great lump of a child reared up on its two legs, spine curved in an agony highly exaggerated, mouth open and issuing a stream of cries to voice his disgust and distaste with the turn of events, eyes wide and staring, rage brewing behind the insufficient pupils of the human race. This was the face of barbarity that was common to the hallways of this educational facility.
The victim of the first thrown food artillery submerged his hand into a substantial mound of chipped beef and kidney pie, digging up a good handful to teach the punk who had dared cross him a lesson, and with a gross creaking of bones and muscle, the bullet was launched at its mark, Dib and all of his immediate surroundings.
The combination of disgusting meats flew through the air. Flew, flew, flew, flew. Sailed across the cafeteria.
Dib stepped lithely out of the way, and the fetid grouping of malodorous meats planted itself neatly on the head of a honor roll student before imploding and spraying the entire cafeteria with its stench and slime.
There was a pregnant pause.
And then all hell broke loose.
Several more choruses of the phrase "Food fight!" were yodeled across the room as all manner of inedible foodstuffs were gathered together and loosed across the writhing mess of warring humans.
The pupils of Zim's contacts contracted almost into the verge of nothingness as a putrid sphere of pulsing noodles and goose liver mashed itself onto the right side of his face, inflicting an immediate and intense burning, through his veins and to the very end of his feet.
"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH! OH THE BURN! DEATH! BURNING DEATH!" involuntary screams freed themselves from his mouth as Zim burned under the human food.
A small part of his still-sane mind told himself to worry about the plan, the plan! The plan was worth so much more than these few seconds of pain, he needed to shield the plan for the plan could not shield itself!
Dib, meanwhile, continued to aggravate the jock, earning several fistfuls of heart of pig and lima bean salad, as well as a rather large helping of dessert, corn cobbler with a tomato-like paste as garnish.
Zim clamped his mouth shut, his hands hooked in claws, but nevertheless traveling quickly forward to put his planning back into its place of safety.
After a few rounds of butt-wiggling and tongue poking, Dib earned the largest flying ball of food yet, an infinitely huge and fast moving mass of rotten broccoli and a topping that was unmistakably the already-chewed texture of cottage cheese.
It moved surprisingly fast for something its size and consistency.
Zim saw the food bomb as well, yet his hands moved no faster to save the plan.
If anything, they moved slower.
As if through a thick congealment of molasses.
They grew closer, ever so much more closer, but the food ball and its unholy super speed beat them to it.
Dib evacuated his former spot moments before the food ball, food bomb exploded outward upon the table surface. He was sprayed with a fine mist of cheese broccoli, but the fall of his image mattered little to him now, for his wounds of the great food war were miniscule in comparison to those of Zim, and more importantly his plans.
They were massacred; there was not a chance of salvaging them from the mess. In fact, it was kind of hard to tell where the table began and they ended.
His work here was complete.
Dib grinned triumphantly and strutted from the room to clean up, just as teachers rushed in to stop the quarreling students with their riot fire hoses.
Zim sat, not even blinking as children around him screamed in both glee and fear as the massive pressure being issued from the hoses splayed them upon the wall without a chance in the world of moving. Zim soon joined them, his skin burning anew, yet all he could do was stare at the his desecrated plans, ripped and covered in water now, tearing under the pressure. Zim was silent in his desolation.
Well, for a few seconds I'm sure.
Once the powerful jet streams were turned off, and children started filing aimlessly back to their respective classrooms, still dripping from the events of the lunch-gone-wrong. The Irken traversed the length of the cafeteria quickly, heading towards the outdoors to evaporate the burning water still upon him, causing him to twitch with every painful step.
Feeling slightly regenerated, thanks to the rays of the sun, Zim shook himself all over, vacating every little drop of H2O from his skin. It was only then that he could recall the thought process necessary for this moment.
Most of his stay on Earth was much like this. He would scheme and plan for months, then finally perfect the plan to destroy these grubby little beings that plagued him, and then they would be destroyed, dashed upon the rocks of reality by some little technicality or turn of luck for the humans.
Oh. the. humanity.
He should not dwell on this now. He cast about for the real matter that should be rationalized at this moment.
The plan.
Zim considered the state of his plan.
It was ruined beyond repair.
The rips were numerous and great in their length, despite the heavy hosing, there was still a mass of congealed cottage cheese around the edges, and the whole mess was soaking with the water used to repel the students.
He had been foiled again, no doubt about it.
And it was all the Dib-human's fault.
He would pay for crossing him this time.
Oh how he'd pay.
The class was receiving a lecture on the general decline in childhood behavior for the third time this week when Zim walked into class, eyes squinted in anger and body rigid in a rage. He did not sit in his desk, as much as he threw himself at it, giving the people who had dared look a sour expression of loathing.
Ms. Bitters was undeterred however.
"Zim, why weren't you in class promptly after the lunch hour?"
"I was removing the stench of your kinds monstrous eating substances from my body," Zim shot back, glaring plainly at the woman.
"Well, while you were cleaning up, the rest of the class was learning," Ms. Bitters sneered, clearly growing impatient with Zim's attitude.
"Learning? Is that what you call what goes on in here? I'm sorry but I was under the impression that this was a head trauma ward and all of the children here are in a state of comatose so great that they are beyond even elementary learning," Zim retorted, observing his gloved hand for a spell before shifting his gaze to the quickly angering woman.
"There will be no more of that sass young man, or else you'll join the children in the underground school," she threatened, clearly about to return to her lecture.
Zim scoffed, "Psht. Underground school? Please, what do you take me for?"
Ms. Bitters pulled a lever and the floor below Zim's desk disappeared, and if not for Zim's Irken reflexes, he may have as well. He stared wide eyed at the hole before it quickly closed off, putting a damper on the pleas that had begun to issue from the hole as soon as it opened.
"Now, will you kindly take your seat?" she hissed, "or else next time that hole may lead to a bed of spikes tipped with poison rather than the underground school."
The class roared with laughter as Zim quietly sat back in his seat.
Today just isn't my day, he thought.
The gratifying dismissal bell rang true and children clamored to leave the building holding them prisoner. They used all exits, even made new exits, all to free themselves from the tenuous hold of the building of lower level education that some would be doomed for what could be most of their pre-teen lives.
Zim trailed behind the mob, his bag no longer in a position of reverence and prestige, restored to its station of just another grimy old school bag, worthy only of carrying school supplies.
Zim looked to the heavens, perhaps searching for Irk among the dark clouds in the sky, changed drastically from the cheery heat that had been dispersed among the neighborhood at the lunch hour. He lamented the loss of his plans in all of their perfection. He was experiencing a feeling as close to sadness as any Irken had ever felt.
Oh. the. humanity.
The forlorn mood was spoiled by raucous laughter emitted directly from behind him, injecting itself into the very pit of his mind and shaking his sense like an over-zealous gambler's roll in craps.
"You look so sad it's almost poetic. How rich!" Dib chortled, barely able to stand, his fit of laughter overtaking him.
Zim's eyes creaked back, the human in his peripheral vision. Oh how he wished he could kill him. Simply squeeze the life out of him. How rich that would be.
"Leave me Dib. You have caused enough damage for today, but not enough to nullify Zim entirely," his voice fluctuated in the nuances of his challenge. He half-believed himself.
He really was good.
"Oh please! You've been saying things like that for years now. You're never going to invade Earth Zim," Dib mocked, voice filling with disdain and his mouth curling up in a smirk of iniquity.
Zim's eyes snapped shut. He didn't have to take this. He would just go back to the house and watch television with Gir. Then perhaps he could forget this mishap.
Dib continued to harangue him, "Your leaders must be really dense Zim, if they sent you to invade Earth. You can barely keep up with the school teacher's insults and threats, much less those of an entire planet, aimed against your goal."
"You're a disgrace to your kind Zim."
"You're going to die here on Earth a failure and your race will wash its hands of you."
"You truly disgust me Zim."
The words were so painful. So much more painful than before. He should not be allowing this to happen.
These things weren't supposed to happen.
Not to him.
He whirled around, ready to loose a few insults of his own, but Dib plowed ever on.
"Your whole planet is probably as lame as you. I bet that even if you're whole planet was here at your disposal, you couldn't conquer the human race," Dib exclaimed in a fervor of malice, these insults were really good. He was on a roll!
Zim opened his mouth to comment on any number of things, his arm outstretched in a gesture of accusation, his eyes flashing with vindication.
And then he stopped.
His eyes closed in contentment.
His mouth slowly shut, and then twitched into a smile.
The smile grew into a sneer of pure evil.
"Dib-monkey, you could not take on my entire planet if you were a million times as smart as the most intelligent person on this ball of dirt you call home," Zim said darkly, that evil sneer on his face all the while.
He turned and walked away, the disturbing little smile never leaving his face.
And maybe there's a way to prove it little Dib-let, Zim thought, a new plan forming in his head.
One that put the old one to shame.
Very much so to shame.
------------------------------------------

fake excitement OMG! What couldZim be planning!
w00t!