Due to the overwhelming feedback (I'm being serious here, two reviews gave a such a feeling of elation that I couldn't shut up about it for days ), I decided to put this up. Unfortunately I have some very severe writer's block Oo, so I'm not sure when chapter six is going to be up, much less what it will be about. .
I still want reviews. .
I do not own Invader Zim.
Now, onward!
---------------------------------Operation Teleportation
The soldier glanced upward, setting his blaster into the 'ready' mode, and aiming for the guard on the wall, pulled the trigger. A silent burst of energy erupted from the weapon and the opposing soldier feel from the wall without even a scream of pain, landing on his neck with a sickening crack that echoed across the pavilion.
If anyone heard that, he was dead.
Literally.
The opposite side of the pavilion was his goal, if he could make it there, then his mission would be accomplished. But there was a problem. With no cover, the moon shining brightly with few clouds in the sky, and fifty more guards in lieu of the one dead, he could not even hope to sneak by unobserved.
He would have to make a break for it.
He readied his blaster, and made sure all of his protective armor was at its full capacity, and waited for the guard on the east quadrant to turn his back.
Now.
He made a break for it. For the first few nanoseconds of his sprint he was unnoticed, but within a blink of an eye a barrage of multi-coloured bursts of heat and bullets were fired upon him. With a rolling flip, he managed to bypass the bulk of the shots, but some hit anyway, ricocheting from his armor with a sizzle of electricity.
His stamina dropped a notch.
He gritted his teeth and plowed onward.
He was almost in the clear! One foot in front of the other, he grew closer to the other side of the pavilion, nothing in his way.
Until a great creature landed in front of his, and roared with a mouth filled with uncountable rows of needle sharp teeth.
The soldier didn't falter though, as he drew himself up, cocked his blaster and fired, the creature roared, "I WILL EAT YOUR LIMBS FROM YOUR SCREAMING BODY!"
A compound energy blast exited from the barrel of the blaster, and the creature surged forward,
and-
"My tallest?"
The screen was filled now, not with an immense roaring monster, but with the face of an invader very well known to the tallest.
It was Zim.
Tallest Red threw down his control and glared at the screen with a great amount of hatred on his face and snapped "What Zim? You interrupted the final battle of my game. What?" This was one of the rare occasions he got to stay in his luxurious quarters, and his downtime had been interrupted by this horrendous excuse for an invader. "My apologies Tallest Red," Zim said plaintively, "but this will take only a moment of your time."
"How did you get in there? I'm disconnecting you right now," and Red began to fiddle with some dials on the back of the monitor. Zim's picture blurred and flashed, but did not disappear entirely.
"Tallest Red, I have a plan to invade Earth-" Zim began.
"Yeah well what else is new?" Red asked in a biting tone.
"-and I need your cooperation, the cooperation of all of Irk."
Red stopped, and looked at the screen quizzically. "Why?"
Zim took a breath and continued, "I will send you my plan in full before telling you where I could use your help, and I hope you'll see how truly ingenious I have become." Zim inserted the little disk that held his plan, and Tallest Red became a smaller square among the lines of his plan. Likewise, on Red's side of the conversation, Zim had been reduced to an in-picture screen, while line after line of elaborate equations scrolled ever onward on the descent to the actual plan.
Red scrutinized the mathematics to the plan, using his joystick to scroll past what he had already read. When he got to the actual phrasing of the plan, his scarlet eyes grew wide with wonder.
"Did the computer check these equations out?" he asked, almost breathless.
"Yes," Zim replied.
"Even with the calculation of coincidence/resistance/competition/apocalyptic change factored in?" Red inquired, quickly scrolling to parts of the plan that he thought would be wrong.
But they weren't.
None of it was.
Everything seemed to check out.
And it was Zim who had created it.
"Hold on a second," Red mumbled, and he made his way toward the door to his room. He opened it and motioned to a guard down the hall. "Yes Tallest Red?" the soldier asked, saluting the leader. "Go get Tallest Purple and bring him to my quarters," Red commanded,
"He'll want to see this."
Purple's reaction was a little less, restrained, than that of Tallest Red's.
"There is no way that's even possible," he cried in disbelief
"No fucking way!"
"Pur control yourself," Red said in an undertone, "one moment Zim," and with that Red turned off the monitor that just minutes ago had displayed his favourite video game, and now showed a scheme that might very well affect all of Irk if they allowed it to. Zim was still connected though, via the rouge port he had rigged up, and he was waiting.
"What are we going to do Red? What can we do?" Purple asked, sounding a little panicked by the immensity of what was being presented to them. "How the heck should I know? We never expected to be confronted with such a monumental plan by Zim! Skoodge maybe, but never that invader reject we left for dead on Earth!" Red exclaimed in both frustration and worry.
It was times like this that being tallest became tedium rather than a privilege.
Purple chewed on his bottom lip before musing, "Well I suppose we could inform our lieutenants and then prepare a portion of the armada-"
"You don't actually think we can go through with his plan do you?" Red interrupted. Purple looked confused and responded, "Why wouldn't we? Are you suggesting that we abandon such an astronomically time-saving plan, that requires little-to-no contribution from ourselves but approval?" "Pur, this is Zim we're talking about. If we did approve of his plan then we'd be risking the armada!" Red explained, clearly seeing the snags that could happen exemplified in all of their destructive power.
"But the computer checked it out-"
"Well what if the computer's wrong?"
Purple laughed, and it sounded unnatural and forced, "The computer can't be wrong Red! It's Irken, even if it is old. And as far as computer's go, shouldn't the Control Brains be handling this dispute? My head is starting to spin."
"If I think the computer has overlooked something, couldn't the Control Brains overlook something as well? Some sort of flaw in our technology?" Red said, trying to convey to his co-ruler and companion the deep uneasy feeling he felt from his antennae to the tips of his hovering feet. Purple laughed once more in that unnatural way and said, "Oh please Red! You think that just because Zim comes up with a totally awesome foolproof plan that there might be a flaw in Irken technology? Wouldn't it be more likely that that idiot of an invader just happened to coincidentally hit upon a genius plan by accident?" Red scoffed and muttered under his breath, "Now who's being illogical?" Purples eyes narrowed uncharacteristically smaller and he replied, clearly annoyed, "If you're too chicken you can just admit it."
His friend and fellow tallest stared at him, jaw dropped before bursting into a loud and rather rude fit of hysterics.
Red just couldn't believe the irony of the whole situation. He a chicken and Purple not! Of all the gall! He never though the day would come when his docile little cry-baby of a friend would call him a chicken! Oh the irony of it all.
Purple crossed his arms, growing more annoyed.
Red tried to curb his amusement, "I'm s-sorry, P-Pur, just, the very idea that I-I w-would be a ch-ch-ch-chicken, and you-" and he was off again, laughing harder than he ever had. Purple put his hands on his hips, irritated with his comrade's behavior. He said, "Well if you could show a little more focus," Red snickered at that, "and actually pass some judgment, then maybe we could go back to what we're supposed to be doing, which is relaxing."
Red fought off another bout of cruel, yet innocent laughter. When Purple wanted to chill, sure he was the world's most intense guy, but when a battalion of Resistance ships were firing on The Massive, he was a whimpering puddle of tears. "Alright," Red replied, a little more seriously, "we are going to run this plan past the Control Brains, not once, but five times, and make absolutely sure there is no tactical error, and even then we're going to check the Control Brains after for any virtual bug they may have." Purple smiled relieved, "Finally you see reason! And you have to admit, it sure is a great plan!"
Red sighed, "Yes Purple, it's a hell of a plan."
On Zim's side of the universe things were quieter and with less debate. Zim knew they would come to accept his plan eventually to not would be asinine and fraudulent with debauchery and stupidity. He was glad that he could finally get one mark of excellence with the tallest, for with one occurrence of earned respect came things like trust, loyalty, and untold privileges. Zim sat for quite some time, hours passed until it was almost time for him to return to that wretched education prison, when his screen blipped, before focusing into a picture of both Tallest Red and Tallest Purple. "Zim, we have decided to cooperate with your plan, but only if a few changes are made," Red stated, Purple standing beside him, and the three Control Brains visible in the background. "Name it my Almighty Tallest," Zim said with complete humbleness and servitude in his voice. "We will call the shots, we will initiate the plan, and we will have complete and total control of aborting the plan at any time we wish," Red declared finitely, a thundercloud of severity obscuring his brow. "And," Tallest Purple added, "we want all of the snacks on Earth."
Zim hesitated, he had wanted this to be his operation, but with such binding restrictions he would only be able to control the smallest of things.
But, if he played his cards right this time, perhaps he would finally be able to be known as an invader.
"Of course my Tallest," he replied.
"Then this discussion is over. We will contact you," Red said stoutly, reaching forward before the screen went black.
Zim closed the open port between himself and the monitor in Tallest Red's bedroom, and then stretched. He quick, deleted a line from his plan, and retyped it to accommodate Tallest Purple's dictation. He would reenergize now, after such an effort-demanding transaction, and walked into the elevator that would bring him to the top floor of his house.
Gir appeared beside him and chirped, "Sooooooooooooooo, how'd go?"
Zim smiled sleepily, "It went well Gir."
"It went well."
The port of course was closed, but the computer was still on in a deep stage of hyper-sleep, the summary of the plan left displayed on the monitor.
If you were lucky enough to know the complex language of Irken, this is what you would read:
Oh the humanity.
It is the humanity of humanity that will be its downfall. These creatures are dimwitted and slow, and have poor defense and offense systems, making it a place ripe for a sneak attack. Through particle displacement, I will transport a mere fourth of the armada here where they will be at my command, to totally obliterate all of human kind. Because of the complications of particle displacement, I will not so much be doing a displacement as a replacement. The fourth of the armada will be gathered on Irk, and instead of teleporting it into thin air, I will replace it with a great mass of something, the substance being a kind of a space-filler on Earth. So the end result will be my space-filler replacing the armada, and the armada replacing the space-filler. The question is, what exactly would be great enough to replace that fourth of the armada in volume and mass?
All of Earth's junk food.
Oh. the. humanity.
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I missed the "Oh. the. humanity.", and was really happy when I got a chance to put it back in.
And yes, I'm going to beg, please please please please PLEASE review!