o:o:o
Why were they so concerned with her taking an Apprentice? She didn't want one. It was just one more thing for her to worry about. When she went on missions she relied more on her psychometric talents than the Force, and what kind of training would that be for someone without that ability?
And what was this about the Council not wanting to make her a Master if she didn't take an Apprentice? She never thought she'd see a time when the Jedi resorted to blackmail – but holding her mastery above her head? Jedi Master was only a title, and titles weren't worth anything unless one had the skills to back them up. She knew she had the abilities – did she really care if she had the title?
The Force led Phaelon on a wandering path through the Academy up a turbolift, down a flight of stairs, through a cavernous hallway, down a small side-hall… She didn't know how long she wandered – the sun had set long ago and still she had no incites into her dilemma. She knew she didn't want an Apprentice, but what did the Force want of her?
Her aimless path finally led her back at to hangar. She sighed, this drifting was getting her no where. Perhaps if she had something to focus on? Looking around the hangar, her eyes fell on her extravagantly splattered fighter and a thought came to her.
A few minutes later, she was sitting on the nose of her X-wing, painting. Having scoured all the paint off, she was back to applying a basecoat of light grey while she contemplated. It was much more quiet in the hangar with only the techs and droids and the machinery, and much easier to think as well.
"Need some help?"
The voice suddenly intruded into her thoughts. Phaelon was so focused on her painting and her thinking, she started and nearly slid sideways off the X-wing.
"Sorry about that," Jysella Horn apologized. "I was just wondering if you needed some help."
She smiled. "Since you helped splatter it in the first place…Sure, grab a brush."
The painting went twice as fast with the two of them working on it. When they were finished, they stepped back to admire the new paint scheme. Jysella had convinced her of the boringness of the plain grey and helped her embellish the fighter. A line of navy blue interconnected diamonds trailed down either side of the nose to mimic Phaelon's own markings and flames of navy blue, gold, and purple trailed along the leading edge of the s-foils as well.
The chrono on the wall told them it was nearly dinner time. They had painted nearly the whole day away! "Come on," said Phaelon at length, "they'll be wondering where we are if we don't show up for dinner."
As they walked towards the dining hall, Phaelon considered everything she'd thought about in the last day. The Force hadn't given her a definitive answer, but perhaps that's because the decision was hers alone to make. Who would she take as an Apprentice if she did? Jysella? No, Corran and Mirax were her friends, if something happened to their daughter, she'd never be able to face them again.
She stopped dead. The answer hit her like a stunner.
o:o:o
It didn't matter that she had no one when the war started or that her homeworld of Kiffu wasn't being threatened. Beginning with Miko Reglia, she'd been forced to endure as the Yuuzhan Vong slaughtered billions of innocents and began a vendetta against the Jedi in particular. She had hoped for a peaceful resolution, but they created the voxyn – horrible, Force-sensitive creatures that proved to be more-than-efficient Jedi hunters. The mission to Myrkr destroyed most of the voxyn, but killed nearly half of the Jedi strike team, including Anakin Solo. It didn't stop there, the Vong kept coming and more Jedi kept dying.
She shuddered as the faces of those they lost came flooding back to her.
That's why she didn't want an Apprentice. There was too much attachment if something happened to them. She'd spent so much of her life on her own, she didn't think she was capable of having another person to look out for. She had been okay with teaching at the Academy, but she didn't want to form any bonds – not just yet. Maybe some day she would, but not now.
"You okay?" asked Jysella, looking worried.
Phaelon forced a smile. "I'll be fine. I just need to talk with Master Skywalker."
o:o:o