Unconditionally
She watched him from the side-entrance doorway, sighing at the lost look in his eyes. Beautiful crystal blue orbs that once held so much sparkle and life now held only a weary resignation.
It doesn't have to be this way, Ethan. Theresa thought sadly. If only you would listen to your heart.
After witnessing him take what she counted to be his fourth shot of bourbon since she'd began watching him, she decided to make her presence known.
"I know what you're trying to do." she stated, entering the kitchen and coming to a stop behind him.
"And what's that, Theresa?" Ethan responded warily, not turning to look at her. Not wanting to face the pain and betrayal that he was sure must be written all over her expressive face. All he'd wanted was to sit and drink in peace. Forget, even if just for a little while, the mess he'd made of his life. But, as usual, Theresa wouldn't let him hide.
"You're trying to make me hate you."
"Excuse me!" forcing a laugh, he turned to face her, shooting her an incredulous look. "What is that supposed to mean? Why in the world would I be trying to make you hate me?"
"It's simple, really. You think that if you hurt me badly enough, I'll hate you. I'll move on. And then moving won't be so hard. You leaving won't hurt so much if I hate you. You think that it's easier to run from your emotions than to have to finally face up to them." shaking her head, Theresa chuckled. "You know, I never thought of you as a coward until now."
"Coward? I am not a coward!" Ethan protested. "I'm trying to do what is best for my wife, to protect my marriage."
"Liar. You're protecting yourself. You're scared. Ever since your coma, your iron control over your heart, over your feelings, is all but disappearing and that terrifies you. Face it, Winthrop. I scare you."
"You do not scare me." his voice sounded weak to his own ears.
"Yes I do. You lose control around me. You're open and you feel. You're human, and not the perfect, untouchable image your mother raised you to be. We've seen every side of each other, Ethan. Laughed, cried, loved, fought, and done unspeakable things to each other. But despite all of the pain, you still love me, and I still love you. I'm still here. I think that's what scares you the most. That no matter how ugly things have been, no matter how much we put each other through, no matter how hard you try and push me away, I'm still here. And you don't know how to deal with that."
"How can you?" came the disbelieving reply. "How can you do that?"
Theresa smiled tenderly at this man she'd fought and almost died for, gently caressing his face.
"Because that's what true love is about. It's unconditional. No strings, no rules, no traps. And that's how I love you. Unconditionally. It's hard for you to accept and understand because you hadn't had a lot of it in your life. I get that." she sighed. "You certainly didn't get that kind of love from your mother or Julian growing up. And Gwen's too wrapped in her wants and needs to deal with yours."
"Gwen-"
"Gwen loves you as long as you toe her line. We both know that. She loves the golden boy she used to know. The man who did everything to please everybody else, especially her. But you aren't that person anymore. You haven't been for a while now. She doesn't want the real you. She doesn't even know the real you."
"And I suppose you do?" Ethan questioned belligerently.
Ignoring his tone, Theresa nodded confidently.
"You know I do. Just like you know me. Like you know there isn't a chance in hell I'm going to let you and your whacked out 'mommy dearest' of a wife take my baby girl to India with you without a fight."
"Please don't start on Gwen, Theresa. Not now."
"You're right. This isn't about Gwen. It's about us. When I came in here I told you that I knew what you were doing. I'm also going to tell you that it's not going to work. I'm not going to hate you, and running from the way you feel about me isn't going to stop those feelings. No matter where you go, no matter what you do, you will never, ever, be rid of me. I'll be in your heart, and on your mind. Every time you look at Jane, you'll see me and you'll wish I was there with you. Every night as you go to sleep, you'll wish it was me lying in bed next to you. When you and Gwen make love, you'll fantasize that it's me you're touching. Oh, you'll pretend you're happy with the way things are, but one day, pretending just isn't going to be enough. You're going to have to face your feelings, and deal with your fears."
"You're right." Ethan whispered, unable to deny the truth in her words. "But what am I supposed to do?" He asked, as if begging her to tell him what the right answer was.
"That's not for me to decide. You have enough people trying to force you to do what they want. I'm not going to be another voice to add to the list. Be a man, Winthrop. Be the man I loved all those years ago. The man I know is still in there somewhere. You decide what you want, and forget about what other people tell you is the right thing to do. It's not their life Ethan. It's yours."
Kissing him gently on the lips, she sighed, pulling away to look him dead in the eyes.
"I'm going to head up to my room and get some rest. You've got some serious thinking to do." Walking to the door, she turned to give one piece of advice. "Whatever your decision, all I ask is that you listen to your heart, and let it lead you. It won't steer you wrong."
With that, she was out the door and up the stairs, leaving him alone with his thoughts. She prayed he would take her words to heart, and allow his heart to lead him back where he belonged. Back to her, and the love they shared.
Ethan prayed. Prayed for the better part of three hours for divine intervention, for some sign from God to tell him what the right thing to do was. He knew what his heart would tell him. It would tell him the same thing it always told him. That he should be a family with the woman he loved. He just didn't know how to do that without destroying the woman he'd promised to 'love, honor, and cherish 'til death do we part', and hurting all the people who expected so much from him. As he prayed, Theresa's words came back to him.
"It's not their life, Ethan. It's yours."
She was right. It was his life. He was going to have to deal with his decision, and no one else. He knew what he had to do. It was time to face up to everything he'd been trying to hide from since the day he and Gwen had said I do. So what if it got ugly? If Theresa could be brave, and love unconditionally, so could he. He was going to start being the man Theresa thought him to be. And he was going to start tonight.