Wonderful World
An AU parody inspired by "As Good As It Gets"; beta-read, reviewed and edited by Howling WereWolf.

I'm considering taking out that bit about it being a parody; I'm changing quite a bit of plot here and there. Oh yes, and here's something for you: no Cid/Aeris. Sure, we know who's playing what, but these two FF7 characters aren't going to do that; think of all the factors!

The next day looked the same before, but now the sun was up in the sky, and the populace was already busy in the streets.

In "Highwind's Repairs", Cid was busy as well, working on a car someone managed to haul in through the garage door at the back.

Ring! Ring!

"Door's open! Come in!"

The door swung open, and a tall young lady entered. She had long brown hair and soft green eyes, and a lot of pink was visible on her clothing choices. In her hands was a lunch box with the words "Cafe de Aeris" stenciled in the side.

"Your lunch is here, Mr. Highwind," she called, setting the box down on the semi-cleared workbench.

"What took you so long?"

"Well, you insisted on having me bring it over instead of anyone else, and no one wanted to take your delivery, anyway. So you know how much you owe me, don't you?"

"Yes, yes; money's in the first drawer. And I want my change back," came the curt reply from under the pedestal-propped car.

The lady pulled open the drawer and counted out the right amount. "Don't worry, I'll give it to you...and you want me to unpack everything before I go, again, right?"

"Don't blame me for wanting assurance that everything I asked for is right there. Go on, name the suckers."

Shaking her head in amused resignation, the lady opened the lunch box and took out the food items one at a time. "One double bacon cheeseburger with extra bacon, one serving of sausage in cheese sauce, fries, and coffee with cream and sweetener. Anything missed?"

"Nope. And you can take that box back with you."

"You know, you're going to kill yourself eating food like that all the time," the lady commented, packing up the now empty box and the payment.

"Why bother with the shit skit when we all have to die someday, anyway?" Cid grunted, still under the car. "I will, you will, those pansies a block away will, their dog will, I hear your little adoptee will...we're all gonna drop someday and return to nature."

There suddenly fell an uncomfortable silence. Then the lady walked right up to the car and stopped only a few inches away from the man's elbow.
"Get out from under there, Mr. Highwind, I want to talk to you."

"Can't you see I'm b-"

"Get out from under there and let me talk to you, Mr. Highwind."

Cid finally slid out, fidgeting a little under her cold stare as he kept trying to look away. Above him, the lady did not move.

"If you involve any of the children in one of your sarcastic remarks like that again, Cid Highwind, I'm walking out of here and never coming back. Do you understand? Do you?"

Cid continued to fidget.

"Tell me you understand or I'm leaving now."

"...yes. I understand, Aeris."

Nodding curtly, the lady picked up the box again and tucked it under her arm as she scooped up the money. "Your change is in the drawer; I'll be seeing you around."

Then she walked out and closed the door behind her, disappearing around the corner.

"...yeah. Yes, I'll...see you around," Cid muttered after her, then slid back under the car to resume working.

Nightfall. Along the streets of Traverse Town, a sleek convertible drove along, the rider looking everywhere while talking on a phone.

"...look, I already told you, I'm on a busy schedule... Yes, I know; I'll find you someone by the deadline, I assure you. Don't worry, you'll get the finest one I can come across. I'll get you someone who will stand out, do what you want without you even saying anything, I'll f-wait, wait, one second," pulling to a stop to let a little old lady get by, the driver suddenly caught sight of a familiar head of sandy-colored hair and a dirty gray trench coat. "...I think I found you a model; I'll call you back."

Clicking the button, the driver popped the phone back in his pocket and got out of the car. "Hey! Knight-boy!"

All heads turned in a group of straggling men, all rough and looking rather unkempt. Their obvious leader, a tall man with long silver hair, turned toward the sandy-haired one. "...do you know that man, Seifer?"

The man reflexively ducked backward as his boss' hand shot out to point. "Ah, yessir, Mr. Sephiroth! He bought me, Fuj and Raj here lunch a few weeks ago."

"And what's his name, boy?"

"I think it's Andre, sir...yes, it's Andre."

"Knight-boy, can you and your friends spare a minute?" the driver called again.

"Andre, is that right? Is that your name?" Sephiroth called back.

"That's right."

"What do you want?"

"My client's got some designing work due; I only need one guy."

Sephiroth guffawed. "...one guy?"

"Yes, I need a pretty face...you there! Kid with the tattoo, come here; I'll give you the address."

A shorter blond young man with a tattoo across the side of his face pointed at himself in surprise. "...me?"

Disgruntled, Seifer slapped the shorter one on the shoulder blades sharply. "Go get 'em, Chicken Wuss. Go on, go."

Staggering forward from the impact, the youth jogged up to the car and the waiting driver. The driver nodded and pulled out a slip of scrap paper.

"Can you read, kid?"

"Ah...somewhat?" the youth answered quickly.

"Works for me; here's the details..."

"...yes, thank you... Zell Dincht...Z, E, double L, D, I, N, C, H, T, right? ... Pronounced what? 'Dink'? ...well, if that's what you say. Can he come, say...ah...five? Good, that's good. Thank you, Andre."

Leon looked up from polishing one of the unmarked weapons, the puppy watching him from a safe distance.
"What was that?"

Cloud set the receiver back down in the cradle as he answered. "Andre found me a model; he's coming over at five. Will you be here?"

"I have to restock supplies, but I'll make it quick. Get out of the way, dog."

Sweeping a boot forward in a mock-kick, Leon sent the puppy happily yipping and hopping toward Cloud for attention. Cloud promptly reached down and scooped it up, fussing over it again.
"Look at my boy! I know just what you want, Angelo, and I'm going to get it for you! That's right, baby!"

"Quit spoiling him," Leon called after him, checking the sights of a rifle.

"If I don't, he'll keep going to you," Cloud fired back from the kitchen. "I think Angelo goes for the strong, silent types."

"Whatever."

Ring-ring! Ring-ring!

Yipping excitedly, the puppy skittered across the flooring for the door, scratching at the floor and whine-grunting as the wooden barrier cut it off from the person on the other side.

Ring-ring! Ring-ring!

"Coming! I'm coming!" Cloud called, hurrying in from his studio in the back room, gently sidestepping the excited little critter to open the door. There, he took in the form of a shorter man, also blond, but with a long black tattoo gracing the left side of his face, and a pair of reinforced gloves on his hands.

"...ah, Cloud Strife, right?" the man asked tentatively.

"Yes, that's right; and you must be Zell Dincht." Swinging the door wider open as he spoke, Cloud admitted the other in. "You're early; I wasn't expecting you so soon, but everything's ready to go if you are."

"Yeah, sure, man," Zell answered casually, his wide eyes scanning the display still up of the weapons in their protective cases. His eyes soon came to a halt over a silver revolver with black engravings of a winged, horned humanoid lion lining the barrel.

"That's the Griever design; Leon's very proud of it," Cloud offered, coming back to where he was and picking up the gun for the other's closer inspection. "We call this one Humbly Serving Victorious Leader - serve well he who embraces your grip, yet always lead him to the victories you bring with each bullet."

"Sounds almost romantic," Zell mused as Cloud returned the gun to its case.

"Yeah, well, Leon didn't really like it, but it sort of stuck after a while," Cloud admitted with a shrug.

"Who's Leon, by the way?"

"He's my partner; I dream, he materializes. Something like that, anyway... The studio's right here."

Following Cloud into a roomier space with a narrow, rectangular canvas on a pedestal to the side, Zell stared at everything carefully, then reached for the buckle of his pants.

Cloud turned at that point to talk further, then stopped and stared in confusion. "...what are you doing?"

Zell stopped with his belt in his hands. "Letting you draw me."

"This is not a portrait, Zell; it's a design. I draw from what emotions I can gather by just looking at you," Cloud quickly explained. "So you can keep your clothes on; I would prefer if you did, too, actually."

"Oh..." Zell slid his belt back into place and buckled up again. "No problem. Let's get started. So...ah...how should I pose?"

Cloud shrugged. "Anyway you like, I'll just watch until something comes up."

"How, man? I need some direction here! Give me something to work with! A theme!"

"Whoa! Whoa! Okay!" Cloud backed up a little from the highly emotional little man, then thought carefully. "Okay, let me see..."

With a sigh, Zell squatted on the floor in typical pugilist fashion, waiting.

"...a theme...hmm...let's see..." Then a light suddenly came into Cloud's eyes as inspiration hit him. "...beauty... Yes, I want you to think about a sword in a shop. Not just any kind of sword, but one that you really, really like. And upon the gleaming metal of that sword, there are engravings. The sword itself, you can find anywhere else, but it's those engravings; those carved markings on the blade that hold true all that you wish to convey, singing your life song while you wield that glorious weapon. It cries out your soul's emotions, says a thousand times more of words than you can ever utter in one lifetime... Beauty...the very essence of living and mortality."

Zell stared, mouth parted in silent awe as he absorbed what he had heard. Shaking his head, he propped his forehead up with a gloved fist. "...wow. You really should go into the romance novel business or something; that was beautiful. I can actually feel that, man, I..." he trailed off as he caught the change in Cloud's expression. "...what?"

"...hold that," Cloud finally blurted out, jumping back and dashing to his canvas. "Hold that angle and keep your hand right there! Hold that pose; we've got it!"

As Zell obliged him quickly, Cloud grabbed his pencils and started to work, drawing the picture of a boy's tattoo at a certain angle, accompanied by the silver and black glove on the hand propping up a forehead.

"...The Advent Prodigy...wait'll Leon hears about this one...!"

Silent Scope: So, I hope this chapter answers your question. Sorry, though, Cid doesn't get laid in this story.

shadows and sonic's girl: I will; I'm compromising my nightly half-hour of sleep, but I've got a good thing going here, so I'll hold onto it for as long as I can.