You've Got Mail
By Hidden Firecracker
Chapter One: And So It Begins
Disclaimer 1 : The Sailor Moon universe does not belong to me
Disclaimer 2: The idea to write this story in e-mail format came from author Anya and her story "Naked Quidditch Match". The e-mail idea is therefore not original to me, but I did think it would make for a clever SM story. If you have any interest in the Harry Potter universe and need a funny and well-written story break, then I highly recommend "Naked Quidditch Match" by Anya. You will laugh for hours!
To: Princess Makoto of Jupiter
From: Princess Minako of Venus
CC: Princess Ami of Mercury; Princess Rei of Mars
Re: Princess Serenity's birthday bash
Hey girls, I can't believe that we left the Moon Palace two days ago and I already miss running amuck with each of you. I bet the guards are happy we are gone. I'll bet they are still scrubbing the orange and green stuff off of the walls. That night was classic! I won't lie to you-I don't mind being away for our annual holiday trip home. There's an entire court of fresh meat for me to seduce since I last came home. The men of Venus have truly been blessed by the Gods! Mako, you need to come visit one day!
Anyways, as you know, when we return to the Moon Palace in three weeks, our dear Serenity will celebrate her 18th birthday. Of course this means that we need to pull out all the plugs and put together a party she will never forget. Any ideas?
Yours,
Minako
Senshi Extraordinaire
To: Princess Minako of Venus; Princess Ami of Mercury; Princess Rei of Mars
From: Princess Makoto of Jupiter
Re: re: Princess Serenity's birthday bash
Hello to you all! Yeah, I'm sure that the guards won't forget about our little orange and green goo experiment when we return. Revenge may be sweet for them. We may never be able to show our faces in that wing again…
So a party! I'm in. We definitely need to do something different from the cliché. We always have the classic ballroom party after supper where the court and other assorted honored guests mingle, dance, sip drinks, stroll the gardens, we get announced and walk down the stairs, etc. Besides, her mother is probably already planning that kind of party as we speak. So let's be different! I'm not sure what "different" should be yet, but there should be some mystery, adventure and men!
Always,
Makoto
Lightening Senshi Extraordinaire (not to be outdone by Minako)
P.S.- Minako, men are MEN, not MEAT. But, go crazy and bring back some good stories to share when we meet up at the Palace again.
P.P.S.-Minako, its "pull out all of the STOPS" not "pull out all of the PLUGS"
To: Inner Senshi
From: Ami
Re: re: re: Princess Serenity's birthday bash
Hi everyone. I modified our Silver Millennium-mail system for our convenience. I put our names in a list serve entitled "Inner Senshi". This way, when we want to talk to all of us at once, we simply type "Inner Senshi". If we wish to communicate with the outers, we type "Outer Senshi" and they are all on a list serve. To converse with the inners, outers and Serenity, type in "All Senshi". To include Serenity in our conversations with just the inner senshi, we type in "Inners". Now to business.
Makoto has a well thought out idea to plan and execute an original birthday celebration for Serenity. I think we need to form committees to best utilize our resources, as we only have three weeks to plan this affair. It is my opinion that I take "logistics", Rei takes "mystery", Makoto takes "adventure" and Minako takes "men". Is this a fair idea?
Oh! I miss you too! Those green and orange goo guns were brilliant and I'm glad that I modified my goo gun's coloring to orange before I went out with you guys. I won't be the one in trouble….ha!
Sincerely,
Ami
To: Inner Senshi
From: Princess Makoto of Jupiter
Re: Committees, list serves, geniuses, and such
Ami! Your list serve thing is genius! How did you type in "Ami" in the "From" line? I had to type in "Princess Makoto of Jupiter" for it to send a SM-mail for me. That's a lot to type and I'm not sure if blondie of Venus can handle all of those letters with all of the SM-mail that we will have to send while planning this party. (Just thinking of you blondie).
I agree that committees are a good idea, and I like the ones you have. Only, can I also join the committee of "men"? Jupiter has their men blessed by Gods too and it's only fair that I share them with the Universe. I think Ami's suggestions are good for having people head up the committees. I'd also like to volunteer for "mystery" if that is ok with everyone. Ami, I love ya, and I'm sorry, but "logistics" just sounds boring. But if you need any help with that, just let me know.
I also think that we should include the Outers in this.
All the way from Jupiter,
Makoto
Senshi AND Cook extraordinaire
P.S.- Ami! Shame on you…where is your fancy title behind your name? Play the game with us!
P.P.S.- What do you mean you modified your goo gun to make it look like you are innocent and we are the monsters!
To: Inner Senshi
From: Ami
Re: re: Committees, list serves, geniuses, and such
Hello everyone! I have modified our Silver Millennium-Mail system again by the suggestions of Mako. Everyone can now either type in their names, or their planets, OR their nicknames, OR their planet's nicknames and it should go through. Now Jupe doesn't have to worry about blondie. Oh, and Mako, you give me too much credit. I think the Terran, Bill Gates invented list serves, or something like that. I admit, the history of Terran computer science is not my strongest suit.
I agree that we should include the Outers from now on.
Innocently Yours,
Ami
The GENIUS
To: Inner Senshi
From: Venus, planet of Looooove
Re: Where is REI?
Ha, Ha Ami and Makoto, you two have a scathing sense of humor, but I can handle this SM-mail stuff… thank you very much! So where is Rei? REI? Are you there? We miss you!
Ok, I will send the Outers a SM-mail and let them know what is up.
I CAN'T BELIEVE US! We forgot the SINGLE most IMPORTANT person to Serenity! ENDYMION! He, and of course, our significant others, his Generals, need to be in on this too. I will send them a SM-mail as well.
Mako, your new subcommittee will be FOOD, since you brought up the cooking thing. Ami, thanks for playing with us! You know Ames, the fact that you even know of this Bill Gates guy and any Terran computer science is a tribute to how much you read and even more of a tribute to how much you need to get out more.
From the planet of loooooove,
Minako
The GOLDEN Child of looooooove
To: Outer Senshi
From: Minako
Re: Princess Serenity's Birthday
Hello ladies. I have been talking with the Inners, and we are going to plan a surprise party for Serenity when we return to the Moon in three weeks. Will you be able to make it for her birthday? Also, would you like to help us plan the affair?
Right now, Ami has set up some committees that you can either join, or you can form your own if you see a need for something that we have missed. We have Ami on "logistics", Rei on "mystery", Makoto on "adventure" and "food", and I am on "men". No pun intended. I think we might need decorations if anyone wants to volunteer for that. We should also have someone on "clean up"-not to clean up our mess of food and decorations, but to make sure that we don't leave a path of destruction that we could get in trouble for later. I want to avoid punishment, detection, disaster and getting caught at all costs.
See attached instructions for Ami's genius list serves she created.
Bye,
Minako
Enc: Ami's list
To: Prince Endymion of Earth
From: Princess Minako of Venus
CC: General Kunzite, General Nephrite, General Jadeite, General Zoisite
Re: Princess Serenity's Birthday Party
Hello Gentlemen. The Inner ladies and I are planning a surprise 18th birthday party for Serenity in three weeks. We wanted to know if you would like to help in arranging the perfect evening of fun for her. We want this to be something different from the normal old balls. Ami has already placed us on committees. You can join our committees of form your own. We have Ami on "logistics", Rei on "mystery", Makoto on "adventure" and "food", and I am on "men". I suppose that with you five involved, my committee requirement will be fulfilled. Just let me know if you are interested.
See attached instructions for Ami's genius list serves.
Thank you,
Minako
Enc: Ami's list
To: Minako
From: Princess Setsuna of Pluto
Re: (Auto Response) Princess Serenity's Birthday
Dear (Minako),
It is my privilege that you have thought of me. Unfortunately, my work does not permit me SM-mail access at this point in time. I will respond to your previous SM-mail (Princess Serenity's Birthday Party) upon my return.
Respectfully yours,
Princess Setsuna
Timekeeper
To: Inner Senshi; Outer Senshi
From: Neptune
Re: The Surprise Party
Dear friends,
You are thoughtful to plan a surprise party for Serenity. I would be happy to assist you in anyway needed. I will volunteer Haruka and myself for the "disaster prevention committee". I would also like to head up the "music" committee. Have you thought to speak to the Generals? Perhaps they would like to join us on the disaster prevention committee, as that seems to be their area of expertise.
Ami, I will also help with logistics if you need me for anything on the Outer end.
Regards,
Michiru
To: Michiru Darling
From: Haruka
Re: Committees…
Michiru, were you going to tell me about this preventing disaster thing?
-Haruka
To: Inner Senshi; General Kunzite; General Nephrite; General Jadeite; General Zoisite; Outer Senshi
From: Endymion
Re: Serenity's Party
Ami, can you fix the Generals and I so we have a list serve too? Minako, we will gladly help you in planning this party. Put Kunzite on your committee. I think he will appreciate this "man" idea. Anyways, I will enjoy hearing him rant about it later. I need my daily amusement, after all. Go ahead and pair the rest of the Generals up with their respective significant others. I think they will volunteer anyways. You can put me where ever needed. I can be on "keeping this a secret" detail. I think that it might be needed considering the present company.
Thanks,
Endy
To: Earth Entourage; Inner Senshi; Outer Senshi
From: Zoisite
Re: re: Serenity's Party
I got you covered Endymion. Sorry Ames, I didn't mean to step on your toes here. I put Endy and us Generals in a list serve called "Earth Entourage". I thought it sounded catchy. I put just us four Generals in as "Generals" if there is any reason for it.
Sure, put me on logistics. I just love when Ami and I argue for hours and then get to make up later. (That's what I dislike about SM-mail, you can't catch the sarcasm as well as a conversation in person.) (I was sarcastic about the hours of argument, not the making up later.) (Why do you all need to know this?) (I love you Ames!) (I love making up with you, Ames!)
Oh, Minako and Makoto, what is this "man" committee? Don't lie, I know this was all your doing? Serenity has a man. You both have men. Why do we need more men at this birthday bash? You two might just make your men a little tense over all of this men talk. We know what they are like when they are tense. Is that what you want? Is it? Because I am the one who has to listen to them whine.
Ami, you would never make me tense. I am a completely understanding and rational man. I trust you unconditionally.
Sincerely,
Zoisite
To: Haruka Dearest
From: Michiru Darling
Re: re: Committeess…
Yes, I am well aware that you would personally like to be apart of the disaster and not the disaster prevention. That is why I volunteered you for that job. I think the Inners are perfectly capable of making their own large scale disaster and we don't need to add you into the mix.
-Michiru
Reply to: All
From: Jadeite
Re: re: re: Serenity's Party
Zoisite, are you serious? Ami, don't buy a word of what he says! He is the biggest man suck-up I've ever seen! He is no better than the rest of us. Oh, and Zoi, quit trying to drag us down with you! (See Kunz and Neph, I got your backs!)
What exactly do you girls mean by "mystery?" I need to know what Rei I and got ourselves into. (I love making up with you too, Rei!)
-Jed
To: Party Planners
From: Ami
Re: re: re: re: Serenity's Party
Don't worry Zoi! I am one step ahead of you still! I went ahead and put in a new list serve called "Party Planners". This will include the Inner Senshi, Outer Senshi, and the so called Earth Entourage. Serenity, is of course, not included in this list.
Remember Zoi, I am head of the logistics committee, so I get final say. If you are purposefully difficult during our brainstorming and planning times, then there will be no "making up" afterwards.
Oh, meeting of the logistics committee tomorrow for brunch.
I love you too, Zoi.
-Ami
To: Party Planners
From: Haruka
Re: TMI
Hi Party Planners,
As Michiru so eloquently stated earlier, I would be thrilled to be apart of the destruction prevention committee.
Now, onto some housekeeping and my definition of TMI. I don't mind being included on the party planning end of this deal. I DO NOT want to be included on this "lovers" back and forth thing. Men….be MEN! Have some balls. Women, your men have their own personal SM-mail accounts. Bat your eyes at them through their own accounts.
My definition of TMI, or Too Much Information, is, well, just that-Too Much Information. Use loving comments sparingly and use your good sense. If you have it. I do not need to be informed of your extracurricular activities. I want to discourage any such things before it got too out of hand.
For now,
Haruka
To: Party Planners
From: Makoto
Re: Back to Business
Ok, Haruka, we read you loud and clear. Now, back to what we need to do. Each of the committees needs to meet and report back so we can get the ball rolling. Oh! Do we want ice sculptures at this party? Wait! I had this really great idea for what we could do for adventure. Its something we do here on Jupiter for our 18th birthdays. But wait, it might make Nephrite tense. Most likely Endymion too. I wouldn't want to make Zoisite have to listen to people whine. Oh well, I'll pitch it to my committee and we'll discuss it in our report.
Nephy-poo, I love, love, love, love, love you! I want to discuss our "extracurricular activities" right here in the group SM-mail! I want to make even more of a man out of you! I want you, I need you, oh baby, oh baby.
Hehehehehe, Haruka. There's a whole planet between us now. Not much you can do about that, can you?
MAKOTO
To: Haruka
From: Michiru
Re: Makoto's SM-mail
Haruka…let it go. Just let it go.
Michiru
To: Inner Senshi
From: Minako
Re: Well, this is going well!
Hello girls,
Well I'm getting excited. Just between us, I think that we need more men at the party- for the scenery. Just some eye candy, if you will. I don't think my committee will be much help on this one, so I am asking all of you ladies before I submit my report. But then, I suppose the presence of more men will depend on the type of party we decide to have. My committee report will be contingent upon your committee reports.
So Ami, you and Zoisite seriously fight over mundane details on purpose just so you can make up? Why don't you just cut to the chase and make up?
Jupe…what is this brilliant idea? It sounds scandalous.
Rei. Where are you?
-Minako
That shining star of looooooove
To: Earth Entourage
From: Zoi
Re: Whining
Admit it. It does make you all tense. And when you worry about your girls, we all get to hear about you worrying about your girls. What did Haruka say? Have some balls. Let them have their man committee. Nothing will come of it anyways, just you wait and see. We are all the men they need.
Jed, I do not drag you all down. I tell it like it is.
-Zoi
To: Inner Senshi
From: Makoto
Re: Jupiter Dirty Dancing
We take the idea of dirty dancing to the extreme. Yes, Ami, I don't mean we are talking about getting muddy. No, no, this is some hot, sweaty, passionate display of some sweet dancing. It's basically a form of dance that is so racy, that it is forbidden until we are 18. We are taught on our 18th birthdays so we can go out that night and try it on for size. I'd like to see if our sweet little Serenity would be game. I don't think our Generals will be. If they get tense about the "men" committee, then this will send them into overdrive. But then again, that is the point of the dance…you never know what parts of your body will end up flying everywhere! wink wink. Now don't get me wrong, I know what you are thinking. Oh, it's just a dance. But this is no ordinary dance. It is more than a horizontal expression of a vertical wish. So much more…
It's hotter than Rei in one of her tempers.
Its THAT sexy.
-Makoto
Already in training for the dance of looooooooove
To: Inner Senshi
From: Mercury
Re: Wow
That, uh, sounds like quite a dance you got there, Jupe.
And to each their own! If Jupiter gets her semi-pornographic dance, then Zoi and I get our "make up" time. It's what we do. I don't want to know what the rest of you girls do.
Now, leave me in peace, I have to go to a dinner with some high crest families of Mercury.
-Ames
The normal one in looove (with just three "o"s)
To: Rei
From: Minako
Re: Hello?
No, seriously, Rei. Where are you?
To: Earth Entourage
From: Kunzite
Re: A Wager
Zoisite, you whine in your own little way whenever you suspect Ami thinking of other men. But your confidence and arrogance in your own pretty looks makes you a cut above the rest of us (according to your own ego).
I'd like to put that ego to the test. Let us make a friendly wager. Us "whiners" versus the pretty boys (that's you and Endy, since apparently he doesn't whine either). If men show up at this party at the behest of the men committee, then we win and you pretty boys will arrive in all of your natural glory to the next Terran ball. (that is in the nude, in case I need to spell it out for you). If men do not show up at the party, then you win and us whiners (Jed, Neph and myself since I am writing to the exceptionally slow) (that's you Zoi) will be your personal slaves for a week in penance for doubting you. Are you man enough to play?
-Kunzite
To: Outer Senshi
From: Hotaru
Re: What is going on?
Hi. What R U guys doing? So, what is going on? I just got home from a public debate and touring the new schools on Saturn and my SM-mail box wuz full! LOL. I can't wait for the party. I'll help U guys with whatever. C U l8tr.
HoTaRu
To: Party Planners
From: Haruka
Re: HoTaRu
Good lord everyone! Hotaru has it bad. But she, as the senshi of death, rebirth and destruction has eagerly volunteered herself for the "destruction prevention" committee. If Michiru plans on keeping myself on this committee to prevent any further destructive behavior, then Hotaru is stuck there too.
Has anyone heard from Rei?
-HaRuKa
Sorry squirt, I just couldn't help it. LOL….or is that what you kids call it these days?
To: Party Planners
From: Endymion
Re: The Party
Jupiter, I know just what you have in mind and no, you can not present the idea in your committee report. That dance makes the best of the Venusians blush. I'm sure Minako will tell us all exactly how hard it is to make a Venusian blush.
Now, Makoto, you should probably focus your efforts on starting the food. And to the rest of you, unless Serenity is your soul mate, you can not pull a wise crack about her eating habits.
Hotaru, glad to have you onboard. I'm sure you will do a fine job of keeping Haruka and Michiru in line.
Haruka! You had to do it. You had to go and get Minako all riled up about not hearing back from Rei yet. You know that this is driving her insane as it is. Now Kunzite had to hear about it from Minako. Jadeite had to hear about it from Kunzite. Therefore, I had to hear about it from Jadeite. Now, play nice in the SM-mails from now on.
Back to the party. Serenity has a secret yearning to take one of those new-fangled rafting trips through the wilds of the Asteroid belt. She doesn't want to appear too un-lady like and undignified by doing this, since only the wildest of the yetis and adventurers do this. She also wants to prove that she is more adventurous than people think. Normally I would discourage it, but she really wants to do it. We should disguise her and go. Let's work with this idea.
Yours,
Endy
To: Earth Entourage
From: Endymion
Re: re: A Wager
Count me in. I'll begin drafting my list of things for you whiners to do.
-Your Liege
To: Earth Entourage
From: Zoisite
Re: re: re: A Wager
Likewise. I'm in too. Best not let the ladies know we are making bets about them and their decisions…
-Zoisite
To: Earth Entourage
From: Nephrite
Re: re: re: re: A Wager
What have you gotten us into, Kunz? I suppose I'm in. I'll enjoy the spectacle of the pretty boys dancing around in their birthday suits.
-Neph
To: Earth Entourage
From: Jadeite
Re: re: re: re: re: A Wager
You are brilliant Kunz. Let's make them eat their own words! What's the matter Zoi? Now you are worried about what the women think? Just let me know what Ami does to you after you spend the evening in the buff! Let's see how good the "make up" is after that…
-Jed
Continued in Chapter Two
A/N: Again, I must thank Anya for the idea to write this as one big e-mail conversation. I don't know you and you don't know me, but thank you for the inspiration!
Any constructive advise would be helpful! I only aim to improve!