A/N: I promised this on Sunday, now it's Monday, sorry. Thanks for all the wonderful reviews.
Chapter 9 – Confessions
Two months later
It was hard for Woody not to search for Jordan because he missed her terribly. Nothing was the same anymore. It was as if she had taken a part of him with her. He was lonely and every one in a while alcohol became his companion. He tried to forget about her but she kept invading his thoughts and his dreams. He only had to close his eyes and he could see her beautiful face smiling at him.
He tried to find out what was wrong with her but her colleagues at the morgue also didn't know what was up with her or they simply didn't want to tell him. But Dr. Macy assured him that she would be home again in a month at the latest. A month normally wasn't a long time, but every day without Jordan was torture. He thought he couldn't live another day without her. He had to go and see her now to tell her that he loved her or he would regret it for the rest of his life.
She was right. It was fairly easy for him to track her down. One call at her credit firm and a bit of his farm boy charm and he received a fax with the track records of her credit card. He got the address of a vacation apartment she paid for with her card. She was in Santa Barbara, California. He didn't want to waste any more time so he booked the next flight to California in the early afternoon and explained to his boss that he needed to take some time off. He still had a little time left so he drove home to his apartment to pack some clothes before he headed to the airport.
…
Jordan looked down wistfully at a picture of her and Woody. It had been taken at a Christmas party at the morgue a year earlier. He had his arm draped around her shoulders and they were both smiling happily into the camera. She missed those times and most of all she missed him. She regretted now that she had left. She didn't like the small vacation apartment she lived in and being away also didn't help one bit. She still didn't know how to tell Woody and which role he would play in her baby's life. But now she could be sure that he would be angry because she kept her pregnancy from him for so long.
The only one she contacted regularly in Boston was Lily. She always tried to convince her to come home and tell him but she also listened to her problems and her fears with never ending patience. She was glad to have a friend like Lily. She remembered her first phone call the day she arrived at this apartment.
"Hey Lily."
"Jordan? What happened? Where the hell are you?" Lily asked excitedly.
"I'm in Santa Barbara. I…I just couldn't tell him," she exclaimed sadly.
"But why couldn't you tell him? Come on, it's Woody you're talking about- He would have supported you."
"That's why I couldn't tell him. He would only feel obliged to help me with a baby he doesn't even want. Deep inside he would hate me for ruining his life."
"You don't know that."
"Yes, I do. I asked him if he wanted children and he said he didn't feel ready for them now. It would ruin his life. I just don't know what to do," Jordan said desperately.
"Jordan, calm down. Life doesn't always follow a plan; you can't predict everything that will happen. Children are a gift and I'm sure Woody would also see it like that; an unplanned gift and not a burden. I'm sure everything will work out fine. Come home again and I'll help you with everything. You don't need to be scared," she tried to convince her friend.
"I don't know, maybe you're right. I think I'll stay here for a while to think things over. When the time is right I'll come back," Jordan promised.
"But don't take too long. The longer you wait to tell him, the harder it gets," she warned her.
"I know. Can I call you from time to time?"
"Of course. I'm there for you. Call me whenever you want to."
"I will."
"And come home soon."
"I'll think about that. Bye Lily."
"Bye Jordan. Take care."
Everytime they talked, Lily pleaded her to come home. Five times she had already packed her things and was ready to drive home but something had always held her back. Countless times she had picked up the phone to call Woody, just to hear his voice, but everytime had hung up the phone again after dialing half of the number.
Since she had left some things have changed about her. She was now six months pregnant and her belly was now rounder and she was showing visibly. She had to buy new clothes now because her old ones wouldn't fit anymore, not even her widest ones. Even her shirts were too tight and too short, but today all of her new ones were dirty and she was wearing one of her old shirts that barely covered her whole belly. She couldn't help but feel fat.
The most amazing development was that she could feel her baby move now. It was absolutely incredible to feel these little bumps. The first she felt it, it took a moment for her to register what just happened but then she was so touched that she had to cry.
This happened more often these days. She would cry over a sad movie or poor three-legged dogs she saw in the streets or even over talk shows. Everytime that happened, she cursed these stupid hormones for making her so emotional.
But on the other side, hormones were also responsible for her big breasts. From all side affects of her pregnancy, this was her favourite. In the past she had sometimes felt that her breasts were too small but now she had developed really nice full boobs. They could really stay this way.
She only had a little more than 3 months until the baby was born and there were so many things she still had to do. She had bought some baby clothes but she didn't have any furniture. If she waited much longer she would be too big to do much. A slight panic overtook her that she wouldn't manage everything in time. At home there were friends that would surely help her with everything. Here she had nobody. She decided that it was really time to go home again and to face everything. Before she could back out again, she packed all of her belongings into her suitcase as quickly as possible. She was almost ready when a knock on the door interrupted her. This really surprised her because nobody has ever knocked at that door. Curiously she went to open the door.
…
Nervously, Woody stood in front of Jordan's door. He raised his hand to knock but pulled it back again. What if she wouldn't let him in? Maybe she would send him away. Maybe she would be angry at him or scream at him for following her. So many thoughts were running through his head and doubts invaded his mind if he had made the right decision to come here. But he would never know if he didn't knock at that door. He didn't fly across the country to back out now. The woman of his dreams was behind this door and he came here to tell her that he loved her and that was exactly what he would do now. He raised his hand again but this time he really knocked at the door. It took a few moments until the door began to open slowly. He held his breath. The door opened further and finally revealed a very pregnant looking Jordan.
He felt as if all the air was knocked out of him and he could only stare at her in shock. Her face was also a mixture of shock and surprise but she was the first one to get her speech back.
"Woody? Wh…What are you doing here?" she asked, still bewildered.
He still didn't say anything but now his mouth was opening and closing again. He looked like a stranded fish. It looked so silly that she normally would have laughed about it but now she didn't feel like laughing. He didn't even show any signs of reaction when she pulled him inside and closed the door behind him.
"You…you're pregnant? How…? I thought you couldn't…" he stuttered, still shocked.
"Yes, I am. I'm so sorry I didn't tell you sooner. Believe me, I've wanted to but I was so scared how you would react. I can imagine how you feel now. I was shocked when I found out because I didn't think I could get pregnant," she tried to explain.
Woody's mind was still a bit slow in processing information. She was really pregnant. Why didn't she tell him and instead ran away? He thought they were friends. It was then when it hit him. It could be his baby. She looked as if it could have happened around the time they slept together and he couldn't remember he being with a man afterwards or before that night plus she wasn't the kind of woman who slept around. It had to be his.
"It…it is mine?" he asked for clarification. When he saw her nod, he felt his knees go weak. "I have to sit down."
All colour was drained from his face as he sat down on the worn out couch in the little living room. His blood was pounding in his ears. It was his baby. He was going to be a dad in – he counted the months since their encounter – a little more than three months. His brain was on overload by these news. Until today all he had to care about was himself and now there was a little human being on its way who would depend on him. He had no idea if he would be a good dad. Hell, he sometimes acted like a big child himself. He also didn't know if Jordan wanted him to be a part of the baby's life. He thought she would have told him sooner if she wanted him to be an active part. What did she even think in not telling him? All these conflicting thoughts were starting to wear him out. He put his head in his hands and took a deep breath.
Jordan still stood in the middle of the living room and she could see different emotions run over his face – panic, fear, anger. Then she thought she could see a glimmer of joy in his eyes.
Joy? She must have imagined that part. She knew she owed him at least an apology for her behaviour, so she sat tentatively down next to him. He didn't look up until he heard her talking.
"Woody, I'm so sorry. I really should have told you right after I found out back then at the hospital but I was too scared. I thought I couldn't get pregnant, it was like a miracle. Then I was scared how you would react. I mean, we barely talked for two months. After we were friends again I thought I would lose you if I told you. And when you told me at the diner that you didn't want children now, I thought you would hate me for ruining your life and I just had to get away for a while," her voice cracked and tears welled up in her eyes. "I'm so sorry; I didn't plan on anything of that to happen. You don' have to do anything when you don't want to. I can care for the baby all by myself and you can still have your perfect little family when you meet the right woman. But please don't hate me," she was now crying uncontrollably.
Woody was shocked. Was this what she thought of him? Of course he would be there for her and the baby. Granted, it was a huge shock but together they would make it. He loved her, she was the one and only woman for him and he could never hate her. Yes, he was a little angry that she hid her pregnancy for so long but he didn't want to fight anymore. He just wanted to show her how he felt.
She had her head buried in her hands and heavy sobs shook her body. Suddenly, she felt a warm hand engulf hers. When she looked up, she met Woody's piercing blue eyes. To her surprise he didn't look angry as she had suspected.
"Jordan, hey, I don't hate you and you don't ruin my life. I want to be a part of our baby's life and of your life. Come here," he cradled her still crying form in his arms and stroked her head soothingly. She had never looked so fragile. "It's okay. I'm still shocked but I'm not mad at you. I'm only disappointed that you didn't trust me enough to tell me but we've already wasted too much time with fighting. I love you too much to waste another second."
Her head shot up. "You…you love me?" she croaked.
"Yes, I love you. I've never loved anyone in my life as much as I love you. You're the woman I want to have a family with. I want to wake up next to you every morning and I want to go to sleep next to you every night. I want you and our baby. My life was so empty without you. I've missed you so much in the past months and I don't ever want to let you go again. I flew all across the country just to tell you that," he confessed with passion.
Jordan was speechless for a moment and tears were streaming down her face, but now they were tears of joy. He just told her everything she ever wanted and needed to hear. He wanted her and the baby. Upon knowing this she was finally ready to confess her feelings for him, too.
"Woody, I know you once told me that I would never be able to tell you what you want to hear. It's never been easy for me to talk about my feelings but now screw all these damn insecurities that kept me from you for so long. Once in a while you just have to take a risk and if I don't take my chance to be with you I would waste my life because I love you so much. I think I have since I've met you," she ended her speech.
She suddenly felt very vulnerable now that her feelings were out in the open but when she looked into his eyes, she saw nothing but love there.
He cradled her head in his hands, stroking her cheeks tenderly. "That was everything I've wanted to hear," he said before bringing his lips to hers in a gentle kiss. It was a soft, sweet and sensual kiss, a total opposite of their passionate kisses they had shared in the club. Now their kisses were full of love and promises for the future.
Suddenly Jordan broke the kiss and held her belly.
"What's wrong? Did I hurt you?" Woody asked worriedly.
"No, the baby kicked," she said smiling.
Woody's eyes lit up. "May I…" he gestured towards her belly.
"Sure," she said. She took his hand and placed it on her belly under her T-shirt. "Right here."
They waited for a while and then he suddenly felt a weird sensation against his hand.
"Oh my god! Was that…?"
"Yeah that was our baby."
They smiled happily at each other. He was still overwhelmed by the fat that he was going to be a dad soon and he also was a little sad that he had missed so much of the changes that were going within her. Right now there were so many questions running through his mind. He decided to start with the most important ones.
"Are we going to have a boy or a girl?" he asked.
"I don't know yet. I didn't want to find out before I even told you about the pregnancy. But if you want to we can find out together at my next examination," she suggested.
"Sure, that'd be great. Have you thought about names yet?"
"I don't have anything concrete yet, but I thought maybe Josephine for a girl and Daniel for a boy would be nice. But I'm always open for suggestions."
"Josephine is a beautiful name. Little Jo and big Jo, that's cute," he smiled.
"Maybe that's no such a good idea," she laughed.
"We'll see, we still have a little time to decide on a name."
"Wait, I want to show you something," she pushed herself onto her feet as quickly as possible and went over to her kitchen counter. She came back with a small picture and sat back down again next to him. She gave him the picture. "Here. This is from my last ultrasound. There you can see the head and the little arms and legs," she explained.
"Wow, this is so amazing. I love you so much," he said with tears in his eyes and pulled her to him again. She slung her slender arms around him and clung to him.
"I love you, too," she said, also close to tears.
He pulled back a little to look at her. "Come back to Boston with me, please."
She pointed towards her suitcase. "Everything's already packed. I'm ready to go home."
"You wanted to come back?" he asked astonished.
"Yeah, I've wanted that for a couple of times before but I've always backed out. Now I'm coming back for good," she promised. "But going home can wait until tomorrow. You must be exhausted from your flight and we have to drive back because I'm here with my car."
"You're right. It's better when we're well rested before we drive home. Maybe driving home isn't that bad. So we've got enough time to sort some things out like living arrangements. Your apartment is a little too small for you and a baby. And I guess you haven't bought any furniture yet. There are so many things to think about," he stated practically.
Panic stated to rise in Jordan again. There was so much to do and so little time left before the baby was born. She would never make it in time.
"I do have some baby clothes," she said before bursting into tears.
Woody was shocked by the outburst he had caused and pulled her quickly into his arms. "Shh, it's alright, Jordan. I will help you with all of this. Together we will make everything in time," he tried to soothe her but it was useless.
"No, we will never make it in time only because I was so selfish to run away instead of facing things and preparing everything for our baby. I'm a horrible person and I'm going to be an awful mom. The baby will have to sleep in a drawer or something," she sobbed into his chest.
He stroked her back soothingly. "Jo, listen to me. As soon as we are back we'll go baby shopping and you'll see that we'll have everything the baby needs in no time. And I'm sure you're going to be a wonderful mom," he assured her.
She looked up with a tear strained face. "Really?"
"Of course," he kissed her forehead.
"Oh sorry, I made your shirt all wet," she said, touching the wet material. She was a little embarrassed by her outburst and cast her glance downwards.
"Hey," he brought her chin upwards with his fingers so that she had to look at him. "Have I already told you how incredibly beautiful you are?"
"Don't be silly. I look absolutely awful right now," she tried to brush off his compliment.
"No, you are beautiful. Now as ever," he insisted.
She looked into his eyes and saw the honesty there. But there was also something else in his eyes. She saw desire there, desire for her. A tension fell around them and it got thicker the longer they glanced into each other's eyes. It wasn't long until this tension erupted. She pressed her lips to his in a passionate kiss which he responded to with equal ferventness. He pulled her body as close as possible and he could feel the heat radiate from her. Soon he slipped his tongue into her mouth, which she greedily welcomed with her own tongue. She went to straddle his lap for better access to his mouth. It was a bit difficult to get really close with her round belly but she tried her best.
His hands were roaming freely over her back while kissing her ardently. Meanwhile, her fingers were trading through his soft hair and then they slid down his neck. She slid her fingers further down his chest, only to play with the hem of his sweater.
After months of pent up desire where she only had the imagination of what he could do to her body, she was more than willing to speed things up.
She broke their kiss to pull his sweater over his head and threw the piece of clothing behind her. Her lips fastened on his neck and she could hear him groan in pleasure. She grinded her lower body into his and soon his desire for her became more than evident.
"Jo…let's take this to the bedroom," he breathed aroused.
He had every intention in taking it slow. He wanted to make love to her and show her the love he felt for her in every possible way. Tonight it would be all about their feelings, something they would remember forever and not only meaningless drunken sex.
Caught up in a haze of passion, Jordan still hadn't registered anything. Her lips were still working their magic on his neck. He took her shoulders and gently pushed her back a little. He looked deeply into her whiskey coloured eyes and caressed her face tenderly. "Come on; let's take this to the bedroom. I want to make love to you."
She was so touched by this that tears welled up in her eyes again. She had never felt so loved before and she was more than happy than comply with his wish. She smiled and pressed a tender kiss to his lips. "Let's go, farm boy."
TBC
A/N: More of this next chapter ;)