Wonderful World
An AU parody inspired by "As Good As It Gets"; beta-read, reviewed and edited by Howling WereWolf.

Beforehand, I must confess and say I had very little idea what I would do if I kept Leon alive. Yet, now I have my answer. Howling WereWolf has been the most enthusiastic and wonderful help I've had since I first started this. I can guess she is losing as much sleep as I am, and from what I calculate, she's got to be undergoing some assignments herself. Her and her friend Jade have been such great, great helps to me and the updates.
Thank you both, girls.
And HW, kid, you don't have to continuously borrow "As Good As It Gets" from your library just to keep me going; I appreciate your gesture, but I nearly fell asleep reviewing the commentary.

"...so you didn't see anything?"

"Yes, damn it; that's what I've been saying five times already!"

Outside Highwind's Repairs, Cid was not exactly hitting it off well with the cops. Fortunately for the both of them, the inspector was a good-natured fellow. Then, again, he was also the only one who sported a pony tail, dressed in cowboy shebang, and had a rifle slung over his shoulder like a ranger from the South Side. On his tan coat was the tag stenciled "I. Kinneas".

Upstairs, in the thrashed apartment, one or two investigators were already filing through the place in practiced motion, the customary police teams in every other corner around them. Prints were searched for, samples collected, anything that could be possible evidence was picked up. Except for the trail marks of the gurneys rolled out earlier.

"Tidus, don't break anything," a tall blond lady reminded, kneeling slightly to further study something on the cracked glass door.

"I won't," a short almost child-like youth answered, picking his way through the mess in an almost overly cautious manner. Then again, you can never be too cautious in a crime scene.
Something caught the short one's eye, and he turned to look down, through a different studio door, at a small huddled brown and white furry object that was perfectly still.

"Hey, puppy, what are you doing back there?"
Getting a hold on the door handle with a gloved hand, Tidus pushed down and yanked the door open.

In a flash of skewbald, the little creature slipped through the opening and zipped away, too fast for Tidus to catch him. Within two seconds flat, it was as though the puppy had not been there in the first place.

"...whoops." He paused to suck in a nice deep breath between his teeth. "Ah...Quistis?"

"Did you do something you shouldn't have?"

"No! I, um...hm." Tidus stopped himself and cleared his throat carefully. "...I'm just gonna take a look in here, see if there's anything I can find."

The blond lady shot him a knowing glance, then let it go and resumed her examination. "Okay, just be careful."

"Yeah... yup," Tidus answered quickly before stepping into a studio filled with metal-crafting tools, dyes, brushes...

Barely noticeable little paw prints of colored dye followed the gurney tracks out the door and down the stairs.

Inspector Kinneas looked up as his colleagues came down. "So...anything?"

"Not even a scrap of torn cloth; we did find some blood samples, but seeing how thumped up the victims were..."

"Nothing solid, then," the inspector concluded. Snapping his trusty - and rather stereotypical - notebook shut, he nodded politely at Cid. "Thank you for your time, we'll come by again when you're ready to speak decently with us."

"What now, trying to intimidate me, cowboy?" Cid snapped at his departing back. "You think you can scare the whole world, but you don't scare me! You're not even close! I come from the depths of hell, boy! I know twenty grandmothers with more attitude! Go run down a donut shop for a handful of greasy chocolate sprinkles!"

Inspector Kinneas halted and looked back at Cid with an incredulously amused expression. Shaking his head while chuckling, he hustled his colleagues back into the car to drive off.

"...freakin' coppers," Cid muttered, flipping a finger after them. Then a small movement caught his eye, and he looked down the street.

Right next to his street sign stood a little brown and white pup with dye on his paws. The small animal looked back, almost fearfully, then started to bark.

"Don't waggle at me, monkey; I didn't name ya! Beat it!"

Without another glance back, Cid ducked into his shop to resume his work.

Eventually, the dog stopped barking.

There was a tense silence in the hospital room. Cloud had been fortunate to get one of the more empty wards, and the two others who were sharing it were either undergoing medical examination or sleeping.

Sitting at a barstool by the cot, all Sora could do was twiddle his thumbs, looking more at the floor than at his older friend lying down, half hidden by white sheets and white bandages, and holding an ice pack to his newly acquired black eye.

"...just how bad is it?"

Sora looked at him again, and promptly looked back down as his thumbs moved faster in a desperate attempt to calm himself.
"...not that bad...yeah...nothing that won't heal. Riku and I were talking with the doctor; the cuts and bruises will be gone before you know it, and then all you have to do is take it easy until your ribs and arm catch up. The scars might take a while, but-"

Cloud sighed and took the bag away, flinching as the swollen-shut eye made contact with the air again. "I'm not talking about myself, and we both know it."

"Please don't make me do this, man..." Sora managed out. "Great Hyne, can't we let Riku do it?" he finally blurted, throwing his hands forward in an almost desperate plea.

Cloud stared at him thoughtfully, then returned the icepack to his eye. "...okay by me."

"Thank you."

Riku chose this moment to walk in and join them, pulling up a chair to sit next to Sora.
"...so are sure you're ready to hear it?"

Cloud muttered something about giving the devil time, then relented.
"How's Angelo, anyway?"

Riku and Sora looked at each other for a split second before Riku answered.

"One of the inspectors - Tidus, you remember him - said something about seeing him in the apartment; Sora and I will go by later."

"Just don't let Mr. Highwind get to him first, and I have no complaints," Cloud muttered. "...and Leon?"

Finally, the delay was breached. Riku cleared his throat and shut his eyes as he spoke into the hand over his mouth.

"Stabbed once and shot four times. Whoever was responsible knew what he was doing, was right up next to him."

"...where?"

"Stab wound in the shoulder, one bullet to the hand, one bullet to the lower back, the last two to the..." at this point, Riku coughed and opened his eyes to look at the floor. "tothebuttandcrotch."

"Oh Hyne, that sick bastard," Sora moaned, burying his face in his hands.

Cloud took the icepack down once again, both eyes attempting to meet a compromise as they looked long and hard at nothing in particular. While on one hand, he seemed to be making sense of it, he looked like he wanted to just get up and kill whoever it was slowly and painfully.

"Doctor says you can see him later, when you're ready to get up. Is that okay?"

Cloud did not respond straight away. Finally, he just nodded his head and leaned back. "...yes, that's fine."

It was somewhere in late noon when rain started to fall.

Cid swore to himself and cut the power to the radio he was still trying to piece back together. Well, at least he found out it was a radio.

Stepping away from his workbench, he moved to sort the papers on his receptionist desk. One of these days, he'd need to employ some help. Perhaps a few strong fellows, tough-bodied ones who did not mind hard work and lousy wages.

So long as they were not queer men or timid, self-conscious ladies.

Then he looked out.

Flat against the floor near the shop sign was something brown, white, furry and incredibly soggy, getting soggier by the minute but not moving.

Cid stared at it a little longer, then cussed at it under his breath before he disappeared back inside to file the papers away.

When Cloud finally convinced the doctors and his two friends to let him get up, he decided it was time to see Leon for himself.

He had walked in to find his roommate lying silently on the cot, head turned to the side and looking away from anyone and everyone.

"...Leon?"

"Leave me alone."

Here was the tricky part. Up until now, Cloud was certain of what he would do. If Leon was pushing people away at the moment...

Taking the gamble, the blonde sat himself down, reaching over cautiously toward the still hand with his own.

The hand clenched and moved away.

...damn.

The two sat that way for a while, not moving, not speaking, waiting for the other to act.

Cloud's patience paid off as Leon finally broke the silence.

"The doctor was in here earlier; he told me what happened."

"I know."

"You don't," Leon answered bluntly finally turning his head back around. Cold eyes bore into Cloud's. Any other would shrink away.
"Soldiers die to protect what is important. Soldiers don't survive as humiliated, broken things, stuck on their arses for the rest of their lives."

"Leon-"

"Why didn't any of you just let me die?"

Cloud sighed; he had seen this coming, but it still hurt. He continued to sit as Leon turned away again.

"Could you leave now?"

"Sure."

Tentatively, Cloud reached over and placed a hand on Leon's shoulder. Then he took it away and left the ward.

The lightning and thunder arrived, just as the rain got heavier.

Cid walked to his shop entrance once more, looking out at muttering.

Heavy rain meant fewer customers - no customers, even.

It also meant what's-his-surname Johnny would come by for Aeris, just so she wouldn't get hit by the weather.

He wasn't too fond of this Johnny, and Johnny didn't like him either anyway.

He could always risk the wrath of the neighbors if the radio caused a blackout in such conditions, but he didn't need it.

That meant a nice long period of boredom.

He spotted the mound of wet brown and white once again. There was slight movement now; the thing had huddled closer to the shop sign, as though trying to get the minimum shelter it could from there.

By now, the water level was going up, too.

I don't need a bloody stupid dog in my shop!

Cid reached for the door handle and pulled.

I never did, and I never will!

Jerking the door open, he ducked as a cascade of water splattered down from the roof.

"DAMN IT, YOU LITTLE PISSANT MUTT! GET YOUR FREAKIN' ARSE IN HERE!"

Sorry about the long wait - Jimmy and I were co-working our script for the boss when my chest seized up for half a second (or less); poor Jimmy panicked and pinned me to the couch while he called his medical graduate sister for advice. I'm okay, though, didn't even need to see a doctor (or go to the hospital...damnit, Jimmy, your freakin' Goliath weight could've broke my ribs!).

The script is changing, and the future is so uncertain... Man, I feel so sore...gotta breathe nice an' deep an' steady...

And I think I need to lay off the caffeine and get some sleep before Jimmy rats to Dad Marco (and Mom Lexi, if I get lucky). The last thing I need is either of them "house arresting" me right now...

Silent Scope: So do I; so do I...

Niana Kuonji: uh...I think I did (wait, are we talking about the same thing?).