Wonderful World
An AU parody inspired by "As Good As It Gets"; beta-read, reviewed and edited by Howling WereWolf.

I know I'm rushing here, but I feel guilty over my slump; I owe too many people too much. Plus, this is probably the one way I know of to convince me to get back to my assignment pile-up.

A man's gotta do...what a man's gotta do.

Also, thanks for your patience - I know not much has been said for Leon lately, but that was just how things went. Hopefully, this is a start to make up for all that absence.

Cid stared at the typewriter before him, slightly appalled and slightly intrigued at the same time.

Whoever kept such a dinosaur of a relic around anymore?

Picking up his screwdriver methodically, he angled it as though to start tweaking, then stopped and lowered it to the bench surface again. Getting up, he walked away from the bench, paused, then walked back and sat down. He picked up a different tool, then set it back down, got up, and walked out of the room.

"...freakin' hell."

Walking back in, he stopped at his phone. After a pregnant pause, he picked the receiver off the cradle and dialed a number. Holding the receiver to his ear, he waited.

"...yeah, it's me. I need a favor... What, you can do it, can't ya? ... I fix your relative's old stuff all the time, plus I don't overcharge him... Look, I need this. Just say, 'Cid, I'll try,' okay? ...thank you."

All it took was one phone call from Yuffie to cause Tifa to drop everything and hurry back home. Perhaps it would have helped her blood pressure if she had taken note about Yuffie's relaxed tone over the line.

She hadn't, and it didn't.

So when she burst through the door - nearly breaking it off the hinges - and charged into the house, she was flushed and in a panic as she charged at the older woman in white.

"Oh, you must be-"

"What? Please? Now? Tell me!" Tifa sputtered out while trying to catch her breath at the same time.

"-Ms. Lockhart. I'm Dr. Kadowaki-"

"Not your name - what are you telling me your name for? Where is he?"

"In the bathroom; he's fine."

At that point, Denzel emerged from said bathroom, showing no sign of pain. "Hi, Tifa. Did you know there are doctors who come to your house?"

"...no, I didn't," Tifa replies lamely, looking from the boy to the woman. "So why are you...?"

Then Yuffie and Marlene bounced in - Yuffie, for most part - from their rooms, looking rather excited.

"Tifa! You didn't tell us you got secret admirers!" Yuffie chirped, ignoring Tifa's blank look. "Looks like you've met the gift!"

"She's good," Denzel stated solemnly. "And I'm an expert on doctors."

"Stay out of this," Tifa replied gently, before giving her attention back to the woman. "Doctor?"

The woman nodded. "I'm an acquaintance of Cid Highwind."

"Who-? Oh, him."
Tifa vaguely remembered their visitor of before. She'd have to have a word with Aeris about this.

"Cid tells me," the woman continued, "that I have to take great care of this guy, because your friend Ms. Gainsborough is urgently needed back at work."

"...oh," was all Tifa could manage out.

"What work does Ms. Gainsborough do?"

"She's a delivery girl in Traverse Town."

"I see."

"Dr. Kadowaki?" a voice called from the door Tifa had left open in her rush.

"Over here," the doctor answered.

Moments later, a nurse joined the group in the kitchen.

"Sorry I took so long - it was hard to find this place."

"It's fine; just tell the lab I'd like the report back today."

Taking a vial from the doctor, the nurse left again.

"Now then, Ms. Lockhart, I would like to speak with you for a moment."

Tifa just stared at her, an incredulous expression on her face.

"...you're going to get the results today?"

"So how long has he been having these problems?"

"Since I first got him a couple of years back; he was already sick then."

"Any blood tests done? Only in the emergency room, or when he is well?"

"Emergency room only."

"How about skin tests for allergies? Any tests for Geostigma?"

"None."

"No standard scratch test?"

"I asked - they said it's not covered in my plan, and not necessary anyway...should they have?"

"Well..."

Tifa slapped the table in anger. "Those f--king bastard pieces of shit!"
Then she remembered herself and looked apologetically at Dr. Kadowaki.

The older woman only smiled gently. "It's alright; I think that's their technical name."

The two shared a much-needed laugh.

Then it was Tifa's turn for questions.
"Once the tests come back, is there someone I can reach in your office for the results?"

"That would be me - here's my card."

"... Balamb Garden."

"That's right."

"Right..." Tifa put the card away.

"There's going to be a lot checked out, Ms. Lockhart, but there's one thing definite," Dr. Kadowaki continued. "Denzel is going to feel a great deal better from now on."

Tifa looked straight at Dr. Kadowaki, a smile of relief spreading across her face. At first, she was lost for words, then she finally just raised her hands in reverent submission.
"... Doc!"

Then she got up, crossed the table and hugged Dr. Kadowaki tightly.

"Thank you."

Tifa finally released the doctor and sat down once more, serious again.
"Listen, you have to let me know about additional costs - one way or another, we'll-"

"They're definitely considerable, but don't worry - Mr. Highwind wants to be billed."

"...what?"
Tifa knew, then, that she really, really needed to talk to Aeris when she got back.

The door to the apartment held open, Riku carefully pushed Leon's wheelchair into the apartment. Once inside, Leon took hold of the metal rings and wheeled himself in further, silent and brooding.

The others let him go, then Sora and Riku picked up their stuff as they got ready to leave.

"You guys going to be okay?"

"We'll try," Cloud replied, his eyes still lingering on Leon's back for a moment before reaching forward to pat Sora on the shoulder. "Anyway, thanks for everything. Forgive my recent crankiness, and I'll drop you a line as soon as things are back on track again."

Sora and Riku stepped outside.

Then they stopped as a thought occurred to them simultaneously.

"...what about Angelo?"

Cloud fell silent, then realized where this was going.

"... No."

Moments later, Cloud had given in. Not without a fight, but he had given in nonetheless.

Now he sat upon the couch once more, a phone to his ear and a list of names on the table. On that list, many names were scratched out.
Not too far away in his chair, Leon stared out into empty air, his brows knotted together so tight, they looked like they were about to become one dark brown "V".

Cloud set the phone down on the table, and crossed out another name. Then he picked up the phone again and dialed another number.

"... Andre, I need some help, and you're the logical one to turn to... No! Not because I blame you for what happened. I hardly get how you can ever think that... No, I'm not being sarcastic. I guess because you hired the guy who did this you think... Look, Andre - I hate asking, but this money thing is ridiculously serious..."

Setting his pen down, he carefully ran his hand through his still unkempt hair - how long had it really been since he combed it, he could not recall.

"I understand...yes... No, I do... But...you know, you didn't even ask how much...no, you're right; not the point... Look, I gotta go... no, you shouldn't feel that way at all...take care, you, too...you, too... Goodbye."

Setting the phone down again, Cloud sighed as he buried his face in his good hand, his injured hand free from the sling but still wrapped heavily.

"...pal o' mine," he muttered bitterly.

Then there was a knock on the door, and Angelo immediately leapt up and scratched at said door, tail wagging.

Cloud stared at the sight, then walked over to the door and unlocked it. Leaving it that way, he turned and walked back toward his room.

Cid opened the door and looked from Cloud to Leon, for now ignoring the happy dog at his feet.

"...some mess they left on you - you look like-"

"Could you just take it...a little easier, Mr. Highwind?" Cloud countered darkly.

Cid fell silent.

"...thank you," Cloud replied, resuming his way toward his room. "If you'll excuse me, I'm not feeling so well."

"...this place smells like shit."

"Please, just leave."

"Where are all your queer party friends?"

"GET OUT OF HERE!" Cloud finally shouted, his voice slightly choked with bottled up emotion. "...there's nothing worse than feeling this way in front of you..."

More silence reigned. Shaking, Cloud entered his room and moved to close the door.

"... Nellie, you're a disgrace to depression."

Cloud whirled around, his eyes burning with anger.

"Rot in hell, Cid Highwind," he growled.

The door slammed shut.

Cid fidgeted, not entirely sure what to do, then he called in the direction of Cloud's room again. "No need to stop being a lady; quit worrying. You'll be back on your knees in no time."

Then hard metal footrests swiftly rammed into the back of Cid's ankles, effectively knocking him off his feet and onto Leon's. The man did not stop there, proceeding to grab Cid and roughly shove him against the wall, his fist coming up again.

In a panic, Angelo started barking at them.

Leon was halted in his tracks, though only for a moment. Then he reached down and seized a fistful of Cid's shirt before bringing the man up into his face.

"...is this fun for you?" he growled.

Cid gave him no answer.

Leon managed a dark laugh, but did not let go of the man.
"You lucky devil...it just gets better and better, doesn't it?
"We're losing our apartment. Everyone's telling us to beg my big president of a father - the one man I don't want to talk to - for help... We don't want to do this anymore; we don't want to carve shit anymore. So the life we were trying for...is over; the life we had is gone, and we're feeling so damn sorry for ourselves, it is difficult to breathe.
"This is high times for you, isn't it, Cid? The gay neighbors are terrified. TERRIFIED!"

Dropping Cid to the floor, he slowly spun his chair around and maneuvered himself back to his spot in the living room. He was silent again, but the tension in the air, now, was so thick it could be diced for thanksgiving.

Cid looked down at the puppy who had hurried to his foot. Then he picked it up and moved carefully toward Cloud's door, as though he were treading on broken glass, all the while sending paranoid glances in Leon's direction.

Finally, he was before the door. Sending one more glance in the man's direction, he turned the knob.

The door was unlocked, and swung open for him.

"Get out," Cloud muttered, sitting on his bed with his face buried in his hand, the other resting on his knee.

Cid closed the door behind him and set the dog down. Angelo whined slightly, looking from one man to the next.

"...I was...just trying to give you kids a boost, s'all..." Cid managed uncomfortably.

Cloud snorted. "Well, lucky you; you're here for rock bottom...you absolute horror of a human being."

Cid sucked air through his teeth, then made his way across the room to where Cloud sat. Unsure about pulling up a chair, he settled for standing.

"Well, I'll do one thing to cheer you up."

"Go away."

"Don't piss on a gift, tough guy. You want to know why the dog's acting that way? It ain't about the affection; it's a trick."

Cloud looked up curiously as Cid pulled something from his pocket.

Sausage and bacon strips in a zip-lock bag.

Cloud looked at Cid, unconsciously choking out a laugh. "Great Hyne...!"

Smug, Cid passed the bag to Cloud. "Here you are; we'll both call him. You'll see, it's all just a trick."

Carefully pulling one of the sausages out, Cloud held it up to Angelo, whistling.
"Come on, Angelo. Come here."

Angelo looked at Cloud, then at Cid. Cid gave the dog a look, gesturing as discreetly as he could to Cloud.

Angelo took a step forward, then walked up to Cid. Then it sat itself right in front of his feet, and pawed at his ankle, tail wagging.

Cid grunted and looked away, trying to ignore the animal as it whined up at him.
"I don't get it...it's just a stupid dog...!"

Cloud stared down at Angelo. Finally, he withdrew the sausage and replaced it in the bag.
"...could you leave now?"

Cid's expression was genuinely apologetic as he moved to go, the dog watching him quizzically.

Exiting the room, Cid opened the front door and stepped out, closing it carefully behind him.

Silence reigned once more.

That should about do it for the sob-stories. Hopefully, I'll be able to make the rest a little lighter.

I hope.

Have a nice day, all.