Wonderful World
An AU parody inspired by "As Good As It Gets"; beta-read, reviewed and edited by Howling WereWolf.

After what I did in Chapter 9, I couldn't bring myself to end it there. Hurts my conscience.

Funny, how the word "conscience" is spelt: con-science. Like we're swindling logical reality or something.

"...don't get it wet, Johnny."

"Sorry, you know how emotional I get," Johnny mumbled, absent-mindedly brushing the paper clean.

"...it can't be that tear-jerking," Aeris countered, carefully taking the paper back.

"You almost have me liking the guy!" Johnny exclaimed in his defense, his hands moving awkwardly like he did not know what to do with them. "I mean...you just came straight from the heart, I...that is, I never knew...what you and Miss Tifa...what you two went through with everything..."

"We wanted him to know how much this favor means to us. Is his order ready?"

"It's right here."

Taking the box from Johnny, Aeris stepped out of the cafe and turned the corner.

When it wasn't Aeris, but another familiar face that stepped into the shop, Cid caught himself before he could dive for a weapon in defense.

The older man promptly stopped and held his hands up in a pacifying gesture. "Hey...uh...Highwind, right?"

"Who do I look like, Snow White?"

The older smirked as he commented: "point taken." Then he narrowed the distance to a more respectful measurement. "Sorry about last night; I thought you were another violent burglar trying his luck."

"Uh, sure, no prob-wait a minute, you thought I was a...?" Cid turned red with indignation.

The man rubbed the back of his neck awkwardly before sticking the hand out again. "Pride Leonhart; I'm Leon's grandfather."

Cid nodded and shook his hand. "So...what can I do for you?"

"I like a straightforward fellow. Let's talk, then."

"I've only got one chair in here."

"Floor's fine."

"Want a drink?"

"Heck, if it's strong."

As the two men squatted on the floor with the bottle between them, Aeris opened the door and entered. Cid stood again as she came up to him, then look dumbfounded at the envelope she held out to him.
"...what's this?"

"A thank-you note," she answered. "For what you did for us."

"Um...no."

It was Aeris' turn to be dumbfounded. "...'no'?"

"No thank-you note... Thank you but...uh...no thank-you."

Awkward, confused and a little embarrassed, Aeris withdrew the envelope and retreated to the bench to take out his food.

Leon's grandfather stared in mild surprise at the exchange, then smirked as Cid squatted again. "Nice girl," he commented.

"Really nice," Cid muttered in agreement, popping open the bottle and taking a drink from it. "...ain't that a good thing to tell someone - 'no thanks required.'"

This time, Pride choked on a laugh. "Well, you've sure been playing the good Samaritan lately; Cloud tells me you've been walking their dog, and just yesterday, you brought him soup. Want me to stop him from bringing you a note?"

"You wanted to talk, didn't ya? Get on with it," Cid muttered gruffly, unused to the compliment sent his way.

The older man sobered quickly and grazed the fuzz on his face lightly with the pat of his thumb. "Yeah, that...it's about the kids. I know you've been helping with the dog, and now there are other things. I'm their granddad; I'm just as concerned about them as you are."

"'Concerned'? Ha! I'm just their freakin' hall monitor."

Allowing the comment to slide, Pride continued. "It's not only financial assistance, here...see, I'm flying them down to Esthar City to ask my son-in-law for money... Won't be happening over the phone."

"Yeah, rules of life," Cid agreed, "if the parent ain't dead, he's got to help. Good."

"Yep. Well, see, my techie booked out on me; I was wondering if I could hire you instead.
"Can you come? The thing's huge; plenty of room if you want to bring company."

Cid sent him a dirty look. "Clean your dentures and get serious."

"I came in a freakin' uninsured airship; I can't fly all the way back to Esthar without some backup ready. You can fix up an airship mid-flight, right?"

"Granddaddy-o, I can fix anything with my eyes shut, but I'm not doing it!"

"You forgot to restock your lunch money drawer, and you're scaring the chocobos," Aeris informed as she returned. Outside the window, a flurry of white accompanied by panicky squawks shot diagonally upward.

Cid snorted as he pulled out his wallet and handed over a few bills. "This old git wants me to sit in his bird just in case it falls out of the sky."

"Cid Highwind, I want your life for a minute, where my big problem is getting a free ride in an airship so I can get out of this city. Excuse me."

As she walked off to get his change, both men stared after her with different degrees of surprise on their faces. Pride snapped out of it and chuckled.
"She's got good aim; right below your belt," he commented. Then he got up to leave.

"...okay, I'm coming. Give me a holler when you're ready to leave."

Pride did not hide his surprise, nor his relief as he nodded.

Cid grunted and waved him off in form of dismissal. "So I'll see you tomorrow. Let's not drag this out; we don't like each other all that much."

Pride stared at Cid for a second, then strode away while shaking his head in amusement. "Highwind, if there's some mental health foundation that raises money to help people like you, be sure to let me know."

"Last word freak," Cid muttered after him.

Passing the bench, Pride waved casually to Aeris without breaking stride. "Good day and good luck to you, miss."

Aeris watched him go with a puzzled expression.

Cid picked up the bottle, crossed over to the bench and set it down. "I'm going to hitch a ride with my queer neighbors and their commando grandfather to the Eastern Continent."

"Sounds like fun," Aeris commented dryly.

"Hey...um...what I did for your roomie - how's it working out?"

"What you did just changed all of our lives," Aeris replied steadily as she promptly produced the envelope again, breaking the seal and pulling out the papers.

Cid looked uncomfortable as he backed up a step. "I already said, no thank-you notes."

"Cid, this note you're refusing to read dictates the entire history of mine and Tifa's life, that somehow you've done more for Tifa, Denzel, Marlene, Yuffie and me, than anyone else ever has.. And that makes you the most important, surprising, generous person I've ever met..."

"Whoopee," Cid stated, getting even more uncomfortable at Aeris' outpouring emotion.

Aeris, not really paying attention as she read from the letter, flipped to the last page. "I also wrote one part... I wrote I'm sorry, when I pushed you out the door when you told Denzel that he ought to answer back, that I'm sorry for getting personal at the door..."

"Uh..." Cid finally reached forward and carefully took the papers from her hand. "I'll read the rest of it in a moment... Nice of you...thanks...
"Now I want you to do something for me."

Aeris looked at him for a very strange, long beat. "...and that would be?"

"I want you to go on this trip."

Before Aeris could say a word in her defense, Cid hurriedly cut in.
"I can't do this alone; what if they get horny and jump on each other and everyone else? I need a woman's voice of reason - a chaperon to separate everything but vehicles. You said you liked airships, and now I'm on the hook."

"...they get what and what now?"

"Two days."

"I can't; I have to work," Aeris protested.

"Johnny lets you take off when you have to," Cid countered.

"What about Denzel? Someone has to watch the kids if anything happens."

"Nothing's happening; Kadowaki tells me he's doing fine."

"Look, Cid, I'd rather not..."

"What's that got to do with it?"

"Funny, I thought that speaks for itself."

Cid snorted and waved at the air dismissively. "Write me a note, and ain't she sweet; I need a hand, where'd she go?"

Aeris frowned at this. "Are you saying accepting your help obligates me?"

"Is there any other way to see it?"

"... No," Aeris finally conceded.

"Are you still coming?" Cid prompted.

"I'd like to know exactly where we're going."

"Esthar City; just a nice quiet high-tech place apart from the rest of the world."

"Nothing dressy, right?"

"I'd preferred if you just asked me what the food is like."

"You're going where with who?"

"I said, I'm going to play 'chaperon' for Cid Highwind, his neighbors and their grandfather on a trip to Esthar city, for the what-if where they get horny and jump on each other and everyone else."

"...they get what and what now?"

"Exactly what I said, too."

"Sounds like fun."

"I doubt it; he's just going to keep beating off to himself and saying those demented, sick, complaining, angry things to anyone listening. And I hate it when he does that; he's like a freak stalker."

"Maybe his friends are nice...?"

Well, that felt better.