Wonderful World
An AU parody inspired by "As Good As It Gets"; beta-read, reviewed and edited by Howling WereWolf.

I spent more time trying to think up an update for Musings; I nearly succeeded, and now I'm stuck with refining it properly before actually uploading it. I gave up once again and came back here. Sorry, one and all.

Later that same night found the three in one of the smaller restaurants with a bar.

"Y'know, when you said you knew of a nice place, I wasn't expecting this."

Pride shrugged at Cid's comment as he picked up his bottle.
"I ate here all the flippin' time when I was talking things out with Mr. Important. Trust me, the food here's decent with a big fat 'D'; their horseradish is fresh ground."

Cid pointedly ignored the older man as he bit down into a burger. Pride set his bottle down and looked across the room for Aeris, finally spotting her, the sight causing him to smirk.
"Here she comes, and here comes her martini."

Aeris came up to their table, a little giddy as music played and couples danced in the background. Then she noticed the waiter with her martini trailing after her, and reacted with equal amusement.

"How's our most fair maiden liking the location?" Pride asked when she took a seat.

"I've never had a drink follow me like that before; I could get used to this."
Aeris paused to nod her thanks to the waiter as he set the glass down, before looking back at the men.
"I'm stoked; either of you want to hit the dance floor?"

"Sorry, milady; rain check," Pride apologized. "I can't dance to save my soul, my firstborn kid or my car."

"You don't have a car," Cid pointed out behind his drink.

Pride laughed and set the bottle back down before rising from his chair. "Don't wait up for me; I'll be right back with the self-service."

Then he was off, leaving Cid and Aeris alone at the table.

Aeris looked back at the dance floor wistfully, then back at Cid. "Can you dance?"

"I've been thinking about that since you brought it up before."

"...and?"

"... No."
Then Cid snorted and waved a hand dismissively at the surroundings. "... I don't get this stinkin' place. They make me and the Crusty Commando dress like penguins on a bad day, but they let you wear your house dress. I don't get this stink at all."

Aeris blanched, then reddened at the insult Cid had unintentionally sent her way. All in all, it was still an insult. She got up to leave.

It was then that Cid stopped acting nonchalant and got up as well.
"No. Wait. What? Why? I didn't mean it. I mean, uh...you gotta sit down. You can still give me the dirty look, y'know. Just, uh...just sit down and give it to me."

Aeris did send him the dirty look, but she did not seat herself again.
"Cid, give me a compliment... I need one and quick. You have just hurt my feelings, and I want to hear you say something nice."

Cid groaned and rubbed his pate in frustration. "One minute she's happy and loving everyone, and the next she's upset over a dress code comment," he muttered.

"That is not a compliment, Cid; that's just trying to sound smart so I feel stupid. A compliment is something nice about someone else."

"I know what a compliment is..."

"Well, I'm waiting."

"Alright; sit down."

Aeris obliged, the indignation still worn clearly on her expression as she gave him his chance for redemption.
"And mean it."

"...give me a sec; I wanna see if the old guy's coming back yet."
Turning, Cid hollered down the room.
"How long are you gonna take over there?"

"Give me a few good tens of minutes; they're just putting out the fresh condiments," the answer came back.

"Great; now I get to embarrass myself without a personal audience. I mean...um..."
Cid slowly turned back around and inhaled deeply. When he exhaled, he nodded.
"... Okay, I've got a real great compliment for you, and it's true."

"Suddenly, I am so afraid you're about to say something awful..."

"Don't be pessimistic; it's not your style. Okay, here I go, even if this is gonna cost me half my ego...

"You recall that day when you gave me that lecture about the snide remark I made about your roomie's kid? Yeah, I know you apologized for it an' all, but...uh...see, after you said that, I did a lot of thinking. About myself, about where I was going...well, about a lot of things. Then, well...you know what happened afterward; we don't need that history lesson..."

Aeris waited a little longer, then shook her head. "I don't quite get how that's supposed to be a compliment."

Cid sat up a little straighter and looked her in the eye as he explained himself carefully.
"... You made me want to change my life that time...yeah...
"... You make me want to be a better man."

Then there was a silence - save for the music and voices in the background - as Cid observed the surprise that had set in on Aeris' face.

"... Cid, that's maybe the best compliment of my life... Thank you."

Cid let out the breath he was holding. "Then I've really overshot here, cos' I was aiming at just enough to keep you from leaving."

The two remained sitting there, watching the couples dancing for a little longer.

"... So tell me, why did you come along? I saw that look on your face when I mentioned dancing...it was not that 'horny and jumping on each other and everyone else', again, was it?"

"... Well, no. That one was just to get you to come on the trip," Cid admitted gruffly.

"So what was it, then?"

"There are a lot of reasons...hell, I had a thought that if...well, he's old enough to be your grandfather, but..."

"... What? You thought...I and Pride... You actually thought I would...?"

Cid stammered, realizing he had made his second foul in the same hour. "Yeah well, it was just an idea..."

"Cid, that is the most revolting-"

"Hey, c'mon, it was just an idea; at least you didn't stay back at the room with the two queers, right?"

"...them too? Cid, just how many people did you pair me up with in three seconds of your attention span?"

"Look, I'm just sayin'-"

"Cid do you have any idea what you are saying? About me and about those men? How could you even think-"

"Look, it just occurred to me, s'all... It came out first... Hell, you kissed one, you hugged the other one, you got the really old one to invite you out on the streets...and I thought for a moment... But you don't want to...hey, that's fine... Look, forget what I said about it, okay? It was a freakin' mistake."

By now, Aeris was so incensed again, she looked on the verge of tears. "... I'll never forget you said it."

"It was a freakin' mistake, okay?"

"It's not okay; tell Pride I went back to the hotel."

Before Cid could stop her, she had stood up again and left.

At that point, Pride returned with a tray of freshly ground horseradish and several other condiments. As he set the tray down, he looked around.
"... Highwind, where'd the lady go?"

Cloud was curled up under the sheets, already deep in slumber with a book hugged to his chest. Said book's owner was across from the bed and watching him, occasionally looking back at the kitchen, the hesitation evident.

He had promised Pride before he left - and Cloud before he fell asleep - he would at least try and call Laguna himself. He still hadn't; instead, he had gone through more items of distraction. Now, the table was littered with all the previous engravings - each without color - on metal plates that had once been considered practice scrap, and a few half-empty vials of color dye; all that was left of his lost career in weapon engraving.

Leon held up one of an angel, then laid it back down as he looked back into the kitchen, deep in thought. Finally, he gave up again and started to change into his pajamas. It was not without some difficulty, but Cloud slept like a log and would not be of much help here.

Just as he was getting out of his shirt, Aeris came bursting in. His eyes followed her as she entered her room. Then there was the sound of a suitcase being thrown open, then clothes and other articles being flung in roughly.

He remained in a stunned stupor with the shirt partially on as she suddenly entered their room with that same suitcase now filled with her luggage.
"...hello?" he managed.

"I'm sorry, but I'd like to crash here for the night; I don't want to see him and he's not going to come knocking on this door."

"Who...oh... You'll have to bring the mattress in, though..." he conceded uncertainly.

"I'll do that in a minute. Here, let me help you with that shirt."

Leon did not say anything in protest, but flinched as she yanked hard on the shirt, effectively hauling it off him in under two seconds.
"Can you not be violent?"

"I don't think so."

In several seconds after, the pajama shirt was on, and the experience with it.

"You need help with the pants?"

Leon's brows disappeared into his forelocks as he grabbed the metal rings of his chair and hurriedly wheeled himself backwards and out of reach.

Aeris let it slide as she tried to get a grip on herself. "I'm going to take a big bath and order a big meal. You want anything?"

Leon's grip tightened on the left ring as his other hand hastily snatched his pajama pants off the edge of the bed. "Uh...no...go ahead."

Aeris took a few more deep breathes to calm herself, then sent a regretful look his way.
"I'm sorry, you didn't need that... Are you okay?"

Relaxing his stance, Leon answered the question.
"Considering I can't voluntarily move my legs, I let all my responsibilities go to rot, and tomorrow I'm requesting financial assistance from the last man on Earth that I'd ever want to speak to..."
He finally shook his head helplessly.
"Don't ask me; I'm sick of my own complaints...got to get a new set of thoughts..."

Aeris looked up, curious. "Why? What have you been thinking about?"

"How to die, mostly."

"Can you believe, in our little mix, you and Cloud are the good roommates?"

Leon appeared slightly amused as Aeris crossed to the bathroom and began to prepare a bath. After some struggle with the pants, he headed for the other side of the room and hit the switch. The room dimmed toward darkness, save for the light from the bathroom.

That was when he turned, and his eyes promptly widened slightly.

There sat Aeris at the tub's edge, clothed in nothing save the towel wrapped around her. As his eyes remained burning into her back, she adjusted her long hair, and the towel slipped.

"... Hold it."

The words having barely escaped, he turned and hurried back toward the table. Knocking several of the metal plates to the ground, he finally pulled out the one he was looking for - the angel. Then he swiped as many vials as he could and came back to his original spot, slight pain from exerting his tender shoulder reflecting in his eyes.

Then, Aeris noticed she had an audience and turned slightly.
"... What are you doing?"

"I have to use you as a theme."

"No, absolutely not," Aeris pointedly replied, carefully recollecting the towel around her, explanations blubbering.
"I'm shyer than you think. I give the wrong impression sometimes, and-"

Already, Leon was holding up vial after vial to find the color match. "I haven't even been thinking about paint and dye for weeks."

"Stop staring. Do the hotel vase."

"Compared to you, that vase is a chipped excuse for ceramics wastage; your skin...glows."

"Thanks, but I just want to take a bath, and-"

"That long neck...the line of you... Hyne, you're porcelain..." Leon muttered, no longer really listening to her protests as he became absorbed in his work. "Your back goes on forever... You have to be what inspired this angel...you are this angel. Great Hyne, you're why cavemen stopped wall chiseling and starting wall painting...!"

"Alright, cut me a break," Aeris replied, blushing from the compliments sent her way. As she watched him earnestly engrossed in getting the right colors, she hesitated. Then, finally, with shy deliberation, she lowered the towel again.

"...that's it..."

"You said what!"
Pride was suddenly glad he hadn't started on dinner when Cid started explaining, or whatever went down his throat would have found its way back up. Now, he had lost his appetite.
"Damn it, Highwind, if I didn't need you to maintain the airship on the way back to Traverse Town, there'd be pieces of you in twenty different dumpsters come morning."

"See, you can talk about it rationally."

"Rationally! I'm old enough for Ms. Gainsborough to qualify as my granddaughter, for Hyne's sake! That was the most disgusting idea that must have passed through your head!"

Cid muttered something.

"...I'm scared shitless to ask, but what was that you said?"

Cid repeated it, and the old man looked ready to have an epileptic seizure.

"...let me get this right, you just told a lady you imagined her going steady with a grandfather and two gay men, thus humiliating her three consecutive times in one hour."

"...that sums up the night, yep."

"... Highwind, you should've come with a warning label and a beeping light."

"I said, I didn't mean it... Look, I know I screwed up. I said the wrong thing, and if I hadn't, I'd actually get to thank her properly for having put up with me all this time since she first started delivering food to my shop. Instead, I'm here with you, - no offense - a crusty old man with one foot in the grave, and paying a moron in the bar to push one of the last legal drugs in existence."

Pride sighed helplessly and raised his glass of alcohol in accompaniment to his answer: "What can I do, but drink to that? Cheers."

"I don't care how you put it; we're being naughty here, pal."

The bath forgotten and the meal but a distant memory, Aeris was now posing for Leon as he viciously attacked the last of the dye. Scattered all over the floor, were metal plates, several of them inlaid with drying dye in shining vibrant expression.

"No, no, this is good; this is very good. I just...this angle isn't right, the chair handle's getting in the way."

Suddenly, with any lack of thought, Leon tossed the metal plate to the floor, dropped the vial just a bit more gently, and then proceeded to haul himself to the floor as well, the chair rolling backward from the force of his shove until it hit the wall with a bump. Dragging himself into a better position, he continued to add color to a lion composed of fire and silver. As he gave its open, roaring jaws a silver lining, he felt something inside him roar as well.

For the first time since he woke up after the incident, he was back at his center.

I apologize to every single A&C and A&L fan for this, but the fact is that in this story, both men are gay.
I'm male with a firm grasp on my sexuality, but I'm pretty sure a lady wouldn't fall in love with a gay man. They could become very good friends, but that might just be it. I'm just saying this, so I might have just offended even more people. For that, I apologize again in advance.

koyuki-san: Well... Flypipe was the one who created Pride (name and all); he just let me have him in my stories. There's actually a background story for that name which needs fleshing out; I just never got down to working it out.

Niana Kuonji: Well, that's the biggest we come to chaos... Sorry. I suck at dance choreography, and they never actually danced in the script, so I let that one slip. At least they got drunk...