xD Anyone who was actually reading this at One-Thirty in the morning got lucky. I decided to be random, and actually update again this month. 'Cause I'm bored, and Courtney is on-line. Yeah, doesn't make much sense. Too bad.

Sorry for anything that makes to sense. I'm so bloody tired, and slap-happy that nothing seems to register in my brain as 'sane'.

"Welcome to Fanclan." repeated the leader, Superstar. "This is the land of fan fiction gone bad. This is a place of tutelage, where all of you who have been brought here are to be taught how to properly write. This is not the only area in this place, but one of thousands, millions even, of teaching areas. The fact that you were landed in Fanclan means that all of you were brought for your Warriors fan fiction.

"Here in Fanclan, you have the status of apprentices. You will experience first hand what goes on in a clan, so when – if - you write once again, you will know how to properly describe things. You will also learn that not all cats are made out to be warriors, and especially not all kittypets, that up until recently lived on a white-picket-fence."

Sam felt her body temperature elevate slightly, and she shifted slightly. She noted that she wasn't the only one who moved. Several cats in the crowd also twiched.

"You will stay for one moon, possibly more, or until you have learned. Some will never learn, and will remain in Fanclan for all of their cat days. Until you return, your bodies are held in something twoleggers call a 'coma'.

"There are so many of you this time, and I'm afraid that Fanclan doesn't have quite enough warriors to take one a piece. Hence, you will be sharing apprenticeship, and your mentor, with one, or even two other cats.

"Now, you will be grouped, and sent to your mentors. Or rather, your mentors will be sent to you."

Sam sat there blinking. 349 shifted restlessly next to her. "Wow... that made no sense." Sam nodded in agreement. 349 continued on, as if the she-cat hadn't showed any response. "I wonder if we get names. Like, Hamsterpaw, or something like that."

Sam shrugged, managing to do so only by thrusting her shoulder blades painfully up from her back. Discs on her spinal column cracked softly, and a few heads turned in her direction, eyes searching and wary.

Warriors appearing from various places began sorting through the crowd, selecting cats here and there, and ordering them to follow each other. The small, damp kit who had been rescued from the river before made his way over in the direction of the two motionless she-cats. He was followed by the black tom who had rescued him.

The tom spoke, and sat back on his haunches, appearing to be in not quite as much in a hurry as the other warriors rummaging through the crowd of eager apprentices. "Hey. I don't feel like sorting through the masses of those to pick a couple of dense apprentices. You three were just sitting here, all lonesome looking, so I decided to snatch you up."
Noting their lost expressions, he grinned, showing sharp, surprisingly large teeth. "Just follow me, and I'll attempt to go into far more detail than our dear leader.

"Name?" Questioned the fire truck-red apprentice, not moving.

"Oh, of course." The tom stood, preparing to leave, and turned in the direction of the woods, before glancing back at his three new charges. "I'm Inkheart. Both fitting, and with accordance to the land." With that, he set off, tail in the air.

349 blinked at her fellow apprentices, then rose, following their mentor. The tiny cat followed, and then Sam went after them, trying to wrap her mind around the confusion. They walked past various dens, and Sam heard little snippets of conversation. Jovial laughter rang from one, along with a few, higher pitched voices of kits. In one den, a loud voice could be heard saying, "He had a hole cut out of his side, that one. Didn't eve.." But as Inkheart strode on, Sam couldn't catch anymore of the what was said.

They stopped after passing through some wooded area, and rested by the brook Sam had been by before. It was a slight clearing, with just enough space for the four cats, and possibly a couple more.

"Alright. First off, we need names for the three of you." Inkheart looked thoughtful, before looking at the red apprentice. "You. You should be Burningpaw. Not only does it describe the colour of your pelt, but if you don't leave, you could be something like, "Burningsanity," or "Burningpaper", or something."

Burningpaw blinked, then nodded. "'Kay." He agreed softly, contemplating this.

Inkheart continued. "And then you..." His gaze turned on Sam, and she winced inwardly, reflexively. He grinned, almost evilly, and she quailed, and almost scooted backwards. "Nay, I wouldn't bring that on you. How about... Crinkledpaw. Then you could be Crinkledpaper."

The last she-cat met his eyes defiantly. "Please, spare me of your fetish for paper."

Inkheart chuckled, before naming her without thinking. "Blotchypaw. You could be Blotchy...erm... Ink." He blinked, and changed what he had been planning on saying. Maybe he did like paper.

Oh well. Moving right along. T.T

"Now, for my first thing to teach you as your mentor, Cats don't usually have wings. Unless they are genetically engineered. By that's several miles to the north, so don't even think about it. Warriors will never wear jewellery. It would slow them down majorly. And point three. Cats aren't purple. Unless they've had a bucket of twolegger paint dropped on them, in which case, they would be very still, and it would wash off, and they would be restored to normal colours. Cats aren't blue, either. Or green, while we are on the subject. In fact, any colour that a cat normally wouldn't come in, they don't. Case closed." Inkheart stretched lazily, before continuing. "And.. that about covers it for now. You actually aren't supposed to learn anything on the first day. Congratulations. You are all ahead. Huzzah."