A/N: Still no disclaimer. See? Told you I wouldn't have any from now on. Please review. Please don't misjudge my insanity. You know the drill by now. Enjoy.

2nd A/N: Oh, and just for the record, yes, these mostly ARE based on the Disney versions of these stories, as I have mentioned previously. I am aware of the original versions, but the Disney ones are stupider, and therefore funnier to do takeoffs on. Another note: the expression "cold-hard-truth" is just that – an expression. Do not let yourselves be fooled. I apologize to anyone who thinks they are being treated as though they are children. It would seem that some of us need to be treated so. Isn't that funny? Oh, and don't forget to log in when you review. Usually it doesn't bother me, but recent events must be taken into account. Anonymous flames are so cowardly. Anyway, enjoy Rapunzel!

Title: Rapunzel: The Long and Short of It – Minus the Long of It

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Once upon a time there was a married couple.

I'm going to name them Harold and Francis.

They wanted a baby very much.

Then Francis got pregnant.

Then they became very, very poor and Harold had to go steal food from the neighbour's garden.

He stole some turnips because they were right beside the fence.

Francis ate the turnips and became addicted to them, refusing to eat anything else.

This may have been because the neighbour was a witch.

One day, the witch – let's name her Zelda for fun – caught Harold stealing her turnips.

She was not pleased that he was stealing from her.

When he explained that his wife would starve without the turnips, Zelda told him he was allowed to take as many turnips as he wanted, but when the baby was born, he'd have to give it to her.

That seems to be another trend in fairy tales.

Harold couldn't let his wife die, so he agreed, hoping she would forget.

When the baby was born, Zelda took it and named the girl Rapunzel, because the turnips Francis was addicted to were called Rapunzel turnips.

Zelda locked Rapunzel away in a high tower with no stairs.

Rapunzel grew very, very, very long hair.

Zelda used Rapunzel's hair to climb up the outside wall of the tower to bring the girl food.

One day a prince came along and saw Zelda doing so.

When Zelda left, he called the same thing he'd heard Zelda calling: "Rapunzel, Rapunzel, let down your hair!"

And Rapunzel did, and he climbed up her hair into the tower.

They fell in love.

He brought her lots of rope.

She made a rope ladder for herself to climb out of the tower with.

One day Zelda discovered that Rapunzel was seeing the prince.

Zelda cut off all Rapunzel's hair, used it as a lure to bring the prince up to the tower, and then blinded him.

He wandered for a long time in the desert.

One day he heard singing.

It was Rapunzel.

She found him and cried.

Her tears fell on his eye sockets.

For no reason at all, he could see again.

They married and lived happily ever after.

Zelda was completely forgotten.

THE END