Broken
You want the greatest thing
The greatest thing since bread came sliced.
You've got it all, you've got it sized.
Like a Friday fashion show teenager
Freezing in the corner
Trying to look like you don't try.
That's sugarcane that tasted good.
That's cinnamon, that's Hollywood.
C'mon, c'mon no one can see you try.
No one can see you cry.
That sugar cane that tasted good.
That freezing rain, that's what you could.
C'mon, c'mon on no one can see you cry.
(Imitation of Life-R.E.M.)
"Are you going to stand there all night or have you lost your ability to communicate with your friends altogether?" she asked, looking up from her book.
Harry had given himself away purposely by standing in the doorway in her peripheral. He knew he was on shaky ground with her and that her comment was at least an invitation for conversation. He walked toward the fireplace and stood in front of her.
"I forgot you could pack a punch," he said quietly. Hermione narrowed her eyes and looked down at the fire.
"We've been your friends through thick and thin. For years we've stuck by your side, we deserve a lot better than you sneaking behind our backs," she hissed through her teeth. "I'm not like your girlfriend, I'm not going to wait by the sidelines until this war is over." She got up angrily from the chair.
Harry dropped his arms. "Oh come on, Hermione."
"What?" she whirled on him.
"I'm not expecting you and Ron to wait for me. I need you guys, really I do. But I don't want to put anyone else in any danger!"
"How can you stand there and tell me this? How can it be okay for us to be safe while you are putting your life on the line?"
"My life has been on the line since that damned prophecy," he shot back.
"I'm not going back," she crossed her arms and plopped down onto a chair. Harry walked over to her and knelt down in front of her.
"Hermione, please," he said softly. "You have worked so hard for that badge. Don't tell me that there wasn't a thought of remorse that went through your head when you held it in your hands."
She looked down at him, her face softening. "There are more important things in this life than stupid badges and titles," she said.
"I have to admit I have a bit of an ulterior motive for asking you to return to Hogwarts," he said. "The library."
"Oh, you've got to be joking," Hermione said exasperatedly.
"No, Hermione, really," he insisted and she saw that his face was completely serious. "Hogwarts has the best library on wizardry and no one knows it better than you."
"Harry, if this is flattery, I'll pass on it."
"You wanted to do the research, what better place to do it?"
"I can get into Hogwarts anyway," she retorted.
"Not without being a student," Harry insisted, although he wasn't entirely sure.
"McGonagall would surely let me visit--."
"Not without raising some suspicion as to what we are up to," Harry interrupted her. "Hermione, not everyone returning to Hogwarts is going to be on our side. You don't think Voldemort won't have his spies in there?"
A troubled look flickered over her face as she remembered Draco and Snape last year. "Why send me and Ron? There are others who are completely loyal. You heard Lupin, the Order will be there as well as the aurors."
"But you two are the only ones I completely trust."
"Then come back with us!" she insisted.
Harry looked away. "Hermione, I can't. That place…you have no idea how much that place meant to me. But I can't go back there. It's just too painful."
"Oh, Harry." She reached out and caressed his cheek and Harry closed his eyes to revel in her touch. He leaned toward her and opened his eyes, leveling his intense gaze filled with desire on her. He placed a hand on the armrests on either side of her, pinning her to the chair as he leaned in for a kiss.
But Hermione quickly stood. "I can't do this right now, Harry."
Harry stayed where he was for a moment before getting to his feet and turning to face her. She was standing by the fireplace, one hand on the mantle. She looked up at him, a pained look on her face.
"Is it…is it because of Ron?" he asked, fearing her answer.
"Yes," she said softly. "And because of Ginny." Harry nodded solemnly. "I didn't say anything to Ron," she continued. "You didn't either."
Harry's eyes avoided her face. "I didn't know how he would react."
"And Ginny?" she asked.
Harry closed his eyes and sighed. "Things are just so confusing right now."
"Believe me, I know," she said softly.
Ron removed his extendable ear from underneath the door and gathered the string in his hands. He had heard enough and was already feeling bad about spying on his friends. Why was he always so damned curious? It was this same characteristic of his that landed him into trouble with the mirror. But he just had to know what he friends were talking about. What had happened between Harry and Hermione? His imagination could fill in a lot of blanks. He and Hermione had broken things off at the wedding mutually, were these stirrings of possessiveness over Hermione due to jealousy or something more platonic? And Ginny, pining away at the burrow over Harry? Ron couldn't help the anger that began to blossom within him toward Harry. After all, wasn't he supposed to be with Ginny in the end? How could he break his little sister's heart? And Hermione? What was he playing at with her?
He threw himself on his bed, willing his anger toward Harry to subside. There was the sound of a door closing followed shortly by another. He guessed Harry and Hermione finally turned in.
"Are you alright?" Harry asked, looking over at Ron he was pushing his eggs around his plate.
"Fine," he answered simply.
Harry looked over at Hermione who shrugged then took a sip of her coffee.
"I'll send an owl later to check on you all," Molly said as she put on her traveling cloak. It was her last day here at Grimmauld Place and she was returning to the Burrow. "Please take care of yourselves," she hugged each of the three of them, giving her son a kiss on the top of his head.
When the three of them were finally left alone, Harry turned to his two friends. "I'm thinking of going to Godric's Hollow today. Lupin gave me directions and I was wondering if you two would come with."
"Of course we will," Hermione said immediately. Ron looked up at him and nodded as well.
"Excellent. We'll leave after breakfast then?" Harry asked.
It was a quiet neighborhood. The houses were quaint with large green grassy lawns and tall trees with full green canopies. White picket fences marked the perimeter of some lawns, green hedges others.
"So where is it?" Ron asked in a hushed voice.
"Right over…here," Harry said, standing in front of a grassy green space filled with trees between two houses.
"It's unplottable," Hermione gasped. "Of course."
"Only until I claim it," Harry said, taking out a scroll of parchment and reading the very first line of it. "The deed and the property of Godric's Hollow belong under the ownership of Harry James Potter."
As soon as he finished the sentence, a beautiful two-storied home painted white with green shutters and a thatched roof appeared in front of them. The white picket fence needed repairing and the front lawn was in disrepair. The shutters were closed and faded as well as the white paint on the outside and the roof had spots missing from it. Nearly sixteen years of neglect shown on the property.
"Well," Ron said after taking it in. "Welcome home, mate." He slapped Harry on the shoulder.
Hermione loved it the instant she saw it. "We certainly have our work cut out for us."
Harry grinned and walked forward toward his childhood home. He opened the gate (it fell off) and walked through.
As they walked through the front door, they walked into a large living room filled with furniture that had covers on them. A layer of sixteen years of dust covered everything as well as broken and dusty cobwebs. Ron recoiled slightly at the sight of these. Hermione went to the window and, struggling, managed to lift it and opened the shutters letting light penetrate the dusty darkness.
Harry walked around the living room then moved into what he assumed was the dining room because of the large table that seated ten people.
Ron Was Here
Ron wiped his dusty finger on his jeans after leaving a mark on the dust covered table. Dark mahogany wood shone through his writing. Hermione peered into the china cabinet, wiping away some dirt and grime from the glass window of the hutch.
Together they walked into the kitchen. A rectangular shaped room with horrible counter tops and appliances that were, Harry guessed, sixteen years old or older. Ron eyed them with interest. There was a window over the sink that looked into the backyard and Harry imagined his mother standing there doing the dishes while his father and him played in the yard. It was a painful daydream.
"Don't!" Harry said sharply to Hermione as she touched the handle of one of the cabinets. "We don't know what's in there," he said more softly. "The last thing we need is a boggart to appear," he said pointedly to her, remembering the form of her boggart. Hermione brought her hand back, rapidly, to her side.
There was a drawing room downstairs as well as, to Hermione's delight, a study/library room. Nervous anticipation filled Harry as he made his way upstairs with his friends. There were a couple more bathrooms up here as well as some rooms that could be used for bedrooms. As they opened the French doors at the end of the hall, they revealed a large room with a large four-poster bed in the middle of it.
"This must have been your parent's bedroom, Harry," Hermione said softly as they stepped into it.
Harry's finger traced the intricate woodwork on the bedposts. He didn't know how old the bed was but he figured it must have been in his family for generations. His finger ran over the image of a lion's head carved into it. There was a large canvas cloth covering the mattress and a strange image suddenly came to his mind.
A beautiful young woman with green eyes like his own was looking down at him. The bright sunlight highlighted her long red hair. She was laying on her side, the comforting smell of her filled his nostrils and soothed him. She was singing to him. "You are my sunshine, my only sunshine…"
The image faded away and Harry blinked his moist eyes.
"Are you alright?" Ron asked. He was looking at him with concern in his eyes.
Harry nodded. It must have been a memory of his mother singing to him when he was a baby though why he could remember it was a mystery to him. Again, Hermione opened the windows, letting sunshine shine into the room.
They left it and walked down to the next room, Harry's hand paused at the handle.
"I think this was my room," he said softly. The concept of it was too foreign to him, for as long as he could remember he never really had a room of his own. The room he had at the Dursley's wasn't really his in the way it was supposed to be.
Hermione's comforting touch on his shoulder gave him the strength he needed to turn the knob. The first thing he saw was his crib.
The hooded figure loomed above him over the crib rails. He was pointing something at him. Where was mummy?
"AVADA KEDAVRA!" came a cold, high-pitched voice.
Then there was a bright green light and pain, pain like he had never known seared through him.
"NO!" Harry cried out and slammed the door shut, one hand clutched to his scar on his forehead.
"Harry!" Hermione screamed as he sank to the floor.
"Harry, is it him? Is it You-Know-Who?" Ron asked.
Tears streamed down Harry's face. "I can't," he gasped. "I can't go in there."
"Okay, we're done here," Hermione said, cradling Harry to her. "We're going back to Grimmauld Place."
Ron set the tray of food down next to Harry's bed. He didn't know if he was going to eat it or not, he was just lying there staring into nothing. He sighed and turned away from his sad and depressed friend. Hermione was standing in the doorway looking worried. Ron stepped out of the room and closed the door behind him. In silence, they made their way back downstairs to the kitchen.
"It was a stupid idea to let him go back there," Hermione said as she sat down.
Ron took a seat across from her. "He would've gone. It was inevitable. He needed to see his childhood home."
Hermione sighed as she rested her elbows on the table and sank her head into her hands.
When night fell and Ron and Hermione had long gone to bed, Harry waited ten minutes from when he heard Lupin and Tonk's bedroom door close before sliding out of his bed. He grabbed his broom and opened the door a crack.
All was silent.
He slipped out of bed and tiptoed down the hall, down the stairs and to the garden where he took off on his broom. He needed to return to Godric's Hollow.
Hermione watched him from her bedroom window and quickly put on her shoes and a warm sweater before she snuck out of her room to follow Harry.
Harry set down on a shadowy part of the street and walked to his home.
"Lumos," he whispered when he entered the dark abode. The house was still unplottable to those that weren't shown the secret to get to it so Harry had no fear of intrusion. But he still didn't want anything lurking in the shadows to jump out at him.