Sorry about the delay, I was in Sicily which was fun, and tomorrow I go to Italy for a week to see some friends. So this is hopefully, going to be one of the two chaps. I post today. However I'm not promising a second one totally. Nothing belongs to me, you know. Meg Cabot, Disney; all the usual suspects.

She did not don a disguise, that was not her style. If she chose to leave the palace, she would do it brazenly. She pulled on the woollen coat Pierre had sent for her birthday and a flowery silk scarf that went everywhere with her, and for a moment she could not remember who had bought her it. It was soft on her hands, and for the first time she realised how it felt, suddenly all her senses had been heightened.

She shook the idea away and retrieved her car keys from her bottom drawer on her dresser. She had never known why she kept them hidden there; it meant nobody could ever take the car away from her. Even in her mind it sounded absurd but truly, it wasn't. She had owned the car for years, in fact if she remembered it correctly she had begged Rupert to buy her it and reluctantly, he had.

She made her way down to the garages at the end of the palace grounds, the cold rain beating down on the umbrella she had lifted before she had quietly left through the back doors of the kitchens. The rain was heavy and icy and she felt small, so small against the almighty power of the weather that even she could not control.

The garage handle was rusty, haven't not been moved for years and with the umbrella handle lodged ungracefully under her chin she pulled with all her might at the rotting handle. It scraped eventually and the door, stiff with age opened slowly. She hadn't driven the car for years, what felt like forever. It was a Mercedes, a nice car that looked classy but not overly portentous. It was old however, and she suddenly realised it may not start.

From her hand bag, she produced the keys and opened the shiny black door. Even though the car was not used, it was looked after by one of the valets - she had made sure of that. Inside, it smelled slightly damp and the leather interior was cold to sit on.

She waited no longer, not caring if she was breaking Joseph's policy, if she was breaking his heart. The car revved and she was gone.

0o0o0o00o0o0o0o0o0o

She knew she was callous, she was well aware she was heartless and cold. She was aware her hardness made people flinch; she was aware that she loved him and loathed him. On the cliff, with the wind whipping so hard at her face it tingled, all of the pressed upon her like a dreadful weight. The thrashing sea below her, crashing onto the rocks was enticing- not for the first time in her disturbing life. A woman, her age contemplating suicide seemed bizarre but not when it was at the back of her mind all the time. Tears burned on her swollen face, her hand clenched and unclenched at her sides her body rocked against the strong wind. How undignified, how insane she had become. She loved him, so much and it screamed inside her head and if it had not been for what she had allowed all those years ago, she would want him just as much. Their affair, long and drawn out and time consuming had ruined him for her and now they hated each other.

He had held her so roughly, so tightly so frighteningly. It was not the first time she had slapped him but never once had he held her so roughly. She had been twisted, she pushed him to the point were his cool temper failed him.

She remember she had screamed in his face all those years ago and then he had grabbed her, made love to her, and she allowed it, as much as the guilt she felt was overwhelming. It was all too intense, all too much to let go on forever. So they stopped abruptly but it had not been enough, It was never enough. She always screamed at him because he made her feel so inadequate, so undeserving of all his attention.

It was what she had always done, anyone who loved her, she ruined, Her parents, Pierre, Philippe and soon, she would chip him down too and then, he would give up and she could go on living her cold life. That was what she wanted. She sighed and retreated back from the cliff edge, because the wind was getting stronger and she did not want to go over the edge, she had fallen a long time ago.

Yours,

M

Xx

Oh, please review.