Thanks for my reviews! This is fluffy, which I like writing. None of this is my property; Meg Cabot and Disney all own this.
She did not lift her body from his, she half lay, half stood over his body with her head resting on his heaving chest. He stroked her hair weakly and she continued to cry and cry until the tears ran out and then she sobbed dryly, because the feeling of relief was so unreal.
"Clarisse", he whispered softly, after some time of silence, "I'm glad you came here". She raised her head, but with one hand still clung to his bed sheets. Her face was sore looking, red and swollen from crying. The blue of her eyes was more outstanding in contrast with the bloodshot whiteness of them. She had aged terribly; she looked so much more than her 53 years.
"In the palace, they will be searching for me", she whispered absently, looking at him as she dabbed her face with her handkerchief.
"Well, now", he smiled slightly, "I didn't think you had come her with Security's permission".
She laughed slightly, "Security, for me was lying in a hospital bed and I had to get to him".
He smiled softly, as if her words had raised a feeling in him that was utterly new. He raised his hand and reached out for her. She walked over, taking his hand in hers. He was cold.
"I love you", she whispered, "It hurts because I love you so much sometimes. Am I making any sense?"
Again, he smiled and gripped her hand tighter - pulling her and motioning for her to sit on the edge of the bed. She did so, awkwardly. He sat up in the bed, with more strength that she had thought he really had. He made himself in a comfortable sitting position, wincing slightly. Once he had, he motioned for her to lie across his chest and wearily, she did.
It felt good to be close to him, because she was not prepared to fight it anymore.
"Those words mean more than anything to me in the world", he answered after a while, "Because you and I are such similar creatures - and we need each other to survive".
She kissed his chest, and looked up.
"I hated you", she said suddenly, "Because you exposed me so effortlessly and you know how to please me and you know how to hurt me and you know which buttons to push. You know me so well, I want to crawl under your skin and see myself from your perspective. You know how to control me and that scares me, Joseph".
"I love you Clarisse", he said softly, but with authority "and I have no desire to hurt you".
"I don't mean it like that… I make no sense", she sighed, and "You know me so well, that I want you to go away so I don't have to face my faults".
"We all have faults", he whispered, stroking her hair again, "I lost my temper with you". She looked up quickly and frowned.
"I deserved that", she said, "I was cruel, I pushed you".
"I should not have lost my temper at you like that, because you are everything to me".
"I care little for that, I don't care what you done to me because I have done much worse to you", she paused and stroked his face with her hand, "I fantasise about you all the time, you know".
He looked at her strangely, questioningly.
"I want you so badly, I've never wanted that before apart from when you're near me".
"You could always have had me", he smiled, "I would have been open to any of your ideas or advances". For the first time in what felt like years, she laughed properly. Her eyes glittered and her face seemed younger.
"I know that much", she smiled, " But it's not about that, it's just about having you under my control and I could never do that because you cannot tame something that wants to make you wild can you?"
"I wanted to free you Clarisse", he smiled lovingly, "Not ruin you".
"I was - I am doing a good job of that myself", she said sadly, "But no, I won't do it anymore".
"No?"
"No, no because I'll begin feeling things again".
"I feel this", he smiled touching her face, her lips, "Always, if I close my eyes I can still feel your body against mine".
"Don't close your eyes, this is me -I'm real and I'm yours."
O0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o
She left the hospital that evening, after a frazzled Shades had finally realised there was a chance she might be there. She kissed him goodbye, only on the cheek and left him, his hand lingering in hers till they could stretch no further.
In the limo to the palace, it occurred to her that she had abandoned part of her old self and that made her smile. She knew she had lots to do, she knew that when she got back to the palace she might have a mountain of endless paper work in front of her and a worried Charlotte to contend and console and a granddaughter she had ignored for two days to apologise to but it didn't seem to matter, or worry so much. She could not say she was elated, because that would be exaggerating but she certainly felt better.
The palace was quiet, and at the front steps there was only Charlotte and Amelia. Mia looked tired and worried, as did Charlotte. They rushed to meet her as she got out of the car as Shades pulled up behind her in the Mercedes.
"Charlotte", she spoke immediately, "I've been wicked to you for the lat few days, I apologise". Charlotte seemed startled by this revelation and somewhat embarrassed. She blushed and then, with a smile answered;
"Your Majesty, it's nice to see you again, safe. I must go arrange your dinner"
"That would be lovely Charlotte. Thank you". Again, her assistant smiled and made her way up the stairs.
"And my Mia", she turned to her granddaughter, who was standing with a bewildered, hurt look on her young face "I apologise for not seeing you but I was not in a fit state of mind, I wont lie to you".
Mia looked confused, but smiled slightly.
"Mia", she looked at her softly, "I buckle under pressure often, it is one of my faults".
"It's cool Grandma", Mia smiled, "And anyway, Lilly arrived this morning - I had her for company".
"Not the point", she stated, making her way up the stair and motioning for Mia to follow, "You're my grand daughter and I love you, and no matter how I feel you must come first".
"Wow Grandma", Mia laughed, "I like you, I was just worried about you!"
"I know", she smiled, "I know. Anyway, go entertain yourself with Lilly; I have no doubt a mountain of papers etc. to get through!"
O0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o
In her office she read half of the bundle, with a cup of tea at her side. She was able to concentrate properly for the first time in months. Charlotte sat next to her, sorting and re-bundling and making memo's and notes.
"Your Majesty", she said after a while of silence, "it's your unofficial birthday the day before the inauguration ball, would you like something arranged to celebrate it?"
"No, Charlotte thank you ", she shook her head, "Not for my 54th birthday and anyway, then next day is the Ball and I must preside over that. I wish for a quiet birthday".
"Yes, Your Majesty" charlotte answered, attempting to stifle a yawn as she covered her mouth.
"Charlotte", Clarisse smiled, "Go to bed, take tomorrow off".
Charlotte looked up.
"Oh, you're Majesty, no!" she exclaimed, "I'll be fine".
"It's an order", she insisted, collecting up the papers, "I order you". Charlotte laughed slightly, bid her goodnight and then made her way out of the office.
For a while she sat, in the semi darkness of the cool office, thinking. The week ahead was busy; she knew it would be hectic. Between the inauguration ball and the beginning of the new parliamentary year, this week in the middle of July was always insistently busy. And the hope that Sebastian Motaz re-claimed the role of Primeminister was a constant worry, she could not contend with that snake Mabury triumphing.
But, she didn't want to worry so much, so she stood up and turned of the lights and made her way to her chambers, because things that would happen would happen, and when they did, he would be there beside her.
Yours,
M
Xx
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