Convenience: The quality of being suitable to one's comfort, purposes, or needs . Alex is consoled after graduation by someone she has more in common with than she knows. (Surprises lurk in here. Surprises of the femslash-y sort) Palex mentioned, Alex? And /Paige mentioned
A/N: Sorry if this isnt up to par with the first chapter, or doesnt make total sense. You guys dont like it, Ill take it down and just leave the first chapter up, since I am kinda proud of it
To the reviewers – You guys rock so much. Yall made my day, really. :D
"She slept with Spinner..."
"How...how did you know?"
"...She did the same thing to me."
Alex wiped away her tears and pulled away from Manny's arms.
"What? What did you say?" Alex's face flashed with anger and confusion. Paige had never said a word about Manny Santos, other than the obligatory remark that she was a slut. Paige had never mentioned that she had been with a girl before her, not one goddamn word.
"She didn't tell you did she?"
"Obviously NO, what the hell? Explain, and explain fast." Unbridled rage was behind Alex's eyes. Rage and...hurt. Manny lowered her eyes, looking down at her feet. She could feel Alex staring at her, feeling like Alex was trying as hard as she could to understand what she had said.
"I didn't think she would...I'm sorry she never told you. But I'm not surprised. It was just a fling, after all. It was right after Mr. O, Matt, dumped her. It was after practice one day, she said she had ruined her future earlier. Something about her getting high. She was pretty incoherent at the time, so that was all I got from it. I tried to comfort her like a friend, well, as much as an acquaintance could. I hugged her and tried to get her to calm down. When she finally had, she just...kissed me. No one else was in the gym that day, thank God. I was shocked at first. Paige Michalchuk was kissing me. The more shocking thing though...was that I was kissing her back. After all of the fights we had been through, we were making out in the gym. When I tried to say something, she just cut me off, saying she needed this right now. We went to the locker room and we..."
"Are you fucking kidding me? You two screwed each other!"
"If you want to put it that way, yes, we 'screwed' each other. It was different with her though...different from Craig and Spinner. Everything she did felt so...fluid and beautiful. Craig and Spinner were awkward. Paige just made everything feel so right. When we finished, she tossed on her outfit, and kissed me goodbye. She promised that she'd call me later. But she never did. The next day, she told me what happened was a mistake, and that no one would ever find out. Paige blamed it on the drugs, but I knew it wasn't true. When I tried to ask her about it, she said to prove it was a mistake, she had slept with Spinner. At the time, Darcy had told me her and Spinner were on another break...and I really doubt Spinner told her about Paige."
Alex looked at Manny when she was done speaking, and felt new tears forming in her eyes. Not only had Paige done this before...she had lied about never being with a girl before. She lied about being with Spinner. What else had Paige lied about to her? She couldn't feel anything right now. Her body felt like it was on pins and needles, and her mind had been spinning too fast in such a short amount of time.
"Look Alex...I'm not going to pretend like it didn't happen, or that her keeping it from you was right. You needed to know. Your heart isn't the only one Paige broke. I know it was only one night...but I felt something with Paige. It wasn't hate...and I know it wasn't love. But it was something. Something I didn't think I could feel for someone like her." A few tears had escaped from Manny's deep brown eyes, and for a second, Alex felt like maybe that she should be comforting Manny, not the other (albeit twisted) way around. The knowledge of what had happened though was inescapable however, and there was no way she'd be able to keep quiet about it. She lashed out instead.
"Yeah, she does that when she's fucking people and lying through her teeth. Why tell me now though? Why didn't you tell me before? Why not when we had just gotten together, save me this shitty feeling known as heartbreak? Why tell me when I'm still hurting?" Alex's words were harsh, and Manny felt like every word was a slap to the face. Maybe she shouldn't have told Alex. Maybe she should never have even approached her in the laneway. Manny walked over to Alex and put her hand on Alex's shoulder. The taller girl brushed it off and looked away from her. She wanted to say something that would help Alex, but she failed miserably when more words just tumbled out.
"I was jealous. You had Paige. Not only did you have her, she was open about it, about you. I wondered what had made you so special that she thought she could be open with you, and not me. I know that's a stupid reason Alex, but it's the truth. After we slept together, I put all my heart and soul into getting Craig back, partly so I could forget Paige, and partly because I wanted the feeling of being sincerely needed. Not just used."
"Just stop...stop okay! Not one thing you've said so far since I got here as helped me! Instead it's making everything hurt more, knowing that Paige lied to me about so many things, so stop making my heart get crushed over and over again! Stop making this pain in my heart get bigger and bigger, stop!" Alex began stomping her way out the basement when Manny grabbed her by the wrist and pulled her back. She struggled against Manny, trying to get her to let go.
"Alex..." Manny pleaded, trying to get Alex to look her in the eye.
"Let go, Manny. Just let go, and let me leave. I'm tired of listening to this. Let me go, or I swear I'll beat the shit out of you."
"Just listen to me, Alex!"
"I've done enough listening to last me a lifetime, now let. My. Hand. Go."
"Do you know why I told you all of this Alex?"
"No, and I'd prefer not to know the reason why, because I'm sure it'll make me feel more like shit than I already do, no thanks to you."
"When...when you started crying on my bed...I realized that you deserved better. The moment I knew that Paige had never told you about me, or about Spinner before, I knew you deserved so much better. Don't tell me you'll never get better than Paige, because you will."
"Stop...please just...stop..."
Alex stopped struggling against Manny and looked at her through red, puffy eyes. Her face stained with tears, too many for one person to be allowed to cry, Manny thought to herself. Alex gave up fighting, and fell into Manny's arms. The older girl stood in Manny's embrace, not returning the hug until she managed to calm herself down a little. Being held by another girl again felt...nice...even if it was just a hug to calm her down.
"Please stop..." Alex pleaded. Begging was closer to what she was really doing, but Alex Nunez never begged for anything, from anyone. At least, that's what she told herself.
"Shh...it's okay, Alex," Manny whispered into Alex's ear, rubbing Alex's back.
"Why are you doing this? Why do you care so much?"
"Because...Because we have something in common..."
"Paige?" Manny pulled back to look Alex in the eye and shook her head.
"No. No one close to hold onto."
Manny let Alex rest her head on her shoulder until Alex's sniffles stopped. She stroked Alex's hair slowly, then ran her hands up and down Alex's back. Her fingers rubbed gently against Alex, and her breathing eventually shallowed.
When the only noise the basement heard was the whirring of the fan, Alex released Manny and looked into the shorter girl's eyes. Alex hadn't noticed that Manny's arms were still wrapped (tighter it seemed) around her waist though, and found herself still in very close proximity with the other girl. Alex's breath hastened as she felt Manny getting closer to her. She looked down at Manny and felt her heart begin to beat faster every second that went by, every movement Manny made to get closer to her.
Manny didn't know what was happening. The flutter in her heart seemed...familiar. A small one. Not big like the one that Craig had once been able to cause. No, this one was different from the big one. It was the one Manny had felt when Paige had kissed her so softly after they had sex in the locker room. It was a flutter of hope. A flutter of something new, something that could eventually grow into something bigger.
Alex had no idea what she was doing. She had gone from sitting in the laneway, thinking nothing but hopeless thoughts about Paige, to ending up in Emma Nelson's basement with Manuela Santos. But Manny was right. Alex no longer had anyone close enough to her to just...hold onto. Marco was gone to college. Ellie was probably visiting Sean...and Jay...Jay would never understand. Alex needed this right now. She needed to feel like she was at least somewhat wanted by someone. She needed everything Manny Santos was offering her. A shoulder to cry on. A hug to calm her down from the pain Paige had put her through. And...something else. Manny was offering comfort, at any cost to someone hurting, no not just someone, to Alex.
Eyelids half closed, their lips were so close they could feel their breath on one another's lips. Manny wanted to see what the flutter would become. Alex wanted to forget the pain. Finally, their lips collided in a frenzied kiss. A kiss that meant whatever the girls wanted it to mean. Manny reveled in the soft, yet somewhat chapped lips of a girl she never thought she'd kiss. Alex became lost in the taste of Manny's watermelon lip gloss, so different from Paige's strawberry flavored lip gloss. Hair became tangled by wandering hands, and the feeling of being touched so wonderfully again overcame them. Clothes were scattered, and everything but the feel of each other was lost.
I can't believe this...I just...we just...I slept with Alex Nunez. I'm still with Craig though. I wonder if this is how he felt, when he cheated on Ashley. With me. I'm not Craig though. He was able to be near Ashley. I can't be near Craig. This is just, two people. Two people who are hurting, and we just happened to be here for each other. But it felt so, so dream-like. It was the way I imagined sex could be. Craig was too rough around the edges. I know he really tries, but he tries too hard. Spinner was clumsy and awkward. Not surprising, but still somewhat enjoyable. Paige was so...different. She was sensual, but I knew there was no feeling behind it. It didn't stop me from hoping though. That maybe she would call me, and we'd meet up again. It never happened. Alex though...was like Paige. It was so sensual, but unlike Paige, there were feelings. I could feel Alex's emotions for just a few seconds, and it was so...perfect. Laying here in her arms feels wonderful. She's really a beautiful girl.
Manny. Manny. Manny. Goddamnit why can't I stop thinking her name! Probably because we just fucked. That could be a reason. Or it could be that...wait, maybe it wasn't fucking. It felt different with her. Fucking is something you do for the hell of it, just to say you did. Why is being with Manny any different?... No, no it isn't. We fucked, that's it. No relationship, no ties, just sex. She's still technically with Craig, so this...shouldn't, and won't mean anything. She gave me something I needed, that's all. Just something I needed. Manny's curled up against me. I can feel her breathing on my chest. I think she's listening to my heart beat. Paige never did that. I never did that with Jay. Manny. Manny. Manny.
-Later-
"Manny, are you down there?" A voice called from up the stairs. It was Emma's voice.
"If by down she means..." a sarcastic voice began to mutter. A smack was heard, followed by giggles.
"Shit, Alex, it's Emma, you have to get dressed! I have to get dressed! Did we really..."
"Yeah. Why? Doubts? If so, it's okay I mean I know it was a one time thing and..." Interrupted, Alex gave Manny a questioning eye.
"No I mean...it just..." Manny stopped talking to look at the girl she had just slept with. Alex's hair was tousled and messy, and Manny couldn't resist combing her fingers through it. Smiling, Alex leaned into Manny's touches. They stayed like that on Manny's bed, in a strange yet comfortable silence for a few seconds.
"Just what?" Alex asked, getting off of Manny to slip her pants on. As she was pulling her wife-beater, Manny pulled her back into a kiss. She returned it gladly, but got up once again to put her over-shirt on. Seeing Manny's lips curl into a pout, Alex placed a playful kiss on them. While Alex was continuing to get dressed.
"It felt like a dream. Like it wasn't real. I don't know if that's a good thing or a bad thing, but that's how it felt."
"It was just sex Manny. Not a perfect date, and not some kind of commitment."
"...I know."
When they both finished getting dressed, neither looked at each other.
"So how am I getting out of here?"
"The window over there if you want to squeeze through there...look Alex..."
"Manny!"
Manny gave Alex a pleading look as she ran up the stairs to answer Emma.
"Why didn't you answer me Manny?"
"Oh, sorry Em, I was listening to some music. Guess I had it on too loud, sorry."
"It's okay. Mom said you had someone over...I just wanted to know if they're still down there because Peter's going to come over and..."
"Oh well um...she'll be leaving the back way. Don't worry, I'll make sure everything's nice and neat alright?"
Emma smiled and nodded. When she walked back down the steps, she prayed Alex hadn't left yet. She breathed a sigh of relief when she saw the other girl standing near the window, her hands in her pockets.
"Alex...today was..."
"A mistake?"
"No...I really...really liked what happened between us. But I think it was a convenience. You know?"
"Yeah, I know. It's cool. I'm still heartbroken over Paige, you're having some problems with Craig, we just...needed that. It's fine. There's nothing wrong with it."
Manny smiled and nodded. She stepped up to Alex, not sure if she should hug her or not, she stopped worrying when Alex had enveloped her in her arms. When she let go, Manny grabbed a piece of paper and scribbled her cell phone number onto it. Alex glanced at it, and smiled, putting it in her pocket.
"I'm sorry if I screwed up earlier...when I said it was just sex. I don't know what it was, but thank you and...I...I promise I'll call you tonight. We can talk about whatever you want to talk about. Anything you need to talk about. Craig, anything."
"And vice versa Alex...any time you need to talk to me about Paige, just call me. If you ever want to...meet up again just to talk or to hook up...we just have to remember that it's..."
"Out of convenience. I know."
Alex bit her bottom lip slightly as she began to climb out the window. She stopped however, and dropped back into the basement. She pulled a surprised Manny close and kissed her softly. Manny put her arm's around Alex's neck and hugged her tightly.
"I hope it was better than Paige's," Alex whispered.
"It was."
The girls smiled at each other, and Manny collapsed onto her bed, sighing as she watched Alex leave. When Alex had finally gone, Manny scrambled to change her bed sheets and tidy things up. Emma came down the stairs moments later and fell onto Manny's bed.
"So how was your day Manny? I'm sorry I wasn't home, and that I didn't get to walk with you to Degrassi..."
"It was good."
"Glad to hear it, I know you've been a little broken up about Craig not being so frequent with you, but don't worry things will get better. Somehow, things are going to fall into order, and in the end, it's going to work for you. It'll be...what's the word..."
"Convenient."
"Not the one I was looking for, but I guess it works. Anyway, who was it that you had down here?"