(A/N: Hello everyone! These past four weeks (I realize it was a bit longer than I intended) have been crazy but I am absolutely THRILLED to be back for good! Unfortunately my show, which went amazingly well, made me sick the following week as family friends moved away and a distant family member died, and then of course as I was getting better, my internet router burnt up and we had to wait to get another one. Then once things were up and running, I had writers block. So, after many weeks of slow tedious work, I am very glad to get this chapter up and over with! I still can't believe how much free time I have now…I'm looking forward to hours and hours in which I can write! Yea! And then of course there is summer, which is only a week away! So yea, the future looks great and I can't wait to really get back to the story. No more weeks of waiting for an update! Horray! I want to thank everyone for the wonderful, amazing, spectacular reviews! I was BLOWN AWAY by how many there was! They were so encouraging! Thank you! Alright, well this chapter to me feels like it could be three mini chapters but I kept them together for you all anyways, because no one likes a bunch of tiny chapters, including me. I ended up having three different drafts for the ending and finally sat down last night and erased it all and started over again! It worked very well actually, and I'm glad that it's completed so I can work on the next chapter! Anyways, hopefully you all will like this chapter! Enjoy! Hugs, Haystack)
lolliipop: Aw, I'm glad you're enjoying the story. I felt so bad that as a new reviewer, you're first impression of this story was that it was one with huge long updates. Luckily, the crazy times are over and I promise no more long updates. Thanks so much for reviewing, and hopefully I'll hear from you again! Enjoy!
BexyLou: I know…it's hard to kill off Harry but for the good of the story it had to be done. I had intended for this story to be originally written as a tragedy---with Harry's death being the crusher ending but I liked the characters too much to end it there! I won't say anything about Ginny other than she's mentioned in this chapter. Thanks so much for reviewing, it was so sweet of you to review and hopefully I'll hear from you again!
Jdcrmn: Aw you're so sweet! Most original story? I must say I'm flattered! Thanks so much, that comment means a lot to me! You've cried! Oh I go through this with other reviewers sometimes but honestly, I always want to know if I've made someone cry because to me it's like the ultimate goal of writing, to know you've reached someone enough to make them cry. Sorry its just a thing I have, completely and utterly makes my day! After I got your review I was smiling for two days! Anyways, thanks so much for reviewing and I'm glad you like the story!
Smiles28: haha as always you know exactly what to say to bring a smile to my face! Thanks so much for standing be me, I appreciate it more than you know. So glad you're enjoying the story! Sorry about the update!
will-herm-simetra: haha well I must say I've gotten quite a few requests for a happy ending. I'm still undecided yet, I have two different endings I could do. We'll just have to see how I feel that day I write that part of the story. Lol, thanks so much for reviewing. I'm glad you're liking the story! Hopefully I'll hear from you again!
Sweetdiva: Well I must say I'm feelin pretty guilty about your 'Cya in 2 weeks!' right about now. Lol Yes it is getting exciting, I can't wait for next chapter because I honestly have no idea what's going to happen there; I'm as in suspense as you all! Anyways, thanks so much for reviewing so faithfully, hope you like this chapter!
spiritoffire32: You're officially hooked! Lol well I am honored! Haha…you're first ever response to a review? Wow…once again….honored! lol, I never used to respond to reviews and I'll admit they do take anywhere between 30-45 minutes but I mean the result has been so rewarding! I've been able to connect with my reviewers, which is beyond amazing! Some of them live in other countries so it's just the coolest thing ever! I'm glad you liked that scene with Lupin, it was refreshing to write a new character! Hope you like this chapter! Thanks so much for reviewing!
Legofiance: Aw I'm glad you liked it so much! Oh don't worry about reviewing, I understand. Sometimes I have to print out stories too…reading on the computer late at night always blurs up my contacts. Lol but anyways, I'm so glad you liked them! I'm sorry about the update but the good news is that I'm back for good! Hope you enjoy this chapter and thanks for reviewing!
vacant xpressi0ns: haha you're review made me laugh! Random ipod dancing? I love it! Lol, yes they are going home! I'm happy as well! I'm sorry but they can only be in Bulgaria so long…writing Viktor's accent was starting to get on my nerves, I've never heard a Bulgarian accent so I was having a bit of trouble! Anyways I'm so glad you're enjoying it and thanks for reviewing so wonderfully and faithfully!
cumbacksirius: Yay! I'm glad you liked last chapter so much! Yup, they sure are going against what Lupin said. "The plot thickens…" lol, you'll just have to stay tuned to see what happens! I'm particularly excited myself! Sorry about the update, I swear those two extra weeks sure went by pretty fast! I was horrified when I looked at the calendar! Anyways, thanks so much for reviewing as always and I hope you enjoy this chapter!
Princess Storm: Ah yes well I feel pretty bad after re-reading your review. Springing an extra two weeks on you all wasn't very considerate, I'm sorry! But like I keep saying, with my free time now I'll be able to do some serious writing which is such a great thing for me! I'm glad you think I make the characters real, but I must admit I had a pretty good base to start with provided by the amazing JKR. Lol anyways thanks so much for being such a dedicated and faithful reviewer, it means a lot to me. You're reviews are always so encouraging! So yes thanks for that and I hope you enjoy this chapter!
suckr4romance: Aw I'm glad this burst of happiness is helping you deal with Harry's death. And not to burst your bubble, but now that they're on their way home, things are going to start getting ugly again, but the worst of it is over with! So congratulate yourself on making it thus far, I really am surprised at how many people managed to stay with me! It's a lot of stuff to go through emotionally! Anyways, I'm so glad you're enjoying the story and thanks again for reviewing ever so faithfully!
starsmiles: Smiles Glad I could surprise you all with an early chapter! I was pretty happy about that myself! Lol, aw well yes you would most definitely understand what I mean by the long hours. They're tedious aren't they? But soooo much fun! Ah anyways, lol, to the story…I agree, traveling out in the open is a pretty risky and stupid (if you ask me) thing to do but what can we do? These characters never listen to common sense! Viktor's ride certainly would have made things easier but somehow that didn't seem a natural thing to do. As for Viktor, I'm so glad you like him! Not many people have commented on him, and since I kind of made him my own in this story, he holds a special place in my heart! He will definitely have half a chapter dedicated to him later on…just not sure where. lol anyways, thanks so much for reviewing and hopefully you'll enjoy this chapter!
ShimmeringEvil: Yay! Glad you found it uplifting…these next ones coming up are going to get serious again so I thought it was important to put as much of that in as possible. You poor readers have been through so much! Anyways, thanks so much for reviewing and I'm so glad you're enjoying the story; thanks for being such a faithful reviewer!
SamboTheGreat: All I can tell you is that I can't possibly write two fics at once and that that's not a pairing I'm all that familiar with. I'm certainly open to the idea and I haven't forgotten and I know I told you that by spring I'd have something up, but life threw me a lot of unexpected stuff this spring that left me with barely enough time to do all my homework and study, much less start a new plot for a new pairing. I'll think about it once this fic is done with, but I can't write a story without a plot and right now I have zip ideas on the matter.
AmyChris: Me too! Returning home is the best feeling isn't it? Oh don't worry about reviewing last chapter, I completely understand what you mean by crazy as you can tell by the time gap between my update! As for the last update, that chapter just seemed to come to me really easily, where as this one took me days and days to even get through. I'm very optimistic about next chapter since it's been one I've been eager to write for weeks now but we'll have to see how it all comes together! Thanks so much for always sticking with this story, it's reviewers like you that make this so much fun! Thanks again and I hope you enjoy the chapter!
dancerrdw: I'm glad you liked last chapter so much! I'm so sorry about the update but as you probably read in my author note, life around here has been one notch above crazy. Thanks for wishing me good luck in my show; it went amazingly well! Dress rehearsal week was grueling for me, I'd been sick that whole week and just barely got better in time to perform! But as always, the way things come together in life is truly miraculous! I'm so glad you're enjoying the story, I know I sound like a broken record when I say it but I'm soo excited for the plot ahead! Things are really starting to heat up again and I can't wait for the ending, which ever I choose! So anyways, thanks for sticking by me and my annoying updates and I hope you enjoy this chapter!
Krissy-Jane: Actually to tell you the truth I was surprised myself but what can I say? Some days the writing gene is so overpowering, and others its terribly absent. It can get annoying at times but oh well, that's life. This plot is getting more complicated than I ever imagined but I'm so glad you're anticipating each one! Everything for this story in my mind is looking up, though the plot isn't quite as cheery; we've got some big stuff coming up. Anyways, thanks so much for reviewing and hopefully you'll enjoy this chapter!
Lily the klutz: haha you're review made me laugh! Well I certainly am glad that you loved it! I hope to hear from you again, you seem like a really entertaining person! I realized that I keep saying glad but unfortunately my synonyms for glad are all weird so everyone will just have to put up with me. Anyways, thanks so much for reviewing and I hope you enjoy this chapter!
doublelily: Oh yay! I'm glad you liked it! Yes, Ron is the wise cookie lately, kind of a switch, but one I find extremely entertaining to write! Lol, yes home is such a great feeling! Though I suppose no one really is going home…just to England, but even still…Bulgaria was getting annoying. I'm so glad you're enjoying it and thanks again for reviewing!
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"It's settled then," Lavender said, "Tomorrow night we'll catch the next train to England under new identities."
"Sounds brilliant" Seamus grinned.
"I'm excited." Lavender smiled
"Ron?" Hermione asked gently, addressing him for the first time in a while.
He ran a hand through his hair and sighed, "I can't believe we're going to do this but now that we are, at least we're doing it right. But I swear, Hermione, if anything goes wrong…"
"It won't" She said quickly, "It can't"
"Why can't it?"
"Because," She said, smiling, "We're going home"
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CHAPTER THIRTY: HOPEFUL COMFORT
Ron clutched his new wand so tightly his knuckles were white. His eyes darted around the compartment constantly as the noisy train bounced along. The accommodations in the Third Class section were quite frankly, terrible, as the four teenagers tried to situate themselves into the compartment well enough to sleep.
Hermione was asleep, her head resting on his shoulder, his cloak draped over her. Lavender was stretched out along the other seat, her feet laid across Seamus's lap. He of course, had found the situation highly amusing at first; teasing Lavender about kicking him or the possibility of her feet stinking and making him pass out. She, in response, had hit him.
Ron had tried to tell Seamus off as he continued to prevent the poor girl from sleeping as he played with her toes, reciting some kind of Muggle nursery rhyme. But eventually, Seamus too, became tired and stopped his pestering. Ron could tell the prospect of going home excited him greatly.
And it was then that a thought had struck him. They were not headed to Lavender or Hermione's houses, to Ireland, or even to the Burrow. They were headed towards Hogwarts, or whatever was left of it. And yet, it felt as if they were returning home. They all felt it…that exuberant joyous feeling of returning to what's familiar and cherished. And however much Ron had been, and still was, against returning, he couldn't help but feel glad to be doing so. And this time they were going about everything right.
They'd gotten their wands the very next morning after they'd discussed it, and said goodbye to Viktor that evening. Viktor had been saddened at the prospect of them leaving, and Ron couldn't help but feel sorry for the bloke. What a shock it would be for him to return home to his empty mansion with no one to talk to. But even still, Viktor had been unbelievably gracious, giving them all enough food to last them days and a pair of extra clothes that he'd had specially made as a sort of goodbye gift. Ron couldn't even begin to describe how grateful he was towards Viktor and his hospitality. It had been one of Hermione's best ideas by far.
And now they were here, on board a train headed towards London. From there it'd be a bit of a walk back to Hogwarts grounds. And it was this leg of the journey Ron feared most. They still had no idea where what they were walking into, and had not a clue as to where safety might lie.
But a snort, followed by a chuckle brought Ron out of his thoughts as he looked over to see Seamus sitting across from him; a broad grin on his face. "What are you laughing at Finnegan?" Ron snapped; he'd been awake the whole trip and was rather irritable.
Again, Seamus chuckled and shook his head. "You. You look like a madman, always darting your eyes around like you expect something to pop out of the walls."
"It could happen" Ron said short-temperedly,
"My, my, aren't we in a bad mood" Seamus teased
"Finnegan" Ron moaned, rubbing his head "Just stop it. I'm not in the mood tonight."
"Well what are you in the mood for?" Seamus pouted like a child
"I don't know. But not you annoying me"
"I'm not annoying you"
Ron shot him a look that he hoped clearly stated his opinion on the matter.
"Okay so fine, maybe I'm the tiniest, smallest, bit of a pest but what am I supposed to do? I've got Lav' s feet keeping me in my seat and I need to get up and move. All I know how to do is talk it out" Seamus said, a smile on his face the whole time
Despite his current mood, Ron couldn't help but laugh at the look on Seamus's face. Of course this only made Seamus happier. "See? This is good. I talk, you listen, and we both have ourselves a merry time!"
Ron smiled, "Finnegan your incorrigible you know that?" Inside, he burst with pride at the long word; Hermione would have been pleased, Harry would have laughed.
He smiled and bowed. "I've accepted it as my fate since first year."
Ron laughed, looking around the compartment as he did so, until his gaze fell upon Hermione. She'd pulled her frizzy mass of curls back, but a few curls had somehow managed to escape, and framed her face in an angelic halo. Pushing a few of them back and off her forehead, Ron took her hand and rubbed circles on it subconsciously. Silently, he wondered how it was possible to have so much love directed at this one girl.
It came randomly and in huge amounts, but always the feeling was the same. Love…it was supposedly the greatest force in the world…and Ron never doubted that. Love was supposed to have been able to save Harry. It hadn't, yet maybe…maybe the kind of Love he and Hermione offered Harry hadn't been the right kind.
"You don't have to do this, you know" Seamus said softly, aware of where Ron was looking
"Yes I do. Someone needs to be awake and alert in case something happens." Ron replied just as quietly, not looking away from Hermione.
"Mate, you need to relax." Seamus said honestly
"I can't" Ron admitted
"Yes you can. Close your eyes. Sleep. I'll take over the watch if you so insist."
"No, it's fine. It'll be just a few more hours till we reach London. I can make it."
Seamus shook his head. "We'll need you in London. That's the dangerous part Weasley, not here or now. Don't wear yourself out too early. Please just let me take over."
Ron sighed and looked at Hermione again. Oh how he wanted to just lay his head on top of hers and sleep! Looking up at Seamus he saw how desperately he wanted to help. Nodding solemnly he agreed. Seamus smiled faintly.
"Go on. Sleep. Savor the peace. Oh and Weasley?"
"Yea?"
"Enjoy the time left with her. You and I both know it's limited."
Struck by Seamus' intellect, Ron nodded numbly. But as he finally closed his eyes and opened himself to sleep, he couldn't help but wonder what Seamus had meant by that.
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"Ron you know you don't have to squeeze my hand quite so hard" Hermione whispered with a smile.
Ron didn't smile back, but loosened his grip on her as she requested, just never quite letting go. They were walking out towards the streets of London now, and Ron could hear the sounds of another train coming into the station as they left. Part of Ron realized that he didn't want to let go of Hermione because he was afraid of loosing her, but the logical side rationed that he was worried about finding her again in the crowd. After all, neither of them looked anything like themselves.
Hermione now sported blond hair that Ron despised. It was straight and thin and bounced around as she walked. It was like dangling a toy in front of a cat for Ron; he just wanted to swat at it. She had kept her little nose but had reduced her mouth. She had also grown several inches and now could look him dead in the eye—an unnerving thought.
Ron had kept his height however, if only to be just a single inch taller than Hermione. He couldn't very well be shorter than her could he? It was his one card he'd played since first year and he wasn't very keen on letting that go. He now had deep brown hair and brown puppy eyes to match it. (Hermione now had emerald green eyes—something she'd added on her own, that neither she nor Ron made any comment on.) He'd reduced his nose and ears though and now thought he looked like a first year.
Lavender had wanted to go red with her hair, since—she argued—it had some naturally red highlights within the brown but Hermione shot the idea down. She didn't want anyone thinking she could possibly be a Weasley. It would lead to more trouble than they could afford. Both Hermione and Ron told themselves it had nothing to do with the fact that they still had yet to find out the fate of Ginny. Finally Lavender agreed on a thick head of tight raven locks, and no one said anything about it. She also had dark brown eyes now, and made herself a few inches shorter than she usually was. After much protest, she also agreed to change her nose and make it larger.
Seamus kept his sandy hair but changed his brown eyes to blue. He opted to grow a few inches rather than shrink and as much as Hermione fought against three tall people, even she didn't have the heart to tell him no. Poor Seamus had never been among the tallest people at Hogwarts. He grew his feet bigger and made himself skinnier so as to appear as an awkward clumsy bloke. He got a kick out of enlarging his ears but eventually a nervous Hermione put a stop to the fun.
But now that they were out on the streets with new wands safely under everyone's fingertips and unrecognizable identities, Ron could tell she was feeling a lot better. He and Hermione were walking ahead of Lavender and Seamus who agreed to trail behind. After all, Death Eaters would be on the lookout for four teenagers.
"Turn right here," Hermione instructed as she huddled close to Ron who held the umbrella between them. London never failed to deliver its dose of rain.
Turning, Ron could now make out through the rain the outline of the Leaky Cauldron. Also, Ron could see the two Death Eaters guarding the place. Fear swept his body, as he held on tighter to Hermione. He sucked in his breath but didn't release it until they were a block away. Good thing they hadn't needed to get into Diagon Alley.
They walked six more blocks until finally after everyone was thoroughly soaked, Kings Cross Station came into view. Thankful, the four ran into the building, glad to be out of the cold rain.
Once they'd bought their tickets, they walked slowly together towards Platforms 9 and 10 where they stopped, trying to act as though there was some confusion with their tickets.
"Alright" Ron breathed, "We're going to go one at a time. Act as though you don't know each other. Then once we're on the train, two people will go in one compartment and two in another. From there we should be okay. But if not and something happens, get out of there as fast as you can. Jump if you have to. Everyone got it?"
"Got it Weasley." Seamus said
"Well I guess this is goodbye. We'll meet up with each other before we get to whatever's left of the castle." Hermione said slowly. Lavender nodded and gave Hermione a gentle hand squeeze.
The others could only share worried looks to substitute as goodbye. Then, heads held high and fingers crossed, they went; one by one, through the barrier that not only separated the non-magic world from the magical but the barrier that separated safety from the unknown.
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Ron and Hermione easily found an empty compartment near the back of the train. They'd only encountered a spare number of passengers thus far; and the near empty train made Ron both nervous and relieved; fear of something going wrong still occupying his mind.
"Sit down" Hermione said quietly as Ron stood awkwardly in the doorframe. Obeying, he made his way over to the seat opposite Hermione and, sitting down slowly, looked up at her expectantly. Something was bothering her.
A few moments passed where neither spoke, each just studying their surroundings in their own ways. Finally it was Ron, who couldn't take it anymore, who cleared his throat and said, "It'll be a while until we get there. How about you take a quick nap?"
Hermione simply shook her head, "I'm not tired"
Ron raised his eyebrows at her, "You look exhausted."
She sighed and looked out the window for a moment, "I am exhausted," came her soft reply
"But you just--"
"I want to talk to you" Hermione interrupted, meeting his eyes
Ron tried his hardest to find some hidden message written in her eyes…all he could see was fatigue. What was wrong? Nervously, he said, "Oh…all right…um…what do you want to talk about?"
Hermione looked at her hands and shrugged. Now Ron was sure that something was wrong. Concern swept over his body and carefully, Ron got up, and took a seat next to Hermione. "What's wrong?" He asked
As he stared into her eyes, he suddenly realized that tears were glimmering within the pools of chocolate brown. She opened her mouth to speak, but her voice was strained, "I-I'm just…" She looked away.
"What?" He asked quietly
"Scared." She finished, snapping her eyes to meet his to gage his reaction
Ron smiled sadly, "'Mione, we all are."
"I know…I know. But Ron I-I'm just so--" She leaned into Ron, burying her face in his shirt as she trailed off. Ron instinctively put his arms around her, but he was confused. The sound of her tears only deepened this confusion.
"Sh…It's okay." He soothed. Lifting her chin, he looked at her face that was red with tears. Searching her face he asked slowly, "What's wrong? Tell me honestly"
Hermione looked down before meeting his gaze. "I--" She began, her voice choked up "I'm afraid of loosing you…for good this time."
Ron was startled. "'Mione you know I'm never leaving you. We've been over this before"
"I know. But I'm scared Ron. I'm afraid of going back."
"Hermione, this whole thing was your idea!" Ron cried
"I know" She replied miserably, "But Ron, what if we're ambushed? What if the Death Eaters get us again? I couldn't stand it. I'm not strong enough to go through that again."
"Wait a moment." Ron said slowly, thinking. "You're talking about everything that happened during the war aren't you? The torture and escapes. All of that?"
Hermione nodded, wiping a tear off her face. On the one hand, Ron felt stricken; she looked so small, so scared, like a lost child. On the other, Ron was still confused.
"'Mione, there's no way all of that would happen again"
"How do you know?" She asked
"I just--" Ron was caught. She had a point…what if they were walking into a blind trap? What if they were caught again? There would be no beating around the bush this time. The Death Eaters would be ruthless and show no mercy. They'd escaped…No one had done that before and lived to tell the tale. Voldemort would be furious.
Luckily, Hermione saved him from answering as she continued. "Ron, I just don't know if I can do it all over again. I don't have the strength…I don't have the hope. One war is enough to fight."
"Who says we're going to be fighting another war?" He asked
"Ron! Just look around you! I may have put up a brave façade for Seamus and Lavender but honestly, why does no one think! Voldemort is stronger than ever and Harry is dead. You of all people should understand Ron. The prophecy said only Harry could defeat Voldemort."
"So how the hell are we going to get him?'
Hermione's eyes flashed with annoyance and Ron could tell she was on the verge of throwing her arms into the air. Internally cursing himself for walking into this, he waited for her to begin lashing out at him. But as he looked at her, he suddenly realized that she would be doing nothing of the sort. She sighed, and looked to the floor and for a moment, Hermione seemed older beyond her years. She had the body of a normal seventeen year old girl, but her spirit, once fiery and passionate, was burnt up…he could see that now.
And with that realization, Ron was afraid. If Hermione really was as tired as she said…what did that mean for the rest of them? Hermione had been the brains, the brilliant mind behind it all. She'd been willing and determined to win. But they'd lost…and for the first time, Ron saw that it had taken its toll on the girl he loved.
He could see it now, when his Mum and Dad had talked about old friends going mad from war, what it looked like. Hermione was withering away…and he was powerless to stop it.
"I don't know." She whispered, "The only loophole could be within the 'power the Dark Lord knows not' sentence, but I can't think of anything that might fit there."
Ron looked over and saw her simply sitting. He was struck. Ron was used to watching her brain think. He was used to seeing her pace about while biting her lip, not simply sitting there idle. Hermione was never idle. It went against everything she'd worked for. He couldn't believe it, but it was true. This was really happening--she wasn't just saying things--she was spent, her energy was gone…the Great Hermione Granger had lost hope.
It was times like this Ron wished for his mother.
"Hey," He said softly, hoping he sounded cheerful, "Why don't you lie down for a bit? I'll go and see if I can get us some food."
Hermione simply shook her head and leaned back in the seat comfortably. "I'm not hungry either"
"You're not?" He asked concerned
"No" She replied quietly
She said no more and Ron began to panic. What could he do? He had to do something! Following his instincts, and ignoring his brain (which was never a good thing) he knelt before her and grabbed her hand. "'Mione?" He breathed, "Look at me." He said, rubbing her hand.
Hermione's tired eyes found his own. Ron swallowed. "I'm never going to leave you." He began softly, "I'll always be here to protect you. I-I don't know what we're walking into, but it has to be better than what we left." Hermione tried to smile for him, he could tell…and as she failed, Ron felt his heart breaking. "Look," He said quickly, afraid of loosing her, "I don't really know what else to say but…" He paused, 'I love you"
This time, Hermione's sad smile was at least real. Tracing a finger along his face lovingly, she whispered, "I don't know what I'd do without you Ron. You're everything to me…You're all I have left."
Ron leaned his forehead against hers and entwined their fingers, "Don't say that," He whispered
"It's true," He felt her hot breath against his face, "I-I don't know what happened to my parents. But they're Muggles and I'm their daughter…I don't know how the Death Eaters could have overlooked them. My home probably went with them, and Hogwarts--Hogwarts is gone. All my books Ron…they burnt in the fire. It may sound silly but t-those books…" She paused, trying to gather her feelings, tears springing to her eyes. "They were my first friends in the world. They were my drug. They gave me my only good characteristic…they gave me knowledge. And now--"
"You have so many other good qualities 'Mione" Ron said, his voice breaking. He could feel her doubt searing through her body. He was a little surprised that after all these years she still could not see what a wonderful, amazing person she was. He closed his eyes and brought a hand up to her face, their foreheads still touching, trying desperately to get his message across. He still needed her…did she not realize that?
"And now" She continued, pretending like she hadn't heard what he'd said, "Now my books will join Harry and all the others."
Ron took her into his arms, wanting nothing more than to block out her words of reality. "I'll buy you new books," He offered, smoothing out her hair.
Hermione relaxed in his embrace, yet shook her head again. "No Ron," She said gently, "My books are like people. They can't be replaced"
The words rang in Ron's ears for a while; they held such truth and meaning. She was right. Human lives had been lost that night, Ron shuddered just thinking about how many bodies he'd encountered, and no magic could bring them back. Great people with potential, and innocent people who'd never done anything harmful in their lives…it didn't matter in the end. They simply became another casualty, another name on a list, another body to bury, another grave in the cemetery. War had ended lives and torn families apart; War would always haunt Hermione and it would always haunt him.
No matter how many babies were born, Ron was sure that no number would be able to replace the deaths that night. Maybe it was foolish to bother to replace books as well.
"I have no family, I have no friends now, I have no home, I have no belongings or money, I have no books or anything of value. All I have is you Ron, the clothes on my back, and this wand. But then again if you think about it, these clothes aren't really mine, and this wand is just one I bought…it doesn't belong to me. So you see, all I have is you. You are the only thing of value in my life, you are the only thing keeping me going or else…Ron I'll admit, I probably would have given up a while ago."
Ron's body went cold and goosepimples soon appeared over his body. To hear her say those words….they were enough to stop his heart. "Don't say things like that!" He snapped.
"Why not? It's true"
"No it's not. Hermione, I know you. You wouldn't have succumbed to their torture. You would have overcome it. I know you would have."
Hermione smiled sadly, "You said something while we were being tortured. You said that we would only hold out as long as we wanted to. Well Ron, if I thought you were dead and I knew Harry was dead…I wouldn't have wanted to survive."
"Stop it! Don't say that!" Ron cried,
"It's the truth!" She argued,
"Well I don't want to hear it!" He shouted, then, looking at her wide eyes, said more calmly, "Hermione" He moaned, "Please tell me you could have found some good in life to have kept fighting for. What about the chance of someone surviving? My Mum and Dad survived! They would have needed you 'Mione! You're like their daughter!"
"But I'm not" She stated, "Ginny is"
Ron's face that had been pink, on its way to its famous red, froze and became white.
There had been an unspoken agreement between the two of them that neither would mention Ginny. She was the one they were most worried about, and her fate meant everything…especially to Ron.
"What?" He asked, not quite sure he'd heard clearly. She wouldn't have broken that agreement, even to prove a point.
"I said 'Ginny is their daughter,'" She said innocently
"You said Ginny," He emphasized, disbelievingly. Maybe she hadn't realized what she'd said. Maybe she didn't realize she'd just broken their agreement. Or Maybe Ron was just hearing things…But either way he watched Hermione's face for the realization that would soon take place on it.
Sure enough, realization dawned on Hermione and her face turned from one of annoyance to one of sympathy and sadness. "Oh Ron…I-I'm sorry. I didn't mean--"
"Well you said it, so let's just drop the subject alright?" He snapped, now that he'd gotten her to realize the damage she'd done, he was entitled to be angry with her wasn't he?
"Ron please don't be angry with me, I didn't realize--"
"How could you have not realized? You said it twice!"
Hermione's eyes filled with angry tears, as she stood up, her face red with anger. She tried to blink the unshed tears out of her eyes but they both knew they were there. "It slipped out alright!"
"Yea well you still said it!" He said stubbornly, "How could you! You know I never want to hear her name again! How could be so st--"
"BECAUSE IT'S STILL NORMAL FOR ME!" She shouted, "IT'S ONLY BEEN A FEW DAYS RON, BUT I'VE BEEN SAYING HER NAME FOR SEVEN YEARS! I CAN'T MAKE A SWITCH LIKE THAT SO FAST! GINNY WAS ONE OF MY BEST FRIENDS, I CAN'T ERASE HER NAME FROM MY MEMORY! AND YOU KNOW WHAT? YOU SHOULD HEAR IT! YOU SHOULD TALK ABOUT HER!"
That did it.
"WELL WHAT IF I DON'T WANT TO BLOODY TALK ABOUT HER! WHAT IF I DON'T WANT TO THINK ABOUT MY SISTER LYING DEAD IN THE FOREST! WHAT IF I DON'T WANT TO REMEMBER HOW I ABANDONED HER! WHAT IF I DON'T WANT TO THINK ABOUT HER BECAUSE EVERY TIME I DO, I WANT TO HURT MYSELF!"
Hermione took a step back, a hand covering her open mouth as water flowed from her eyes. Her eyes were full of nothing but sympathy. Ron continued to look at her, knowing that his face was bright red and that tears stung his own eyes. Suddenly, he felt vulnerable…he hadn't meant to share all of that information.
He knew she could sense his discomfort and for some reason that only made her cry harder. Bending over, she held her sides as she cried, her face contorted into one of utmost grief.
He was torn. Part of him wanted nothing else than to pull her into his arms and kiss her…taking back every hurtful word he might have said, if only to make her pain stop. But on the other hand, he was still furious with her. She'd brought it up, he told her not to, and yet she still persisted like always…she should have known better.
He looked at her, crying pitifully like a child with a scrape on their knee. He took a step towards her but otherwise made no other move to comfort her. But it turned out he didn't need to, as suddenly Hermione flung herself at him, standing on tiptoe to wrap her arms around his neck.
"Hermione?" He asked, surprised
The only answer he received was another bout of tears, but then after a few moments, she whispered, "It's not your fault"
Ron was stunned. Who was she to say that? Of course it was his fault! If he hadn't left her there, if he'd protected her the way he'd always promised himself…
"Yes it is" He replied miserably "I--"
Hermione cut him off with a kiss. Ron leaned into it, soaking up the love and reassurance he felt within it. When they broke apart, Hermione held his face in her hands, "Listen to me." She whispered, "Whatever happened to Ginny was not your fault. You couldn't have protected her her whole life."
"Yes I could" He replied quickly, feeling his shield of strength coming down and tears burning his eyes, "I could have just…" He sighed miserably, "She was my sister 'Mione. My baby sister. She was the first friend I ever had."
"I know…" Hermione said sympathetically,
"I just—I can't believe she's gone" He managed to get out before his shell cracked, and salty tears found their way down his face.
"Sh…it's okay." Hermione soothed, hugging Ron and stroking his hair comfortingly.
Ron held onto her like life depended on it. Squeezing her tiny waist, he cried onto her shoulder; letting everything go. He couldn't ever remember crying quite like this before. He'd cried in prison sure, but that was different. This…it was like Hermione was telling him that it was okay to cry. It was like what his Mum used to do before he left for Hogwarts. He'd sit in her lap and hold onto her and she'd whisper comforting words to him or sing him a song, and before he'd realize it, he'd have fallen asleep with his thumb in his mouth.
Standing on tiptoe, Hermione sweetly kissed at each tear that fell from his crystal blue eyes and Ron never felt so grateful. He liked it like this…he took care of her, and then she took care of him. But then again, they'd been doing this for years; it was almost second nature. It started right after Sirius died, when Ron and Hermione would talk for hours, trying to think of something they could do to help Harry. Before either knew it however, they'd become each other's outlets. When Ron was upset, Hermione would calm him down; and when Hermione was upset, Ron calmed her down as well. No wonder they knew how to handle each other so well.
Once Ron broke out of his thoughts, he realized that he'd stopped crying. Sniffing and wiping at his eyes, embarrassed, he looked at Hermione who was smiling at him. His heart clenched. She was smiling, really and truly! It wasn't a small smile, or a sad smile…she was happy and so she was smiling! It was contagious however and before Ron knew it he was grinning as well.
"Thanks" He said quietly
Hermione simply smiled and planted a kiss on his cheek. "You're a great guy Ron, you know that?"
He shrugged, "As long as you think so"
Another smile. Ron inwardly gave himself many points for this.
A few moments passed in which her face became serious almost instantly. "I'm sorry about what I said," She said honestly
He shook his head, "It's okay. You were probably right in saying it"
Hermione moved a piece of his red hair off his forehead. Her eyes were distant. "I don't like talking about her either" She said so softly, he almost hadn't heard it, "She was really the only girl friend I've had"
Ron's looked down at the ground, avoiding Hermione's eyes. "She was really great wasn't she?"
Hermione nodded sadly, "She was. But Ron, you should really stop talking about her in past tense"
"Why? The chances are one million to one that she survived."
Hermione shrugged, "Yes well…" She smiled faintly, "There's still hope"
Ron looked at her, with her eyes lit up, and a small smile playing on her lips and suddenly he saw it. He wasn't sure what had just happened, but he saw it clear as day. Somehow, that spark had come back within her. She had hope again…he could feel it. His Hermione was back.
"Yea, I suppose you're right" He grinned, kissing her softly, "There's still hope"
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(A/N: What'd you think? Was it alright? Let me know!)