(A/N: WOW! I swear I couldn't believe it when I looked them over….You all are AMAZING! Absolutely amazing! Thank you thank you thank you! The reviews for last chapter were simply astounding! There were a lot of new reviewers actually…thanks so much for bothering to review! Wow…anyways, good news and bad news. Good news is that I finally got this chapter out! I've had family in from out of town and writing time has been limited to midnight until I pass out. Bad news….well there's a few things unfortunately. One, I'm going out of town from the 19th to the 25th so this will probably be my last update until after then. Two, it's currently two in the morning my time and I'm sorry but there is no way I can respond to all your reviews tonight! Three, this chapter is much shorter than the others. That's about it for bad news thankfully, and I'll have about three or four weeks where I won't have much going on once I get back. I'm not really sure why I had trouble writing this chapter but something about it just never felt right. I did about three drafts of it so if something doesn't flow right then I apologize in advance. Well, that's about it. Thank you again, all of you faithful readers and reviewers! I appreciate every single word you say! Enjoy! Much love, Haystack)

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CHAPTER THIRTY-THREE: PANGS OF GUILT

"Hey" Ginny said softly, taking a step into the room and shutting the door.

Hermione could only stare, big misty tears clouding her vision.

Ginny seemed to notice and stood awkwardly beside her bed. "It's really me," She said quietly, reaching out her arm, "Here. See for yourself"

Hermione's eyes scanned over Ginny's face. She was pale…her freckles standing out more than usual. She had bruises running up and down her arms and legs. Her lip and ear had a nasty cut, and she was much thinner than usual. Yet…she was still smiling. "I'm not a ghost," She whispered

Hermione shook her head, biting her trembling lip. Startled, Ginny took a step back, watching as the tears slowly made their way out of Hermione's eyes. Hermione wrapped her arms around herself, not wanting any contact with Ginny. It hurt too much. Far too much. This was a dream that she was going to wake up from and the prospect of waking up cold and utterly alone was more frightening than anything else. It was too much too soon. She couldn't be in a forest, screaming and fighting to save her friend's lives and wake up the next morning in a warm bed with those she loved around her. Thing like that didn't happen.

"B-but you are G-Ginny…" She managed to get through her tears, "You all are…"

Ginny's eyes widened and slowly, she approached the bed and sat on it, putting both her arms around Hermione in a hug. Hermione tried to fight them…she didn't want her shell to break and she could tell that she was already failing, but before she knew what was happening, she felt Ginny's own tears soaking through her shirt. "Sh…" She heard Ginny whisper, "I know. I felt the same way."

"I can't believe you're alive," Hermione whispered, hugging the girl tightly

"I couldn't believe it when they told us. I came here yesterday and was lying in bed with Mum fussing all around me when Percy burst in the room and told us. Mum shrieked and started yelling for Lupin. Once he got here, she grabbed him by the shirt and said, 'You bring those children to me.'" Ginny said, smiling "That was all it took to get three men stationed around the grounds in invisibility cloaks. Mum can be very persuasive when it comes to her children."

Her children…that made Hermione smile. The fact that Mrs. Weasley looked after her with the same motherly affection she showered on Ginny and Ron was enough to make her eyes water with yearning for her own mother. Ron pretended not to like it but Hermione knew he really enjoyed it. But suddenly her heart leapt out of her chest. Ron! She'd been so overwhelmed she hadn't even given a thought to him. Where was he! Was he dead like Lavender and Seamus! Was he searching for her! How could she have been so self-centered! Her stomach dropped and clenched and she felt sick. What if he was dead! What would she do! How could she go on without him! He deserved to be here with his family…not her.

"Hermione?" Ginny asked concerned, putting her hand to Hermione's forehead. "Hermione! Are you okay? Should I call for Mum? You look sick"

Heart pounding mercilessly, all Hermione was able to get out was a weak, "Ron" She whispered, her eyes wide and searching Ginny's face for any clue as to where he was.

Ginny withdrew her hand almost immediately and shot Hermione a look of pity. Hermione's throat closed up. "Where is he?" Hermione demanded, her breath short, wishing, hoping, praying that she wouldn't receive the answer her mind was giving her.

"'Mione, calm down. It'll be okay." Ginny said softly, reaching out a hand towards her. Hermione yanked away.

"Ginny please" She begged, moist water gathering up in her eyes. "Just tell me."

"Calm down first."

"NO! This isn't some game to me Gin. Tell me where he is!" She shouted, staring Ginny down.

Ginny backed away fearfully, "I-I'm going to call for Mum."

"Bloody Hell you're not!" Hermione cried,

Ginny looked like she'd just been slapped. "You swore" she whispered, a horrified expression on her face

"Yes I did. This is what war does to people Ginny." Hermione snapped. Ginny took a step back, plainly hurt. There was silence for a moment as Ginny seemed to collect herself. But once she managed to look at Hermione, the look on her face was one of deep anger.

"Don't you lecture me on war Hermione!" Ginny suddenly cried, walking towards Hermione with fire in her eyes. "You think I've been here the whole time having tea! Well I haven't! I've been out there witnessing death after death of people I care about! I--"

"What are you talking about? I never was going to lecture you on--" Hermione asked, hurt

"Yes you were! I know you!" Ginny shouted

"Ginny I would never do something like that. I couldn--" Hermione tried to explain, now growing exceptionally angry. "And I've seen people I care about die too! Don't think I'm exempt from that! War has pushed over an edge I never wanted to go near!"

"I never want to hear the word 'war' again!" Ginny shouted, "You….You have no idea what I've seen!"

"OH REALLY! DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA WHAT I'VE SEEN GINNY!" Hermione suddenly screamed

"YOU WERE IN BULGARIA ALL SAFE A SOUND! YOU WERE RESTING AND GETTING FED GREAT FOOD NO DOUBT! YOU WERE HAVING A GRAND TIME WHILE I WAS STILL OUT THERE!" Ginny cried angrily

"DON'T YOU SAY SOMETHING LIKE THAT! DID YOU WATCH HARRY DIE! DID YOU HAVE TWO PEOPLE DIE BECAUSE OF SOME STUPID IDEA YOU HAD! HAVE YOU BEEN TORTURED AT THE HANDS OF VOLDEMORT! I DON'T THINK SO GINNY!"

"How dare you" came Ginny's low and hateful voice. It was filled to the brim with loathing and astonishment. "I-I can't believe you of all people would…" Ginny paused, seething with anger, "I may not have been part of the 'golden trio' and rode on that excuse my whole life like you but I sure have suffered more than you; I guarantee it. But you don't see me flinging accusations and making everything all dramatic. I—"

"HOW CAN YOU SAY YOU'VE SUFFERED MORE THAN ME? YOU DON'T EVEN KNOW WHAT THE HELL I'VE BEEN THROUGH!"

"WELL YOU DON'T KNOW WHAT I'VE BEEN THROUGH EITHER! I DOUBT YOU'VE BEEN HIDING OUT IN A HOLE FOR FIVE DAYS! HAVE YOU'VE BEEN STARVING FOR TWO DAYS WITHOUT A MORSLE OF FOOD OR WATER! HAVE YOU'VE WITNESSED OVER 16 DEATHS OF PEOPLE FROM SCHOOL! HAVE YOU BEEN RAPED TWICE BY DEATH EATERS! DON'T TALK ABOUT THINGS YOU DON'T KNOW HERMIONE!"

Any previous thought in Hermione's brain was wiped away with Ginny's angry words. Her words stung like daggers at her heart and the meaning of the words made Hermione feel incredibly guilty. How could she have been so inconsiderate! She shouldn't have yelled…

All of that time she and the others had traveled to Bulgaria, rested, been fed, and traveled back, Ginny had spent in a hole starving slowly. And then…she had been raped. Twice. Hermione had been close many times before but no man had ever abused her that far. But for Ginny….it hadn't been enough to endure once.

Hermione had backed away from the steaming red head and tears had made their way across her face, her body crouched down even as silence took over the room. She wanted to reach out to the young girl, to apologize and take back her words, but for some reason, maybe her own pride, she was frozen. Ginny however, was not.

"OH AND BY THE WAY, I DID WATCH HARRY DIE! AND UNLIKE YOU, THE BOY THAT I LOVE IS NOW DEAD!" Ginny screamed as she made her way to the door. Pausing in the doorframe however, she shouted, "RON'S IN THE NEXT ROOM!"

And with that Ginny slammed the door, leaving Hermione utterly alone with a new sudden hatred of war…and herself.

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Hermione wasn't sure when she had fallen asleep or what time of day it was when she awoke. All she knew was that she wanted nothing more than to slip back into her dream world where she did no mean things, and came up with no deathly plans.

In the back of her mind, she heard her door creak open and a ray of light shine on her face. Her eyes were still raw from when she had cried herself to sleep and she turned on her side to avoid the light. Hoping the intruder would soon go away, Hermione tried to fall back into slumber but found she couldn't.

Especially when a familiar pair of arms wrapped around her body.

Just his presence made Hermione want to cry with guilt and shame. It was the reason she hadn't gone by his room all day and it was the reason she was crying now.

"Sh…" He said gently, smoothing out her hair.

"I didn't think you'd come" Hermione whispered, holding onto him tighter

She could hear the laughter in his voice as he leaned into her ear to whisper, "Mum wouldn't let me out of bed. Afraid this was the only time of the night she rests. Not very convenient but I needed to see you."

"Why did you need to see me?" She whispered

"Because," Ron said, leaning over to look her in the eyes, "I missed you. I wanted to make sure with my own eyes that you were all right." To this, Hermione didn't respond. "Are you alright?"

Wiping at her eyes, Hermione shuddered. "You shouldn't have come Ron" she whispered

"Why not?" He asked, trying to hide the hurt that was plainly evident in his voice

"I-I just want to be alone right now." Hermione said, moving out of his embrace.

"'Mione…" Ron sighed, "Look I know how you feel. It's overwhelming. I almost had a heart attack waking up with my family surrounding me."

Hermione sat on the edge of the bed and wrapped her arms around herself, purposely turning her back to Ron.

"Dumbledore's coming the day after tomorrow. He'll fix this whole mess up 'Mione. We'll win. Good always wins over evil."

Something inside Hermione cracked. Spinning around to face him she hissed, "I don't care about the war right now Ron! Merlin, for once I want to get away from the war! I don't want to think about it! I don't want to talk about it! I just wish none of this had ever happened!"

Ron looked at her angry face in the moonlight, "You don't mean that"

"Yes I do," She moaned, putting her face in her hands. "I mean it now more than ever."

"Hermione" He said sternly, grabbing her hands away from her and pulling her up to look him in the eye. His eyes searched her face and softened; out of concern more than anything else. "You're not acting like yourself. What's wrong? I would have thought finally being safe would have made you happy. Not bitter."

"Well I think I deserve to be a bit bitter don't you think?" She snapped

"What!" Ron cried, not believing his own ears and examining her over again. "What are you talking about? No one has more rights than anyone else to be bitter. We all saw the same war. We all saw the same things. You're acting like you experienced the end of the world while everyone was out playing Quidditch."

"Because I did see the end of the world Ron." She hissed, "I've told you before that I'm tired. I wasn't kidding then, and I'm not kidding now. Maybe war's just turned me into a bitter old woman, I don't know. But I do know that I never want to talk about what happened ever again, and I certainly don't ever want to go back up there."

"Then what do you want to do Hermione!" Ron cried angrily, "Hide out underground like scared little rodents! The war's never going to end if someone doesn't fight it!"

"I don't know Ron," Hermione sighed, "I'm just so tired. I'm done seeing bloodshed, I'm done loosing people I care about. I just can't take it anymore."

Ron studied her for a moment before bursting out, "Who the hell are you Hermione!"

"What do you mean, 'who am I'!" She cried out defensively

"The Hermione Granger I've been best friends with for seven years never gave up on anything. She would have never given up something just because she was tired. She would have fought to the end!"

"I'M TRYING RON!" Hermione cried, "BUT I CAN ONLY HANDLE SO MUCH! SEAMUS AND LAVENDER ARE DEAD BECAUSE OF ME, MY PARENTS ARE PROBABLY DEAD, MY HOME AND BELONGINGS ARE GONE, HARRY IS DEAD, COUNTLESS OTHERS ARE PROBABLY DEAD AS WELL, AND I…I SAID SOME THINGS TO GINNY THAT I'LL NEVER FORGIVE MYSELF FOR!" She screamed, tears that now seemed like second nature to Hermione streaming down her face. "I'M A TERRIBLE PERSON RON! YOU PICKED A LOUSY GIRL TO FANCY!"

Ron only watched as she began to sob. But then after a few minutes, he reached out for her and brought her close to him. Hermione grabbed onto his shirt and cried into it, clinging onto him for dear life as sobs racked her body.

"Sh…calm down. First off, you're not a terrible person 'Mione. In fact," He smiled, "In fact, you're the most wonderful person I've ever met. You know how picky I am about girls, I wouldn't just be saying that."

"Y-You never went out with another girl" She reminded him

"See? All along I knew I wanted you. I must say I was a very smart 11 year old." Despite the situation, Hermione couldn't help but snort. "And secondly, I don't just fancy you. I love you."

"Don't say that now Ron" She moaned, "I don't deserve to be loved by you."

Sighing, Ron put his finger underneath her chin, "Look at me." He said softly. She tried to look anywhere but his face, but found his eyes were attracting hers. "I love you." He said firmly.

Hermione sniffed and nodded her head, "I know" She whispered.

"Then you should know that I think you're the most beautiful," He kissed her forehead, "talented," nose, "bossy know-it-all" lips, "In the world"

Hermione smiled sadly as she looked into his crystal eyes. All she could see was love.

"It's okay if you're tired 'Mione." He continued, "Just don't let that defeat you."

"It's tempting," She whispered, snuggling into his arms

He chuckled and kissed her lips quickly, "I know. I know…but you're stronger than that. You always have been."

"You really think so?"

"You know I do. Not many people could have enough determination and strength to get the grades you did."

"Grades don't do me a lot of good now."

"They will. Once the war's over, people will look at your records and hand you the Minister's job. I'll be another story though. I was counting on my N.E.W.T.S. to help my grades."

"Ron?" She asked softly, "Do you really think life can return to the way it was supposed to be?"

Ron sighed, "I don't know about that. But I do know that life can only get better. Evil can never last."

A few moments of silence followed in which Ron laid Hermione back down on the bed and got under the covers beside her. His arms never left their place…keeping her safe and secure.

"I said some pretty horrible things to Ginny" Hermione confessed, closing her eyes at the memory.

"She'll get over it." Ron assured her

"No she won't…she's too frail to handle it right now. D-Did you know she was raped? And almost starved to death?"

Hermione felt Ron nod. "Mum told me. Had to constrict me to the bed with a charm. You do know she only came to them yesterday, right?"

"No." Hermione whispered, "Do you know how?"

"No" Ron mumbled, shaking his head. "But I know she was hell herself arriving here, screaming and shouting. Bleeding everywhere and sobbing. She came fresh from the battlegrounds."

"I feel so bad Ron. I shouldn't have yelled at her. I shouldn't have gotten her worked up."

"Don't let it bother you too much." He said, settling into a comfortable position to sleep "Ginny will be alright now that she's here."

"Have you talked to her yet?"

"Oh bloody hell I did! I refused to go to bed until I did. She was a mess 'Mione. Crying and stuff. A lot more happened than she's telling us though. Fred and George ushered her out of the room quickly. I've got a feeling it's bad."

"Ron?"

"Yea?"

"Why aren't you with Ginny then? Comforting her. Making sure she's alright" Hermione asked

"Because 'Mione." Ron said simply, "She's not the girl I love. Ginny lost Harry. That's something that'll always haunt her, there's just no getting around that. Made me want to appreciate you more now that I know about my family. I really am lucky to have you."

Hermione turned around to face him. He was smiling. She wasn't.

"You know what started the fight?" She asked softly

"No. Tell me." Ron said

"You"

"My two favorite girls fighting over me?" Ron teased

"Wish it were that." Hermione mumbled miserably. "I woke up and thought…well I thought you were dead."

"Dead! Didn't you think my family would have told you that as soon as you woke up!"

"I wasn't thinking straight Ron. I was scared. So scared." She whispered, moving closer to him so she could feel his hot breath on her face. "I heard someone grabbing you before someone grabbed me. I didn't know if it was a Death Eater or not."

"No. It was an Order member. He brought me straight here."

"I didn't know that" Hermione said in a small voice

"It's okay love, I'm here now."

"I know" She sighed, as he pulled her close

"Try not to think anymore. We should get to sleep."

"Okay. You're staying here right?"

"Of course. You think I could go back to my own bed now?"

"Won't your mother mind?"

Ron shrugged, "Who cares? I'll simply tell her that you were in no condition to be left alone."

Hermione smiled and accepted his answer. He was right.

"Ron?" She whispered

"Yea?" He whispered back

"I love you," She said, smiling into the darkness

Ron grinned (though she couldn't see him.) "I love you too Hermione."

"Thank you" She said so softly it was almost inaudible.

"For what?" He asked, confused

Hermione intertwined their fingers together and brought them up to her lips. Smiling she whispered, "For loving me"

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(A/N: Tell me what you think!)