(A/N: Hopefully there are still people out there interested in this story even though it's been more than a MONTH since my last update. Ducks as objects are thrown I'll apologize over and over again if I have to…I feel so bad! But unfortunately this chapter proved very difficult to write in the week before I left for my trip to Russia. I was gone for two and a half weeks and when I came back, my room was being painted and my computer taken apart. Once the painting was done and I put the computer back up, it took me a day to get the internet back up and running. So, madly in the past two days, I've written you all a 23 page chapter which I hope might make up for those two weeks I was gone! It's a long shot I know but I at least you all know I'm alive! I was beginning to worry there…I kept thinking "Gosh I hope they don't think I've abandoned the story!" Which by the way I'll never do! Anyways, responses for last chapter (it feels like eternity ago) were AMAZING as always and guys…we got to 400 reviews! That's a record for me! Thank you Thank you Thank you! I would respond to all of your fantastic reviews but its rather late and I'm utterly exhausted so let's see if I can just answer some questions you all had. Firstly, I'm so glad you all enjoyed last chapter and Mrs. Weasley. She's quite a fun character don't you think? Everything she does, she does passionately. People like that are fun to have on your side but unfortunately for poor Ron not so fun to have against you. Ah alas, poor Ron. I also received quite a few lol's regarding the last line. Again, so glad you all enjoyed it! I also received two questions regarding the number of chapters I'm planning for this story and luckily I can fully answer this question now because after eight weeks I've finally found my folder of notes and plot diagrams! So now that I have my notes back I can estimate much better. As a rough estimate (don't hold me to this!) I'd say about nine chapters left. And will there be a wedding somewhere in those nine chapters? I'm afraid I honestly can't tell. It wasn't in my newly recovered plans but then again, the engagement part wasn't in my original plans either I kind of just threw that in. We'll just have to go with it and see what happens. Anyways, again, thank you all sooooo much, you all have put up with so much recently I just hope that this chapter is good enough! Thanks! Much love, Haystack)
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CHAPTER THIRTY-FIVE: SCARS OF ETERNITY
By lunch, Ron was convinced, the entire world knew of his engagement to Hermione. Fred and George, bloody brothers, had practically tackled him after breakfast and…well it had all been downhill from there.
"Let me go! Merlin I'm sore there! What in bloody hell do you think you're doing!"
"Don't let him go till he confesses!" Fred had cried, holding Ron's feet together.
"Confess what!" He had asked desperately
"You know what! Why Mum was so happy during breakfast!" George had said very loudly into his left ear.
"Maybe she's just happy I'm back" Ron had tried
"She was singing under her breath and beaming at you! She gave you three extra helpings!"
"I was hungry!" Ron insisted
"That doesn't matter!" Fred said seriously, "What matters is that she knows something and it's got to do with you! We need to know now so we can avoid whatever it is by all costs…or find some way to get whatever it is you've got"
The twins had been rendered speechless when Ron finally told them. And unfortunately, been so excited at the prospect of Ickle Ronnekins getting married to Hermione Granger that they'd proceeded to shout it as they ran around the makeshift house. All in all, it had taken the rest of the Order a total of five minutes to figure it out.
And in response, all had searched out Ron or Hermione, everyone beaming and laughing at the good news. It had been an hour since Fred and George had announced their news for them and Ron had yet to see Hermione. Praying she wasn't too angry with him for telling the twins, he took a deep breath before knocking softly on her door.
"Who is it?" A small and tired voice asked.
Ron decided not to answer as he opened the door to find his fiancée sitting on her bed, looking at some book. "Hey" he said quietly, shutting the door behind him and walking over to her.
"Hey" She said distantly.
Sitting down beside her, Ron took this moment to study her; hoping to find only happiness on her face. What he found instead made his stomach clench unpleasantly.
Though her face was free of tears, the remains of them were evident on her cheeks. Her eyes were red and puffy and Ron could tell her nose was runny. Shocked, and unsure as to what could have made her cry so, Ron instinctively reached for her hand, intertwining their fingers.
Surprised, Hermione looked at their hands and then up at Ron.
"What's wrong?" He whispered, trying to see through her with his eyes.
Hermione simply shook her head and closed the book, placing it on the nightstand.
"It's not about the engagement is it?" Ron asked gently, praying that she wouldn't respond with a yes.
Again, she shook her head. "No Ron." She whispered, "That's all fine."
Surprised, Ron's eyes widened. "Really? I would have thought you'd be furious with me"
Hermione shrugged, "There's no point trying to keep it a secret. We should want to share this with your family."
Sensing something hidden in that sentence, Ron challenged it. "What about your family?" He asked as softly as he could
Hermione looked at him directly, "What about them?"
Ron ran a hand through his hair, "Well I mean…engagement. That's kind of a sort of thing you'd want to share with your parents."
Hermione's eyes bore into his. "I can't afford to be too picky Ron. You're family is like mine. I'm just glad we have the chance to celebrate this with them."
"Then 'Mione," Ron said, taking both her hands in his own and looking into her eyes. "What's wrong?"
Instead of responding, Hermione simply looked at him sadly and then reached over for the leather bound book she'd been looking at earlier. "Your Mum just gave me this." She explained.
Curious, Ron took the book from her and opened up to the first page. What he saw made his heart constrict.
There, a picture of a baby Ron with his parents waved up at him. And then, a non-moving picture of Hermione and her parents. And then…Ron choked back the rush of emotion he felt. A baby Harry with Lily and James smiling and waving up at him.
His eyes snapped to Hermione's who was staring sadly at the pictures. "Your Mum said she was making this for the three of us. For graduation."
"B-But you and H-Harry?" He asked, motioning towards the baby pictures.
"She said she'd gotten Harry's pictures from Order members and Dumbledore. Apparently, she'd talked to my parents as well. Ron, it follows through our lives."
Transfixed, Ron began flipping by page after page. Pictures of their first year at Hogwarts began to fill his brain, and then second, and third, and fourth, and….Ron stopped. Knowing what he was looking for, he flipped immediately to the last page. There.
Standing outside the Burrow, Ron had one arm around Harry and the two of them were laughing. Harry had his other arm around Hermione who was smiling brilliantly, her eyes shining with happiness. Ginny was in front of them, grinning overdramatically at the camera. The four of them were decked out in their Hogwarts robes, about to embark on their last year at Hogwarts together. But then again, these carefree people in the picture didn't know that how true that statement would become.
Shutting his eyes painfully, Ron shut the book loudly, breathing hard. It…It hurt too much to look. Hermione had one hand on his shoulder and was rubbing his back comfortingly. Wanting something physical to hold, Ron reached out for her, relieved when she willingly hugged him tightly. His eyes were still closed but the images wouldn't go away. Harry's first Quidditch match, Harry and Dobby at Christmas, Harry and Hermione dressed and ready for Hogsmeade, the Yule Ball….the images all haunted him.
"It hurts doesn't it?" Hermione voice asked, not letting go.
Ron could only nod, his voice too clogged with emotion to manage words.
"We were so close Ron." She whispered, "We only had a few more weeks. A few more weeks and this album could have been filled with happy memories."
Her words cut at him. He needed to communicate to her that that it was Harry that hurt him the most.
"…H-His face" He managed to say
Hermione let out a shaky breath and ran her fingers lightly through his hair. "The blank pages hurt more than his face. It's the knowledge that we'll never get to fill them. That the story ends here."
"I-It doesn't feel right without him here does it?" Ron asked
Hermione pulled away from him, looking at him sadly. She shook her head. "I know he was supposed to be your best man."
"Y-Yea…" Ron said, fighting back tears "He was"
"I just still can't believe what's happened. It seems like a dream. Those people seem like strangers now."
Ron could only nod in agreement. She was right. It was hard to remember a time where everyone was together and happy. Sure they'd had problems then, but they were trivial…well at least they seemed trivial now. Why hadn't they cherished the time spent together more? Why hadn't Ron told Harry how much he meant to him? Why hadn't he told Hermione he fancied her? Why hadn't he been more understanding and kind to people like Seamus and Lavender? Why had he complained about Ginny so much? Ron, Harry, and Hermione had had the heads up that the war was coming. They knew what to expect and had been trained accordingly. Shouldn't they have, of all people, treasured every moment of peace before the war broke out? Why hadn't they taken the cues they'd been given?
Ron tried not to let his mind wander into the possibilities of what life would be like now, had he lived life knowing that things would change, but it was hard.
"Ron," Hermione said quietly, propping herself up on her elbow, "There's something else too. We have a bigger problem on our hands then I thought." She sighed.
Immensely tired, Ron laid on his back. He really wasn't in the mood to deal with anything else right now. "What is it?" He asked
Hermione scooted over to him, and leaned over him, supporting herself with her left arm. She was biting her lip. Immediately recognizing that as a sign of trouble, Ron reached out and moved some curls from her forehead, trying to comfort whatever stress this news would bring.
Hermione kissed his hand, but brought it down from her face. Looking at him with sad eyes, she whispered, "Ron, your Mum doesn't know about Harry"
It took Ron a moment to figure out exactly what that sentence meant. But after a few seconds, he felt his heart constrict. He knew what this meant…
"But how?" He asked, "How could she not know?"
Hermione sighed, "I guess Lupin didn't tell them. He probably wanted to wait for a better time."
"But the two of us came here together. Doesn't that seem strange that we'd leave Harry out there?"
Hermione shrugged, "I guess they don't understand that we'd never leave Harry. We came in here a mess, so they probably thought we were in a battle or hurt or something. They were all so happy to know we were alive I suppose they didn't think"
"What about that book? Surely she would have asked about Harry after giving you that."
Hermione shook her head. "She said she thought we'd appreciate the pictures since all of ours got destroyed in Hogwarts."
Rubbing his head, Ron let out a slow breath. "And the others? The Order? Dumbledore?"
Hermione shook her head slowly, "No one knows"
Knowing what they needed to do, Ron felt a massive headache coming on. This wasn't going to be easy. "Well then…I suppose, we need to tell them"
Hermione smiled sadly, "Yea…we do"
Groaning, Ron put his arms up to his head. Hermione scooted closer beside him and snuggled against his side. "It'll be okay" She whispered, "We'll have to appear strong though. The moment we start crying is the moment everyone will panic."
"I know" Ron said quietly, putting his arm around Hermione. Both were silent for a few moments. "'Mione?" He asked
"Yea?"
"Are we going to tell them everything?"
Hermione sighed, "I don't know."
"They'll want to hear every detail"
"I know"
"You know I'm not very good at lying."
"Ron," Hermione said sternly, "We're not going to lie. We'll tell them the truth. Just maybe not the whole truth"
"Well which parts do you want to leave out?" He asked
Hermione thought for a moment, "Viktor" She said finally
"Viktor?" Ron said surprised, "Why?"
"Because" Hermione said reasonably, "If there's a mole here, I don't want Viktor getting in trouble for helping us"
"'Mione" Ron said comfortingly, "There's not a mole here. Don't you think Voldemort would be here by now if there was? We're safe now, we don't have to worry."
Hermione didn't respond. Ron hoped she understood. It was a hard concept to grasp after days of running from the enemy…there were very few people you could trust. "I-I'd just feel better if we left Viktor out of it" Hermione's soft reply came.
It was hard for Ron to argue with Hermione when she was curled up at his side and spoke in hushed whispers. It made her seem like a child…a child he loved and wanted to protect. "Fine," He agreed, "We'll leave Viktor out. Anything else?"
"Yes" Hermione said slowly, "I don't want you telling them that you left me with Aragog."
"Why not? It doesn't make you look bad…just me. Mum'll hit me over the head if she finds out."
"I-It's a bad memory. I don't really feel like explaining it."
"'Mione… If you use that excuse then we won't be able to tell them anything, because the whole damn thing's a bad memory for me."
Hermione was silent for a moment, but then Ron felt her soft hands sliding up the side of his face. "Oh Ron." She whispered, kissing the tip of his nose. "I'm sorry. I don't want to do this either"
Touched at her tenderness, Ron wrapped his arms around her, pushing back her hair. "I'm just glad that if I do have to do this…that I'm not doing it alone." Ron said honestly, "I'm glad you're here"
Hermione smiled softly and kissed him again. "Me too" She whispered in his ear as she planted kisses along his jawline, "I'm glad you're here with me"
Unable to stand a moment longer without a proper kiss, Ron reached out and guided her face towards his own. It felt like forever since he'd kissed her and it never got old. In fact, the kisses got better as his love for her grew.
Most kisses they'd shared in the past had been fiery and passionate, desperate attempts to display their love before time ran out. But now that they were safe, Ron felt an overwhelming sense of peace. He didn't have to worry about showing to Hermione one last time that he loved her. She knew, and he could take his time.
This kiss was simply loving. It was comforting in more ways than he could imagine. Just the intimacy…being so close to Hermione…was enough to make even his darkest troubles disappear. And that's what Hermione did for him. She drove his demons away and provided comfort in times when he was unable to do so himself.
Sure, he was dreading tonight on different levels, but the fact that Hermione would be there feeling the same emotions and thinking the same thoughts, made him feel better. And the fact that he could now reach out and touch her for reassurance made things different.
But the fact still stood that he would have to announce to his family that Harry was dead.
It wasn't so much announcing the death of his best mate that made Ron so scared. It was more or less the questions that would come afterwards, and the story he and Hermione would have to share. Of all people's reactions, he feared Ginny's the worst. She was so sick…so fragile right now, he wasn't sure how much more she could handle.
"Mmm…Ron?" Hermione moaned, as Ron continued to kiss her.
"What?" He asked, in between kisses, his mind now in reality.
Breaking apart, Hermione paused to catch her breath. Ron smiled at the deep breaths echoing from both their bodies as their chests rose and fell in unison. Hermione's gaze was soft but firm and Ron knew that she was serious again.
"Ron do you think Seamus and Lavender are really dead?" She whispered, the words obviously paining her to say
Caught off guard, Ron stared at her for a moment. Seamus and Lavender…as selfish as it seemed he really didn't want to think of them right now. The pain that came with thinking about them was too fresh…and it hurt too much. "I don't know" Ron said seriously
"Do you think there was any way they survived?" Hermione asked, her eyes seeking a certain answer.
Ron tried to remember. He remembered the sudden horror he'd felt as he realized the mistake they'd made, but after that things were kind of a blur. Seeking into his brain, Ron tried to remember how things had been the moment before the portkey had taken him away.
"Lavender! Help me out! Quickly! Come on!" Seamus cried out, looking in the same direction she was.
Snapping back to look at Seamus, Lavender grabbed his hands and pulled. Seamus's torso was now over the edge and he was crawling out.
"Hurry Seamus Hurry!" Lavender screamed, standing up and grabbing his hand.
Once he got up on his feet, they were sprinting across the pile of flaky ashes, sending remains flying into the air as they sprinted for their lives.
"LAV HURRY THEY'RE COMING!"
"I'M TRYING!"
Suddenly, 'they' were revealed at the top of the pile, walking with a sense of power and maniac glee. Lord Voldemort himself, followed by his Death Eaters were slowly surrounding Seamus and Lavender, approaching from all sides.
"H-Hermione…" Ron choked
"RUN OVER THERE! TRY TO GO BACK! TELL THEM TO GET THE HELL OUT OF HERE!"
"SEAMUS, WE'RE TRAPPED!"
"NO, THERE HAS TO BE A WAY OUT!"
"SEAMUS…" Lavender sobbed, "WE'RE TRAPPED!"
"WE CAN'T BE! THERE HAS TO BE A WAY OUT!"
"Hello" An ice cold yet amused voice echoed. It was Voldemort. He had Seamus and Lavender trapped. They were of no use to him. He would kill them. This was the end. Lavender and Seamus were going to die.
Screams were heard echoing from the pile of ashes, but soon that faded away as Seamus and Lavender disappeared from him forever as the world went black.
Ron slowly was brought back to the present as he looked Hermione in the eyes.
Frightened at the clarity of the memory, he tried to hide his shaking hands. Shaking his head slowly he tried to keep himself under control. "No 'Mione" He said, his voice thick, "I don't think they survived at all."
Tearfully, Hermione slowly nodded her head. The room was silent for several minutes.
"What about my parents Ron? Do you think they're dead too?" Hermione quiet voice asked
Ron wasn't quite sure how to answer her. He had heard nothing of attacks on the Muggle World but then again it did make sense to assume Hermione's parents had been targeted. "I honestly don't know." Ron said truthfully, "I can ask Dad tonight."
"Would your Dad really know of that though?" Hermione asked
Ron shrugged, "Then I'll go to the Order. I'm of age now, they have no right to disclose information to me. Especially when it concerns my fiancée." Ron said as he took Hermione into his arms again. She leaned into them comfortingly.
"Thanks Ron." She said
"Your welcome" He replied, kissing her hair like he used to do back in Hogwarts
Hermione smiled at the gesture. "We've got a full night then don't we?" She said
Ron sighed, "Yea we do. We better get some rest if we're going to be up for any of it."
"Okay. But Ron?"
"Yea?"
"I-I really think you should go see Ginny before tonight."
"Why?" Ron asked, concerned
"Because" Hermione said, "She never came to see me or you I'm assuming. I saw her face in the hallway Ron. It looks like she's taking our engagement harder than anyone thinks. And there's some stuff…a lot of stuff…I have a feeling, she's been hiding from everyone."
"You think she's okay though right?" Ron asked, worried
"No" Hermione replied slowly, "I don't think she's alright at all. She doesn't want anything to do with me right now and she trusts you more than anyone. I just think you should talk to her."
"Alright, I'll go once you're asleep." Ron said, his mind on overload
Hermione smiled into the dim light, "You don't need to do that"
"Oh but I do" Ron countered, kissing her lightly on the lips, "Good night 'Mione"
"Good night. And Ron?"
"Yea?"
"I love you"
"Good" Ron said running his hand through his hair, "Because I'll need every ounce of that love tonight."
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Ron closed the door silently behind him. Walking as quietly as he could, he turned left and began heading towards Ginny's room. Not really sure what he would find, Ron tried to mentally prepare himself for whatever story Ginny would share with him. It was a hard thing to prepare for, he decided as he made a right and started down a long hallway; war held endless possibilities. Ginny's room was the second to the end on the left-hand side and as he approached this door, he took a deep breath.
Knocking three times, Ron took a step back, waiting for the door to open ….but it never did. Knocking again, Ron waited. When he didn't hear movement within the room, Ron gripped the doorknob and gave it a fierce turn. The door swung open easily.
Expecting his sister to shriek at the sudden interruption, Ron furrowed his eyebrows together with suspicion when he heard no such sound. He looked around the room and saw no one either.
His heart beginning to race with paranoia, Ron slowly stepped into the room, his wand lifted. The room was dark.
"Lumos" Ron whispered, his wand magically creating a dim glow of light around the small room.
Ron looked around the room. He couldn't find anything out of the ordinary, but then again…he couldn't find Ginny either.
Images began racing through his mind as he thought of his sister lying dead somewhere. His hands began to shake as his clammy hands gripped his wand tighter. Ginny was fine. There had to be some kind of explanation. Yet, Ron couldn't help the surge of brotherly love he felt that sometimes got in the way of his thinking.
"What are you doing?" A sudden voice asked him. Ron spun around to meet the confused face of Ginny.
Letting out a long breath, Ron hastily shoved his wand into his pocket. Going red and feeling quite stupid, he looked at his shoes for a moment.
"I said, what are you doing here?" Ginny snapped
Ron lifted his face to look at hers, which was a mess with dark circles and bags underneath her eyes "I-I came to check up on you" He said quietly
"Check up on me?" Ginny repeated, spitting out his words "Why would you do that?"
Hurt, Ron stared at her with confusion, "Because you're my sister," He said calmly. Ginny gave him a scathing look and pushed her way into the room, turning on the lights. Unsure how to handle this new Ginny, Ron chose his words carefully. "And" He added, "Because I think there's some stuff you need to tell me"
Ginny spun around to face him. "Stuff I need to tell you!" She cried, "You know what happened Ron! There's nothing more to say!"
"Ginny there's a lot more!" Ron explained, "I want you to tell me everything that happened."
"You don't want to know Ron" Ginny said, looking Ron in the eye
Leaning forwards so that his eyes were only a few inches away from her own, he said firmly, "Try me"
There was no denying that Ginny had changed drastically since Ron had last seen her. She was bitter and cruel about everything and she kept to herself. When Ginny saw him for the first time…for a moment he'd forgotten there was no war as he saw her face light up. She'd thrown herself on top of him and hugged him as if he were going to leave her. Mrs. Weasley had smiled but as he felt Ginny's shoulders begin to shake, he knew she was sobbing. And that was something very un-Ginny like.
But that glimmer of her old self seemed to be all Ron was going to get to see. Now, he was staring a stranger in the face and although she looked a lot the old Ginny…she was nothing like his sister.
Ron challenged her with his eyes. C'mon Ginny, he thought, Tell me what's wrong
"Get out Ron" Ginny said deep in the back of her throat
"Gin, I'm not leaving until you tell me," Ron said, making sure to keep an even voice.
Ginny's face twitched, as if she were suppressing tears. She sighed, "Why are you doing this Ron?" She asked softly, her edge gone. Now she just sounded…tired.
Jumping upon this a sign of her façade crumbling, Ron reached for her shoulders so he could turn her to face him. "Because Gin I--"
"Don't touch me!" Ginny cried, twisting out of his reach.
Neither spoke for a few moments, Ginny breathing hard as she stared at Ron in fear and shame, and Ron staring at his little sister crouching away from him like he was some kind of monster.
The silence stretched into minutes.
And as Ron stood, still frozen, all the pieces of the puzzle seemed to fit together. Pained, Ron finally managed to croak, "W-Was it really that bad Ginny? Was it bad enough to turn away from me? I'm your brother, I'm not going to hurt you."
Ginny didn't say anything. She only looked down at her hands. Ron waited.
When Ginny finally did look up, he could see tears in her eyes. All she had to do was nod before the tears began to leak onto her face.
Without a word, Ron sat down on the bed and motioned for Ginny to join him. As soon she sat down, Ron put his arms around her the way he used to do when they were kids. Ginny grabbed onto him so tightly Ron's heart ached…she hadn't cried about this with anyone yet. And then suddenly, Ron was angry. How could his family…his mother…not realize how traumatized Ginny was? That she had probably suffered more than Ron and Hermione, though it seemed hard to imagine. How had his mother not sat Ginny down and made her talk? Fred? George? His Father? Anyone in the Order? Why had no one bothered?
Holding her closer to him, Ron rubbed her arms comfortingly. "Sh…it's okay." He whispered, "I'm sorry, so sorry"
Holding onto him, Ginny wiped at her eyes, "It's okay." She said through her tears
"I should have been there," Ron said, feeling guilty as he said it.
"You're here now," She whispered
"I missed you Ginny. I was so afraid. I thought you were dead," Ron confessed
"I wish I was" Ginny said so softly it was almost inaudible
Ron sucked in a breath and closed his eyes, cringing. That one hurt. Normally, Ron would have been angry and demand that she never say that again. But Ron knew now…Ginny didn't say those things. She was serious. And with that knowledge, the comment had an entirely different meaning.
"Tell me about it" He said trying to sound calm, his heart racing
Ginny sniffed. "I was alone Ron. Everything's worse when you're alone."
"What happened to the others?"
Ginny stood up, wrapping her arms around herself as she walked over to the dresser, her back to Ron. She was silent for a few moments, picking at the wood in the empty dresser before finally spinning around to face Ron.
"Who do you want to know about Ron?" She said suddenly, a fire in her eyes. Taken aback, Ron opened his mouth, thinking. "Because whoever you say, I'll tell you all I know. I'm not going to leave anything out and I'm not going to dance around the shit. You either want to know or you don't."
Startled, Ron stared at her for a moment or two. What was he supposed to say? Ron tried to think of a response, but he couldn't. There were so many people… "Dean" He said, his voice shaking a little. Dean had been the one person Seamus had wanted to find, the one person Seamus was hanging onto. It felt right to ask about him first, since now Seamus would never get the chance to.
Ginny took a deep breath, "I was with Dean when we first went out," She said slowly, "Some of us went to the right when the doors opened, some of us went to the left. I went to the left, he went to the right. I didn't see him again until Hogwarts was collapsing. I saw him carrying some girl in his arms, trying to outrun the dust. I was in the forest by then, hidden underneath some bushes. I could still breathe. I watched the dust come up on him and eventually swallow him up. That's all I know Ron. There's a chance he could have survived, but I doubt he made it."
Shaking, Ron nodded slowly, trying to process what he'd heard. A chance… Chances didn't seem to end up going their way in war. To Ron, it was as good as saying she'd seen his body. Putting his fingers to the bridge of his nose, he sighed.
"Anyone else?" Ginny asked, her face blank of emotion. Ron looked up at her. Ginny stood before him like some kind of automatic machine, ready to spit out information with no feelings or emotions attached to what she was saying.
Angry at her detachment, Ron blurted out, "You"
Ginny blinked a few times, "Excuse me?"
"You heard me" Ron said, his tone serious, "I want to hear about you Ginny. Tell it all from beginning to end."
Ginny gave him a pained expression, "You're acting like this is some story book! Maybe the reason I haven't said anything is because I don't want to talk about it!"
"You have to talk to someone Ginny." Ron snapped, "And it looks like I'm the only guy willing to listen. So talk"
Ginny studied him, tears sparkling behind her eyes. Ron felt a pang of guilt but brushed it aside. He was going to hear this from Ginny herself, even if it meant playing hardball to do so.
"I'm trying to move on Ron" She pleaded, "I told myself I wouldn't remember what happened. Don't make me do this"
"It's for your own good," Ron said reasonably, trying his hardest to appear disconnected to her cries.
"You don't know what I've seen Ron! I don't want to go back there!"
"You'll drive yourself insane if you don't say it aloud!" Ron cried, "I don't want to see you in St. Mungo's!"
"I can handle it Ron! I've taken care of myself all this time haven't I! While you ran off with the golden trio, I was left alone! But I survived didn't I!"
Ron cringed at her hurtful words but tried to put them out of his mind. She was bitter…she didn't know what she was saying. "Ginny please just tell me. I'm offering you help."
"Help? Help! How can you help? You still need help yourself!"
"Just tell me"
"Why do you want to know so badly Ron! Do you want to hear all the details of how I sliced my back open and broke the bones in my hand! Do you want to hear about Harry's death! Do you want to hear a play-by-play of how I got raped! I don't think so Ron so just back off!"
Ron was quiet for a moment. "What about Harry, Ginny?"
Taken aback, it took Ginny awhile to respond, but when she did she sounded distant, as if caught up in another world. "I was fighting Death Eaters on the east side of the castle." She said quietly "Nothing had really happened yet, besides people dying around me. But after a while, these two Death Eaters grabbed me and picked me up. I tried stunning them but I couldn't hold my wand steady enough to aim right."
"Who were they?" Ron asked immediately
Ginny paused and gave him a look. "Ron, if you're going to make me tell you then you have to listen." She said, sounding much older than she really was.
"Sorry" Ron mumbled
"I couldn't tell you who they were but I recognized their voices." Ginny continued, "They took me through the battleground to where Harry and Voldemort were fighting. Harry saw me, and his eyes got all wide and scared. Voldemort followed his gaze to me and laughed. He'd made the connection that the Death Eaters had apparently made; that I was Harry's girlfriend."
"But Gin you weren't. You two--"
"Met secretly." Ginny finished for Ron, "It wasn't a big long term kind of thing. We both knew it had to be the kind of relationship that could be stopped if needed to be. We knew the war was coming and that whatever 'we' were would complicate matters entirely when the time came for war. I knew what I was doing and so did Harry."
What was Ron to say to that? How could he look down upon a relationship that kept his best mate happy for the remaining months of his life?
"I'm sorry," He finally said,
"It's okay Ron" Ginny said
Ron waited several seconds for Ginny to continue the story. When she didn't, Ron looked at her and said, "Sorry I interrupted. Keep going."
Ginny took a shaky breath, "R-Right. Um…where was I?"
"The Death Eaters brought you to Harry and Voldemort."
"Oh yes…t-that part." Ginny said nervously, twisting her fingers together, "Well Harry couldn't very well come get me without Voldemort hitting him with something so the Death Eaters started to do things to me to tempt him over. It was pure torture….for both of us" She said quietly, her hands shaking.
Ron noticed and quickly put one of his own hands over hers, quieting them. Looking into her eyes Ron asked quietly, "What did they do to you?"
Ginny hesitated, tears welling in her eyes, "T-They started to take my clothes off." She whispered.
Ron sucked in a breath. The statement created such a mad swirl of emotions within Ron that he almost didn't want to acknowledge it. Almost afraid to meet Ginny's eyes—afraid of the vulnerability he'd see within them---Ron slowly lifted his eyes to hers.
Ginny was crying. That alone wouldn't have been so bad, but it was the fact that Ginny was so desperately trying not to cry that broke Ron's heart. Voice cracking with emotion, he said, "O-Oh Gin"
With that invitation, Ginny found her way into her older brother's arms where she finally began to cry.
"I-It was so terrible Ron!" She cried, teardrops zooming around her face, "T-They didn't hesitate at all. They were animals and they just attacked me! Ripped my clothes…touched me. One of them would hold me down while the other one had their fun with me. I was sobbing and screaming for Harry to help me b-but he couldn't" Ginny sniffed, her eyes and nose now red, "He couldn't come and save me. At least not in time. They were laughing as the first one took my virginity away. Laughing!"
"G-Ginny…I don't know what to say. I'm sorry," Ron babbled, tears of his own clouding his vision, "I'm just so sorry."
"I've never felt so small. So vulnerable. I grew up in a house full of older brothers so I was used to rough handling b-but I couldn't believe the hatred they had towards me. One would hit me while the other slammed himself into me. That was the one Harry killed first. Stunned Voldemort for a moment long enough to kill the bastard. The other one was dead in a matter of seconds." Ginny said, her tears never ceasing, "But then I had two dead men around me. I was naked and exposed and I was weak. All I could do was cry."
Ron wanted to say something. To find some words of comfort to offer his baby sister. He wanted to find some way to make all these memories escape from her mind forever, but the fact that he couldn't seem to do anything only increased his anger of the world.
"But then…I don't know how, but somehow, Harry found enough time to race over to me. He picked me up and put me behind a fallen tree where he said I'd be safer. He just wouldn't stop apologizing and kissing my face. He never even glanced down at my barely covered body, he just kept trying to kiss away my tears." Ginny recalled, the water leaking from her eyes only increasing as the memory progressed. "He cradled me in his arms and brushed back the hair on my head. I clung to him so tightly I must have strangled him. He never stopped to tell me anything except that he was sorry and that he loved me. Kept repeating that over and over again until finally Voldemort approached him, angrier than before, since Harry had killed three of his Death Eaters. The next thing I knew, Voldemort threatened me and Harry jumped up and began fighting him again. That was the last time I saw him," Ginny said, her body shaking as silent tears streamed across her freckled face.
"He realized though, that he wouldn't be able to keep me safe." Ginny said hollowly, "So he started shouting for someone…anyone to come and protect me. Luckily, Colin and Dennis Creevy came running from the lake. Harry asked them to take me, and keep me safe and without a word Colin picked me up and we ran into the Forbidden Forest."
"Seamus and Lavender told us that" Ron said emptily, sounding like a robot.
Ginny nodded and wiped at a tear, "Did they tell you about Dennis?"
Ron nodded numbly, remembering that conversation he and Hermione had had with Seamus and Lavender in the makeshift cave, only hours after escaping from prison. It felt like ages ago. "All they knew was that they'd come across his body in the forest."
Sniffing, Ginny used the back of her hands to try to wipe away the tears. "Yes well we were running, looking for shelter more than anything else. I was clinging onto Colin for dear life and he was holding me so tightly…I could tell he was petrified."
"And Dennis?"
"The fire in Hogwarts had just started. There was a crash and people started screaming as they realized that Hogwarts was burning. People started fleeing away from the castle and we lost Dennis in the crowd, after all we were still looking for somewhere safe to hide as Death Eaters too swarmed into the forest."
"Eventually we just flung ourselves into some bushes and waited, hoping Dennis saw where we'd hidden. Poor Colin look so tortured…I mean, you know how close they were."
Ron nodded knowingly, Colin and Dennis had seemed even closer than Ron was to his own brothers….and that was saying something since the Weasley blood ensured a strong family bond between all its members.
"Soon though we heard a Death Eater voice challenging Dennis. He was only a foot away from us. Dennis saw us peeking out through the bushes, shot Colin a sad look, and drew out his wand. It took only a few minutes for Dennis to fall."
Ron closed his eyes. He'd never really known Dennis and admittedly, had found both the Creevy brothers to be extremely annoying as first and second years, but over time Ron had found to respect them, for they represented much of what Ron couldn't seem to do.
Ron would have thought that by now, deaths of his classmates would somehow bounce right off him in a numb sort of way. He would acknowledge them but not really understand the entirety of the news. However, Ron found that Dennis' death brought a fresh wave of pain, one that Ron was surprised would ever be related to the youngest Creevy brother.
"Colin must have gone crazy" Ron mumbled, not wanting to picture Colin's reaction.
Ginny's misty eyes gave him all the answer he needed. There was silence for a few moments as both tried very hard not to think about the pain Colin had endured as he watched his little brother die.
Finally, Ginny made a little sound in the back of her throat and looked at Ron. "We just stayed in the bushes for hours. Colin refused to look at me. I was still so weak I didn't move, I just cried w-wanting you or Harry to come find me. I waited and waited, but no one came."
Ron's stomach tightened guiltily. Ginny's anger and pain all basically came down to one point. She felt like she'd been abandoned. And as hard as it was for Ron to admit that, he knew deep down it was true. They'd all left Ginny alone in the middle of a war.
"Gin--" He said with difficulty, "It wasn't like we didn't want to come for you"
"Then why didn't you come?" Ginny whispered, her eyes reflecting only pain
"We couldn't." He said lamely, "There was so much going on. We all had to focus on saving our own necks."
Ginny studied him for a moment, as if judging his sincerity. Ron gulped under the pressure and tried to convey to her through his eyes that he was being honest, but it must not have worked because then, without a word, she turned away.
Hurt, Ron moved towards her, "Ginny" He said, reaching out to touch her shoulder.
Ginny whipped around so fast, it took Ron by surprised. "I don't buy it!" She cried suddenly, her eyes flaming. "You're lying to me Ron! I've always been able to tell when you're lying!"
Stunned by her sudden anger, it took a moment before he could yell, "What are you talking about!"
Standing up, Ginny turned to face him, "I want you to look me in the eyes and tell me that you honestly tried to run looking for me!" She cried
"Ginny I--"
"I don't want you feeding me this shit about you being so torn to find me when you didn't even make the effort!"
"I TOLD YOU THAT WE TRIED!" Ron screamed, his anger getting the best of him, "STOP PUTTING ALL OF THIS GUILT AND SHAME ON ME, I TOLD YOU WE TRIED! I MEAN, BLOODY HELL, DO YOU HONESTLY THINK I WASN'T FREAKING OUT ABOUT YOU? DO YOU HONESTLY BELIEVE THAT I DIDN'T WANT TO GO FIND MY LITTLE SISTER! I WAS GOING CRAZY GIN, BUT I'M TELLING YOU THAT I DIDN'T HAVE TIME TO RUN OFF AND SERACH THE FOREST FOR YOU!"
Ginny said nothing as she examined Ron face, which was now as red as his hair. Ron was breathing heavily, looking down (as he had stood up) at Ginny waiting for her to scream at him in return. But she never did. Instead, she said so softly it could have been a whisper, "You had time for Hermione"
Ron's sucked in a breath as the words stuck him. Ginny couldn't possibly be suggesting …she couldn't honestly…Ron's brain simply shut down with the effort of trying to understand the full meaning of the sentence. All he knew was that Ginny had stuck below the belt with this one….and it was hurting. All he could manage to say through his pain was, "Don't go there Ginny."
"Why?" Ginny challenged, "Because you know that it's true? I'm not stupid Ron; I've always known that you loved her. I've known since the moment you came home for Christmas holiday after first year, raving about her and how she drove you insane."
"You couldn't have known that! You were only ten!"
"We always hate what we love most." Ginny said simply, "Mum used to tell me that even when you said you hated me and wished I'd leave you alone, that you really loved me and only got upset with me because you loved me so much. I'd heard that for ten years…it wasn't hard for me to assume you loved Hermione more than me when you came home that Christmas."
"Gin you know that's--"
"And I turned out to be right didn't I?" Ginny said quietly as she smiled to herself in a strange sort of way and shook her head. "First year, you purposely sacrificed your life for Hermione and Harry. From that point onwards I knew that there'd be nothing you wouldn't do for her"
"That's not fair to--"
Ginny waved her hand at him, "Don't worry about it Ron. I've known it for years, it shouldn't upset you—it doesn't upset me anymore. But," Ginny turned around to face him squarely, "I had secretly always believed that when I was in danger, you'd come save me. You wouldn't hesitate and you'd do everything you could to get to me. You and Harry trying to save me in the Chamber of Secrets while Hermione was left behind in the hospital wing only made me believe that more. Daily, you'd love Hermione most, but when it came down to it, I'd be the one you'd save first."
Struck, Ron tried to open his mouth and say something, but he found that words had failed him. He couldn't seem to believe she'd thought all of this for so many years…it was all wrong! But then, as he thought about it a little, he realized that what Ginny said was partly true. Knowing he needed to say something to break the silence, Ron tried to search his brain for something to say…anything to make Ginny know that he loved her just as much as he loved Hermione.
Ginny however, saved him from saying anything as she continued. "I waited for you or Harry to come for hours. Finally, once the coast was clear enough and we moved out of our hiding spot to look for better shelter or refuge, we met a Death Eater. He pulled his wand out on Colin. Colin barely tried at all….he shot me an apologetic look and simply gave up. I ran and hid as Hogwarts collapsed. From then on, I was alone and I….I-j-just gave up on you."
A terrible silence fell over the two siblings as Ginny finished, her face dry but her eyes holding more emotion than Ron could bear to look at. His head rang with Ginny's final words and his heart ached as he understood the meaning of them. Ron had known when he'd come looking for Ginny that it wouldn't be a happy talk, but he'd never expected….
He'd known, looking back, that the way he'd brushed Ginny off in first year hadn't been nice and sometimes he even felt bad about it; but apparently Ginny had taken it much more seriously than Ron had, and even after all these years…the feelings of resentment were still there. He'd known that it had taken Ginny a few years to really warm up to Hermione but bloody hell…he'd had no idea how deeply Ginny's feelings ran towards his fiancée.
And within that thought, lay the problem Ron could see was tormenting his sister. For a moment, he sat in the silence, quickly running through all Ginny had told him and trying to see it through her perspective; and when he was done, a reasonable pile of guilt landed in his stomach.
Ginny had realized, the moment he and Hermione had appeared here, that Hermione had been the one Ron was protecting; the one he had taken care of while she was alone in the Forbidden forest for five days, two of which she'd spent starving. And with the news of their engagement, he supposed it was only fair for Ginny to have assumed that Hermione was now the one he loved most.
For a moment, Ron found it strange that he was dealing with Ginny's jealousy of Hermione at a time like this when bigger problems like Ginny's raping, the war, and Harry pressed upon them. But the numb apprehension of actually discussing Harry or the war with Ginny brought him back to reality, and he'd found that the moment had passed.
Knowing he had to say something now, Ron sighed and looked wearily at his baby sister. "Gin, you know if I'd known you needed help I'd have been there right? I hadn't seen you since McGonagall took us from the common room. I had no idea where you were or who you were with. You're not being fair. I was scared for you Ginny, but I was also scared for Harry, Hermione and all the others too."
"But you were with Hermione" Ginny said, not meeting his gaze.
Ron took a deep breath, trying to be patient. "Yes," He said, "But that doesn't mean anything Gin. We were looking for Harry…our parts in the war were by Harry's side. It's always been that way….you know that. We were fighting the whole time to get to him."
"But somewhere in there you got engaged!" Ginny pointed out, "It obviously wasn't all war and bloodshed. There were enough moments for you two, who weren't even going out before the war started, to somehow make the leap to marriage."
"Ginny…" Ron groaned, running his hand through his hair, "I love Hermione. I do. But I also love you too…it doesn't have to be one or the other. You're acting like an ex-girlfriend that Hermione's replacing. Trust me, you're my little sister…no one can replace that!"
"You make it sound so bad" Ginny said quietly, "Like the idea isn't reasonable"
"Because its not!" Ron cried, "Gin, I see why you're upset. I mean I had no idea that you disliked Hermione so much before--"
"That's not fair!" Ginny suddenly cried, "I love Hermione like a sister! You can't say that!"
"Well how do you want me to say it?"
"That I didn't like what Hermione stood for. I still don't like it."
"And what is that exactly?"
Ginny hesitated, her whole body on defensive. "That" She said in a voice barely above a whisper, "Hermione will be the one to take you away. She'll take you away from me."
Ron paused before he spoke, "What do you mean?" He asked softly
Ginny eyes filled with unshed tears, "We'd been best friends for my entire life until you went off to Hogwarts. I didn't mind Harry being your best mate because you both were blokes. But I always knew I was your girl best friend. Until…well until Hermione."
"Gin--"
"And I knew that with Harry now gone, you'd get closer to Hermione. But there'd always be that wall between you two that you and I never had as siblings."
"And now that we'll be married that wall will be gone." Ron finished for her
"Yea" Ginny said quietly. Silence followed. "And with you two married and H-Harry gone I'll--"
"Be alone" Ron finished again,
Ginny only nodded, tears now slipping out of her eyes. And as he rocked his sister while she cried, Ron suddenly realized how much this war had affected them all….and how much it had cost Ginny.
He wasn't sure what to say to comfort her but he did his best, telling her that he loved her, that he'd never leave her, that Hermione in no way replaced her, and that she wasn't really alone but they all sounded like empty words. For they both knew, even as Ginny quieted down that the scars war had left on their lives would never be fully healed.
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(Whatcha think! Let me know! Hugs, Haystack)