Disclaimer: I don't own Phantom of the Opera, Making Fiends, or The End of the World.
You le Suck!
Insert Dramatic Title Here
Auctioneer: Lot 665…A MONKEY!
Audience: Ooooo, aaaaaah
Raoul: I am old and senile so I shall spend my entire fortune on a MONKEY!
Meg: I'm more senile than you are, I SHALL BID MORE!
Raoul: YOU SUCK! BIDS MORE!
Auctioneer: Sold to the foppish grandpa
Raoul: You mean I have to pay for that? FLEES THE COUNTRY!
Auctioneer: No wait, we haven't had our dramatic chandelier moment yet!
Raoul: Okay, I shall stay
Auctioneer: Lot 666…OH THE SYMBOLISM! A worthless shattered chandelier! Perfect for cutting…things…(shifty eyes) Cough cough, RAISE ZE CHANDELIER!
Chandelier raises…BUUUUUM, BUM BUM BUM BUM BUM……..
Opera house is randomly new again
Oh look, naked people!
Gasp! Inappropriate for children under thirteen!
All people under thirteen: You suck!
Everyone in Opera House: We're all on drugs!
Younger Raoul: I have long lovely locks that flow in the wind!
Random Person: And you're…proud of that?
Raoul: Of course not! shifty eyes
Owner: You all suck! I quit!
Garbage men take over
Madame Giry: And here are our ballet dancers.
Garbage man #1: Who is she? She's le hott!
Madame Giry: My daughter.
GM1: EEEW, She's not hott anymore.
Madame Giry: LE POUT!
GM2: Who is she? She's hott so she can't possibly be related to you!
Madame Giry: That's Christine. She's le stupid.
Garbage men: And our new patron is…A FOP!
Christine: Hey, I totally know that guy!
Meg: He has nicer hair than me! HE WILL PERISH! FIRE ZE MISSLES!
Raoul: I have twinkle toes! (spins and leaps, dodging missles)
Meg: Le damn! I'll get you my pretty!
Raoul: I am soo out of here!
Christine: Waaah, he forgot me!
Carlotta: THINK OF MEEEE
Erik: You suck. You die!
Carlotta: I shall dramatically live and throw a fit! GIVE ME MY DOGGY!
There is obviously no bestiality in this movie.
Madame Giry: Christine can sing it!
Christine: But I'm le tired
Madame Giry: Okay take a nap THEN SING ZE SONG!
Christine: THINK OF MEEEE
Audience: Ooooo, aaaaaaah
RANDOM OUTFIT CHANGE
Audience: Ooo, aaaaah
Raoul: Hey, I totally know her!
Erik: Even though I make a big stink about box five, I shall hide under the pit orchestra!
Everyone: We randomly love you now! Let's get drunk!
Christine: I am a pyromaniac!
Meg: Christine where have you been?
Christine: Right here, le duh! I hear voices singing songs in my bed! I mean, head! (shifty eyes)
Meg: You are crazy! I am jealous! I walk funny! Le damn!
Musical moment of friendship!
RANDOM SCENE CHANGE
Raoul: I obviously remember you now that you are famous!
Christine: The Angel of Music thinks you suck
Raoul: Le snap. LEAVES ROOM IN HISSY FIT OF FOPPISH RAGE!
Christine: I shall don skimpy lingerie!
Erik: THE FOP SUCKS, I AM YOUR ANGEL OF MUSIC WHO OBVIOUSLY NEVER WATCHES YOU DON SKIMPY LINGERIE EVEN THOUGH I OBVIOUSLY COULD WITH THIS NEATO MIRROR I HAVE (shifty eyes)
Christine: Whew, that's a relief. ENTER AT LAST, MASTER!
Erik: Hehehehehehehehehehehehe
Random Creepy Music from Nowhere: DUUUUN, DUN DUN DUN DUN DUUUUUUUUUN
Christine: Hey, you're a phantom! I shall stare like a deer in headlights!
Erik: It's a good thing you're hott.
INSERT RANDOM HORSY HERE!
INSERT RANDOM UNDERGROUND LAKE!
INSERT A MILLION BAZILLION CANDLES THAT WOULD OBVIOUSLY NOT BURN THE OPERA HOUSE DOWN IF KNOCKED OVER!
Erik: Le Seduction! Touch me, trust me!
Christine: Deer in headlights!
Silence.
Christine: So do I have to trust you before I touch you, or is the trust thing really necessary?
Le awkward silence!
INSERT LIFE SIZED DOLL OF CHRISTINE!
Christine: Le swoon!
Erik: Le damn! I shall carry you to this randomly swan-shaped bed and STEAL YOUR STOCKINGS!
Christine: Le unconscious!
Meg: I am randomly in Christine's room! I obviously have no specific reason to be here! Oh look, a mirror! Le gasp! It opens! Eew, rats!
Madame Giry: You suck!
Buquet: Rarr! I'm a pedophile!
Dancers: Oooo we obviously don't care!
Madame Giry: You're sick! You suck! LE BITCH SLAP!
Buquet: Le ouch!
Christine: I am awake and randomly have raccoon makeup! And there's a strange breeze on my legs!
Erik: Christine is still asleep, I shall play my favorite game! (randomly whips out Christine and Phantom Barbies) I love you Erik! (smooch smooch) I love you too, Christine! (smooch smooch)
Christine: aHEM!
Erik: Um, you're hallucinating.
Christine: Okay! Moment of amnesia! Rips off mask!
Erik: You le suck! ARGH! HOTT PHANTOM RAGE!
Christine: I'm le scared!
Erik: Just go back. Just do it.
RANDOM FLASHBACK! NO ONE CARES! END RANDOM FLASHBACK!
GM1: I'm le mystified!
GM2: Letters!
Both: Alas, we cannot read!
Raoul: I have long lovely hair that blows in the wind! I got a letter and I also cannot read!
GM1: You're le gay
Raoul: Le pout! I am so manly!
GM2: I'm le not believing you.
Carlotta: ARGH! DIVA FIT! CHRISTINE DAAE MUST DIE! FIRE ZE MISSLES!
Christine: AAAAAH MOTHERLAND! (dodges missles)
Carlotta: Le damn.
Christine: WTF, mate?
Raoul: I'm a Barbie girl, in a Barbie world….
Awkward silence!
We're just going to go on with the movie and pretend that never happened.
Carlotta: I LE QUIT!
Garbage men: You le can't! We obviously have to kiss your butt some more!
Carlotta: Okay, I'll stay
INSERT BUTT KISSING SONG HERE
Random guy: Kiss this! (moons)
And obviously, no one notices!
Erik: You le suck! I want my box! You're a toad!
Carlotta: Le croak! AaAAAAH! Bring me my doggy!
(shifty eyes)
INSERT RANDOM BALLET HERE WHILE CHRISTINE CHANGES CLOTHES
Erik: As much as I want to randomly be behind my neato mirror right now, (shifty eyes) I shall kill a pedophile! LE PUNJAB!
Buquet: Is le dead
Everyone: LE SCREAM!
Buquet: I jiggle like jello!
Christine: I randomly feel the urge to run to the roof with this fop because the roof is obviously the safest place in the whole opera house even though there's obviously no escape if I get cornered on the roof!
Random mushy love song!
Christine: I'm le stupid! I love you!
Erik: ARGH! PHANTOM RAGE! I'LL GET YOU, MY PRETTY!
MASQUERADE!
Christine: I'm still le stupid! We're secretly engaged!
Raoul: But why is it a secret! I want to tell everyone!
Christine: I'm not THAT le stupid!
Raoul: Le pout!
Everyone: Le dance!
Christine and Raoul: Le smooch!
Erik: Rarr, I am sexy in red! You all suck!
Raoul: I'm le scared! Runs away like a little girl!
Christine: I expertly hid my ring in my cleavage where he will never look!
Erik: ARGH, A RING! (steals it) YOU BELONG TO ME!
Christine: Le damn
Le trapdoor!
Raoul: I have randomly decided to try to save my character! LE BRAVERY!
Erik: You le suck
Raoul: LE CRIES LIKE A LITTLE GIRL!
Madame Giry: I saved the Phantom from a cage when I wasn't ancient!
Raoul: Wait, are you coming on to me?
Madame Giry: Don't you want me to?
Awkward silence!
Raoul: I'm going to leave this room and pretend this never happened
Madame Giry: Okay, have a lollipop!
Raoul: Okay! Yippee!
NEW SCENE THAT WASN'T IN THE MOVIE!
Christine: what is that?
Raoul: It's a rock! But it's no ordinary rock, it's a pretty rock with pretty speckles! The Phantom gave it to me!
Erik: I threw it at you!
Raoul: The Phantom is sooooo nice!
Christine: Le confused!
Okay, back to the real movie.
Christine: I have randomly decided to go to the graveyard for no reason! (dons black dress that leaves boobs completely exposed)
GRAVEYARD!
Christine: I'm le vulnerable!
Erik: TAKES ADVANTAGE OF YOU!
Christine: Angel?
Erik: You're le stupid, but le hott so I shall keep you.
Raoul: I SHALL SAVE YOU! I AM MANLY! OUCH! CRIES LIKE A LITTLE GIRL!
Erik: I le rock! You all suck!
Christine: My boobs are turning blue!
And we're all completely le shocked.
Raoul: I have a plan!
Everyone: THE FOP HAS A PLAN!
Christine: Le cry! I obviously cannot make a decision!
LE OPERA!
Insert nasty innuendo-filled lyrics here
Erik: HAHAHA I wrote this!
Christine: You're a pervert!
Erik: No I'm not! (shifty eyes)
Christine: Okay you're not a pervert! Rips off mask!
Everyone: Le gasp!
Erik: You le suck! ARGH! PHANTOM RAGE! INSERT TRAP DOOR! CHANDELIER FALLS! OPERA HOUSE ON FIRE!
No horsy this time
Erik: I SHALL RIP YOUR ARM OFF!
Christine: I'm le scared!
Raoul: I shall be a hero!
Madame Giry: I shall help you!
Raoul: Are you coming on to me again?
Madame Giry: Um…maybe?
Awkward silence.
Madame Giry: Keep your hand at the level of your eye!
Raoul: Okay! (skips off)
Raoul: I'm le drowning!
Everyone: YAY!
Raoul: I'm le safe!
Everyone: Le damn!
Erik: ARGH! LIFE SUCKS PUT ON THIS DRESS! TAKE THIS RING!
Christine: I'm le confused.
Raoul: I shall save you!
Erik: Come back in a few minutes, okay?
Raoul: Okay!
CHRISTINE RAGE!
PHANTOM RAGE!
RAOUL ENTERS!
Erik: LE PUNJAB!
So much for the hand at the level of your eye thing.
ALL RAGE IN PERFECT THREE PART HARMONY!
Erik and Christine: Smoochy!
Erik: Le cry! Just go! I'm le emotional!
Christine: Okay. I shall give the ring back!
Erik: Um, don't I get the dress back?
Le awkward silence!
Christine: No.
Erik: Le damn! My life le sucks! Escapes through random mirror!
Meg: FIRE ZE MISSLES!
Random person: He's gone!
Meg: Le DAMN!
fin