Disclaimer: I do not own anything. Really! Although, lying burns calories…
To all who reviewed: Thanks for being so nice! I'm glad everyone liked the last chapter. (big smile) I don't know about you, but I thought it was a bit rushed. See, that's my problem. I don't think my plot through…So, when I have an idea, it's usually too late and I end up just cramming it in one chapter…(sigh)
And, OMG, I just realized that I haven't watched my Escaflowne DVD's in two years. AND, I just remembered that the show is so sad…omg, I'm going to go and cry or something
Chapter ThirtyOn the ride back towards Togane, Hitomi did not say a word. Dirty blonde hair stuck to her forehead and her tired body tried to stay awake. She had never felt this exhausted. The rain was not making her feel any better either. Her eyes were half-opened and looking only straight ahead. Her mind had shut off long ago. Since the Ispanos had taken their offer, Hitomi was not there anymore. She was in a haze…but it felt good to be there.
Haru, sitting across from her, stared at the obviously dazed woman in front of him. He respected the silence and did not make conversation with her. He knew the seriousness of what she had done.
And he knew that it hadn't hit her fully yet. Haru knew that Hitomi cared for his majesty greatly and would do anything for him…even sacrifice something so meaningful to her. He did not want to pop the bubble that was sheltering her from the consequences of her actions. He would rather see her do it herself.
Her body rocked back and forth whenever the carriage hit a hole in the ground but Hitomi did not mind. She felt different since they had left Escaflowne. There was something missing, but her mind was drawing blanks. It was not connecting anything to everything else. She just kept picturing Van, in the hospital, sitting up for the first time since the battle and smiling.
With that image in her head, Hitomi let her lips tug upwards in her own smile. It was a sad smile, however; her heart was hurting again. The haze would not lift yet and she was still unsure exactly what she should be feeling. Her insides were churning with all the contrasting emotions. Should she be happy from what happened? Sad? Joyful? Afraid?
But her smile said that she was happy.
Wasn't she?
Merle sat patiently by Van's room, waiting for the effects of Escaflowne's repairs to show through him. He did not talk to her when she was in the room, but she talked to him, regardless. She told him about what's going on with her and her injuries, about Millerna and Allen...He did not tell her what exactly was bothering him, he actually refused to, but she knew what it was anyway. He's thinking about Hitomi…Oh Van, she'll be fine…Hitomi's a smart girl; you don't have to worry about her.
The doctors came around when she was in the middle of a story involving Kiyoshi and three cups of water and asked for her to leave. They put Van under the sleeping smoke again and Merle watched from the window in her little wheelchair.
She waited. And it wasn't long before it happened.
It hurt to watch, but she knew that Van was getting fixed. She felt relieved that Hitomi had managed to do it right but frightened at the same time since Van was in pain because of it. Her eyes were wide open as she looked on, tears starting to form. The doctors were trying to restrain his convulsing body, all the while trying to understand what was going on. What she saw was upsetting her, but, the mantra in her mind was simple. Van is going to be okay…Van is going to be okay…
And then, everything else would be okay. Yes. Then everything's gonna be okay…
They had arrived back in Togane a few hours later. Hitomi wasn't sure if she had fallen asleep on the ride back, but the time when they had arrived back at the hospital and when she was standing in Van's room was a blur. She had no idea how she had gotten there that fast. Or how she had gotten there at all.
Regardless, she found herself standing at the entrance of the room, looking in at the scene. All sound was subdued now while she was in her daze; she couldn't hear anything but soft mumbles. Even the light seemed off…. Rain hit the windows almost soundlessly and the only light was coming from the lit lanterns since the sky was still overcast. The doctors stood around Van, talking amongst themselves and looking very confused; they could not explain the recovery at all. They had put Van to sleep and they watched him heal before their eyes. Merle was sitting on the cot next to him, petting his hand. The other advisors were in another corner of the room…
But she focused on him, first and foremost.
He looked so clear in her vision while everything else was blurry. The room was shifting and while everyone else was sliding, Van stayed still. It was making her dizzy; however, she didn't care. She noticed his improved health immediately. All the bandages around his gashes were gone. His jaw had finally set in its proper place. The sling used to keep his arm steady was gone. His ankle's cast was gone, too. His skin was no longer pale and instead, was flush with colour.
The bandages around his eyes, however, were still in place. But that's okay. He was up and moving again. Hitomi felt her heart flutter a bit from relief. He's okay…Oh, God! Van's okay! Her smile returned and it lazily spread across her face. She could still not see or hear right because of that haze, but it was okay. Van was better now. That's all that matters…Right? Yes, yes…
He felt much better now. Nothing hurt. He could talk again…he could move around too…his eye still hurt a bit, but it was a lot less than before…Everything had turned around and he knew that Hitomi and Haru were successful in repairing Escalfowne. He couldn't wait to see her again so as soon as he heard the door open and felt her presence, Van snapped his head up. "H—Hitomi?"
His echoing voice cracked through the odd haze her mind was under. Suddenly, everything was real again…The dizzy feeling was gone; everything was loud and bright. She snapped back to reality quickly and all the events that had taken place hit her, full force… She had met Haru…They both went back to Fanelia…He had given up a lot of money…she had given up her watch and the pendant…It started to rain…Escaflowne was repaired…
The pendant
She blinked slowly and noticed that everyone was looking at the woman with the name Van had called. Hitomi realized why her body felt too many emotions…and she began to feel sick. The mere thought of it made her tremble all over. Oh…God, what have I done? The—The pendant…Oh no…
Her voice died in her throat with a choked sob, making her unable to answer Van. The…The pend—pendant…Shaking fingers desperately tried to grasp the chain that was usually around her neck, but it wasn't there. She looked down to notice that it was no longer with her. Oh God…Oh God…What did I do? Was she that caught up in saving Van's life that she didn't know what she was doing? Was she that unable to think ahead? Was the idea of Van's death that consuming to her…that it pushes out everything other thought? …Why?…How could I…? Hitomi mouth went dry.
"Hitomi?" His voice, strong but concerned, came back to her again. He was pretty sure it was her that entered the room; Van was getting better at identifying people at the sounds of their footsteps and the feeling he picked off of them. The presence in the room felt like hers, but it was a little different this time. It has to be Hitomi…What's wrong? What's happened?
But she could not answer him. The happiness of Van's recovery—which put her in that mindless haze in the first place—was now overshadowed by the awareness that the pendant was not hers. Hitomi stood frozen, unable to do anything because she knew that she could never—
Leave
—use the pendant again. It was gone. It was in the hands of the Ispanos now. And there was nothing she could do to get it back. There was nothing she could do to even think about going back home.
You don't belong here
She would never see her planet again.
"H—Hitomi?" Van's voice cracked a bit and he held onto Merle's hand a bit tighter. He could feel the tension in the room. There was something else, too. A presence that he usually felt with Hitomi was gone. He frowned at himself for not picking it up earlier. … Something's missing…? "What did you do?" He asked, in a harsher tone than he meant it.
Hitomi shrunk against Van's words. Her hands were clasped in front of her chest like a shield. Haru turned to his traveling companion, worried. "My dear? Are you…okay?" He waved his hand in front of her wide-eyed expression. Hitomi seemed to snap out of another daze, but she did not look at Haru. She looked down at the feet with a saddened expression.
"Hitomi?" Van called out again, shifting his weight on the cot because he was getting nervous at the silence. "What happened?"
Hitomi's voice suddenly found itself in her windpipe again and let out the saddest and most bitter voice she had ever heard. Her heart pounded loudly in her ears. "We got…We got Escaflowne f—fixed at a price I paid for…"
Van stayed silent for a while. He knew she was hinting at something else and he had to ask to be sure. That different feeling was finally identified; he was guessing that the pendant was missing. It made his heart fall into chest and his stomach lurch. That was part of who he was...That was a part of his past. It was a part of who she was, too. How could she...? He hadn't felt this sick since he first came into the hospital. Did she really…? Hitomi…He couldn't see that it was indeed missing, but his gut told him so. His voice came out quiet and unsteady. "Did—Did you bargain the pendant for my life?"
Many of the people in the room did not understand what was going on and went back into their own conversations. However, Merle's ears had perked up at the mention of the pendant and her blue eyes locked onto Hitomi. Oh no…Not the pendant…But there was no mistaking that Hitomi no longer had it around her neck. Oh no…Oh no…Hiotmi!
At her silence, he knew he was right. His hand clenched into a fist and his voice was still. The way she was acting right now…The sound of her voice…There was too much sadness there… Does it upset her that much to stay here with me? A long pause followed Hitomi's silence as Van gathered his scattered thoughts which had a slightly angry tone in them. Without the pendant…she can no longer go back to the Mystic Moon. But, if she did not want to stay here……Why did she save me if she does not want to stay with me? His next question hurt to come out of his lips and it hit everyone else like ton of bricks. "Do you…Do you regret it?"
Hitomi's head snapped up. It wasn't fair. She had just gotten here, dazed, and she was being bombarded with all these questions that asked too much of her. She was emotionally and mentally drained. Everything was going too fast…the room was spinning again. She couldn't think. But how could she answer that question, regardless? She couldn't answer that she did regret, because he was better. …I care for him…No, it's more than that…
I love you
But it wasn't like she could answer that she didn't regret it, because she would never see her home again.
Leave
She could never go home again.
Her silence was taking too long. Van repeated the question again, but Hitomi did not answer and returned her gaze to her feet… Oh God… Her body shook slightly with all her emotions. She couldn't think straight. It was impossible. Her heart was torn again. She hated that feeling; she had gained so much and, at the same time, lost so much too.
Did she regret it that much? No…I don't…Van—Van's too important to me…I love him too much to see him die…I promised to myself that I would not let him fade away… and it would have killed me if I didn't do something to save him……but…There was always the 'but.' She couldn't help it. …why did it have to be the pendant?
It hurt to know that she would never see her students…her home…her friends…her mother…ever again.
Was it worth it? Was Van's life worth everything she lost? Was it?
I love you
Merle finally broke the silence by saying her name in a soft tone. She had been on the sidelines for too long, just watching both of them become depressed. She could not take it anymore. "Hitomi?"
She brought her hands to her face and swallowed thickly. "V—Van…I c—can't…I—I—"
Haru, seeing her distress, intervened. "Your majesty…Please…Enough questions…It's been a long day…"
Van was about to interject against the advisor, but held it in. "Come on, now, Miss Hitomi," Haru continued, "the rain has stopped…maybe you'd like to go outside?"
Hitomi nodded dumbly, following Haru out. Maybe the air shall clear her head…My poor dear…
Van kept his head down, trying to black out everything. She doesn't wish to stay with us…with me…She does regret it…He swallowed thickly and let the silence in the room settle.
Merle was the first to speak up. "Lord Van?"
Although he did not answer, she continued. "Are you mad that Hitomi gave up the pendant?"
He bristled visibly, but did not respond. "Are you mad that Hitomi isn't happy with her…current situation?" She's good…Van thought wryly.
"No, not mad…" He replied in a soft voice. "Just…unhappy." However, he knew—and so did Merle—that unhappy didn't even begin to cover it.
"Well," Merle began with a pause. Van could sense that her voice was going to change from calm to angry, and it did. "I'd be freaking out too if I found out that I couldn't go back home anymore! Come on, Lord Van! This isn't the only place where Hitomi has a life! Hell, if she even had the thought to give up something that precious to her, let alone actually doing it, to save your life, you'd think you would be grateful!"
"M—Merle," Van stuttered, looking up, "I…I am grateful! I…It's just…" He couldn't finish what he tried to say. Guilt filled his soul knowing that he was the reason why Hitomi could never go back to the Mystic Moon. Along with that guilt, there was also the sadness that came from the selfishness of his other thoughts: she would be with him forever and therefore, she should be happy. But what happiness is that if she does not wish to stay…? ……Hitomi has another life as well…She too has friends and family and purpose on the Mystic Moon…Who am I to come between that?
Instantly, seeing Van's dejected face, Merle regretted her harsh words. I had to tell him…At least he knows and understands what Hitomi's going through now…Jeeze, Van…you're so bad at that kind of stuff… Taking his hand in her paw again, she held it.
"Hitomi's going to be going through a tough time right now…she needs you more than ever. You need to help her, Van…because she wants your help. And don't you dare say, 'No she doesn't' because if she didn't, she wouldn't have done what she did! She loves you, and of course she'd want to stay here…but it's the details that she's looking at. She can never go home again. How would you feel if you got stranded on the Mystic Moon without ever coming back? You'd be upset too and I doubt Hitomi would think, 'Oh, he doesn't want to stay with me!' I'd think she'd be more on the save wavelength and help you through it!"
Van nodded slowly, holding Merle's hand tighter. "Sorry…" He mumbled. "I—I didn't mean to…"
She snorted. "Don't tell me that. Tell Hitomi."
The doctors, who were standing by and waiting for the conversation to be over, finally saw their chance and cut in. "Please excuse the interruption, your majesty…You've made a miraculous recovery. Since everything else looks wonderful, we'd like to see how your eye is doing now…"
A miraculous recovery……Hitomi…Van's heart hurt but he nodded to the doctors to take off the bandages. Slowly, he felt the wrappings get looser and finally peel off his skin. "Now, keep both eyes closed until everything is off…" He heard one say. Merle's grip tightened a little bit but right now, Van could care less about his eyes.
All he could think about was Hitomi.
The cool air in the room hit the skin near his eyes fully for the first time since coming here. Once the doctors removed all the gauze, they broke the silence. "Alright, Lord Van, open your eyes and tell me what you can see."
Everything went quiet, except for Merle's loud breathing, as he reached up and touched his injured eye. He could feel the scar on his eyelid and winced at the light pain. Removing his hand,his heart pounded in anticipation. It felt as if he'd been waiting for this moment for his entire life, not for the week he had been here.It's now or never…Here goes nothing…Van's mind was still slightly distracted with the thoughts of Hitomi, but he gave in to his curiousity and the doctor's commands.
Maroon irises were finally seen by everyone in the room and they gradually began to take in the first sight of something other than darkness. It was an interesting experience for him. The room around him had tables and chairs…his advisors…the doctors…and a bunch of medicines along the walls. He turned his head to see Merle, who looked thinner than he remembered…Her fur was lighter than and not as long as before. That's probably what she was talking about before…And there was something in her blue eyes that he couldn't decipher along witha shocked expression on her face. …What?
Everything looked slightly off when both eyes were opened. He could see fine, but it wasn't perfect. Objects in the room had a slight haze to it; the details were not as sharp as they used to be. Under doctor's orders, he closed his good eye and used only his injured eye to see. On its own, it saw the objects and people in the room that were fuzzy and unclear. Shina has left her mark…
The doctors noticed, along with Merle, the thin, visible, white line that was still present on Van's cornea. It was what was causing the slight loss of vision. After doing a few seeing tests, and letting him take in the idea of being able to use his eyes again, one man coughed before speaking. "Your majesty, I believe we'll keep the bandages on for a little while longer…"
"Why?" Van spoke up, looking at the doctor in the eye, which was weird to do since he hadn't done it in a long time. "I can see."
"Yes, but, as a precautionary measure…We'll take off the bandages but then put them back on to get your eyes accustomed to seeing again. It'll be a shock to your system if we take them off now and forever. You've been in the dark for some time…"
"Fine. Whatever." He mumbled, closing his eyes again and waiting for them to put the bandages back on. They did the job quickly and when they finished, he sighed. "Merle?" Van asked, turning towards her.
"Yes, Lord Van?"
"Where did Haru go?"
Merle looked up and saw the said advisor at the door. When did that old man get back in here? …Hmm, probably when Van got his vision back for that short while…"He's here."
Van moved his head up and got off the cot. "Van! Wait!" Merle tried to grab him, but he dodged her grasp. You can't see! You don't know your way around! You could get hurt! He staggered towards Haru, with his arms outstretched, trying to find him.
"Your majesty, follow my voice." Haru called out.
"No kidding." Van grumbled. "I may have temporarily lost my vision, but I'm not stupid." His arm finally hit something and he held on. "Haru?"
"My Lord, you're holding onto a ceiling support." His voice called out from the left.
"Shut up."
"Van, do you want any—?" Merle began to say but was cut off.
"—No, I don't." Van turned around and listened for breathing. His hand hit some fabric a few seconds later and he held it. "Haru…Where did you take Hitomi?"
"How are your eyes, your majesty?"
"They're fine." He growled, hoping that the direction of his face met up with Haru's. "Where is Hitomi? I need to talk with her."
Haru smiled a bit. "Come, I'll show you." Van felt himself being pulled towards his right and suddenly, he felt Haru's hands push something skinny onto his. "Let go of my arm and use this. It's a walking stick and it'll get you around faster than just your hand flailing in front of you."
Van took it in his hand and kept his head down. "I need to talk with her."
"Yes, yes…right this way." Haru held the door open and both walked out.
Hey! What about me? The feline was about to protest, but then remembered that Kiyoshi wouldn't 'approve' and that 'it wouldn't be good for her.' Ugh…How does that dipshit know what's good for me? Hell, I'm a lot better now!However crude her remarks against Kiyoshi's ideas were, Merle stayedseatedon the cot, feet swinging over the edge, barely listening to the doctors or the advisor's conversations. It was quiet again and she let her mind drift. The first thing that came to her as she sat there was that she hoped Van would be able to talk to Hitomi and not make things worse. She sighed. Goodness, Van…You're so clueless sometimes…
And even though she had her doubts, Merle smiled.
Because everything was going to be okay.
OMG.
The scandal of this chapter.
When I was first writing this, it was getting REALLY long because I kept adding things. So then, halfway through, I'm like, "Hey, maybe I should split it up a bit."
So I did.
Which is why this chapter took so bloody long. I had to cut it at a appropriate place and then add the whole, "open your eyes" part (which I wanted to add in the first place but it was too long). Oi vey. (sigh)
I'm SO sorry. But, the next chapter should be up soon b/c it's almost finished itself. That'll be the last chapter, so until then!
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