The Bicycle Ride
It was a bright sunny day and Lucius Malfoy was preparing to go on a bicycle ride through the park with his favorite Dark Lord. But, before they disembarked Lucius, being Mr. Safety, checked the brakes and the chains on each bike to ensure they were working properly. After deciding everything was fine he reached for his helmet and Voldemort began to mount his bike.
"Um... sir?" Lucius asked.
"Yes, Lucius?" Voldemort simpered, for he was in an excellent mood.
"Should you not be wearing a helmet or something?" Lucius inquired.
"Ah, well, my dear Lucius. It is a hot summer day and I am bald. Helmets make my head sweat."
"Ah, ok."
"Besides, helmets are for pussies," the Dark Lord stated.
Lucius thought of the Dark Lords statement as he began to fasten his helmet, but shrugged and thought no more of it.
And so the two of them began their bicycle journey through the park, Lucius' hair and Voldemorts tent-like robes billowing in the air.
A few minutes later Lucius was winded and Voldemort was bored, so Voldemort ordered Lucius to race him to the fountain at the center of the park depicting a bloody battle between the spear wielding centaur and the wand wielding wizard. Lucius acquiesced to Voldemort's stern order and they began to race, Voldemort getting the head start, of course.
The race quickly became desperate, each wizard pedaling as hard as he could. However, it was quickly over for Lucius who, to avoid hitting a squirrel, swerved off the path and fell off his bike throwing his helmet off and his yellow hair everywhere.
Voldemort, who was celebrating his clear victory did a lap around the fountain. However, his long billowy robes had become hung in the chain, and he swerved towards the fountain, hitting the side and propelling himself forward onto the centaur/wizard battle.
"I told you to wear a helmet!" Lucius yelled. "Oh, no! The squirrel!" Lucius screamed as he discovered the squirrel he swerved to miss had been caught between the spokes in his bike and been crushed to death.
"My head's fine, Lucius!" the Dark Lord yelled back, but looking down it appeared that he had impaled himself upon a centaur's spear. His fear of blood rendered him unconscious. And there he died from loss of blood whilst Lucius mourned the death of the poor unfortunate squirrel that crossed his path.